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AC

October 25, 2011 @ (US)

Tags: indecisive, indecision, flip flop, back and forth

It is apparently over. It feels that way. I have not been able to say the words to her though I think my heart feels it is.

It isn't that I don't love her, its that I am so unsure of what I want for my life that my instincts (or my goddamn brain) won't let me find clarity. Maybe that means I don't love her...I dunno. Or maybe I don't need clarity and I'm just ignoring my instincts which say that this relationship can not work considering the re-evaluation I am undertaking.

I haven't been able to wholeheartedly agree on the direction she would like life to go in...it mostly the children issue. But its not because I'm so against it or worried she isn't good enough to build a life with. I just haven't found a way to say yes or no, to reconcile what I want with what she does so maybe the indecisiveness is my answer.

Even if it means that I change my mind a year from now, I think the answer is "no I can't be what you need and deserve right now." If that's the case and she has a clearer plan for her life, I should let her go so she can find it with someone else. It may be the worst decision of my life and I may regret it but I just can't see a way to put love, attention and energy into this relationship AND try to figure my own shit out.

Part of me feels plain dumb for not having figured myself out at 33, but part of me also doubts that every married with kids person really gave it all as much thought and followed their instincts either. It feels so odd to not inherently agree with the way society goes about relationships, marriage, kids and just maturing in general. Everyone feels like they are on auto-pilot with their life choices. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about my indecision.

I think in many ways my spirit is flawed, broken...but not irreparable. I will take the time to ask my heart what it really wants and I will keep asking until it responds....because it will. It wants me to be happy and maybe it doesn't even yet know what it wants but when it does, I will fight for it with all I can. I only have one known chance at living. I've got to try and live as best I can. I hate that I don't know that she could represent living life the best way I can, but if we are done and it was a mistake, it just feels like a mistake I have to make, otherwise I am doomed to create the same indecision and same mistakes time and time again.

Stephanie

October 25, 2011 @ (California)

Tags: Pain, Drifting apart

I met him just over 2 years ago, on my first day at a new high school. I was 15, and he was 16. He was amazing. He was literally my everything. I started failing all my classes, because I was so preoccupied with him. I was so insanely in love with him. Everything was perfect. We were perfect. For a year we were together. He was my best friend. We were so happy together, all the time. Everybody told us how perfect we were for each other. I gave him my virginity, and him me. He was the only person I'd ever loved. And then.. all the sudden things changed. Right around the one year mark, things started crashing down. We realized that soon, high school would be over for him, and he would be leaving. We talked about moving out together when I turned of age, but that brought up the issue of marriage. He didn't want to be married so soon, and he didn't want children. I didn't want to be married then either, but in the future, I did. I also wanted children.. After that, things stopped being amazing. We stopped talking to each other. I mean, we still talked daily, but we never said what needed to be said. After a month of being together simply because it was the easiest option, I ended it. Today, actually. I still love him, with all my heart, but things changed, we both became two completely different people along the way.. Somewhere in the mess off it all I realized that maybe the point in me loving him wasn't for us to be together forever.. Maybe it was to teach me that somethings just aren't meant to be, no matter how much you try and force it.

Joesilvpb

October 07, 2011 @ (Suburbs)

Tags: Cheating, Heartbroken

I have been with her for 3 years, last year and a half has been rocky, shes lied more than once and kept thigns from me, even asked my bestf friends gf to lie to me, but all in all she was mine, and a near perfect girl. One night after my best friend told me shes been lying to me and smoking weed then telling friends to not tell me. I realized the girl i had trusted with everything lies to me, and we had a fight that night, I ended up cheating on her that night at a part... a month later we r together and after awhile she says she doesnt want this anymore, what i did hurts her to much and she wants to live a single life. I was completely heartbroken. The next morning she sends a txt saying im sorry I made a mistake I listen to my friends to much plz take me back. So i do only to be broken up with the neixt day. She comes to me and says we had a great day but Im not in love with you anymore. My world is upside down guys... Shes playing with my heart at same time i deserve it.. This girl is my best friend and i was trying to give her the world. I would do anything to take that night back... anything, I must be putting her through so much, im an asshole a scumbag, that night i was.. w/e.....I lost her, My reality is that shes mine, when I look at her i cant c that she isnt... and yet she is not mine to hold, =(

Sandy

October 06, 2011 @ (Los Angeles)

