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Brandee

December 27, 2010 @ (Boulder City Nevada)

Let's see. It's December... 6months ago.

I was dating this doucher, and I met someone online.He was, perfect? No, perfect is an under-state-ment. Anywys, we fell in love. We both did, instantly.

God, I'm getting flash backs; we celebrated Fourth of July together. July 3rd we met and fell inlove, and became the greatest relationship ever. Hours and Hours on the phone, everynight. Webcams, phones, Im's. But, everyone was right.. Long distance doesn't work.

Anyways... We were amazing, but we only lasted a short time. I remember the breakup so vividly. I was high off of life, hanging out with my best friend, walking home, and as I passed the alleyway across the way from my alley, I got a phone call from my baby. I remember him talking to his buddy breifly, and then getting serious. He just explained to me that it wasn't working. He then asked, if I was alright, and with tears in my eyes, I replied yes. He told me if I needed to cry I could.

Oh I needed to cry alright. But I told him I didn't want him to have to hear it for, I didn't want him to feel bad. I told him I had to go...

My friend Devin was concerned.

I turned around, facing away from her, and cried, silent at first.

I tried to walk, i was so shaken, I couldn't walk, so I stumbled and fell. I sat against the wall, and Devin rushed over. I just started to scream. I couldn't breath, and I was screaming. Devin helped me up while I was still bawling, and she hugged me. I was so crushed. It felt as if he took a kife, rammed it into my heart, and then twisted the blade. After about an hour, I regained enough of my composure to get home..
As sooon as I was in my room, I began to cry again. I turned up my music and cried. After like... roughly 3 hours, Devin went home. I never stopped crying.

I did something I have never done before too.
I became numb. I was in such denial. It was so not over.

I couldn't even feel my heartbeat anymore, and pathetically, I cut myslef. I didn't want to die, I was making sure I was still alive.

He called me. I swear, I just sat there, with the phone muted, crying, screaming, not breathing. he was apologizing. Which broke my heart even more, causing me more pain.

This was the first guy, the first person I have ever felt love for, and he does this too mee? I would tell everyone exactly why he broke up with me, stupid reson, but I don't want to be mean. Why would anyone do this to me? My first real true heart break.. and it still haunts me. 6 MONTHS LATER! Why?

I have cried so many times, just at random, and if any of my friends even say his name, itnsta-cry. Little things remind me of him. Especially the song, It's Not Over- Second HandSerenade. I have listened to it atleast 100 times in the last couple hours. It's 3:46 in the morning.. I have officially been crying for 3 hours. Yay. what an accomplishment. Are you happy Cameron? Knowing that the fucking thought of you makes me cry. And when i do cry, I can't breath. I put myself through hell, for you. And what's even worse... I still love you.

-Brandee.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZmvJknzLfU&feature=related