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I Fell Out Of Love (The Scariest Thing You Can Do)

March 12, 2017 @ (U.S)

Tags: So sad it\'s almost funny, sad break up, don\'t cry while reading this,


When you read this story, I am certain you're going to think I am an idiot, But I promise if you give it a read, it will all tie together.

When I was 15 (he was 14), I thought I met the love of my life. We did everything together. I grew up dating him essentially all of high school. For reference, we are in the same grade. I experience so much of my life, shared everything with him.

You could say that over the course of almost 4 years of dating, we became inseparable. The inside jokes, the traditional dates, the teasing, the flirting, we had something special. But of course, over the last year of dating, the fighting only got worse. We had also been known to have a few huge fights here or there, but in all honesty, fighting is okay. But it came to a point for me that I realized I had simply had enough, I was tired of arguing with him. I was exhausted from telling him that he shouldn't ignore me, or that he should actually want to see me more.

He never was overly affectionate towards me during the last year. It had seemed that we were two ships that could not stop one storm after the next. On our 3.5 year anniversary, he asked to take a break because he had been so tired of me. He cut off all communication with me for days. I was devastated. I couldn't think or sleep. I had never felt more crushed. However, when he came to my doorstep with flowers and an apology, I felt like he had changed.

And he did. He wanted to plan our dates, talk to me more, call me, anything. It was one of the best points of my relationship, those few months. However, it wasn't enough, because to me, something was missing. I didn't love him anymore. I can't express to you what it feels like to wake up one morning, and you see this person you've always loved, but you feel different. I had fallen out of love. When I chose to break up with him, after taking a week of a break to clear my head.

He was devastated. I had hurt him so much, and it wasn't something I could help him with. Because I did that. But I could never force myself to love someone when I did not. Over the next months, we were friends. We did not want to hate each other, or be like every other ex. So we were close friends. He had made me agree that we shouldn't date for the rest of the school year, that way it would be easier on us. So I agreed. I figured, it was the least I could do, right?

Then, I found out he had been dating a girl. The worst part, was it was a girl he spent my entire relationship telling me he hated. So I assumed she was never a threat. The pain I felt/feel is the most intense sadness I could have ever felt. It's comparable to the time he didn't know if he loved me. I didn't eat right or sleep well for almost an entire week. Nothing has hurt me more.

In fact, I am still hurt because of the recency of this, as I type this, I have been tear filled, dry throat, and head throbbing. I think what is sad, was for the first time in a long time, I was starting to feel like I had missed him, and I was going to tell him that week, but then I found out he was dating someone else. The most unfortunate about all this, is I lost not only a boyfriend in this entire process, but now I have lost a friendship. We don't talk anymore. I dearly hope that will change, because he doesn't know the magnitude of how hurt not only I feel, but the rest of his friends, because suddenly, none of us exist. What hurts is I will never stop caring about him, no matter how much I hate him for the moment, I will always care. But now I have never felt more devastated. I want to tell myself I deserve it for breaking up with him, but I wasn't happy dating anymore. Do I deserve this?


       

Silly Girl

March 04, 2017 @ (Taiwan)

Tags: Sad breakup, silly breakup, silly girl, unimaginable breakup


When I was 13, I meet my ex in high school. I remember in the first class, we look at each other and smile which is the moment i remember until now. Those time, when young soul are pure and kind.. When time passes. We had a crush on each other, we knewit but we never confess it.

5 years later where we both are 19, we got together, he is my first love, while im not his first love. He went into several relationship during that 5 years. We were both in a long distance relationship(LDR) as at the year 19 people start going to college in University. I stayed local to further study, while he were in the State.

When we first separated, we fully committed to maintain this uneasy relationship, because i believe in fate. For those who been in a LDR, will know that how stressful, insecure, it is. It brings a lot of stress to me. At the first 4 months it was okay, and after that he start to playing missing, like for a whole day. Dint reply my text, dint pick up my call and dint even told me that when he is awake and when he is going to sleep. The time different between us is horrible, it was me that stay up till midnight to wait for him to wake up, but ended up receiving nothing. This kind of ignorance and gone missing go on and off continuously till another 6 months.

