Searching for "pain"

109 Results For 'pain'

Bobby

November 01, 2015 @ (Toronto)

So I can't believe I'm doing this. Maybe some therapy so that I don't lose my head.

When I was about 12 or 13 I woke up from a horrible nightmare that wasn't easy to understand or describe. I was in a sweat and could hardly breath. The only way I could put into words to my parents was that it felt like I had a 10 million dollar ticket and watched the wind blow it from my hand and was gone forever. I feel now that this was a premonition for things to come. Almost like an intense ripple felt through time.

Flash forward 13 years, I'm 25 and I see the most beautiful girl sitting in the lunch room at work. Keep in mind that I'm a very shy type and for just once in my life I through caution to the wind. I had to talk with this girl she was a dream. I think from that point we talked on the phone every night, we had incredible adventures through conversation I felt like I had met my soulmate. Also we had an incredible physical chemistry. Late nights in my parents basement by the fire and nothing else mattered...the body heat and passion was intense, 2 souls coming together and best of all talking about life into the early morning hours. I was a struggling artist you see, working evenings at the shop and trying to make my dreams come true during the days. She didn't seem to care, we were lost in our own little world.

1 year turned into 2, and 2 into 3...and I never lost the passion, every day seeing her was like Christmas eve. Around that time she was finishing school and I was away in Europe doing fashion modelling. God she hated me doing that, being around other women but she had nothing to fear. She was my everything, my whole world and I was just trying to find a way to make life work with the struggles of being an artist.

Years passed and the modelling did not yield the money I had hoped. The girl I loved was growing up, she graduated school and was just offered her first grown up job. At the time I was starting my software company, god damn I wish some days that I could just put on a suit and tie. She was doing great and I can say that I just was not at my best...that's when I'm sure thoughts of children and a white picket fence crossed her mind. From every day after that she grew more distant. It's a horrible feeling of helplessness. Like sand sifting through your fingers.

It's been about 3 years (I think) since we broke up. She has since moved on and met someone else. I was really angry when I first found out, but I'm just not convinced that she would have the life she wants if we were still together. I'm married to my work and she deserves better.

The saddest part of the story? I'm sitting here telling it to you over the internet. I've dated other women, but I just can't stop being in love with another. These relationships fail because I have to end them, it's just not fair for the other individual. Never in my life have I been wounded like this, and the years haven't healed a thing.

It's unbearable dealing with all the pain and anger, but deep down knowing that the woman I love more than anything else in the world would be better off without me....

Fate

August 23, 2015 @ (NY)

Tags: bad break up toxic love lonely depressed loveless

We started to date back in February and it was long distance, I convinced him to come to my college. He moved into my family house and stayed with me, I had work so he'd stay home with my little sister. Who is 3 years younger than us. He fell in love with her, I told him to please stop being foolish and think about our future plans...when I put all my trust in him I saw he was acting weird and questioned him...only to find out he kissed her...multiple times... we broke up then. And he's been living in my house since, I'm sitting here watching them fall in love while my love was just thrown away like paper. I told him to leave several times but he'd make me feel bad about bring him here and abandoning him. I'm in so much pain. I decide to separate the two and he calls me a bitch and mean names. Sad thing is I still love him I cant throw away 7months like that.

Nate

August 03, 2015 @ (europe)

Tags: Bad break up

Once upon a time I was dating a girl for a few months, I was in love with her and was really enjoying it. We had our ups and down , on the last month though we were doing pretty well. until the summer break came , so we were going to spend about a month apart, in our hometowns. A few days after she left she started to show some kind of unconcern about me, and phone calls reduced. the duration of phone calls also reduced. I understood that things were going bad, even I was complained some times to her .But I believed that it was just the distance, or that I was overreacting and overthinking it. I was very sad, angry and unsecure at that time but I tried not to show it, most of the times, not to make things worse and I just waited to get back together to see what is actually going on. But the last few days before we return to the city we were studying, she started to talk to me really cold on the phone without any obvious reason. So I decided not to talk to her again and see how far this apathy and unconcern goes. So one day we closed the phone, and didn't call her again. Neither did she. She detached and then she got lost, just like that... So I decided after a few days to call her, as I knew she had already arived, and I asked her to meet and talked,she agreed but she said she was very busy with going out with friends and she told me me that she wasn't sure about when we are going to meet. This was very offensive, I felt very bad that it was so hard for her to find 20 minutes to discuss with me the problem..just because she was going out a lot with friends. I was sure then that we were breaking up, So the next day I just sent her a text and I said her that we were breaking up, with the hope that if it was important for her to be together, she would try a just a bit. But she replied and said that she also wanted to break up. My heart teared apart at that time. Something that once was good, ended with a 2-lines text and a goodbye. I am very sad about it, some day I will feel better I suppose, but today is not that day.

