Breaking up sucks, make your story heard!
It is apparently over. It feels that way. I have not been able to say the words to her though I think my heart feels it is.
It isn't that I don't love her, its that I am so unsure of what I want for my life that my instincts (or my goddamn brain) won't let me find clarity. Maybe that means I don't love her...I dunno. Or maybe I don't need clarity and I'm just ignoring my instincts which say that this relationship can not work considering the re-evaluation I am undertaking.
I haven't been able to wholeheartedly agree on the direction she would like life to go in...it mostly the children issue. But its not because I'm so against it or worried she isn't good enough to build a life with. I just haven't found a way to say yes or no, to reconcile what I want with what she does so maybe the indecisiveness is my answer.
Even if it means that I change my mind a year from now, I think the answer is "no I can't be what you need and deserve right now." If that's the case and she has a clearer plan for her life, I should let her go so she can find it with someone else. It may be the worst decision of my life and I may regret it but I just can't see a way to put love, attention and energy into this relationship AND try to figure my own shit out.
Part of me feels plain dumb for not having figured myself out at 33, but part of me also doubts that every married with kids person really gave it all as much thought and followed their instincts either. It feels so odd to not inherently agree with the way society goes about relationships, marriage, kids and just maturing in general. Everyone feels like they are on auto-pilot with their life choices. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about my indecision.
I think in many ways my spirit is flawed, broken...but not irreparable. I will take the time to ask my heart what it really wants and I will keep asking until it responds....because it will. It wants me to be happy and maybe it doesn't even yet know what it wants but when it does, I will fight for it with all I can. I only have one known chance at living. I've got to try and live as best I can. I hate that I don't know that she could represent living life the best way I can, but if we are done and it was a mistake, it just feels like a mistake I have to make, otherwise I am doomed to create the same indecision and same mistakes time and time again.
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I met him just over 2 years ago, on my first day at a new high school. I was 15, and he was 16. He was amazing. He was literally my everything. I started failing all my classes, because I was so preoccupied with him. I was so insanely in love with him. Everything was perfect. We were perfect. For a year we were together. He was my best friend. We were so happy together, all the time. Everybody told us how perfect we were for each other. I gave him my virginity, and him me. He was the only person I'd ever loved. And then.. all the sudden things changed. Right around the one year mark, things started crashing down. We realized that soon, high school would be over for him, and he would be leaving. We talked about moving out together when I turned of age, but that brought up the issue of marriage. He didn't want to be married so soon, and he didn't want children. I didn't want to be married then either, but in the future, I did. I also wanted children.. After that, things stopped being amazing. We stopped talking to each other. I mean, we still talked daily, but we never said what needed to be said. After a month of being together simply because it was the easiest option, I ended it. Today, actually. I still love him, with all my heart, but things changed, we both became two completely different people along the way.. Somewhere in the mess off it all I realized that maybe the point in me loving him wasn't for us to be together forever.. Maybe it was to teach me that somethings just aren't meant to be, no matter how much you try and force it.
I met the love of my life 6 years ago, the most perfect guy. We both had gone through a break up so we used to talk everyday, eventually we started dating. We had 6 years of the most perfect relationship, never fought only grew into mature people together. We were always there for each other, even spent a majority of our relationship on two different continents. We come from two different cultures and I guess that was a difference which was minor to us because a big issue for his family. His parents esp his mom wanted me to change in many ways I couldn't and so she pretty much emotionally blackmailed him into marrying a very traditional girl. I'm so heart broken i'm not mad at him because I know first hand how controlling and abusive his mother is. I feel sad for him and I feel sad that two people who are so perfect for each other who brought out the best in each other can't be togeher. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but all i want is just to see him again to be in his arms. I miss the comfort of being in a relationship. I miss my best friend. May he be happy always.
