Breaking up sucks, make your story heard!
I started dating this guy about a year and a half ago. We were absolute BEST friends through high school, and going into a relationship seemed like the most natural, easy thing to do.
We're both Christians and agreed to make God the center of our relationship. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, was like a movie moment. We danced together, laughed together, we even sat and watched the sunset together (yes, cheesy..I know.) I got used to him being by my side all of the time. I depended on him. He was there for me through the ups and downs, and we supported each other through every decision.
He's a football player, and I went to every game I could. We were always at the others' house and his family was like my second family. People referred to us as "Mark and Laura", not just as "mark" or "laura" individually.
People, including myself, always just assumed we'd last forever. I mean, great clean Christian relationship for a year and a half after being best friends throughout high school. What could go wrong?
Last week, out of the blue, he told me that we needed time apart. He explained that he still cared for me, but didn't want a relationship at the moment. I tried being strong in front of him, but went home and bawled. He has hardly spoken to me since then, and he's been talking to his ex (who I've always been jealous of) recently and I literally feel sick to my stomach. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I just constantly ache. All it takes is hearing his name and I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. ....Advice, please?
I started dating later in life, so he was my first--and this is my first break up.
We moved in together less than 6 months after our first date. We stayed together for a little under 2 years, but things started getting rocky half way through. I was feeling unsatisfied. I wanted it to work, and i would try communicating to him what I wanted. But for some reason we just weren't on the same page. By the end both of us were feeling worn out and unloved.
I was the one who initiated the idea of splitting. Maybe, immaturely on my part, I was thinking that it would spark something and we'd think, "no, I don't want to lose this person", and we'd try some other way to reach each other. But by then we didn't even know how to have that dialogue. It took me a couple of months to actually move out, but after some emotional drama, in the end he was the one wanting me to leave.
It's been about a month now and I can't stop feeling as though we failed, as though something died. And instead of just leaving it be and moving on, I keep feeling like we could have done so much better. I feel like the situation has brought me perspective, and a new sense of awareness of what it really means to be in a relationship with someone. But apparently it's too late. He says he's too tired, that he needs time to himself.
I could understand taking some time to ground ourselves, so reassess the situation. But in my mind I'm daydreaming about us connecting again like we did in the beginning, with excitement and a sense of adventure. In my mind, the second time around would be more wise, more mature. We'd have a better sense of how to approach it.
But he doesn't even want to entertain the idea, I guess. Embarrassingly, he doesn't even want to take my calls. I keep wanting things from him that he doesn't want to give. It hurts me, and on top of that I feel like such an idiot for trying still.
But I don't know how to let go, you know? I don't know how to not remember all the things about him and our past relationship without missing him.
I guess I'm not even sure if it's him I want. Maybe I am just craving a fulfilling relationship in general, and I keep trying to make him fit into that when he's obviously not the one for me.
It's still so hard to not get all emotional. I can go a couple of weeks without contacting him, but then it's like I can't stand it anymore and I just want to hear his voice. ]:
Pathetic, I know.
I have known Hector for all of my high school years, we were really close and we had a blast together. In our senior year we decided to date. It was fun, he was funny, romantic, sweet but I always felt that is wasn't right. We then dated for almost a year and a half, now we were both in seperate colleges. He said I was his soulmate and he loved me so much, but during our whole relationship I was distant romantically but we still had fun together. Then I put more thought in it and I realized he loved me more than I loved him. I loved him but not in the "right way", I cared of him but really I wanted my best friend back without the romantic stuff. I decided he deserved better in love, someone who could reciprocate his feelings. He did everything right but I just never truly loved him. I wasnt ready to love him, and the day I broke up with him I cried; he cried and begged for me back. I know I am doing this so he can get the best out of life, I realized I could no longer be selfish and reap the benefits of being in a relationship when I didnt love him. So now as I write this, I am getting ready to visit him; it is a couple weeks after our break up, and I need to return some of his stuff and I dont know what is going to happen. No matter how much fun we had I could no longer go back to him. I am actually really childish but this is the maturest decision I think I have ever made but it just feels so hard. I lost my best friend, I will no longer hear about his life and it is really hard. But I know someone will love him completely and eternally. But in the back of my head I dont think I would find someone who loves me as much....
