You Broke Up How?

Lil Fatty

November 10, 2010 @ (Cali)

Tags: Dirty Sanchez

I went to Spencer's last week and saw this hilarious book entitled Dirty Sanchez Nation: The Ultimate Illustrated DICKtionary of Obscene Sex Terms. I had to get it, and being the pig that I am, at least try some of the terms with the chick I've been hooking up with. So I figured start off small. I've given her facials a few times, but this time I told her it was my fantasy to pee on her (golden shower p. 40). She was a little apprehensive at first but eventually let me do it in the shower.

The next night, we got into some really hot sex and I was nailing her form behind when I decided to do the Tony Danza (p 109). I asked her "Who's the boss?" They she turned her head back and said "what?". Then I smacked her in the face (lightly) and said "Tony Danza bitch!" Needless to say wasn't happy and threw me off.

She was kind of getting on my nerves lately and I kind of wanted her to break up with me so I figured I'd go for gold. A few days later we meet up and started to have make up sex (isn't it just fabulous). So I'm banging her from behind and I figured why not be a pig. I stuck my finger in her butt. She kind of liked it. But unbeknownst to her suddenly I discovered some nuggets. Oh yes, this was the grand finale. I pulled the finger out and reached around and gave her a shit stache to remember!

There she was - Dirty Sanchez in the flesh. I was officially the biggest asshole on the planet. She cursed me out and ran out. Haven't heard from her since. This book has got me messed up. But for some reason I can't put it down and stop laughing.

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Bob

October 28, 2015 @ (Canada)

Tags: This could be top 10

I was living with a girl for 10 years, she owned her house and recently decided to buy a condo and put the house up for sale, all this with me as not more than passing thought in much of it in fact when we did view the condo together her question to me after agreeing to buy it was are you in or out? So that should have been a clue , anyway s about a week before possesion date she asks me if i wouldn't mind staying on my boat until it was time to move in, i returned the next day and sits me down and says she thinks its best if i don't move into the condo and that we never were a couple and that was that instantly homeless, i think if there was an award for coldest breakup this would be a contender

Jade

May 13, 2017 @ (Canada)

Tags: Funny break up

I loved him or I just liked his fluffy hair I really have no idea. So when I got home to find a a bouqet of the flowers I'm ALLERGIC to I just walked up the stars in the room and found him in bed reading a book, I grab the book and just say "what nice flowers" he says "thx they are for my mom when she comes over" I yell at him for God knows what reason probably because I love flowers and can't get enough of them and that he made plans without me oh and let's not forget HE IS AN IDIOT. He gets up and asks me what's wrong the thing that is wrong was that he never got me flowers and never spoke to me and only his MOM so I just said see yah loser I'm going to get mmy self some flowers and get a new boyfriend cause mine needs a new brain! With that I was gone and he was just standing there motionless oh and I ripped up the flowers 😂

Fred

October 13, 2009 @ (California)

Tags: cheating, whore

I was dating a girl for about 3 years, and one night we go out to a fantastic bar with a poker buddy of mine whom I had known for about 2 years. Being young and at a bar, we get totally shitfaced, and head back to the hotel (too far to take a cab home). After continuing to drink for another couple of hours, I discover that the insides of my stomach have decided to make a break for it, and that I need to lie down and pass out.

I wake up 30 minutes later to breath on my ear and the sound of moans. It seems my girl is on the bed behind me (bonus, there are 2 beds in the room), and my "friend" is behind her, with one hand down her pants and one hand up her shirt. I decide to wait a bit, to see where this is going (and to prevent excuses later). After about 15 minutes, I hear whispering, which I can only assume is something like "Let's move to the other bed so we can fuck without waking him". At this point I alert them to the fact that I am awake and have been for some time, that they're both dead to me, I'm moving to Vegas the next day, and then I get dressed to catch the aforementioned cab (the one that was too expensive).

She starts crying, and this guy, this...unbelievable asshole, starts trying to play the mediator, "She's a good girl, she doesn't deserve this" and the like. I tell him to shut his fucking mouth, and proceed to walk to the elevator. He chooses to physically bar my way, and even grabs me by the arm to prevent me from leaving. I calmly inform him that if he doesn't let me go, I'm going to knock him the fuck out. He doesn't take me seriously. Now...I'm not a violent guy...but looking at the expression of "come on guy" on this bastards face snapped something in me, and I dropped him like the sack of shit he is and leave.

