we had been dating for four years, 3.5 years into it, we went into long distance. he moved to london. on valentines day he flew in to see me- halfway across the world- and proposed, it was so beautiful and it was the best day of my life, i had been waiting for this for a long time.
we didnt announce the engagement as i wanted to ease my family into it...complicated story....cultural/religious backgrounds are different
for some STUPID reason, i started to panic in april...i was so afraid of EVERYTHING, the huge change, the move to london, resigning from my job....everything became a huge worry, i guess i got cold feet. i withdrew from him, and he broke up with me (3 months before my move to london). he refuses to talk to me or try to work it out. when i arrived in london, i thought there was hope to reconcile, i messaged him to tell him i will be in town the next day...he posts on his facebook "in a relationship with XYZ". his status never even went to single! now...6 months later...they are still together...i am devestated...i cant see that what i did was so terrible....and he wont give me closure...he just cut me out of his life, just like that, 4 years...and im in london, alone, for him...left everything....job, friends, family...to be with this guy who wont forgive a nervous breakdown!? did he ever even really love me? why the hell would he propose!?i apologized so many times, i just needed strength and he didnt support me through it....i feel abandonded, i feel like i cant move on...he made me so happy and i miss him everyday...living this dream without him is especially difficult...i would do anything to have him back in my life.
Thanks for your comments. Youre right Miss J, withdrawing was not the best thing to do, it was a mistake that I had to make, and its a part of growing up and learning, nonetheless, i still feel that when one person in the relationship is weak it is up to other to comfort, give reassurance etc. he did none of these things and when i communicated my fears to him he said "i dont have strength for the both of us". i did consider a trip but it would have been expensive and i really felt that he needed some space to think about things....i never thought that he would be out there looking for a new relationship. by the point we broke up, i had already set plans to move to london...so staying back home would have been a very difficult option. Im moving on, but i still feel hurt, it was an abrupt ending with no real opportunity for closure. i want to forgive myself for what happened, but its not easy. in any case, when i really think of it, maybe i was saved from a bad marriage, what if we had real married life problems? i have a feeling he wouldve run for the hills to a new girlfriend...if anything, i feel sorry for this new girl because im sure she doesnt know the baggage hes bringing into the new relationship.
This one is harsh, way harsh. I'd save up all the money i could & move back closer 2 ur family. Or seek out the local self help groups. Go to the internet. There are alot of resources people don't know about. Check out the library. keep busy & above all, dont call, text or do anything 2 give him power. He doesn't deserve u!!
I guess it was understandable that you panicked about the big changes but withdrawing from him? That would have been pretty hard for him to handle, the girl he loved and proposed to was beginning to reject him. So I guess that's why he broke up with u. Perhaps though, in hindsight, if he wasn't really talking to you that much for that 3 month period maybe just a trip/holiday to London would have been better instead of fully moving there and giving up everything as you say... Don't feel bad though... maybe u moved there to show him u were ready for commitment and to take the next step. Unfortunately though, by this time he'd moved on from u, hoping for another chance at love again. It is sad that your relationship was such a long one though and after all those years together it only took a few months for him to move on. What does that really say about his true feelings for you????? You say he made u so happy but maybe u need to ask yourself if he really did. That is one of the illusions many of us broken-hearted ones tend to believe. If u were really and truly happy u most definitely would not have got cold feet, u know what I mean? Ok well now u need to ask yourself, where to next for u? Is it time to move back home, away from London? Be with family? Focus on new career prospects maybe? Push him at the back of your mind now and know that it is time to get on with ur life now and take care of number 1 and hopefully u will then be ready to find love again too. Good luck!
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