We met when I was 21 and she was just turning 18, a little over 5 years ago. There was instant attraction and our relationship advanced quickly. I knew deep down that neither of us were mature enough to be in a long term committed relationship, but we stuck together anyways. There were a lot of good times, fun memories, amazing sex and we were always there for eachother through the ups and downs. About two years into the relationship there were multiple infadelities-- she started sleeping with one of my good friends behind my back and I had slept around with more than 1 girl. Despite this huge blow to our trust and relationship, we stuck together after we came clean with each other on what we had done. In hindsight I know that we stuck together because we were attached and had some form of needyness with each other. I feel weak to admit that, but I honestly just felt attached and couldn't let her go despite the fact that we had both hurt each other severely and that we deserved better. I knew in my heart at the time that I should have let her go, but my impulsive needyness forced me to hold on to a relationship that had become toxic. Since then we tried to rebuild the foundation of trust in our relationship, but we were fighting an uphill battle and there was just too much insecurity and distrust towards eachother. A year and a half ago we moved in together, which was a big mistake. Things were ok on the surface, but deep down we both felt disconnected and unhappy with the relationship. Along the way we became very short tempered and irritated with eachother. She would yell and call me names, I would yell back and say hurtful things-- stuff you just don't do when you say that you love someone. I knew in my heart for a long time it was not right and that I needed to let go, but I just didn't have the courage to part company with her. I feel ashamed for having held on to something that I knew was not right for me. We broke up about 5 weeks ago after she did not come home one night. She told me she went out to party with her friends and stayed with a female co-worker, but my intuition told me otherwise. We both agreed that we were not right together and both needed to stand on our own two feet. We were together for 5 and a half years and although I know that it was not the right relationship for me I still feel a deep sense of loss an emotional pain. Despite having hurt eachother I had considered her my best friend-- we did everything together and wanted desperately to make things work. I have been trying so hard for the last 5 weeks to look at the reality of the relationship, but my mind keeps wanting to tell me that we could have made it work or that I should have been a better man. The fact is I was immature and acted with the level of maturity and awareness that I had at the time-- I think it's fair to say that she did too. I keep beating myself up over what I could have done differently and all the what if's, but it has only held me back from letting go and moving on. I am trying so hard to accept that it's over, but still find myself hoping for reconciliation in the future-- hope that is eating me up inside. I know that we both deserve better and that it cannot work. I am not one to share my personal story on an online forum such as this, but I started reading a book the other day that suggested I post about the breakup on this website. It has been helpful typing this story up and putting things into perspective. I think it's important that I look at my past relationship logically rather than feed off of my emotions. Anyways, I know my story probably sounds crazy or like I am a bad guy for having cheated, but I would appreciate any feedback. I am now 26 and have come to so many realizations in reflecting on the relationship. I really want to better myself and become the best man that I can be not only for myself, but so that I can have a healthy, loving relationship in the future. Most importantly I want to love myself so I never put myself in a toxic relationship again where I think that I don't deserve better. Anyways, stay strong to everyone that is going through similar heart break or emotional pain. Everyone keeps telling me it will pass-- I just hope that it does sooner than later!
We met back in high school, good friends I can say. Yes I was attracted to him but never paid attention to that. he's older so he graduated before I did and we lost contact. 3 years later I randomly thought of him and look him up on Facebook. We exchange numbers and make plans to hang out. We hung out a few times just as friends,it was great I had a blast with him. We spent every night together just hanging out for about a month then he invites me to his place and, we hook up. He admits to me he had a thing for me back in high school too. We start seeing each other and after awhile we discuss ”us” and we agree to take things to the next level later on cause we're not ready. I loved everything about being with him, everything. We often had fights but that never really effected us. The situation at home took a turn for the worse when I had to make the decision of moving out of state, rather far. I try to find an alternate solution before breaking it to him but no luck. I break the news to him - I'd never seen him so angry. Not the reaction I was expecting. Everything went downhill from there. I wasn't suppose to leave for another 2 months though but we started to drift before that. I start seeing someone else - rebound I guess, I was both hurt and angry at him. He cuts me off when he finds out about it. It turns out Im staying and not moving out of state, still moving from that town though. I was over him, I thought. All my things are packed, half of my furniture is out. He lives maybe 10 blocks from me, 3 minute drive. I feel so guilty about the way things ended so I get in contact with him and ask him to see me. It took some convincing but he agreed to see me that night. He picks me up, the car ride is silent until I b lurt out how sorry I am. We never officially ended what we had, so when I got with this new guy, he was under the impression that we were still together and that's why he cut off - a total misunderstanding. That evening/morning was amazing. I thought everything would go back to normal, maybe even better than before. He drops me off in the morning, says he can see himself falling in love with me and that even when I was with that other guy I was still his girl and all this other bullshit. I go to bed, and wake up to his texts. We talk all day and all night. But that's the last day I saw him. The Next day he doesn't reply to anything I send him. Days go by, and still nothing. I was so utterly confused and hurt. I resort to Facebook I finally get a reply and all he says is ” what do you want?” I get the hint, just don't understand why. But okay, whatever.
