You Broke Up How?

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT


I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

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Anynomous

November 21, 2010 @ (great britain)

Tags: any advice...

Ihave dated someone for 9 months. He proposed me and even asked my family for permission to get married...
Then it wasnt going anywhere, I wanted to talk about the future, he didnt, was always too tired or any other excuses... Then things became very violent, from his side and mine. We both have bad temper, but we both got worse. I asked him to go and talk to someone, somewhere, so we could sort ourselves out. I do love him... but then he's got a depression, I think it's a lot worse than he wants to admit... and he promised me he was gonna stop smoking marihuana, which turns him into a different person (in a bad way) and makes him very angry and irritable and I think has to do with his depression too... so, he smoked again, inspite of the fact he's on anti-depresants and we argued because of that and his mood swings, his behaviour and all that...... he kicked me out the house, i cried my eyes out. I am in a foreign country with no friends or relatives, so you figure out the rest of the story. I am destroyed, confused, crushed, feeling guilty, lonely and cold. Thinking, I could have done better than getting angry... but then we've been together for 9 months and always argued about his smoking habit..... relations are problematic enough to be adding a drug addition weight on top of all... I even bought tickets to leave the country for Christmas with him.......he doesnt realise how much smoking his thing makes us argue and puts pressure on us....... then he thinks I am yelling because I am a bitch with no other reason but nagging; and I cant put up with the fact that it's always his house and he can kick me out of it when he feels like it; that i always gotta give in if I want things to go smooth, otherwise, we argue....
I wish I had never met him, so I wouldnt be in this position now. I'm 30 and feel terribly sad and lonely, with no friends, family or place to go. I can't talk to anyone, cuz I dont have friends in here really, so I am writing this here, so I can get it out of my chest... I love him so much but I dont even think he realises how much it takes for someone to have the courage to come after the one you love in a foreign land... next time, I'll be more selfish and think more about me...
I feel left alone, sad, disappointed, heartbroken!!!!!!!!!! I thought he was the 1 and I adore him. It just that I dont know what else to do!!!! It's like a battle I cant never win and if he doesnt want to help himself and us, then there's no point in me trying to get this right... but it hurts so much!!! I was gonna spend the rest of my life with him!!! I even thought I could jump out of a building and end this!!!! .... I am just so sad...
Any advice???

Henrietta

March 22, 2016 @ (China)

Tags: painfullbreakupandstilllonging

We were together for months. He loved me deeply. For me? I love him so much and three months later after he broke up with me I am still in so much agony. It was a long distance relationship. I was going to come after a year since I am still in college. I was just asking for one year. Not ten years, not twenty three, not even three. Just one year. But somehow he kinda lost his grip. Until now, I really do not know why we just all of a sudden fell apart. And I could not understand why we cannot fight for us. He said he has his own life now and he can no longer run this marathon with me. Was I depending too much on him for emotional support because of depression from my family problems? Was I too needy or too clingy? But I promise I never complained when he was busy. I just do not know why or how he fell out of love for me. Every single day, I ask why. I wonder if he ever opens his Skype and reads my messages begging him for another chance. Now, I am about to graduate but I have no direction since the man at the end of the tunnel, well he is no longer there to keep his promise. I am just totally lost and miserable. But I am not mad. I do not resent him either. I am grateful for everything. I just want to be his girl and I would give my all. (Sorry for any typos.)

Riko

December 19, 2025 @ (somewhere in Malaysia)

Tags: stupid, funny break up, confusing? anger

i break up with him today, before it all happened i asked im whether he still loves me. n guess what he said? i still do but im losing it. bro you couldve told me earlier yk? i fall for u to the deepest part of my heart already n u told me shit like this...that breaks my heart so bad to the point i start thinking he might be cheating on me n i ask him to be honest with me. he told me he doesnt have anybody that he cheated with me. somehow that convince me n i do actually believe him. i still love him but because of the things that happened, i couldnt think straight anymore n decided to break up with him but we stays friend now. i still have feelings for him n it keep growing idk why. i hate this dumb heart. pls i just want peace in my mind but it seems like i couldnt move on from him i truly love him. tbh i can see it coming, like i meant the break up. because he starts to distance himself from me n ignore me most of the time. but im mad about the part where he can talk to his friends, even go out with them, laughing with joy while treating me like a piece of shit. im so pissed because of that. i hope he will look at me again, cuz i love him so much. even no matter how i hate him, i still do want to be with him because my heart decide to stay with him.

