
I am lost in my heart and my soul. I am very active in my church and I spend a great deal of time proselytizing to help bring others to Christ. Ever since I was 14 our minister has taken a special hand in my learning of Gods will and ways. He even encouraged me to date his adopted daughter Svetlana after he brought her here from Russia. A couple of years later, Pastor Williams encouraged me to marry Svetlana even though we were both still in school. We were married when I was 16 and she was 14. I was nervous as I was a virgin on our wedding night and I wanted to take it slow but Svetlana was very insistant that we have sex. We made love once, then she never wanted to do it any more. 6 months later our beautiful daughter Kima was born, 8 lbs 4 ounces and looked just like her mother. Pastor Williams was so helpful always offering to look after my wife and baby when ever he sent me out to spread the word of God. I had to leave school, because Pastor told me God spoke to him and said I was to be his beacon in the land to guide folks to his eternal love. I was often gone from home for many days and sometimes weeks as Pastor gave me instructions on where to spread His word. One day I was traveling near our home town, so I decided to stop in to see my family. When I went in to our trailer, I found my wife and Pastor Williams asleep in our bed. I could see they were both naked. I was so confused and I left without saying anything. A few days later, I talked to Pastor about it and he said the two of them had been praying and speaking in tongues. They had both been so posessed by the spirit, they chose to bare themselves to the Lord. He assured me that they had not engaged in fornication and that they both were just so exhausted they fell asleep. I believed him because I know he would never lie as it is a sin. Well, last week I found out Svetlana is pregnant again and her and I have not had sex since our wedding night. When I asked the Pastor for guidance, he told me I needed to "man up" and take care of my family. He explained to me that some women can carry a mans seed for years and have several children from only one mating. But then a sister in the church told me that she knew Pastor and my wife were committing adultry and that Pastor is actually the father of my Kima and my unborn child. I dont know who to believe, but I am so hurting in my soul. I think this may be the Lord testing me, or perhaps Satan trying to destry another of God's unions. I asked Svetlana to be truthful with me, and she just left and went to tell Pastor that I am being sinful in mistrusting her. I got on the internet to seek answers and somehow wound up on this site. I see so much pain here, and somehow feel kinship with it. But I also want you all to know, God loves you all, and he wants only your happiness. God has a plan. May he bless us all, Amen.
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Tags: Bad breakup#broken#betrayed#used
I met this guy during my college's 2nd year.He was friend of my senior so he was not from my college.He saw me in my friend's b'day party
Tags: Isaac, caroline, me, isaacs parents
we were in 2nd grade when it all started- instantly he saw me and felt the need to protect me ( yeah I know puppy love) I dont know why but that day he asked me to be his girl I said yes, but then on the playground when we were playing star wars something clicked! I dont wanna date yet. I mean i was only 6 1/2 going on 7 ( I was a little behind) this whole thing went on until about 5th grade when we werw getting curious and getting the talk and that he took a shot again at it (he also tries in 3rd... and 4th :D lol.) I said yes and he was acctually a good Bf he gave me suckers from the sales and we even danced together in the 5th grade show (yeah i know- peachy. but i stepped on his foot alot...) He was acting weird, not answering my emails, I saw it coming and was prepared- BUT what he did I was unprepared for!! He finally emailed me that "my parents say we cant date anymore.. :(" I of course thought something was fishy and knew what it was before I even clicked out of that message- his parents wouldnt do that! They were totally happy for us and acctually cool with like everything so i replied with "um... No... they were happy for us. Oh my gosh what is up with YOU?" I sort it out through my head and start crying but am stopped dead in my tracks as my eyes scan at the message he just sent. I couldnt believe it! he had typed "I like someone else, Ok?" I instantly insist that he tells me who it is. im shocked but who he says. Caroline- one of my bestfriends!! he then says "my dad told me to lie to you." I reply with "thx." his words pierce through me "shut up and get over it you *itch!" I am tooken back. how dare he but heres the worst part, then he said "ill use a condom," that was way to far and made me want to kick his ass- that little PERV heck I bet he dont even got equiptment. Now im going into 6th grade and if he messes with me again he will hear from my brother.