Tags: Example 1

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. There is a fair age difference between us. His 26 and I'm 14 I've known him since I was about 8. I love him more then anything. And he loves me the exact same way. The age difference has always worried us. Everything was going perfectly. But then we had an argument over a phone bill, which he had made after calling my mobile off his parents house phone. I hated it when he spent money on me. Even the slightest bit. He continued to tell me how he was going to pay for it himself. Our relationship was something that no one knew about. And we planned on keeping it that way. It was long distance, but it was a sacrifice we both made. During the argument about the phone bill, he tells me how his mother found out exactly how old I am,after talking to a friend of hers from my home town. He tells me how she refuses to have him live under her roof. at this point I start to cry. Because I knew the outcome. He texted me saying how bad he felt about it, and how he felt like he had broken my heart ( that he did) but he wad going to have to think the situation through, and put our relationship on hold.I didn't reply to that message. And writing this two hours later, I don't plan to. It scares me, because his suffered depression and Suicide has been an outstanding option for him, his always told me that if he ever had to live without me he would kill himself. Lying in bed, I've deleted all his messages, and his number. The only thing stopping us is other people's opinions. I'm worried, and I miss him. I live in a small town, so it wil probably make it's way around anyways.. I really don't know what to do. His so protective, and he hates it when I talk to other boys. Even if it is just a polite conversation. The fact that my bestfriend was a boy means that I've lost him too. At the moment my phones turned off. And I'm just going to stay in bed. Just pray that he makes the right decision.

CaptainMac316

October 01, 2011 @ (USA)

Tags: Sorry, that sucks, That's hilarious

I was dating this girl for almost 5 years. We were high school sweethearts and that continued into college. I get home from work one night and I think it's just a normal night. We are laying in bed watching whatever and she turns to me and says "(Name redacted) we need to talk." My first thought was "Fuck...what did I do now?"
So I ask her "What's up?"
Her response: "I...I found somebody else." I was floored. This was from out of nowhere. Now, as I'm sitting there, I start to think "Where did she find somebody else?" She didn't go to college. She didn't work at the time. She didn't venture out of the house unless she went somewhere with her family. Basically, I was dating a loser. So I asked "Where did you meet this guy?"
She replied, "Online." Ah, that made a lot of damn sense now. So, I ask her "Which site?" I'm thinking like eHarmony or match.com. Her response "I met him in a Harry Potter chat room." My only reaction was to laugh at her. "Are you kidding me?" I asked incredulously. She definitely was not. "What do you talk about on a Harry Potter chatroom? Did he ask you if you wanted to see his wand?" I got no response. Was I said and upset? Yes, but remember, laughter helps out when getting over such things.

Jennifer

September 07, 2011 @ (Dallas Texas)

Tags: father made us break up

I was engaged to my boyfriend of almost two years when my father said he had enough. I couldn't see him he told me and I was just so upset. Last nignt he called me and said that he had enough of the pain my family was causing him. I will never forget that call... I am so mad at my father. I will never forget him.

Rubi

September 01, 2011 @ (Oregon)

Tags: example 1, example 2

Ok so my ex and i had been together for 11 months everything was great at first then i left to a summer camp for a week. When i got back i could tell something was wrong.. but he just wouln't tell me wht it was. So then here we are talking on the PHONE not even in person.. nd he tells me " im tierd of you always arguing about everything i just want to not fight anymore.." nd some more BS .. he dumps me that night .. here i am crying like a dummie. BUT, wait here i am i love this kid with all my heart soo im willing to go all the way were he lives nd try to work things out. To my surprise i get their and he's getting high so i try to seduce him lol nd he gave in .. for like a million times but then after said ... " no im not a cheater i dont cheat" i was like WTF do you have a new GF? and it turns out that while i was sitting their crying my eyes out nd all those restless nights he got with this girl eathier the day he dumped me or the day after.. this happened yesterday .. i am sooo hurt and idk what to do i feel like im never going to get over him .. I HONESTLY HOPE HE GETS HIS ASS KICKED SOOOOON!!!

Susanna

August 31, 2011 @ (malaysia)

Tags: example 1, example 2

My-then boyfriend of one year said that he needed to go to another island (within our country) to help out family's business (timber business) and he said that he would be back in a month' time. Two months passed, he didn't show any sign that he would come back and when I asked, he made a big deal about it and accused me of forcing him to choose between me and his family.

