Searching for "honest"

80 Results For 'honest'

Sarah

June 05, 2012 @ (united states)

I really dont know what to do.
My boyfriend and I were together for almost 4 years.. we started dating right before junior year in high school. i went away to college and we still made the relationship work. During high school we had alot of problems with him and other girls but we always worked thru it as hard as it was on me. and once college began he definatley grew up and stopped playing those stupid games. whenever i came home to visit from college it always seemed like he didnt have time for me, and would fall asleep on me when we would hang out. a little over a month ago i came home and we were arguing alot, so out of the blue i broke up with him, hoping that it would just be a break to just recollect and realize we need eachother in eachother's lives. i still saw him in my future. after the break up he kept texting me nonstop saying he missed me and wanted me back, but i stood my ground especially cause finals were coming up and i wanted to focus on that at the time. in the meantime, there was a man at my college who was interested in me and we went on a couple dates and he kissed me but right away i knew it wouldnt work out and still thought of my ex so i let him know right away i didnt want to keep dating. my ex found out we kissed and right away and it made him want me even more, but i told him i wanted to start over with him (my ex) and not jump back into the relationship asap. now, for the last two weeks, he stopped talking to me, and i realized i was ready to be with him again. i kept texting him, but he stopped responding. two nights ago i wrote him a long letter explaining why i did everythign that i did, and that i saw a future with him and just wanted to work everything out now that it is summer and were back in the same city. he finally texted me when he got my letter, pretty much saying to leave him alone, hes moving on, and doesnt see me in the future (even though two weeks prior he said he would marry me if he could). i am SO hurt. i begged for one more chance and he said no. i feel like i pushed him away and now its to late, and i am never going to forgive myself for it. it just doesnt make sense how after two weeks he went from seeing me in the future to not. and i saw on facebook this morning hes taking some new girl to a concert and spedning alot of time with her. honestly, what do i do. im so heartbroken...

Robert

June 02, 2012 @ (California)

Tags: Morrissey

"My Larissa", "Baby", "hunny"… fuck. In your head you broke up with me 3 months ago but it took you til 3 weeks ago to really do it. That’s how complicated you are. To lose your feelings is one thing, but to play pretend and say you love me when you don’t really care about me is fucked. You’re a coward and I don’t respect you for what you put me through. You don’t want to call me and rather email me? I miss… whom you used to be, the shy girl with brown eyes, big hair and red lips. I don’t miss the lying little girl you are to me now. It makes sense why you didn’t like serious moments, or taking pictures, or being around my family at times, and why you acted up, said disrespectful things and treated me the way you did. You’re the worst girlfriend I’ve ever had.

I saw it in the first place when you cheated on me, I made the mistake of forgiving you and what happened thereafter wasn’t fair to me. I was doing everything I could, the best I could do to believe we can be happy together. You were bringing me down, you were making me think I was doing something wrong and you broke my heart. I spent all this time getting to know you; I always went out of my way to be with you. In-between working a lot, skating as much as I could, growing my business, getting fired, having you cheat on me, all the depressing feelings, you going out drinking too much, me not being motivated to skate, bummed out over everything, to getting new jobs, significantly improving my situation, then, to watch you lead me to a shot in the dark.

My ex cheated on me, as you know. Remember we said we wouldn’t ever put each other through the same things others did to us? Lucky for me I was cheated on twice in a row, right? How did I get such good aim with finding very messed up people? It’s a real bummer. I knew you were hiding something from me, I knew I couldn’t trust you and I went to your house that night for the same reason I sent you a birthday card you didn't deserve... to get the truth. No more lies Larissa, take my information off your resume and don’t give anyone my letter of recommendation. If I get a call I will tell them that you never worked for me, I will be honest and admit it’s all bullshit and that you are not a good candidate.

You’re brown jacket you left in my trunk is in the trash.

Life is going to hit you eventually and it will be a night-terror come true. I showed you what you’ve been missing, freed you from your broken home, into mine countless nights and held your hand through the ups and downs. I looked out for you and was there for you. You cover up your sadness pretty well but one day it will all come out when you least expect it. You can’t hide it forever. You are weak. You have a lot of growing up to do. You’re not looking for someone to sweep you off your feet. You’re lonely, you are lost, but I found you and met you for some reason. But someone who deserves me and will treat me right is in my future. I’m a good man, a gentleman, one of the most positive people you’ll ever meet, I have a passionate heart, desire to be someone great and I did my best.