At the 10th month of LDR, i received an odd message from him. It was some very rude words, saying that I am a bitch. And then I realized that it sent by another girl through his phone. At that moment, my heart felt apart. My heart was broken. I cried and call him to explain everything, he told me that he was actually with the girl when he is in the State. He throw all the responsibilities to me to settle all this mess. Ask me to make the decision. I was mentally and physically being tortured. Everything was in a complete mess. His cheating partner was crying and screaming while we having phone call and I am really not under a sober condition to settle this mess. And I decided to hang up the call since I cannot think comprehensively towards everything. After the night, he keep send me sorry words, saying that he din't mean it, saying that he still love me, and a lot of sentences that mentally hurt me a lot. He spam and spam and spam.. every single day and act like he is the one who got hurt. MAN!! I am the one who silently being hurt all the time, every single time! 6 days after the messy break up, his cheating partner texted me, asking me to give him another chance, and told me that he was sick, asking me to send him some warm messages. I cried every single day, i cried a lot. The pain that both of them gave me is unbearable. It's like a knife stuffed into my heart and slowly twisting.

And finally I decided to text him, because I still love him at that point, he cried and beg me, asking me to give him another chance. Because I still love him, and we are back together. Same thing happened, okay at the first month was so good. And the following months he was playing missing. Finally at the third month he wanted to break up, and he said that he is in love with someone else. And we never contacted ever since.

After the break up, I couldn't sleep well at night. I always had nightmares, felt lonely and sad. When I look into the mirror i asked "What now? Am I not good enough?" "Why does being kind people will still get hurt?". All the question i asked, but non of them gave me an answer. Those sadness and insecurities haunted me quite a long time. It started to effect my health.

And after 4 months, someone with him told me the truth, the person told me that he had a lots of girlfriend before and after he gets back with me, all those classes, working timetable and trips with friends that he told me as an excuses of can't make a video call was actually going out have fun with a lots of chicks! Truth hurt. Truth really hurt like hell. I burst into tears when I knew this. I always thought that both of us need a closure, but the pain he gave me that feelings just wont go away. After the truth, and I finally realized that he doesn't deserve my tears. It is not worth to cry for him. Love yourself first girls!

Xoxo Best wishes


       

EponaSaysHai

February 22, 2017 @ (Covina, CA)

Tags: Worst break up ever


I fell in love with my best friend. He was a sweet and kind boy that loved to help people. And he loved me back. I knew he did because he treated me like I was special. He said things that no one who saw you as just a friend would say. 4 months of magical romance that everyone saw but we didn't want to admit was there. Finally one day we told each other how we felt and all our friends were so happy for us. I had never been happier in my life. We loved each other. At first it was cute puppy love, I guess you could say, but when my growing depression finally got ahead of me, we found out how much we truly loved each other. He cared for me unlike anyone I've known. The puppy love became a romance and passion that we had building up inside of us for months. We were completely in love with each other even if we both hated ourselves. We were each other's reasons for living. And I can't tell you how many times we were so close to giving up but saved each other. I'll never forget that day I wanted to kill myself and he told me that he loved me and I meant everything to him. That I changed his life for the better. That summer, 3 months after we first confessed to each other, was depressing because we missed each other dearly. School was the only time we got to see each other. Then one day I got my phone taken away. The only way I could contact him was through text. For 2 weeks I sometimes secretly went in my phone to text him. It was brief but those moments were everything to me. Then... 5 days after our 5 month anniversary, I got my phone back. I texted him happily and he replied. But he was depressed. I asked him why and he refused to tell me. I hadn't talked to him in 3 days at the time so anything could've happened. I finally got him to tell me what was wrong and he said.... "I think I'm gay..." I was in shock. And when he said he liked me as a friend, I wanted to throw my phone and just kill myself. I struggled to stay calm for his sake. If I showed how much it hurt, he would regret telling me even more. I told him I needed to be alone. I was in public, totally unprepared for any tragic news. But slowly as reality sunk in, I couldn't hold back against the tears that threatened to pour. I excused myself to the restroom where I cried so hard I couldn't breathe because I tried to stay quiet. I didn't feel anything but pain and sadness. For the next few weeks, he begged me to move on. He was extremely sad and was angry at himself for breaking my heart. He even said he wish had never said anything at all. But I would've found out one day. He wouldn't love me anymore and I would be able to tell. School started and we were friends who pretended we were fine. No one asked about our relationship. Only one person did but we ignored them. It's funny. A lot of people keep asking us if we are dating. No one asked when we actually were. He isn't the same anymore. He isn't positive anymore. He shuts down when he's sad and only talks to his therapist. He used to talk to me. I dont know what we are at the moment. Sometimes I see my boyfriend again in the way he looks at me. Sometimes I see my best friend. But sometimes I see my ex boyfriend, the broken shell of the person I once knew and loved. I still love him to this day.