Tags: dumped
I met this girl through a weekly meeting that talked about mental illness. I saw her beautiful, delicate pale skin compliment her dark hair. She was with another guy who I thought was her boyfriend. I was instantly enticed by her looks. Her silence was soft and spoke with such force that it shook me off my feet. I felt nervous and she did not even flinch to look at me while I talked. Damn I did not have a car at the time so I had to take the bus home. I missed my stop all because I was fantasizing about me being with her. Then as I looked back at my stop I came to the realization that I would probably never get a chance to even hangout with her. I fell hard just by her looks and it was not that she was a ten it was just her. Yeah, she is beautiful but her face oh her face just captured me like the moon captures the moth. weeks passed and I did not see her because she was busy with college. luckily I befriended her friend who was actually just childhood friends. I liked him alot and thanks to knowing him I got a chance at getting closer to this girl. who's name I did not know until he told me. By pure luck I got a chance to finally be alone with her and as I spoke I began to see that she looked at me differently. As she spoke i only fell deeper and deeper into her sweet eyes. we stayed up all night in th back of her car and i thought that maye I did have a chance. And I did. we fell in love but it woudnt last. She would break up with me for trivial reasons. later on I figured out she was insecure. New years eve we had a huge fight,I fel unappreciated and I finally put an end to it. She came back that same night which wass surprising because it was always me who had to but I was not. She said she would change because she actually loved me and she had never felt that way. Change she did some how she became even more perfect but I messed it up. still hurt from the past I treated her bad and I began to think I no longer needed her. I was a bad boyfriend for 6 months and she finally left. She no longer cared for me. And it is true that you only miss them once you let them go. I realized my mistakes and I tried for three months I was exasperated and exhausted but I kept trying. She was hurt. She did not trust me. I know I messed up and she has every right to leave. I would give her all the time in the world and I would still be here waiting for her. this was the first week of fall semester in college. it fees so different. today was the day I finally let go and I am so hurt I cant go to sleep Im crying and I dont know why. I hve been through some messed up shit in my life but even that did not cause me to cry. I cry because she is truly amazing and actually wanted me but I broke her. I have one last plan. I am finally going to give her space. I will work on myself and do my best to try and get a date with her. Sadly she is moving to either New york or san fransico in a year. I may never have another chance, sadly she said she would stay here with me until I finished with college. She is the type of girl to get over guys quick. she told me she would be over me in a week. Sadly I would be with her right now if in those 6 months I would tell her to leave me alone I Instead apologized and told her how much she meant to me.
Tags: breakup
FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT
I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.
For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.
I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.
I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.
For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.
When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?
It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.
I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.
I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.
I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.
Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.
As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.
A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.
Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.
Well it all started about two years ago when I met Connor. He was shy and sweet and knew how to make me laugh. We had a lot of things in common but I guess the one thing we didn't have in common would be the downfall of our relationship.
To keep things simple he had money,he was rich, well his family was rich. He was just in highschool so he didn't have any money of his own. He had the easy life.He stayed home and played his xbox and never had to lift a finger. Me on the other hand, I had to work and save up my money to just to go on dates. I never thought any of that mattered to him. Cause well its just money it has no sentimental value in a loving relationship. I was wrong. Towward the end of the relationship he started to leave me out of things and I finally confronted him about it.
He went out to eat with some of his "rich" friends and didn't invite me and his excuse was "I didn't think you would like a fancy restraunt like that" So to sum it all up one day we got in an argument over something stupid but he took it wat to personal and rolled off something like "at least my family HAS money!" well that was the final straw. I slapped him across the face,kicked him in the crotch and said "eff you and your money! We are done!"
Tags: Losing my love of life
I meat my partner 7 years ago as her builder after two months we became partners it took me 10 months to rebuild the house for witch I loved doing I only saw her weekends. We had a lovely house.then she moved in after a week or so we were watching tv. And then she started to rock in the chair I did not say everything I just put my hand on her back and she stopped. Then as time went on she would do mor strange things she was constantly on her phone playing games it was sometimes hard to have a conversation when it come to the bedroom it became a no go when it come to love making I only had to touch her and she would complain so I said if this is going to happen then we should stop and we did for the rest of our time together. I did not mind as sex is over important to me .I still loved he very much.we then sold the property and moved in to a new house witch I also turned in to a nice house. As time went on she done more strange things so I took on my self to look it up on the website.all the things she would do and the way she would treat me and the way she talks to me was heading towards being on the spectrum I would try and talk about it and she did not want to no and it got worse .and the last year the jungle was on tv Friday night ant and deck as from tomorrow we will be voting off so I sad who do you think will go first and she I don’t know you are watching it not me ion a bad tone of voice I had seven years of this and I sad something I should not of said I was so up set with my self for saying what I sad. It upset her so much that she wanted me out of the house.that was in October it’s turned out she is allistic so I was right I tried to talk about it but she wouldn’t she never wants to see me again. When an allistic person gets something in their head that’s it. I loved her and still do so much what I said was wrong but I had this for seven years and I would go back tomorrow if I could .we all need to talk if we don’t how can we work it all out. I’m 69 and now I have lost the one I loved so much. And I don’t want to go on anymore being alone is not good for the soul.
Tags: Sad
The break up was easy. It was the week before we broke up that broke me. He's my best friend...or at least he was. And I've known him for so long, I knew something was wrong. I could feel him slipping away, and then he began lying to me. I'm not sure why the lies started, I'm not really sure where we went wrong. But I confronted him, and told him how I felt. We talked on the phone and he said he was feeling weird, that he didn't know how to explain it, but he told me not to worry. "Hakuna Matata" That's what he always says when I look worried. But I knew he was gone, he didn't even tell me he loved me before we broke up. The next day I caught him in a lie, and he didn't talk to me until the day after. When he finally did I told him how shitty I felt, how hurt I was. Then he told me that the reason he thinks best friends work so well is because "Even if something happens, they can still be best friends" that same night he broke up with me. And here I am, a week later. And guess what? I lost my best friend.
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