It’s fitting you have a tattoo of a rose, roses are beautiful but every rose has it’s thorns and they hurt, especially when you don’t deserve to feel them. This whole thing is a shame and it’s much too late for goodbyes. Pray Larissa, God knows what you did. Pray for goodwill, kindness and respect. He has been lifting my spirit and giving me strength to part with loving you. You need Jesus and you’ll eventually need to seek my forgiveness if you really do value me as a friend for any of the rest of your life. Learn the difference between right and wrong.

It didn’t have to be like this.

Vonpire

May 30, 2012 @ (Australia)

Tags: break up communication

It just happened one month ago actually
He was my first boyfriend, and my first break-up
It was extremely hard for me and to be honest, I'm still not fully over it
We started dating at the start of the year, so it didn't last very long
But I really did like him a lot
Things started off great! But as time went on, we started to lack in communication
I was also quite shy and less confident while we were in a relationship
This affected him a lot as he fell for the cheery, crazy and happy person that I usually was, but he never saw that in our relationship
He no longer felt comfortable around me and his feelings began to change
He told me that he couldn't see us working through this and I begged so hard to keep working on it and trying to fix it
He told me he would give me some time and a few days later, I went to his house to sort things out
But he told me that his feelings had reduced so much that there was no point trying
I didn't want to hear anything he had to say and kept feeding him stuff on how we'll become stronger after this, and how I can change and how I'll still had hope in us
The more I tried persisting, the more harsh he was on me
After a long time, I finally let go
He said that he still wanted me to be that little sister I once was, and hearing that made me happy because at least I'll still be able to have him in my life
I clearly remember how hard it was for me during the first few weeks after the break up
I felt so alone and couldn't help but cry. I had no motivation to do anything but sleep. I had constant dreams about him where he was still by my side, but waking up was horrible because he was no longer there
But after thinking about it thoroughly, I miss him, a lot, but more as a brother
I then realised that I couldn't be myself in the relationship because I was more comfortable being his friend than his girlfriend
My feelings for him have faded now, although there is a some part of me that still loves him
If I could be given a second chance, I would definitely take that chance and this time, I'm not going to be afraid to be who I really am in the relationship
I asked if we could talk, but he wasn't ready to talk until I got over what happened between us. After he said that I got a bit frustrated because I wouldn't ask to talk if I wasn't over it, but I respect his decision
Hopefully soon, we'll be able to mend things back to the way they used to be...

Jack

May 27, 2012 @ (Texas)