If you ever hear about a break up where the boyfriend finds out he's gay and the girlfriend is sad, don't laugh. It sounds humorous, but when it becomes your reality and the thing that tears you apart everyday, you won't be laughing. In these cases, there's little to no chance of getting back together. And it hurts like hell.


       

Noy

November 02, 2015 @ (Los Angeles )

Tags: Everything happens for a reason


We met my sophomore year of high school, his junior. He was tall, lean, blonde and gorgeous. At the beginning, I was normal. I treated him right and gave him everything. Gave him my virginity a couple months in, there was nothing I wouldnt give him. But a year and a half had passed so quickly. I didnt notice how awful of a person i had became. I was so irritated by his stupidity, even when he was not stupid. I was angry and I felt trapped, I blamed him for my sadness. I treated him so terrible and I took his love for granted. Though, after a year I had began noticing my abuse to him and decided i wanted to be better for him. I began changing, showing him my love, spoiling him. I wanted to make it up to him. But my damage was done. In the remaining months of our relationship when we first got out first job, he began talking to this girl. He started to not call me, text me, see me. I would ask him why and he responded that he didn't know why. That he forgot. The now and then we did hang, he was texting her. He said she was helping him pursue his dream of drawing. I said okay. He just grew so distant and I was growing so attached. The day he broke up with me was outside my house, I was late for work but needed to see him since he used every excuse to not see me. He finally did, and we broke up. I lead it on. I knew he wasnt happy, that i didnt make him happy. So i encouraged him to break up, and that we were going to be okay. He cried. I did too. He agreed and he ended it. Except... he kissed me goodbye. That was when I felt such pain and disbelief, how could i have let him go? i drove to work in tears, almost got into an accident. I was such a mess and in such a shock. I texted him i didnt want to break up, he didnt reply. I ended up calling and he picked up, explaining this is what he wanted, then saying it wasnt, then saying it was, then saying it wasnt. So i indeed kept hope. We made a deal that he would come to his decision the following thursday a week from then. I kept hope. I called him that monday asking id he had made a decision, he said yes. He made it a while ago, but he wasnt going to tell me till friday. That break up was the most painful thing i have ever dealt with. I had a lot of problems that he only knew about, i was open with him completely. Trusted him. Love him. I had made him my world and left all my friends. When he dumped me, I had no one. So i rebounded. cried. rebounded. cried. Then realized that everything happens for a reason. In this case, i was a terrible person to him. He brought out the worse in me. He didnt deserve it. Im glad he dumped me, i wouldnt have worked hard to change my ways. He wouldnt have been so happy. Hes the one who got away and I miss him. Will always love him. And I am sorry.


       

Noy

November 02, 2015 @ (Los Angeles )