Lauren

November 08, 2016 @ (Las Vegas )

Tags: Worst break up ever

So me and my boyfriend had been going out for 9 months straight he then dumped me on oct 31.... and then the next day went out with my best friends cousin.... and we were so close to a year I'm in high school we're soft mores and she's a senior..... so yeah it hurts like shit... I hope this makes you feel better girls or guys if something like this happened to you ....

Katherine

May 14, 2012 @ (Oooops)

Tags: ex 2

so i have been seeing this guy kyle on and off for about 4 years. we are only on and off cause he left the first time for his best friends girlfriend. so i went for his best friend then we got back together then i left him for someone else and once again we got back together then he was talking to this girl whose a slut and got with her so we broke up and while they were going out he was cheating on her with me.then we were like together and he randomly ignores me and doesnt talk to me and he leaves. he promises he wont ignore me and he wont leave but he still has a record of doing it.this year for spring break i went to myrtle beach and i saw him the day before i left and i wanted to give back his bracelet and talk to him when im back cause we both would get fuked up and feel guilty or regret something. so he begged me to talk to him and keep the bracelet ... i did and during the vacation he ignored me. then randomly he would say eveythings fine. the day i got home he lost hope saying that its not working for him...kyle and me tried again and he got mad at me and wouldnt talk to me. so i went to his house to speak to him and when we spoke he wouldnt look at me. and then a few days he was acting weird. and yestarday he long boarded to my house just to see me... he says it will be different this time and he wont lose hope and he will do anything for us to work out. idk what to do. should i try it or let him go? we love eachother but i dont wanna always get hurt and him ignore me uk? what should i do

Chuck

September 21, 2009 @ (New York, NY)

Tags: facebook, life, breakup

So my GF (ex) has a drinking problem. I couldn’t go with her to aa with week. Only to find that she got drunk in the parking lot after the meeting with a fellow member and decided to get nasty in his car. I got a fb message this morning.. happy Monday indeed.

Alexandra

April 13, 2010 @ (Calgary)

Tags: Liar....

So I am 21 now and I have known this guy since i was 15.. he was my first love... we dated and lived together for 2 years when my dad left and then he cheated on me with my friend... after 2 weeks I moved to the states and went to college. After being there for about a year i wanted to come back....
We ended up getting back together... even though I felt I shouldnt i loved him... all I could think about was him...
This time it seemed good... I moved back in with him... we were happy so I thought... he told me if he ever felt unhappy we would break things off...he said he would never do that to me again... that he could never hurt me cause he loved me so much... that I saved his life

So i go on a trip to Toronto for 10 days and the day after I left he was already out at the bar with some girl he used to say he hated and that she was a slut.... a couple mroe days in to my trip I found out he was sleeping with her that she thought he was her bf... he told her all the things he told me.. that they would go on trips together and travel....

When i got home i went there to get my stuff... he was crying said he wasnt going to be with her anymore... that he knew he messed up and it would be healthier if we were apart... he needed to find himself.

So I call the other night cause I left some things there and she picks up... says he loves her now that he doesnt love me and she hung up on me.

What kind of guy can move on so fast after 6 years? how could he let her hurt me? and of course LIE LIE LIE he says he wants to be alone but now hes with this girl? He says that he is only with her to get in her pants cause she looks like a porn star and i dont... and that he wants to marry me in 2 years.

WHAT kind of bullshit is that? I am so heartbroken and depressed when I know I deserve better... I just dont know how to stop being sad...

Kayeli

May 15, 2015 @ (Ohio)

Tags: funny break up

So I had dating this guy for three years and one day he comes home with his best friend like usual and we hang out and I decide to go pick up some pizza so I leave. I drive to the nearest pizza hut and when I get there I realize I forgot my wallet so I drive back to grab it. When I open the door I see a shirt on the floor, I think nothing of it so I pick it up and as I walk closer to my bedroom I hear moaning and stuff. I open the door and J (my bf) and C (his best friend) are having sex. I first feel my heart break but at the same time I had a feeling the liked each other. I was upset but I got over it. We are all still friends and I'm getting married next week so yeah. They are engaged too.

Jill

March 22, 2022 @ (US)

Tags: sad break up, sad, death

My fiance was 11 years older than me. About six months before the wedding was planned he was diagnosed with testicular cancer. All he was going to need was a surgery to remove one testicle and six rounds of chemo. Unfortunately both testicle were removed by mistake. It was absolutely devastating. I broke off the engagement a few weeks later. He was heart broken but understood why. Sadly the cancer spread and ended up passing away after Thanksgiving last year. He left his house and money to me. I feel so guilty because remained so generous and kind to me.