Tags: 1

I really dont know what to do,

I had been dating this girl for about a year. We met in college and began dating rather quickly after we got past the friend stage. She was my first true girlfriend and long term relationship and I fell rather hard and rather quick. We argued like any normal couple did but it was always very petty. We argued basically because we loved each other so much. The girl was never a slut in any form and had only ever had sex with boyfriends of past ( i know this for a fact). she even held her self to this standard and seemed to be quite proud of it. She always spoke about wanting a good guy in her life because her previous ex had abused her and cheated on her. he used to text her a lot and she would always argue back but she showed me everything and i was never worried about her going back to him in any way. she was a very honest person and would never lie to me and our relationship was great. I did everything a good boyfriend should do i was 100% faithful, i did random things to get her affection, and would do all kinds of unasked favors just because i loved her. however she had one major flaw. She hated more then anything when she was wrong, to the point where she would become upset with me because she had wronged me. It was obvious who treated who better and even though she was so irrational sometimes i couldnt help but still love her and thing she will change. she told me she would change and i even tried to break up with her because of her actions but she begged me back. well a couple months ago she randomly broke up with me because we argued too much. after the breakup we continued to talk and after a few days we started talking about wanting to get back together. She said she wanted to take babysteps but contantly told me she loved me and when i asked if the breakup was for someone else she would tell me of course not and that she still loved me like i said. well one day i went out of town and before i left we went to eat. she told me she loved me kissed me and wanted to get back together. well even afterwards she was texting me saying she missed me and wanted to see me. I found out that weekend she had been just kind of texting around and wanting to go to some functions with fraternities a month in advance so i ended things with her on good and mutual terms that sunday.however right after this final ending i noticed a hugechange. before we broke up she always talked how shed always be there and still love me. Well for the next 5 weeks she went completely cold hearted. i didnt talk to her really except on rare occasion when i had a question about class. she would freak out and just be a total bitch. I couldnt figure it out why and i would ask her why do you hate me why cant we separate personal from school and what did i do to deserve all this. she would always overreact and say how she didnt hate me but she would continue to be a bitch. i found out about that 5th week that she had started having sex with another guy who was basically completely random. I was under the impression it happened after the final ending but i came to realize that it actually happened that same friday she was talking about getting back with me. I was devastated because this was so out of character for her and it made even less sense that she was being so bitchy all along when she had wronged me. help me understand why she is acting like this. we have since ended all forms of communication she blocked my number etc because like i said she cant stand being wrong and couldnt take the heat of me calling her out. i even went as far as to ask her why she would do that after telling me all those things and she responded in a way that showed pride in her actions. I cant understand why this girl who was supposed to have a great moral fiber would do this. is it because she truly loves me and hates herself for what she did and its just a defense mechanism? she still has yet to apologize for her actions and she had sex with him 3 months ago ad weve been broken up that long. she even goes to the links to kiss him in front of me in bars to try and prove a point.

VM

May 16, 2012 @ (Earth)

Tags: sighs

So me and this girl had dated for about 7 months. The first 5 months was perfect, we were in the honeymoon stage and it was full of love. About 2 months ago, she has this personal problem that she couldnt tell me but I can see a big shift in the relationship. She told me that this personal problem has caused an effect in our relationship and there wasnt anything I she and I can do about it. Things went down hill from here because shes become more snappy. We got into this one petty fight and I walked away because it wasnt necessary. She then later on said something that really got to me, she said that I have no urge to fight and that makes her lose interests and she think she can walk all over me. Maybe its the age difference, im 29 and shes 22 but I dont like fighting over small things especially I already accepted the fact that she is high temper issue. But after this incident, I started having dilemmas with my actions, always questioning whether I'm being too nice or maybe I should be mean. This causes big time withdrawal and I feel like I can't be myself around her most of the time. Since Valentine, we stopped having sex because she has this health issue (i know it wasnt an excuse cuz she has many doctor visits). And then comes the personal problems, she stopped making time for me but rather stay busy with work, school and her friends. A kiss becomes a peck on the lips, holding hands become very vague. The only thing I feel like we truly still had was we still called each other sweet names and quick kisses here and there. I tried to understand and deal with it because I respect her space/time to deal with personal problems. It wasnt easy but I had friends to talk to and helped me through it. About a week ago, we took off on a cruise and the entire time I had to play the "careless attitude" game and to her, I came off as blunt and rude. So be it but I didnt have any more rooms to suppress my feelings about the situation. Then on the way home from the cruise, my ex started venting about her relationship to me (note that she does talked to her ex and whenever my ex contacted me before I always let her know and she said she doesnt care, we have that trust) so I was in a venting mode and vented back. After a few texts, I realized this is wrong because my ex started to tell me if this girl doesnt treat you right then leave her. That doesnt help me, I felt like my ex was trashing on my relationship so I stopped and deleted the thread. My current girlfriend saw that i was texting the ex and later checked my phone but only saw the last part of the message (which said my bf stopped talking to me and walked out of the room, she was venting). To her, this is a dishonest act that I deleted the message, she thinks I have something to hide and she said she lost complete trust in me. I understand where she comes from but I really was deleting the message out of my own guilt and not hiding anything but she doesnt believe me. She said that she has major trust issue and to others this may not be a big deal but to her its a huge deal. I asked her how she felt about us, she said that she doesnt think I can ever cheat on her and that Im the best guy shes ever dated (she dated many guys before but they were all the assholes type so I spent most of my time to show her that good guy does existed and always go out of my way to make her happy) but she cannot trust me after what happened even if she forgives me and broke up the relationship. Ive asked all my friends and they said it was a harsh decision but I need opinions from someone that doesn't know me so please help. I also know that what I did was wrong and I wrote her an apology letter to own all the faults I created but it didnt seem to affect her decision. I just feel very shattered because I spent the past few months to build this relationship and it is now broken over an honest mistake, and accident that I didnt think what i was doing was being dishonest.