I talk to people about it and most of them act like it's nothing, and respond to me with stuff like you will find another one etc. At first I was feeling but about being so hurt, but a loss like this causes pain , and it feels better now that I accepted that pain is just normal in cases like this and eventually it will pass, but not today.

Yasitsmeheartbroken

June 26, 2015 @ (Wolverhampton)

Tags: Worst break up ever

So i met this guy a month and a half ago, we met each other and chilled together on the day we first met, and then after we would message everyday none stop. I started falling for his personality, and i just felt so comfortable around him, i just always thought omg i cant believe ive met such guy. One day he asked to meet again with his friend and my friend and so we did, we went cinema, we ate and on that day was our first kiss. After that we carried on talking, and just everything felt so good, i was the happiest girl alive to have met him. Then a few weeks later we met again and it was just us two. He told me his problems and he said im the only person who can take his stress and pain away, so that day we was together he came to my house, my mom met him. Then after we talked a couple days. His mom went thru his phone while i was asleep, and she read everythin, and sent me a heartbreaking message saying "My parents have seen your pictures and they threatened to show them to your parents and told me not to talk to slangs like you again so don't text me again or it will get worse." His mom had sent me this on his phone. Then a few hours later he text me sayin, it was his mom and he was really angry that he smashed everythin in his moms room and made her cry. So he walked out his house and wanted to see me, even his friends couldnt control him when he was angry i was the one who always calmed him down. He came to my house and i begged my mom for him to stay the night. My mom was so angry she made me sleep upstairs while he was down. My mom was just angry at me cz he stayed, then in the mornin we went out and i went skwl later for exam. He waited for me and we was together for a couple hours and he took me out for a meal he told me how much he loved me. So i just told him how i felt too. Then i got home and my mom slapped me so much and she thought wrong of me saying im taking you to doctors to see if your pregnant. Then my nan told me to stop talking to him and my mom said your not aloud to talk or see him again or i will kick you out the house, then the next day he sent a text sayin "we cant talk because i promised my parents i wont", this is because his mom sed if u talk to tht girl tht means ur not my son. So i sed ok dw, he called me and he heard me crying but he didnt know why. So he told me we cant talk and we both have to move on. Thats it right now my heart is broken and i just hate everythin, ive had mock exams and i think ive done so bad in all of them because all this stress i cant revise either, the relationship is over, the worst thing is trying to forget the memories.

LP

June 13, 2015 @ (Philippines)

Tags: hope, love, time, heartache, pain,

You know what's hard?it's when you wake up one morning and you're no longer wanted. That's how I felt when he broke my heart for a one night stand... AGAIN. My friends think that I'm stupid by staying in a relationship that we all know is doomed the first time he cheated on me. But I can't help it. I love him, more than his mistakes. I thought that if I'm gonna give him a chance he'll change. And he told me he would. I hold on to the hope that I was the one he always wants and need. Then one night as he was sleeping beside me I had this weird feeling that i need to check his phone. I know its my fault. I should not go thru his stuff coz I believe that what you don't know won't hurt you. But I did and hell I found out every thing. He saw me and he knew by the look in my eyes that I'm hurting. I'm not mad and I'm not even sad. I felt like I'm going to explode. Maintaining my calmness I took his had and gave him the phone, I made sure that when he look at the screen he would see everything I saw on his phone. I dressed up and leave but he would not let go of me. He was crying, begging for us to talk and make things right. I can't even say a word. My eyes just burst in tears, my heart beats fast and my breathing starts to be so deep feels like I'm drowning. Maybe I'm drowning with everything. I felt tired and all I want is to sit beside him. He was crying and I never expected him asking for my forgiveness. He was like a child, as I looked at him I felt something breaking inside my soul I feel responsible for the pain he's feeling. I'm not sure why, but it feels like I have to stay...with him and make sure that things will be okay. Maybe someday I will learn to walk away with everything. I'm not sure when and I don't know how but maybe just maybe I can still hold on to that hope that people do change... hopefully for the better.