Tags: Example i
It's not really a break up, Im just in desperate need for advice. It all started October last year. I was staying at one of my mums friends houses and her son and I only knew eachother because of our parents work together. He is 17 and a highschool dropout. I'm 15 and still currently doing my studies. That night he went out with a couple of mates. For some peculiar reason I asked him to wake me when he got home. When he did he woke me and we spooned on his bed talking about whatever came to mind. He was so sweet, a side I've never seen from him before. After that experience we never really spoke again. Until about a week ago when I foundmyself in the same position. This time it got sexual. Only he was to big for me, so we didn't end up having sex. He was the first person id engaged with in doing stuff like that. I wasn't his first though. It was kinda strange. I felt so comfortable around him, I could be myself and not be self conscious like I normally am around others, and all my previous boyfriends. After that night we didn't speak again until two nights ago. I layer with him and drew circles on his leg, it was tickling him, and he was so cute. Just before we fell asleep he grabbed my hand and placed it on his crouch. After that he didnt speak to me ever again. I think I've fallen for him, but I can't help to think that he is just in it for the fun and the sexual side of things. I don't think he admires me as a person.he only admires what I can do with my hands. But his the type of person that if he did have feelings for me, he'd never let me know. His quite a big build. But I really want him to know that I love him for who he is, not what he looks like , or what he has achieved. I love him for him. As simple as it gets. His friends are complete drop kicks. And he values what they think. I have a feeling that's why his holding back. I don't know what to do, and advice would be great?! Thanks xo
I have been with her for 3 years, last year and a half has been rocky, shes lied more than once and kept thigns from me, even asked my bestf friends gf to lie to me, but all in all she was mine, and a near perfect girl. One night after my best friend told me shes been lying to me and smoking weed then telling friends to not tell me. I realized the girl i had trusted with everything lies to me, and we had a fight that night, I ended up cheating on her that night at a part... a month later we r together and after awhile she says she doesnt want this anymore, what i did hurts her to much and she wants to live a single life. I was completely heartbroken. The next morning she sends a txt saying im sorry I made a mistake I listen to my friends to much plz take me back. So i do only to be broken up with the neixt day. She comes to me and says we had a great day but Im not in love with you anymore. My world is upside down guys... Shes playing with my heart at same time i deserve it.. This girl is my best friend and i was trying to give her the world. I would do anything to take that night back... anything, I must be putting her through so much, im an asshole a scumbag, that night i was.. w/e.....I lost her, My reality is that shes mine, when I look at her i cant c that she isnt... and yet she is not mine to hold, =(
Tags: Example 1
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. There is a fair age difference between us. His 26 and I'm 14 I've known him since I was about 8. I love him more then anything. And he loves me the exact same way. The age difference has always worried us. Everything was going perfectly. But then we had an argument over a phone bill, which he had made after calling my mobile off his parents house phone. I hated it when he spent money on me. Even the slightest bit. He continued to tell me how he was going to pay for it himself. Our relationship was something that no one knew about. And we planned on keeping it that way. It was long distance, but it was a sacrifice we both made. During the argument about the phone bill, he tells me how his mother found out exactly how old I am,after talking to a friend of hers from my home town. He tells me how she refuses to have him live under her roof. at this point I start to cry. Because I knew the outcome. He texted me saying how bad he felt about it, and how he felt like he had broken my heart ( that he did) but he wad going to have to think the situation through, and put our relationship on hold.I didn't reply to that message. And writing this two hours later, I don't plan to. It scares me, because his suffered depression and Suicide has been an outstanding option for him, his always told me that if he ever had to live without me he would kill himself. Lying in bed, I've deleted all his messages, and his number. The only thing stopping us is other people's opinions. I'm worried, and I miss him. I live in a small town, so it wil probably make it's way around anyways.. I really don't know what to do. His so protective, and he hates it when I talk to other boys. Even if it is just a polite conversation. The fact that my bestfriend was a boy means that I've lost him too. At the moment my phones turned off. And I'm just going to stay in bed. Just pray that he makes the right decision.
I was dating this girl for almost 5 years. We were high school sweethearts and that continued into college. I get home from work one night and I think it's just a normal night. We are laying in bed watching whatever and she turns to me and says "(Name redacted) we need to talk." My first thought was "Fuck...what did I do now?"
So I ask her "What's up?"
Her response: "I...I found somebody else." I was floored. This was from out of nowhere. Now, as I'm sitting there, I start to think "Where did she find somebody else?" She didn't go to college. She didn't work at the time. She didn't venture out of the house unless she went somewhere with her family. Basically, I was dating a loser. So I asked "Where did you meet this guy?"