Nicole

May 13, 2012 @ (MyHeart)

Tags: BOYFRIEND, GIRLFRIEND, STUPID, LOVE, SWEET, SAD, BEAUTIFUL, FOREVER, NEVER, HIM, HER, TOGETHER, HEART, SAD, HAPPY, CUTE, LOVE, HONEST, LIES, GUYS, GIRLS, HE, SHE, PRETTY, NEVER. NOW, CUTE. LOSER, JERK

Dear Forever, <3
You don't exist, never will you, never have you, only in the mind of someone blinded by love. Love isn't forever, If you have it you should know you are one luck person. 1 out of 1000 people find true love, I am not one of them sadly. Do I wish to be, yes I do indeed. Is it relevant you ask? Yes, completely honestly faithfully truly relevant from day one. You may say I had a typical relationship, did I think it was typical? Nope, I thought it was completely something irrelevant from that. I though he was different, you may say a lot of girls say that, but I believed it, dreamed it, thought it, loved it, carried it, and anything under the sun, blue moon, and starts, and the heaven above.. I loved him with all my heart. I'd do anything for him, yet all I could do was nothing. I started dating his cousin who I fell completely head over heels with. We only saw each other at school to be honest.. but I thought it was more than a fun, school romance. I thought I wanted him forever. Though he cheated on a girl 8 times to be exact, but more after that. I hated the girl, he cheated on me to be with her. He told us it was because we were alike, whoa there we didn't think that. I hated her, she hated me, I had the boobs, and butt, she had nothing. I was thick, she was... skinny, so skinny she has nothing. I had the cutest everything compared to him, but at the end she had him... and I was left with nothing from him but good memories from before. Did anything from before matter anymore? No. Did the fact I was better than her in body, to everything else? No. Because she had him, I wanted him, I wanted to be her, live her life, be where she is. She and I became friends, and talked all the time. We soon learned we were exactly alike nothing different. She and I, been through the same thing, going through the same thing, like the same things, almost exactly the same person. Except the fact we lived different lives, as in our on bodys. Even though we were almost completely the same person, I was still jealous of her for the longest. Because she had him? Nope, not this time. Because I thought she was better, prettier, which she was prettier. we may have almost been completely a like, but our appearance and body kept us separated. I was me, she was herself. Later, I got over him. I realized I deserve better, I need better, I want better, and better is what I will get. If she wanted to spend her life with him and get less than what she could have, need, or want, she can nobody will stop her not at all. Not me, her parents, herself, anyone. Not even him. As long as he could break her heart he was completely fine. Was she, yes because she loved him no matter what, kinda like I was. Later, I fell for someone else, that someone was him cousin. He was the same age as him, same grade, but different everything else. We never met, but we started talking June 3rd, We talked and talked, till we decided we liked each other. We had talk a lot before then, he was obsessed with the fact that he was in love with me, which if you promise not to tell, I loved that(;. I thought he wasn't. Till 06.12.11 the day we got together, we dated than 2 months later, we met. He had never kissed a girl, nor had a long relationship. I saw him that day, I was so nerves, so I paced back and forth at the mall.. I thought he'd see me and be like she's prettier on facebook... and things like I'm worthless. But of course as always he was such a sweet little cutie. <3 It was the best day. As time proceeded we didn't hang out til July 3rd Thunder Fest of course. As always it was the cutest thing. We dated til 5.5.12 Which was like a week and 2 days ago, 9 days to be exact. So, we dated for 11 months, almost. His birthday was May 11th. Of course on that day he was probably like, "It's my birthday I'll get high if I want to, can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if I have to." - Drake lyrics. But of course he actually didn't want me. I've been thinking of him and I can't stop. It's my longest relationship, and I didn't want it to end. What do you thinks he's doing? Flirting with a new girl? Probably with a new girl? Hanging with a new girl? Doing better without me? Do you even think he thinks about me? Well, I wouldn't know. Want to know why? Because he wont talk to me. Everyday breaks my heart. I get by, by pretending no matter what day, hour, second, weather, or place he's thinking about me. He's dying inside, and I'm living under sunshine, and he's living in the dark shadowy days of breaking my heart. Sometimes I hope that whoever he is messing with now, as in flirting with.. they break his heart, but now I just hope that he's happy until "It's a beautiful day, and something reminds you, you wish you would have stayed." - Taylor Swift lyrics. And now that is the time I found out that forever only exist with a few people.
Love,
Nicole, <3