Broken

May 01, 2015 @ (Middle east)

Tags: Help

I meet a girl in my work anf i fall in love with her, she treated me very well first and every 15 min at my work she was calling me saying iam dying without you but later on she told me that she has a close friend he is a married guy older than her about 12 years and when i ask her to stop this friendship she feels angry saying i know him since 3 years and his wife my friend too, and she always disappear and just saying goodnight before she sleep, after 1 year we broke up then she called me about 9 times after 2 months from breakup but i ignored her and she send msgs saying why u r not answering i did nothing to you then i send msg saying i dont want u in my life even a friend but guys i feel pain from inside i need advices just to move on thxxx

Broken (part 4)

April 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Tags: bad breakup

Three weeks into my still ongoing vacation i get a call from a friend. Says he wasn't in paris with his friends for new years but with his so called ex-wife who is not an ex wife and never was. I feel a flutter of wrongs come back into my stomach. I feel a volcano of emotions. But most of all i feel like puking I puke out everything, the lies, the emotions, the hurt, the champagne, the empty promises, the real promises? I don't know at this point but i keep puking and then i cry. I cry for the lies he has told me and i cry for the two hearts i broke because of him. I cry for the man i let go and i cry for the mistake i have made. I cry for lying to myself and ignoring all the red signs, i cry for believing him, and mostly i cry because i can't and won't let him go. I call him i break up with him. He doesn't run after me and won't run after me. I block him and then unblock him i do this for the next 3 months. once i unblock him i hurl insults at him through Facebook, text messaging, voice messaging. I feel empty so i block him again. I do it again and this time we go back to saying i love yous but then the anger rises in me and i hurl my insult my pain at a screen. So i block him again. I unblock him and so it begins a cycle. I laugh sometimes. My friends stare at me. They used to call me the ice queen now i am the melting queen. I have break downs and melt downs. I can't hurl my anger at him so i hurl it at them whenever they'r ehappy i do it when they're down i do it when they're sad i do it. I don't know myself. The last time i blocked him was 7 days ago today i say its done its over. But deep down i don't know if it is. I love him as a child loves its favourite blanket or as mother loves her unborn child. I love him as if he were the beat of my heart and soul. I feel a physical pain when i see a flash of his smile in my head. I miss him so much that its physically painful to breath. I tell myself it is better to have loved and lost then to have felt no love at all. Then i google and try to find who said that quote and i then i want to find them and murder them. I want to see if they really have loved and lost because anyone who has truly loved. As in loved with their entire soul and finally understood what i would die for you would never ever ever say such a fucking stupid quote. So i go online and i try to find sad break up stories. I find this website but all the stories are about 18 year olds whom portably thing they have found true love. And i think to myself they are only 18 and they don't know what love means. But then i look at myself and i remember i was 18 and i knew love and look where that love has brought me. Which really is nowhere.

AZ

April 11, 2015 @ (United States)

Tags: first Love, First break up, second chance, back together

My story might be a little different, but still the same feelings, the same pain. I am a guy and i fell in love with another guy this was my first relationship with a guy. We met in March of 2014 everything was great from day one. We met at a parking lot at the willowbrook mall in Houston, TX. We were great together, we wouldn't go 24hrs without texting each other. He told me from the begining he was scared of getting hurt and wanted to take everything slow, he said he had moved too fast before and only ended up getting hurt. He didnt want to make the same mistake this time. We never became an official couple, but we were officially dating. He told me what he was feeling was getting stronger and it was freaking him and he didnt want to lose me. We went on a few road trips, Marfa, TX Austin, San Antonio it was great. We used to see each other a few times per week almost a year later we started seeing each other less and less, he put this big distance between us i didnt know why and it was killing me. In October I decided to ask him to take it to the next step, he straight out said no, he didnt want to get hurt or move to fast. I told him i would wait for him. We kept hanging out, things were ok I was already in love, but i was also scared. so in March i finally decided to put the fear aside and tell him i fell in love with him and that i love him so at least he knew how i feel, i didnt want to pressure him. When i told him he probably freaked out, he was more quite than usual. I started feeling sad, i didnt want to lose him. I told him to tell me if he wasnt interested anymore or didnt want to continue dating. He said he was just figuring out himself. On March 18th saw him again and it was the last time i saw him, i texted him he didnt reply at that moment i thought he was ignoring me, avoiding me, he texted me back he said he wasnt. I felt he didnt want to talk to me or hang out anymore it was killing me i didnt know if i did anything wrong, he told me there was not a thing wrong with me that it was all him and he wasnt ready. i told him i had faith we will end up together i had hope he would shop up at my door and tell me he wanted to give it a chance. He said maybe someday, he wasnt ready yet, but he wasnt going to disappear or quit talking to me. That was his last text. He completely ignored me, I didnt know why, i didnt know what happened or what i did wrong. I still havent gotten a text from him. I did everything i could to be together. This is the first time I was in a relationship with a guy, I never thought i could love someone, i never thought i could love a guy this much. I accepted all these feelings, I was ready to tell my family if i had to. Its almost two weeks since he ignored me, his silence is killing me, he didnt give me the gift of closure. I dont know what hurts more to feel that i lost him, to have accepted all these emotions or to be ignored and i dont know why or what happened or if i didnt anything wrong. This is the first time i feel this, the first time i suffer for someone. This is the first time i love someone and it was a guy. And the worse thing is that i still have hope that he will show up at my door, i hope he is just figuring out himself to finally be ready and start something with me. He will be ready someday, he will give someone a chance, i wish that someone was me, i wish it was me the one to make him happy. I love him, he will always be my white guy, the one who brought light into my life.