It never occurred to me that I didn't mention to him that I wasn't moving out of state.
Months go by. I'm with other men but none of them phase me - the way he did. I get in contact with him and we end up having a very casual conversation. At the very least I thought we could keep our friendship but again, cuts me off. Wtf!
Here I am a year later, still thinking about him. I can't have a successful relationship because I still have some very strong feelings for him.
All my friends tell me to let it go... How many times have I tried that already? It seems impossible. It's not that I want to be with him, I just want an explanation so I can sleep at night.
If I had the opportunity to talk to him, do you think I should? I wouldn't know what to say or how to say it. I don't know how he'd react to me..
Tags: heart break
I thought I was in love. I thought he was the one, and after having several bad realstion ships I was excited. He was everything I wanted. We dated for a year and a half, and in the beginning it was great. But as time went on he talked to me less and less, NEVER EVER hung out with me. I had to beg. When i told him i loved him he never say it back. I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought I needed to change. So for our one year I made him a scrapbook I spent months on. What does he say? "Oh.. nice thanks." I didn't get anything for valentines day.... and then soon he just felt completely distant. He was planning to go to new York to school, and when I asked him what was going to happen to us, he says "I dunno." I never got an answer. I soon became so lonely, waiting for him and practically kissing his feet. I became depressed and soon got fed up. I broke up with him (after many harsh words from him) and I figured if he loved me he would try to come back. He never did. He never told me he loved me. I wasted a year and a half on him. Never again. I am hoping the one for me is still out there, but for now I still cry over him.
We were eachothers first love, everything was soo perfect untill one day when we got in a fight because he said he was going on a date with a girl, of course i got mad and told him not to talk to me anymore then he told me that i was going to be that date and i apologized but i guess it was too late by now he told me that it was best if we broke up because i jump to conclusions and the distance. The next day we got back together but then for a month and about 2 weeks things werent the same anymore we were on and off, i kept leaving him because he wasnt sweet and i just felt unapreciated all the time but my love for him was so strong that i kept beggin him to come back and he did but each time it was getting harder and harder. I did tell him how he made me feel and he said he was 'trying' but it didnt feel like it.
He really hates my Bff and one day when i was feeling really bad and unapreciated i told my bestfriend to say he was in love with me, he got mad and started hating him even more, at first i was a little happy knowing he cared, thats all i ever wanted him to care for me and love me as much as i love him.
One day after our last breakup we were talking and then i got confused with somthing he said and i thought he said my bff told him everything, *by this time me and my bff got in a fight so i thought he was trying to get back at me* so i explained to him y i told my bff to say that , i told him i just wanted him to care but he just got really mad and acted like he hated me, i know that was a really bad idea and i regret doing that.. he told me to hurt my bff and i said ok i was *i wasnt tho* and i told him how i felt, that i loved him and that i just want him to be sweet again but all he kept saying was 'ok' to my long messages.. he has my fB info and he read a conversation with another friend where i said me and my bff made up, he sent me a message telling me he never felt this used before and that i lied to him all the times when i said i loved him.
i told him he had no right to get upset becasue he wanted me to screw off and that i did love him
thn i told him that i was really sorry and that i was always gonna love him and that i was gonna leave him alone now.