Bob David

May 03, 2012 @ (san diego)

Tags: Acceptance

We met when I was 21 and she was just turning 18, a little over 5 years ago. There was instant attraction and our relationship advanced quickly. I knew deep down that neither of us were mature enough to be in a long term committed relationship, but we stuck together anyways. There were a lot of good times, fun memories, amazing sex and we were always there for eachother through the ups and downs. About two years into the relationship there were multiple infadelities-- she started sleeping with one of my good friends behind my back and I had slept around with more than 1 girl. Despite this huge blow to our trust and relationship, we stuck together after we came clean with each other on what we had done. In hindsight I know that we stuck together because we were attached and had some form of needyness with each other. I feel weak to admit that, but I honestly just felt attached and couldn't let her go despite the fact that we had both hurt each other severely and that we deserved better. I knew in my heart at the time that I should have let her go, but my impulsive needyness forced me to hold on to a relationship that had become toxic. Since then we tried to rebuild the foundation of trust in our relationship, but we were fighting an uphill battle and there was just too much insecurity and distrust towards eachother. A year and a half ago we moved in together, which was a big mistake. Things were ok on the surface, but deep down we both felt disconnected and unhappy with the relationship. Along the way we became very short tempered and irritated with eachother. She would yell and call me names, I would yell back and say hurtful things-- stuff you just don't do when you say that you love someone. I knew in my heart for a long time it was not right and that I needed to let go, but I just didn't have the courage to part company with her. I feel ashamed for having held on to something that I knew was not right for me. We broke up about 5 weeks ago after she did not come home one night. She told me she went out to party with her friends and stayed with a female co-worker, but my intuition told me otherwise. We both agreed that we were not right together and both needed to stand on our own two feet. We were together for 5 and a half years and although I know that it was not the right relationship for me I still feel a deep sense of loss an emotional pain. Despite having hurt eachother I had considered her my best friend-- we did everything together and wanted desperately to make things work. I have been trying so hard for the last 5 weeks to look at the reality of the relationship, but my mind keeps wanting to tell me that we could have made it work or that I should have been a better man. The fact is I was immature and acted with the level of maturity and awareness that I had at the time-- I think it's fair to say that she did too. I keep beating myself up over what I could have done differently and all the what if's, but it has only held me back from letting go and moving on. I am trying so hard to accept that it's over, but still find myself hoping for reconciliation in the future-- hope that is eating me up inside. I know that we both deserve better and that it cannot work. I am not one to share my personal story on an online forum such as this, but I started reading a book the other day that suggested I post about the breakup on this website. It has been helpful typing this story up and putting things into perspective. I think it's important that I look at my past relationship logically rather than feed off of my emotions. Anyways, I know my story probably sounds crazy or like I am a bad guy for having cheated, but I would appreciate any feedback. I am now 26 and have come to so many realizations in reflecting on the relationship. I really want to better myself and become the best man that I can be not only for myself, but so that I can have a healthy, loving relationship in the future. Most importantly I want to love myself so I never put myself in a toxic relationship again where I think that I don't deserve better. Anyways, stay strong to everyone that is going through similar heart break or emotional pain. Everyone keeps telling me it will pass-- I just hope that it does sooner than later!

Trisha

February 29, 2012 @ (Cali)

Tags: Lesbian, blindside, experiment, straight

Background knowledge: I am a 24 year old lesbian, known my whole life and came out at 16. She is a almost 23 year old "free spirit" never had been with a girl before but always said she'd never closed it out of her options.