Tags: Everything happens for a reason


We met my sophomore year of high school, his junior. He was tall, lean, blonde and gorgeous. At the beginning, I was normal. I treated him right and gave him everything. Gave him my virginity a couple months in, there was nothing I wouldnt give him. But a year and a half had passed so quickly. I didnt notice how awful of a person i had became. I was so irritated by his stupidity, even when he was not stupid. I was angry and I felt trapped, I blamed him for my sadness. I treated him so terrible and I took his love for granted. Though, after a year I had began noticing my abuse to him and decided i wanted to be better for him. I began changing, showing him my love, spoiling him. I wanted to make it up to him. But my damage was done. In the remaining months of our relationship when we first got out first job, he began talking to this girl. He started to not call me, text me, see me. I would ask him why and he responded that he didn't know why. That he forgot. The now and then we did hang, he was texting her. He said she was helping him pursue his dream of drawing. I said okay. He just grew so distant and I was growing so attached. The day he broke up with me was outside my house, I was late for work but needed to see him since he used every excuse to not see me. He finally did, and we broke up. I lead it on. I knew he wasnt happy, that i didnt make him happy. So i encouraged him to break up, and that we were going to be okay. He cried. I did too. He agreed and he ended it. Except... he kissed me goodbye. That was when I felt such pain and disbelief, how could i have let him go? i drove to work in tears, almost got into an accident. I was such a mess and in such a shock. I texted him i didnt want to break up, he didnt reply. I ended up calling and he picked up, explaining this is what he wanted, then saying it wasnt, then saying it was, then saying it wasnt. So i indeed kept hope. We made a deal that he would come to his decision the following thursday a week from then. I kept hope. I called him that monday asking id he had made a decision, he said yes. He made it a while ago, but he wasnt going to tell me till friday. That break up was the most painful thing i have ever dealt with. I had a lot of problems that he only knew about, i was open with him completely. Trusted him. Love him. I had made him my world and left all my friends. When he dumped me, I had no one. So i rebounded. cried. rebounded. cried. Then realized that everything happens for a reason. In this case, i was a terrible person to him. He brought out the worse in me. He didnt deserve it. Im glad he dumped me, i wouldnt have worked hard to change my ways. He wouldnt have been so happy. Hes the one who got away and I miss him. Will always love him. And I am sorry.


       

Bay

January 22, 2015 @ (Michigan)

Tags: bad breakup breakups sad depressed#miss fat god love sadness cheated cheater cheatedon bae bay babe happy funny guys girls emo scene emo scene hair


July 9, 2013. the best day I've ever lived. I remember it so clearly. the day we met in person. the day we kissed. he was, and still is, the best person I've met. but I've learned a lot about great people since I met him. I learned that no one is all around perfect. he was like.. a sociopath. he always pretended to be completely faithful. I knew so much about him, even though I pretended not to. I knew in my heart that he was a sociopath. I guess I never put the pieces together.
more towards the end of us, I began to be very depressed. he said he just wanted me to be happy. but I think what he really wanted.. was for me to leave him alone. I was scared. I was scared that other girls were better than myself. he knew this about me.
so, we argued very much. one day we argued and he decided to "break up" with me, which was something that started happening recently. we would break up and get back together a few minutes later. this time though, he took it a step further. he talked to a girl that I specifically told him he could not talk to because they used to flirt with each other all the time. well, all I knew was that they had flirted, and I wasn't okay with that. but little did I know.
so, I talked to her. I apologized for being rude to her before because I never knew exactly what happened between the two of them. she told me exactly what happened. she said that he led her on for 3 months, WHILE he was dating me. she didn't know that he was dating me. she said that she gave him a few blow jobs and they went to the movies twice together. she said that she was under the impression that they were together. until one day, he told her that he was using her. he switched schools and stopped talking to her. she thought I knew about that, but I didn't. all I knew was that they spoke over snapchat and they flirted. maybe if I wasn't so oblivious about the whole thing, I would've known. I was just so in love, I guess. it wasn't something I wanted to believe.
so, after she told me this, I realized that I was just lied to for over a year.. by a guy that I thought cared about me. he looked me in my eyes and told me that he kissed 2 girls in his life. he looked me in my eyes and told me nothing happened between them. I should have known. it hurt me for so long just to know that he flirted with her because it was something he didn't even feel guilty about. I don't understand how he could do something like this to me.
and now it feels like I spent a year and seven months of my life on someone who didn't care about me very much. someone who pretended. and every happy memory is just like trash. it's useless to me but it hurts me so bad. everywhere I go, I remember what him


       

Brandon

February 10, 2014 @ (Portland, OR)