The thing about this that really irked me is this:
Really? REALLY? You're going to wait until I'm sick with liquor, and THEN betray me at my weakest? Contemptible.

Vegas is nice.

Vegas

Susanna

August 31, 2011 @ (malaysia)

Tags: example 1, example 2

My-then boyfriend of one year said that he needed to go to another island (within our country) to help out family's business (timber business) and he said that he would be back in a month' time. Two months passed, he didn't show any sign that he would come back and when I asked, he made a big deal about it and accused me of forcing him to choose between me and his family.

To make things worse, he also told her family about it and made them hate me.We fought like crazy, and he said he would be there for at least a year. I promised to wait for him. Even though it was so hard to contact him since he's in the jungle most of the time, but I tried my best to make it works.

Three months later, during my study break, I decided to pay him a visit. It was my first time to fly and to go to that island. He promised to pick me up from the airport and spend time with me. I was so excited since Id never flied before and Id never been to that island, because its on other part of my country.

The day before I arrived, I tried to call him but couldn't get through. I was worried but I still went there, hoping that he would keep his promises. When I arrived there, I couldn't get him through the phone.

So I settled down alone, looking for the guest house and all, with a very small budget (since he promised to pay my money back!). I tried to call him everyday but couldn't get through and couldn't stop crying because I was alone there and that place is so unfamiliar to me, couldn't afford to change my flight back.

I called his sister with the hope that she would help me a bit but she just show how much she and her family hate me. I almost faint when I know about it. They didn't even want to see my face.

Only on 5th day finally my-then bf contacted me and agreed to meet me for only two hours. He promised he would come back again. But until now.. after one year and a half I'd never heard from him again.

First Love Hearttorn

February 18, 2016 @ (Canada )

Tags: ironic breakup

I had a guy bestfriend with whom I fell in love; so much as I've never loved anyone before...He confessed he loved me more than a friend as a "closure" after a month of me breaking up with him. The reasons for our breakup is still valid, so I can't be with someone I'm still deeply in love with.

Krissy

April 24, 2012 @ (USA)

Tags: heart break

I thought I was in love. I thought he was the one, and after having several bad realstion ships I was excited. He was everything I wanted. We dated for a year and a half, and in the beginning it was great. But as time went on he talked to me less and less, NEVER EVER hung out with me. I had to beg. When i told him i loved him he never say it back. I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought I needed to change. So for our one year I made him a scrapbook I spent months on. What does he say? "Oh.. nice thanks." I didn't get anything for valentines day.... and then soon he just felt completely distant. He was planning to go to new York to school, and when I asked him what was going to happen to us, he says "I dunno." I never got an answer. I soon became so lonely, waiting for him and practically kissing his feet. I became depressed and soon got fed up. I broke up with him (after many harsh words from him) and I figured if he loved me he would try to come back. He never did. He never told me he loved me. I wasted a year and a half on him. Never again. I am hoping the one for me is still out there, but for now I still cry over him.

Megan

June 26, 2012 @ (Denver)

Tags: Isaac, caroline, me, isaacs parents

we were in 2nd grade when it all started- instantly he saw me and felt the need to protect me ( yeah I know puppy love) I dont know why but that day he asked me to be his girl I said yes, but then on the playground when we were playing star wars something clicked! I dont wanna date yet. I mean i was only 6 1/2 going on 7 ( I was a little behind) this whole thing went on until about 5th grade when we werw getting curious and getting the talk and that he took a shot again at it (he also tries in 3rd... and 4th :D lol.) I said yes and he was acctually a good Bf he gave me suckers from the sales and we even danced together in the 5th grade show (yeah i know- peachy. but i stepped on his foot alot...) He was acting weird, not answering my emails, I saw it coming and was prepared- BUT what he did I was unprepared for!! He finally emailed me that "my parents say we cant date anymore.. :(" I of course thought something was fishy and knew what it was before I even clicked out of that message- his parents wouldnt do that! They were totally happy for us and acctually cool with like everything so i replied with "um... No... they were happy for us. Oh my gosh what is up with YOU?" I sort it out through my head and start crying but am stopped dead in my tracks as my eyes scan at the message he just sent. I couldnt believe it! he had typed "I like someone else, Ok?" I instantly insist that he tells me who it is. im shocked but who he says. Caroline- one of my bestfriends!! he then says "my dad told me to lie to you." I reply with "thx." his words pierce through me "shut up and get over it you *itch!" I am tooken back. how dare he but heres the worst part, then he said "ill use a condom," that was way to far and made me want to kick his ass- that little PERV heck I bet he dont even got equiptment. Now im going into 6th grade and if he messes with me again he will hear from my brother.