We first talked in May of 2011 and there was instantly a connection between us. She asked me to hang out in the beginning of June for the first time and we hit it off. We went out with a group of friends but me and her were inseperable. I knew she was "straight" so I didn't make any advances but she sure did!! She kept telling me how hot I was, she invited me to stay at her house that night(even made sure to mention I wouldn't be sleeping on the couch), and grabbed my hand to hold it to the next bar we walked to. As we sat there talking she grabbed my head and began making out with me. Wow! We walked back to her place and innocently kissed and fell asleep. She walked me to my final college class the next morning and we were glued to each other since that night. Our "relationship" grew over the next 9 months into something I saw as perfect, one of a kind, unique, and new. She told me she felt the same way. She had never felt so real before and that this was truly the relationship she always dreamed of and I was the person she always dreamed for. I was "the one". The sex was aweesome(in my opinion), and she would tell me how she couldn't wait to spend her life with me, have babies with me, and how truly amazing I treated her. So things are rolling just like they had been when suddenly she tells me, "I don't know about us anymore. I'm so confused and I'm just not sure what our future holds." I let her think for a week and hope she is just saying crazy things and we can make it better. We have a PHENOMENAL weekend but things seem distant still as the week comes. I ask if things have gone back to normal and if she still believes I'm the one and what we have is unique and one of a kind. She doesn't reply. I ask if she wants to break up. Her response, "No! I mean.....I don't know". That kind of said it all. So we hung up after that and she didn't contact me for an entire fucking week!! Blindsided by this breakup, everything seemed perfec for 9 months, then she gets confused and ends it. We finally talk after a week of not taking and she was supposidely so sad and miserable over the situation. After giving me BS reasons that we broke up for 30 minutes, she finally "got honest" with me and let me know that she loved me as a friend and as a person but got that confused with being in love and that she tried to convince herself that she was "in love" but that she doesn't think she is. She could never see a future with me she said. AKA she isn't gay/can't be with a girl! Talk about a fucking slap in the fucking face. It's the closure I needed but now I'm just pissed that I was apart of her experiment that she likely knew the results of early after we met but didn't let me know till now. Plus for her to pretend she was in love with me and wanted a future with me is BS. She isn't the first "straight" girl to do this to me but she is the first to let it last 9 months. She wants to be friends and will talk/text but I feel like it's not a good idea. I think any "pain" she felt is gone now and she is relieved and fine because she "cleared her conscious" and got honest. I don't think she has any pain over losing "us" or this "relationship" and that sucks because I thought it was something different for 9 months but I guess it was all a lie.

Confused

January 23, 2012 @ (adelaide)

Tags: hurt, confused

So i was at school walking around when this guy called me over too him, wed been talking alot on facebook but hadnt officially met. he was such a sweetheart and anything you could ever want as weeks past i started getting feelings for him he admitted he was too wed text, latenight phonecls, hug and his when we seen eachother at school. I really feel gor him and he always said he had really big feelings for me too until oneday i found.out he got into a relationship with another girl. he just kept lying and saying he wasnt but i knew it was true. i was so hurt how could a guy lead me on so far then just act like nothing happened. we stopped talking for awhile and then oneday he told me whenever he seen me hed remember the feelings he had for me and stuff. then 8months past and him and her broke up and he started texting me again and he got his bestfriend too text me and i was getting along well with both of them until james(the guy who played me) stopped txting me but me and beau (james bestmate) kept texting wed talk everyday and night and id tell him how i still had feelings for james and hed tell me to tell him and then a month later beau and mine texts got flirty and he ended.up coming to my house after showcase he parked behind.the fence and i snuck out to see him and we were play fighting then wed hug and then we starting kissing and we were talking and mucking around then.kissing again.and then.he had to leave to pick up his mate and he kept txting me after that we got along well but when i wss with him id have huge butterflies and a warm fuzzy feeling and this was the third timee being with him then the next day after school he picked me.up and i went back to his and we were being goobs and kissed againand i was there for awhile then id left to go home. tthen a few weeks later he asked me if it was ok to tell james that hed kissed me and stuff and i was like yeah then james started txting me saying beau and - kissing in the tree blah blah acting all jelousy now its been 2months and i thought i had feelins for james still and told him i wanted to be with him and he told me he felt the same but then.his ex told me he had kept ringing her telling her he still loved her and how he was flirting with other girls so i soughted my shit out and stopped talking to him and ive realised i like his bestfriend and his bestmate says he still likes me abit and his who i imagine myself with now. i honestly am so confused i dont know what to do cause i want tk be with beau so thats why i stopped talking to james but i dont know whether to tell beau how i feel or just stay friends with benifits cause i really like him and i know my situation could ruin their frienfships but it wont. and i dont know what to do ? Please help guys xx