Tags: worst breakup, jerk, idiot, heart breaker, regretful


So, I had been dating this girl for about six months with a two month break in between, let's call her "Jackie". It was when we got back together I realized that things weren't going to work. She said that we just need to communicate more, but it never happened, we always just sat in awkward silence until one of us had to leave.
Before we get to the actual break-up, I want to do a little back-story. So a few years back my friends introduced me to this girl, not the one I broke up with, let's call her "Amanda." Amanda was a nice girl from the very start, She invited me to all her parties, and helped me out with my homework and essays. She was funny, she would often make fun of my now best friend, "Franklin," which I found hilarious. She was also super smart, she had one of the highest GPAs in the school, and passed even the most advanced classes. And I swear she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and to this day I am deeply in love with her. Unfortunately, when I told her about my feelings, she dropped the F-Bomb on me. Yep, that was my first ever "friend-zone." I was crushed, I never felt so terrible in my life. But I stayed adamant, and year after year I would ask her, and year after year she denied me. I realize that she can make whatever choice she wants, but I couldn't help but to want to be with her. I guess she must have gotten tired of me asking, because after the fourth confession, she suggested I go out with Jackie, whom I had met a month earlier. I knew she had a thing for me, and Amanda said we would be cute together. I don't know why, but the words "cute together" hit me really hard. Just the thought of being with someone other than her felt wrong. Things did go wrong eventually, I guess that's what happens when you go out with someone because the love of your life asks you to. I probably should have seen that coming. After dancing with Jackie at one of the parties, I became infatuated with her. I asked her out on a date, and she of course said yes. Now I had never gone out on a date before so I didn't know exactly what to do. And no one told me that movie dates are the worst first date you could go on. We sat in the theater eating our popcorn, eyes glued to the screen, not even looking at each other; the first of many awkward experiences. The worst part was that Amanda offered to drive us around since neither I or Jackie bothered to learn how to. Amanda couldn't have been more happy to see me going out with another girl, which I understand is something friends do, but when that friend has recently broken your heart, it kinda stings a little.
Fast forward four months. Now at this point we've decided to break things off for a while. Jackie has started dating this guy, let's call him "Matt." I had no problem with Jackie dating Matt, in fact I was happy that she found someone she could actually talk to. Matt and I are also good friends so, I was happy for both of them. Now with no one to distract my feelings, I began to feel old emotions rising again, I would often hang out with Amanda like we used to, but not in a way that would give any hints, just talking, and study sessions. I should have realized then that this was what it was meant to be like. Being single wasn't a bad thing, in fact I love being single. It makes you appreciate all the free time you once had to hang out with friends and get work done. This didn't last very long, because Jackie and Matt eventually broke up. I never got the exact details of why or how, but I do know that Jackie broke up with Matt, because she realized that she still loved me even though she was the one who broke up with me for Matt in the first place. Matt explained to me that he cared for her, and he wanted to see her happy, and that I should take her back. And I, being the stupid confused kid at the time, said "of course." And so, we began dating each other once more. The rekindled infatuation didn't last long, and I realized about a month in that things weren't going to work. Now came the biggest problem, how to break it to her. Now, just because I wasn't in love with Jackie doesn't mean I didn't care about her. She was genuinely sweet and innocent, and I couldn't bare to see her sad or upset.
It was only a few weeks later that I built up the courage to tell her, mind you I gave no clue as to how I really felt, in fact I made it seem like everything was just dandy, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. Of course, when I told her she was really confused. She asked me "Why? Why?" and I said "I'm sorry, I just don't think you're the one for me." At this point her sadness began to turn to anger. Something I had never seen in her before suddenly began to show. She said, "how dare you have the audacity to lead me on for so long. You know what? Fuck you." The words "fuck you" would have hurt less if she hadn't smiled and started walking away. But as I sat there, ashamed of what I had done, she did the worst thing she could have done to me. She turned back with tears running down her face and said, "I really did love you." And continued walking away. That must have been one of the worst days of my life. Eventually the sadness subsided, and she forgot all about me, which was probably for the best. Not once in our whole relationship did we ever say "I love you" to one another. But if I could go back and change what I did, I would have never gone out with her. I would have never gotten back together with her. I would have never led her on to believe that I loved her. And I would have never broken her heart.


