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Rogue

September 25, 2012 @ (ontario canada)

Our love stories begins in September 2010. How fitting it ends now.

I will be honest and tell you that I didn't deserve his love the first year we were together and if I could find a way to take that time back. I would. A bit of history - he is 10 years younger than I (I am female). Although our maturity levels were in sync age (until recently) was never an issue. (It was something that troubled me. And because of that created unnecessary stress).

He worked full time, I was in school full time and worked two part time jobs. I have two children. One was 11 at the time the other 16. I had made the decision prior to even meeting him that I wasn't going to just introduce my kids to just anybody. I needed to know he was going to stick around. I didn't want to be one of those parents who bring partners in and out of their childrens lives. One year I told him when we met. I would introduce him after one year.

My family and friends disaproved of our relationship because it was interacial and because he was so young. I fell under the pressure. And ended it in December 2010. It didn't last long. We both loved each other and to end a relationship for others seemed wrong. Yet I always put my family and friends needs before his.

He lived 45 min away and was always ready willing and able to see me at the drop of a hat if I was free. Free time was something I didn't have much of and I soon began to resent the fact that all my time was consumed making someone happy, either my family, my children or him. I began to resent how much time he wanted from me.

I felt I had nothing to give in the first place. In May 2011 I noticed there was a girl he worked with that he was msging daily. I confronted him and he deleted her from bbm and facebook immediately no questions asked. The fact that I was uncomfortable made him do it. Why couldn't I do the same for him. I had a 20yr friend who made him uncomfortable and rightly so but I didn't do the same for him and he didn't push me. I know it hurt him.

I chose soding the back yard with family on a night we should have been together because my obligation to family was stronger to my obligation to him.

I could list several situations where this was the case. All of which now, I regret.

In july he lost his job. Money became tight and I found myself frustrated at the fact that he was playing video games all day while I worked my butt off just to make ends meet.

When september came time to meet the children my son had a death in his class, then his aunt was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly after. Excuses I know. But I wanted my son to be in a good spot prior to meeting him.

In december, he still had not met my son, still didn't work, was borrowing $$ from friends family and me who didn't have any to begin with. I ended things again.

Naturally we ended up back together in januay. But this time roles had switched. I realized how much I loved him and wanted to be with him and I was ready to share my life with him. Every aspect. The things I hesitated doing before I did without hesitation including getting rid of that 20yr friend. But now, he was distant. He was reserved. He was worried. I tried everything I could to make up for the wrongs that I had done.

The things he requested were unreasonable we both know it but I did it. Some of the things he asked me to do I am so ashamed that I did. Most, I will never tell a living soul because I am so disapointed in myself.

I hadn't seen him in 6 weeks. We hadn't slept together in 3 months, he was refusing to meet my kids still. Then on friday when I was supposed to spend the weekend at his house, he sent me a bbm msg while I was at work I am a manager of an employee and it was his first day. He didn't even give me a chance to respond before he deleted me on bbm. Blocked my emails and my phone number and I haven't heard from him since.

Why is it I love him so. Why is it I can forgive him anything now, but that first year we were together I couldn't give him what he deserved!

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Kim

September 20, 2012 @ (BLOCKED)

Tags: (BLOCKED)

I was with the guy named, Don H. We met the first week Don moved into our neighborhood in (BLOCKED). I was 25. We dated off and on for about a year and a half. He denies that he was seeing anyone else but, I know he was sleeping with at least one other neighbor. We had great times together. He was always partying. He was always throwing parties and barbeques and stuff. He worked a lot at his brokerage but I think he was lying. I think he was sleeping with his admin. I met her she was maybe 20. He was always out on the boat but I never went with him. Kidding me!? In the end I knew he was cheating. So obvious. So, I confronted him about what I thought was going on. He invited me over and we had a great time. He actually told me he missed the memo we were exclusive. We had some drinks by the pool. It was a beautiful night. We had sex outside. Then again in the shower. Then again upstairs in his room for half the night. When I woke-up he was already dressed. Tying his tie. Hot. He left a note on a Post-It Said we were done. Are you f-ing kidding me!? A Post-It! My God who does that?