Well i ended my friendship with my bff cuz i knew that was wat he wanted even tho it wasnt gonna change anything between us, i havent been on fB at all in 2 weeks.. ive been trying to get over him thats why i havent been on but part of me says maybe he realized how important you are to him this time you were gone. Im really scared of loggin in Fb because wat if he already has another girl i dnt wanna see that and get hurt and wat if when i log in i find a message saying he wants me back and now everything will change to the way it was , wat if all we needed was a lil break
idk im just stuck i have hope that everything will go back to how it was before but at the same time im scared of finding out somthing i dnt wanna know
*i dnt have him as a friend on fb anymore but i cn still see his picture cuz he was the last message*
i want to move on but its soo hard idk wat to do.. any advise? :/
i been with my partner for almost 3 years and for the last couple of months he has been finding any reason he can to fight with me and i dont know why he even told me that im just a slut that no guy will ever want ive never cheated on him ive never hurt him im always trying to keep him happy but its like he just doesnt care but anyway i have been talking to my dads friends son who is also a really good friend of mine and hes always been there for me ever since we met but recently he asked me to leave my partner to move down with him because hes in love with me and i love my partner with all my heart but i dont think he loves me anymore but i dont know whether i should stay with him or call it quits while i still can even my dad wants me to leave him but says that its my choice my friend is a really good guy who always tells me im beautiful and that i deserve more and that he loves how im kind to everyone and i put all my friends and family before myself but i really dont know what to do can anyone help me please??
I'm a bit embarrassed about this, but cut me a little slack, this happened 20+ years ago, and I was an emotional, young college girl at the time (an English Lit/Drama major no less). I had been romantically involved with this guy for about six months and it seemed to me that we just couldn’t take things to the next level and it would be in both of our interests to move on. So one day, I decided to have a heart to heart chat with him, going to great lengths to be sensitive to his feelings, and getting a little emotional in the process of saying it was time to end things. His response? Well, very casual, dry (he was an engineering major, go figure;) and hmmm, maybe even a little cheerful. He said with a smile, “yeah, you’re right, it’s probably the best thing.” Well, I was stunned by his lack of disappointment and asked if that was all he had to say. He again replied casually, “yeah, I think that’s about it.” I had invested the past six months of my life with this guy and he didnt seem to be the least bit upset that I was breaking up with him?! That was more than I could take. I stood up from the bench we were sitting on in the heart of the campus quad (imagine a diminutive Asian gal hovering over a large, strapping male), gently lifted his chin (by the look on his face, he may have been expecting a good bye kiss) and then SMACK — he got a hearty slap, right across the face. Of course I walked away in a huff, a complete, emotional wreck. Later on, I talked about it with a few of my sorority sisters and of course got hugged, consoled, etc. Then one of my sisters said something like “so wait a minute….you broke up with him and then slapped him?”. It then occurred to me how ridiculous the scenario was! Laughter ensued along with lots of good-natured teasing from my friends. The story doesn’t end there. A few days later, he sent me flowers and an apology card. I’m not sure if the poor guy even knew what he was apologizing for! ;-)
ok so about a year and a half ago me and my fiance were in a hostel trying to get our own place and it was in there we met a guy called brian hes a really good friend of ours but when we were in the hostel i thought i had feelings for him but i couldnt act on them because i was engaged (still am) but anyway one day my fiance was acting like he didnt want to be near me like he didnt want me anymore so i said fuck this and i decided to act on what i was feeling i knew he felt the same way because he was always trying to touch me and kiss me so when my fiance was in the kitchen making himself something to eat brian had said he wasnt gonna do anything until i ask him to so i told him how i felt and he kissed me before i knew it we were in bed together having sex anyway after he moved out we lost touch but today he calls me and we started talking again and everything was fine no one knew what happened between the two of us but he told me he has settled down with a girl who is 5 months pregnant and that she lives up where i used to live so i asked her name and straight away i recognised it i asked if she had a sister called valerie and she said yes thats when i was 100% sure who she was when i told him ask if she knows valeries husband daughter kyla and when she said yes i told her thats me he kept asking how i knew and i told him shes my auntie things got so awkward my best friend and accidental affair is getting married and having a baby to my auntie when she found out she laughed and she didnt know what to say but it was long before they ever met so i do feel really bad but i dont know whether i should be feeling bad or not p.s my fiance still doesnt know about it
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