Keijo

March 31, 2015 @ (Estonia)

Tags: Horrible break-up, devastated

I met my love of my life about 5-6 years ago but didn't know that back then. We used to chat a lot but somehow this chatting faded. About a year ago we started talking to each other again. For a while it was a normal, everyday friends talk but at one moment I felt that she was the one who was meant for me and I said I had feelings for her. She was kind of shocked but I believe in a good way. This truly was the best feeling in my 19 years. So, eventually we were together and everyday I fell deeper in love. This feeling was undescribable. I genuinely was the happiest man on earth. Everything was great and we were happy. But since we were living quite far from each other things started going not so well. We argued about pointless things, both being extremely stubborn. About 6 months our relationship had ups and downs but it really didn't matter because she was still my little princess and i loved her even more. About 3 weeks ago, we had a horrific quarrel which ended with me saying that she was disgusting. It was said because of the emotion that i had at that time. I had never felt so bad in my life. Honestly, i wanted to kill myself because of that saying. After that she obviously was angry and disappointed in me and she had all the reasons in the world to be mad at me because, after all i was a complete jerk. So i apologized about 100 times. A bit later i thought everything was okay until today. She had been aloof, she didn't talk to me as often as she used to. I thought it was about me... And then the painful reality struck. I asked why is she behaving like that and she told that... When I said that bad thing to her, she was so shooked up, she went to a nightclub, had drinks and one thing led to another.. she kissed another man. And she had held that in her all that time. I was devastated, i didn't know what to do. She was so embarrassed about what she did and didn't want to be with me anymore because of that one mistake. She isn't that type of girl who kisses random guys. She knows it and I know it. I said that i forgive her but it wasn't enough. My heart is broken, shattered to pieces. Since she was my everything, I really don't know how am I gonna live on. I truly hope that she changes her mind and that love against me is stronger than feeling guilty about what was done.
I really love her. I don't know what to do...

Marilu

March 28, 2015 @ (Brazil)

Tags: bad breakup, first love

Started dating this guy in December 2013, and he was the best person I've ever met. I've never felt the things I did when I was around him. He shared his deepest secrets and so did I. I didn't use to believe in love before him, but he managed to make me do it. He said he would never abandon me and I believed it after half a year. He never betrayed me, he never lied to me. The only time he did was when he said he wouldn't give up on me.
I thought things were going great. He even said he loved me that morning, like he always did. But at night he texted and said he needed a time to think. He wanted a break. I asked why and he said it was because of school and as we only saw each other on weekends, he couldn't take it anymore. I cried my eyes out.
Two days after he said we were done, he just didn't want to be with me anymore, but I'm a great person and he still wanted to be friends.
We continued talking like we always did, but now there was pain. I still don't get the point. One day he said he still loved me, the next day he said he didn't know anymore.
Yesterday he asked me out again, and I said yes because I'm desperate to see him again. Today in the morning he cancelled it because he didn't want to.
I can't stop crying. I want him to stop throwing me around like I'm his toy. I want him back so bad. I don't understand.