Mariah

September 13, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: heart ache, mistake

It first started as a lust; something I never saw going anywhere nor did I want it to. We met at my place of work, and considering that it's my job to turn men on, I did just that. Not expecting that I'd actually be turned on by him.
We exchanged numbers and I told myself, he was just a client and us spending time together would be strictly professional. With each visit he showed more interest in me, and I continued to play my role as a girl that was into him. However once we became intimate I noticed a change, at least I thought I did. He stopped coming to see me at work and slowly I found myself getting upset and feeling used. Now suddenly I was the one who had feelings.
I swear I didn't see it coming, and I thought to myself, "its just hurt pride, it'll pass". Before I knew it he payed little to no attention to me at all and I began to feel jealous and hurt. I expressed my feelings and he continued to do as he pleased. He knew I hated him coming by and so, he started to come by even more, claiming that although it was hurting me, he wasn't doing it to hurt me...

I think the big slap for me was when he came to my job on my birthday, and didn't want to spend time with me. In addition, his friends would snicker and laugh when they'd see me. I grew so furious I had them all kicked out, and once I got home, I cried. I cried a lot and for days.

I tried my hardest to shake what felt like hurt feelings I shouldn't be having. I reminded myself where I met him and told myself that chances are, I'm not the first girl he's done this to.
Then I told myself, well maybe its my fault. I brushed him off so much in the beginning, that when it got dished back to me, I didn't like it.

I honestly don't know what happened and I still don't understand it. It's been 5 months and every time I think about how he would come to my job to spend time with someone else, it burns me deep down. To watch him lust after someone else, then act as if I wasn't there...it's still so painful to think about.

We were speaking as friends for a while up until recently, but I noticed that the only person who has ever made any initiative to keep in touch, is me. He makes no effort to speak to me if I do not speak first, and so, I've given up on the idea of us being friends. I've erased all his numbers and tried my hardest not to think about him.

I really stuck my foot in my mouth. There are times when I've wanted him back, and there are times when I wish we'd never met. In fact, most times I wish that.

Lexi

August 25, 2012 @ (USA)

Tags: Jerk, valentines day

Ok so, I've liked this one guy for a while and one day, he asks me out. I'm so excited and he asked in the sweetest way. But I'm not here to talk about how he asked me, I'm here to tell you how he ended it 4 days later.... On valentines day! I walk into school all happy because I had a boyfriend and I loved him (remember I said I've been crushing on this guy for a while. A while being 4 years!) I see him in the hall and wave to him. One of his friends pulls me a side and says "He told me to tell you it was a dare..."
I cried in the middle of class and my best friend literally had to push me out of my chair so that way it looked like I hit my ankle falling or something (she's awesome) so she helps me to the nurse where I tell the nurse my story, when of all people in walks him. My friend gives him the dagger eyes. And I flip him off when the nurse turns her back. It felt good ^_^

Lauren

August 22, 2012 @ (Maryland)

Tags: (highschool, religion)

So it was a nine month relationship. We were friends for about a year before. We finally decided to hook up the week of homecoming. But it turned out to be something a lot more. He asked me out at the homecoming game. Since then we've been together and in love. I helped him through so much. His parents fight constantly, he was adopted, he has self worth issue but so do I. We helped each other out. We were happy together and we promised each other to stay forever. We thought we were going to get married. We thought we had so much time. We even lost our virginity to one another.
So he went to church camp for a week about a month ago. He came back wanting a break. No explanation, no answers, no nothing. He changed completely. He always used to say that he believed in God but not in religion. Now he's a legit conservative Catholic. He says "Sex is bad." He thinks he has to break up with me because of his religion. The experience at camp changed him. It's like my old guy is there but he's not. Like he's asleep and soon he's going to wake up and have no one. He thinks the world is a perfect place where only nice people exist because that's how it was at camp.
I don't know how to get through to him. But all he says now is 'idk'. Ten months and he's willing to throw it all away... I get the feeling he isn't telling me something. I'm so fed up with guys being assholes. He was different though.

Brittany

August 01, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: Love and hate

It all started off on December first. It was in 7th grade, pretty much the beginning of the school year. His name was Bryce. One of those popular basketball jocks. He seemed so sweet, but i knew i would never have a chance with him. So one night a bunch of my friends and a bunch of his friends were at a girls basketball game for our school. We all hung out together and it was so fun! I talked to him for a little bit until he had to go home. Later that night, after i got home, i messaged him on Facebook and told him he should text me sometime, so i gave him my number. About half an hour later he messaged me back and was all 'alright(:'

After talking for about a week, he said he really liked me and he would like to ask me out, But to me surprise he said he didn't want to do it over text. The next day at school, just a normal day, he came up to me and asked me out. Probably the best day ever! After about a month dating he decided to break up with me. Btw it was the day after Christmas... He always told me 'forever and always' that was our little saying. So since he said it so much i started to believe it. I fell for him soo hard.