EponaSaysHai

February 22, 2017 @ (Covina, CA)

Tags: Worst break up ever

I fell in love with my best friend. He was a sweet and kind boy that loved to help people. And he loved me back. I knew he did because he treated me like I was special. He said things that no one who saw you as just a friend would say. 4 months of magical romance that everyone saw but we didn't want to admit was there. Finally one day we told each other how we felt and all our friends were so happy for us. I had never been happier in my life. We loved each other. At first it was cute puppy love, I guess you could say, but when my growing depression finally got ahead of me, we found out how much we truly loved each other. He cared for me unlike anyone I've known. The puppy love became a romance and passion that we had building up inside of us for months. We were completely in love with each other even if we both hated ourselves. We were each other's reasons for living. And I can't tell you how many times we were so close to giving up but saved each other. I'll never forget that day I wanted to kill myself and he told me that he loved me and I meant everything to him. That I changed his life for the better. That summer, 3 months after we first confessed to each other, was depressing because we missed each other dearly. School was the only time we got to see each other. Then one day I got my phone taken away. The only way I could contact him was through text. For 2 weeks I sometimes secretly went in my phone to text him. It was brief but those moments were everything to me. Then... 5 days after our 5 month anniversary, I got my phone back. I texted him happily and he replied. But he was depressed. I asked him why and he refused to tell me. I hadn't talked to him in 3 days at the time so anything could've happened. I finally got him to tell me what was wrong and he said.... "I think I'm gay..." I was in shock. And when he said he liked me as a friend, I wanted to throw my phone and just kill myself. I struggled to stay calm for his sake. If I showed how much it hurt, he would regret telling me even more. I told him I needed to be alone. I was in public, totally unprepared for any tragic news. But slowly as reality sunk in, I couldn't hold back against the tears that threatened to pour. I excused myself to the restroom where I cried so hard I couldn't breathe because I tried to stay quiet. I didn't feel anything but pain and sadness. For the next few weeks, he begged me to move on. He was extremely sad and was angry at himself for breaking my heart. He even said he wish had never said anything at all. But I would've found out one day. He wouldn't love me anymore and I would be able to tell. School started and we were friends who pretended we were fine. No one asked about our relationship. Only one person did but we ignored them. It's funny. A lot of people keep asking us if we are dating. No one asked when we actually were. He isn't the same anymore. He isn't positive anymore. He shuts down when he's sad and only talks to his therapist. He used to talk to me. I dont know what we are at the moment. Sometimes I see my boyfriend again in the way he looks at me. Sometimes I see my best friend. But sometimes I see my ex boyfriend, the broken shell of the person I once knew and loved. I still love him to this day.

If you ever hear about a break up where the boyfriend finds out he's gay and the girlfriend is sad, don't laugh. It sounds humorous, but when it becomes your reality and the thing that tears you apart everyday, you won't be laughing. In these cases, there's little to no chance of getting back together. And it hurts like hell.

Brett

November 29, 2009 @ (Florida)

Tags: heartbreak

Here's my most recent breakup story.... I went over to my girl's house early to surprise her. He had run down to the store but her mom was home. I came in and she offered to have a drink with me while i waited. she sat really uncomfortably close to me. she was being very forward with me, i kept telling myself, no way that shes hitting on me. she backed of some and we just were watching tv, i thought i was in the clear without making things more awkward. out of no where she turns and kisses me. i pulled away and was like WTF, are you crazy. Well she's pretty good looking and she came back in and we were making out like a highschool kids. well my gf walked in and saw us. she went into a mild sprint and bitchslapped me. she really hit me hard, my face was all red.