       

Sadlonelyconfused

May 07, 2013 @ (San Francisco)

Tags: Crush, first, kiss, bad, relationship, teenagers, dumb, love


I have had a crush on this girl sinse the first grade, it started off as us hating each other but it was one of those cute kid cover up things. In middle school there were other girls I hooked up with, other girl friends, so I forgot about this girl for a long time. After dealing with a fair amount of drama with other girls, I started to have feeling for this girl again, this is by the time puberty has hit us both and she became more than just the girl I liked, she became beautiful, so other guys started hitting on her too. Around this time me and he started getting flirty, this lasted for a while until I asked her out, but she said no because she felt like we were too close as friends and she didn't want to loose me. So I was heart broken or whatever but I bounced back and everything was fine between us. We texted all summer and saw each other a few times, it almost felt like we were together, but we weren't. I got over her and started focusing on my studies so for a while all I did was study and party, everything was going fine, I was happy. Then my best female friend told me that she and my old crush were talking and that she found out that she kind of liked me but was going to wait for me to ask her out. So I waited, partied more, and eventually got around to asking her out, again, and she said yes. That marked the start of our month line awkward excuse of a relationship. I was her first boyfriend, and her first kiss, which she was extremely nervous for, so once we kissed I thought everything would turn around and that she would loose her shyness, the thing ruining our relationship. I didn't work, she and her friend started fighting and their fight was affecting out relationship. Spring break rolled around and I had only kissed her one day, on several occasions though, infact we made out. I was planning to hang out with her during spring break but she was out of town the whole time. The last weekend of spring break I was so exited to see her the following Monday. When I go to school I found out that her fight with her friend had gotten worse, they would even look a each other. That day I decided that I Was going to talk to her and either figure out why everything was going the way it was going or break up with her. Before I could do it I checked with my female friend and she had told me that my girlfriend had told her that she wasnt ready for a telationship and that she wanted it to end but she was to nervousness and shy to do it herself, so knowing that I ended it. I felt awful, I picked up smoking again that night and sat on my roof singing sad songs, what a movie cliche. Later people started saying that she just used me to get a first kiss and I was devastated because I thought she liked me. In a spiral of sadness I started smoking too much weed to feel happy again, which was fun while it lasted but now I'm broke. So I've been a sad, bitter, broke, lonely wreck. She seems like she moved on immediately, she's happy, and never regarded it, but I still feel empty inside because I don't know how to be happy again like I was before we got together. She said maybe she would be open to trying a relationship with me again next year but I can't hold on that long, even though I'm afraid I will and this silent sufference will last until then. Sigh... Where some weed when I need it.


       

Edan

March 29, 2013 @ (san diego)

Tags: ?


My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me and I am devastated . This was my first relationship and I feel an immense heartache. I feel I'm to blame because of my anger and distrust when he didn't give me a reason to. People say he'll come back but I highly doubt it. It hurts everyday and its barely been a week. I know he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like this feeling will never go away. Everything reminds me of him. I still love him. If he loved me, where did that love go? Or was it never love. If I could turn back time I would because I'm filled with regret, sadness and regret. What hurts more is he's already moving on. Love sucks.


       

Kali

March 24, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: not understanding, sadness.


I figure typing this out would probably do good for my heart, so I have decided to tell you all about my quite recent (only a few hours ago but still had enough time to linger in my head) breakup.

This boy was literally my childhood friend. Bad idea, I know, but I digress. He meant the world to me as a kid, and we just recently re-met each other after not speaking for years. The chemistry was sorta ... instant.

However, obviously, it didn't last.
We spent the few days we were together talking, and talking, and talking. I actually felt like he really cared about me. Just the mentioning of his name made me smile and blush.

He and I had so much in common, we still do. Our religious beliefs, music, art..
I thought I had really made it good, that for once, someone would stay with me.

Obviously that couldn't happen.
I get a text late into the night - and it said it was him, and that he wanted to end our relationship because he "wasn't ready for one." Me, usually reacting quite the opposite of how I normally would've, take the passive approach toward him, saying "I'm fine, I understand."

I later on then cried, and cried, and then something quite stupid. Cut myself. I couldn't sleep, due to the pain in my legs (one of the places I had decided to cut,) and my little depression I had going on.

So to any girl, or boy, or whomever is going through a breakup, don't get to down. We're just one step closer to finding our one ticket to happiness.
Regardless as to however they broke up with you, it happened for a reason. Heck, you never know, you could end up with them again in the future.
You just gotta wait it out and roll your dice.

~Kali


       








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