Heartbroken Girl

January 15, 2012 @ (Austria)

Tags: Heartbreak, breakup

Well, here's my story..
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. To be honest, he has been breaking up with me for the past 2 years. Basically, the first year was more than just perfect. It was more I thought possible! I loved him so much, I would have done anything for me and I knew he felt the same way about me.

So after a year, he broke up with me for the first time. I probably did the worst thing possible after that: I begged him to stay with me and tried to convince him for an hour to give us another chance - which he did eventually.
The weird thing was, that in those next few days, he would be everything I wanted. Kind, sweet, caring, telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn't imagine living a life without me.

This lasted for about 2 months when he broke up with me again. I didn't beg him to stay with me anymore, but after some days he came back, telling me how sorry he was and that he badly wanted us to be together again - I went back.
You see the pattern there, I guess..

So, that's how it would be: breakin up, getting back together, being completely in love again, breaking up..
After 2 years, I wasn't myself anymore. My life revolved around him, he was the center of my universe and that's when I completely lost myself.. I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend, to never make him angry, to always do what he wanted me to do, but it didn't matter. No matter what I did, he would still breake up with me after telling me the day before that I was everything he wanted.

I was confused, devastated, hurt. So, about half a year ago, after one of his breakups I knew, I couldn't take it anymore. I even had to get professional help and take antidepressants to get through the day. It was the hardest time of my life and there were times, were I didn't just want to die (which I did daily), but when I thought I actually would because of the pain.
The only thing that helped me was knowing that he didn't have anyone else and I tried to tell myself he would come back eventually. After some time, I even thought, I had found myself again and I didn't need him anymore.

So, 3 months ago, he texted me, saying how much he wanted me and another chance with me. When he came over, I knew I never stopped loving him, but at least I was able to keep control of myself. He noticed of course, that I had changed and he was everything I always wanted him to be. He even was full of doubts, saying how scared he was, that I wouldn't want him anymore and that he was so sorry for what he had done and that he had the feeling that everything was better now.
I really thought, he had a wakeup call and that he finally knew, he didn't want to be without me. Everytime I went out with my friends, he was so scared that I would meet someone else that I even felt sorry for him, because I really didn't want him to feel bad. So I would always say the sweetest things, when he called or texted me, because I wanted his doubts to go away - while I was out, supposed to be having fun. I liked doing it though, because it showed me, he cared!

We didn't see each other that often during the last 3 months, because we both had a lot of work to do and we wanted to take things slow. We didn't spend christmas and new year's eve together because he was visiting his family. I really missed him and he also always said how much he was looking forward to seeing me again. I believed him.
On new year's eve, while I was out celebrating, he kept texting me, calling me, saying that he was so scared I would do anything stupid and that he wanted to remind me how happy he was to be seeing me the next day.

So, when he came to visit me, he was kind and sweet and he stayed over. The next day, after sleeping with me once more of course, he broke up with me.. For the last time now, because a few days ago I found out he was already in a relationship with another woman..
After ONE week..

How come, I am so easy to forget? That he's living his life with someone else, happy, while I don't even know how to get up in the morning?
Everyone keeps telling me, that I would get over him eventually and that I'm oh so young (20) so of course I would fall in love again - and maybe they are right!

But... I know that there are people out there, never able to let go, who always find themselves hurt and miserable again, everytime they see that person.
I don't want to end up like that, I don't, but what if I'm one of those people? What if everytime I'm going to see him alone or with his new girlfriend, my hearts just breaks all over again?
How do I know that I'll be able to let go?

It felt good to get this of my chest..
With all my love,

a heartbroken girl