To make things worse, he also told her family about it and made them hate me.We fought like crazy, and he said he would be there for at least a year. I promised to wait for him. Even though it was so hard to contact him since he's in the jungle most of the time, but I tried my best to make it works.

Three months later, during my study break, I decided to pay him a visit. It was my first time to fly and to go to that island. He promised to pick me up from the airport and spend time with me. I was so excited since Id never flied before and Id never been to that island, because its on other part of my country.

The day before I arrived, I tried to call him but couldn't get through. I was worried but I still went there, hoping that he would keep his promises. When I arrived there, I couldn't get him through the phone.

So I settled down alone, looking for the guest house and all, with a very small budget (since he promised to pay my money back!). I tried to call him everyday but couldn't get through and couldn't stop crying because I was alone there and that place is so unfamiliar to me, couldn't afford to change my flight back.

I called his sister with the hope that she would help me a bit but she just show how much she and her family hate me. I almost faint when I know about it. They didn't even want to see my face.

Only on 5th day finally my-then bf contacted me and agreed to meet me for only two hours. He promised he would come back again. But until now.. after one year and a half I'd never heard from him again.

DOMINICK

August 25, 2011 @ (NEW YORK )

Tags: VICKY, VIXEN, VIXIN, DOMINICK,

MY STORY IS PRETTY BAD AND 3 YEARS LATER I AM NOT OVER HER.... WE HAD THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, SHE WAS MY WORLD... MY YOUNGER BROTHER WHO HATED ME FOR LEAVING HIM IN JAIL WAS A HACKER WHEN HE GOT OUT HE GOT INTO MY COMPUTER AND POSTED AD ON CRAIGS LIST OF ME WANTING SEX WITH PROSTITUTES AND I WOULD GET EMAILS ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT WITH WOMAN WANTING TO HANG OUT.. I WOULD DELETE THEM ONE BY ONE... ONE NIGHT MY EX COMES HOME EARLY FROM A TRIP TO MARYLAND CAUSE I WAS UPSET SHE SAW ME CLOSE THE COMPUTER FAST AND IT WAS NOT ABOUT THE EMAILS I JUST FINISHED PURCHASING HER THIS BEAUTIFUL 2 CT RING AND A TRIP TO PARIS.... THE NEXT DAY WHILE I AM AT WORK SHE GOES INTO MY COMPUTER SHE MISSES ALL THE GOOD STUFF AND SEES ALL THE EMAIL... SHE PUNCHES MY TV AND HAS HER MOM AND DAD COME AND PACK ALL MY BELONGINGS UP.....APOUT 5PM ON JUNE 30TH 2008 SHE COMES TO MY JOB WITH MY COMPUTER TO SHOW ME WHILE SHE IS SHOWING ME MOVERS DELIVER MY STUFF IN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DEALERSHIP SO EMBARASSING.... I DIED THAT DAY AND FOR THE PAST 3 YEARS EVERY NIGHT I SLEEP OR WHEN I WAKE UP SHE IS IN MY MIND SHE WAS MY SOUL MATE .... NOW I AM A BROKEN MAN... I WISH I COULD HAVE WENT TO THE COPS AND GOT MY BROTHER BUT THEN HE WOULD BE AWAY FOR A LONG TIME SINCE HE WAS ON PAROLE IT WAS EITHER MY MOM KILLS HER SELF OR I LOOSE THE ONE I LOVE... AT LEAST MY MOM IS ALIVE AND MY LOVE CAN BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHEN SHE FINDS HIM AS FOR ME I LIVE DAY TO DAY HOPING I CAN HOLD HER AGAIN...

Leanne

August 22, 2011 @ (Ohio)

Tags: sex, young, love

I met him in the beginning of summer. Everything was perfect. We were in love, or i thought we were. It only took a week for us to start dating. I'm 15, he is 18. He was like my bestfriend. We were so comfortable around each other. I could tell him anything and not feel judged. It was the best relationship I have ever had. We started talking about sex, He told me he loved me, so I thought that it would be okay. We started havin sex. Everything seemed fine, then one day we did it in his car, and later that evening he told me he doesn't love me, and he thought he never did. I don't unnderstand how someone can do something like that. We spent almost everyday together. He wants everything to be the same, he still wants to hangout... as friends. Thats so selfish. How could I ever let myself get into something so messed up like this. I feel like such a fool. I'm scared to open up to anyone now.