She replied, "Online." Ah, that made a lot of damn sense now. So, I ask her "Which site?" I'm thinking like eHarmony or match.com. Her response "I met him in a Harry Potter chat room." My only reaction was to laugh at her. "Are you kidding me?" I asked incredulously. She definitely was not. "What do you talk about on a Harry Potter chatroom? Did he ask you if you wanted to see his wand?" I got no response. Was I said and upset? Yes, but remember, laughter helps out when getting over such things.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We had been dating for about 11 months. On our first date she told me she had slept with 25 ment which didnt bother me at first but started to bother me when we kept running into them all the time when we went out (prob 12 differnet guys) The reason i initiated the break up was because she goes out drinking once or twice a week (i used to go with her) and come back at 3 unable to talk or walk she is so drunk. she is permanently on anti depressants, her grandmother is a ragins alcholic, as is her aunt and her dad is a recovering alcohilic. i tried to tell her she had issues with alcohol but she wouldnt accept it. she cut back for a while but started up again. She blacks out almost every time she drinks. I emailed her parents with her consent telling them thaat she needed help and she has just started seeing a counsillor eery two weeks. AFter we broke up we were still texting all the time so I imposed a one week communicaiton ban to see how we both felt. Once the ban was finished we ran into each other in a bar and she said that she still really loved me and that she didnt want to be with anyone else but she just couldnt be with anyone and is convinced she is going to spend her life alone just like her aunt. I told her I loved her but she just kept saying she couldnt be with anyone. She says I deserve so musch better than her. I go home and she stays out to party. The next day I go round to hers to tell her i still love her and will never give up on her. I look through the bedroom window as she wont answer the phone and she is in bed with another guy! i am devastated. She comes out and says they didnt sleep together, just kissed at the bar and then she came home by herself and then he called her after as there was a party in her building and then he had a beer on the couch while she went to bed and then he came and slept in the bed after. Says she kept her nightie on with her underwear. I asked her to swear on my life that nothing sexual happened and she did. She crys for 4 hours the next day and says she so sorry she hurt me and she still loves me. I tell her to neer contact me again. A few days later she sends me a text saying "i just want you to know, i hope your doing ok" I didnt reply No contact since then, that was a few days ago.
Slowly,over a period of time,often in my head. I went back in small doses and in large doses until one day he said he couldn't see me for 2 weeks because his girlfriend prior to me was coming to see him.It's a long distance relationship he maintained all through out our relationship. i work with him and find it so hard. I avoid him now and pray for (his name) free days. I know I am emotionally and psychologically hooked. I started a break up cleanse and was 7 days into, feeling free, and he made contact. Now I am starting over. again, please give me freedom, give me the opportunity to love being with me without him.
I broke up slowly, again and again, but not again. Yeah!!!
I started seeing this boy back in April. On our first date he told me he was bipolar. I asked him if he was taking medication for it, and he said no. This, of course, worried me, but I was understanding and empathetic. I continued to talk to him, and we realized that we had many things in common. The more we talked, the more I started to like him. On the third date, he told me that he has been dealing with self-injury for the past six years. I was a little shocked that he would share something so personal to someone he just met, but I took it as a sign that he trusted me enough to tell me these things. He also told me that he didn't think he was in a place to be in a relationship at that moment in his life. I understood. After that date, he continued to text me everyday and we continued to see each other about twice a week. Things progressed very quickly and became very intense. A few weeks later, he told me that he had been diagnosed with boderline personality disorder, and that he also had an eating disorder (which I was starting to suspect). I asked him if he was getting help for any of these things, and he said no. I asked him what I could do to help him, and he said nothing. This was all becoming too much for me, but I had started to develop deep feelings for him, and didn't want to abandon him. I was starting to fall in love with him, and I trusted him enough to have sex with him (he was my first). We talked about us and our relationship, and he was still firm that he didn't want or need a relationship. At that point, however, I felt like we were in one, and was very hurt with his decision not to move forward. We broke up soon after that. At the time I thought we were breaking up because we both wanted different things. I wanted to move forward and start a relationship with him, and he did not.
One week (yes, ONE WEEK) after we broke up, he removed me as a friend on facebook and changed his facebook profile picture to him and this girl. A mutual friend told me that he was "in a relationship' with this new girl. After trying to contact him to figure out what the hell was going on, he simply stated that I was not what he needed.
This whole situation has taught me alot about mental illness and what it means to be romantically involved with someone who has one (or many). If someone tells you they have borderline personality disorder and are not in therapy or seeking any sort of help for it, RUN. If you stay, you will only end up getting hurt. Because they will leave you and replace you in a second.
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