For about a month i cried myself to sleep. Then one day out of the blue, i was walking thru the halls, and he says my name. I turn around and he is standing there with the most saddest look on his face. I give him the 'what do you want' kind of look. My best friend turns to me and says, he was going to apologize to you for all the things he's done to you. Till this day i regret doing that. Later on that day i text him and say, im sorry for giving you a dirty look. He later then text's me back with a long text that he wants to take me back and that he made such a big mistake. I liked him so much' so i took him back.

The next day at school it was a normal day but Bryce was back in my life. That day was great. But when i got home i got that heartbreaking text message again. He said 'my parents said i couldn't date anymore' I texted him why but he never once texted me back. A couple months of still crying constantly, i try once more and ask him why? He said he was too good for me and so he made up and excuse to stop dating me. I was so pissed at myself for taking him back that other time.

Of course i still have feelings for him,he just doesn't feel the same way about me. I guess it's just one of those 'first love' things, where even though how bad they hurt you, you still take them back.

Its now the beginning of 8th grade and i still am not over him.. Till this day i listen to one certain song and i cry my eyes out for hours. I miss him, i really do,i'd take him back in a heartbeat but i don't want my heart broken again.

Ruby Redford

July 24, 2012 @ (Miami, Florida)

Tags: Text, drunken hookup

I got together with this guy that I was into for maybe about a month at a party. We were both drunk and he was getting over another girl but we made out the whole night. In the morning when we sobered up we talked it out and decided "to take it slow". After about a month I decided we were in a relationship and he just went along with it. We have the same friend group at school and we were planning Euro trip with a club of 19 people that we are both in. I asked him after 3 months of dating if he wanted to stay together during the trip over text he said sure, but didn't sound excited. One thing led to the next and he broke up with me over text.
I sent him a long fb message explaining that I was at first upset but I want to remain friends with him... no response.
So the next week I got drunk with one of my friends who is a guy. He just broke up with his girlfriend and they were dating for over a year. I'm really good friends with his exgirlfriend, probably better friends with her than I am with him... however I made out with him and they had only been broken up for 5 days.
We were both trying to get over the people we were with. Here's the catch though, ALL OF US: me, my exboyfriend, the guy I hooked up with and his ex girlfriend are ALL GOING TO BE IN EUROPE TOGETHER for TWO WEEKS night and day... this will be interesting/painful.
Not to mention, everyone in the club is taking sides. At least some people will be on my side since i was broken up with via text, though my actions after the break up are unjustifiable.

Angie

July 22, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: dumb, young,

Well for starters, this happened a couple of months back and I'm completely over it.
My boyfriend at the time and I had dated for two years, straight out of high-school. We always got into constant arguments which up until today I should have realized that I should have let go from the beginning. He would always argue about how much I used to call him or text him but mind you we would barely see each other. He was in a different school and so was I. We had met through mutual friends. At the time I used to see it as absence makes the heart grow fonder...boy was I wrong. By the time we were both starting our first semester in college I realized that he was spending a lot of time with these two girls but I didn't put mind since I was actually paranoid that I was pregnant. Well turns out I was and had a miscarriage, I didn't find out until after so it didn't really affect me but when I was paranoid he didn't even bother to go with me to get checked out. Well I started noticing that some girl on Facebook was always commenting on his photos and on his wall and usually that doesn't bother me and I approached him about it and he stated "I would never mess around with her, she's pretty fat. I hate fat chicks" HA! yeah that was the girl he dumped me for on our anniversary.
The girl would then try calling and texting me threatening me AFTER she she found out that he cheated on her three times with me. It was bad in my part but hey...I was still in love I guess. I have no regrets, and now I just laugh it off at how young and naive I was. And basically for girls to read this and see that after a break up you can be strong never cry for a long time over a guy that isn't worth it.

J. Dorean

July 16, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: Breakup

I met Isaiah in school and we started off as friends. I had recently gone through a bad break up, and he was my sounding ear. After a while a romance bloomed between the two of us. I knew I shouldn't have gotten involved with him because I kept having this feeling that it was all just "too good to be true". However, I ignored the feeling and allowed myself to fall in love with him. He assured me he loved me too, would never hurt me, and that we would always be friends no matter what. I still had that gut feeling though and when he had a phone call from a name I didn't recognize that feeling grew. I asked him if there was anyone else and he promised me there wasn't. I found out later that Isaiah was also involved with two other women. I was and still am completely heartbroken. I feel as if he targeted me, he lied to me, and what's worse we aren't even friends anymore.