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Some1

October 13, 2009 @ (don't matter)

There was this girl. I had known her for years and years. I met her in 5th grade and ever since then we became friends. We wouldn't talk much but we'd always have something to say to each other. We grew up...her becoming gorgeous day by day and me realizing how much this girl knows me. We'd literally sit for hours talking about our lives and our beliefs. She had a cold outside, but inside she was warm and sweet as sugar. She went out with my best friend at one time and I didn't mind. I always felt she would come back to me. So I waited. 2 long years I waited until finally all those times of going to her house to have sandwiches got to me, all those times of sitting in class cracking on everyone else got to me, all those times of hanging out and generally loving each others presence got to me......I fell in love...or so I thought. I felt perfect. Everything was right. Just being in her presence took away all my demons, my frustrations, my unwavering pathetically insignificant life. I felt like a person in front of her. Like I mattered. I fell in love with my dream girl.

But then things got different. She went to college and hooked up wit some dude...She swore it was a mistake and that it was the first time she had gotten drunk. My dumbass believed her. Why? Because I believe in HER and ME...together. I told her we'd work through this. A couple months later, she told me she had to break it off because her parents didn't approve of me even though they had known me my entire life. They thought I was unpredictable and was going no where in life just because I wasn't becoming a doctor. She told me her parents didn't approve and I believed her. We broke up and God did it fuckin hurt. I couldn't talk to her, email her, nothing. She said her parents knew about us and were making sure I didn't call her. I lost touch with her. My best friend told me he went to go see her to console her because he knew we were both going through a hard time. He came to my place afterwards and TO MY FACE told me that nothing happened. After that, I went to India.

When I came back, I lost my soul, my heart, and my general appreciation for love. My best friend, who has known me just as long as she did, tells me that the day he went to go see her...something did happen. I was a broken man. In one swift move, I lost any connection to my love and my true friend. I cursed her for breaking my heart and for doing something this cruel. As for my best friend, I forgave him with my brain but not my heart. Both of them hurt me in ways I didn't know humans could be hurt. I had done no harm to any of them. I showed them love when everyone else showed hate.

The story goes on. My best friend went on...back to his old girlfriend. She forgave him and they moved on. And for her...she has a new boyfriend. A douche. Some fuck who will probably end up worse off.

My entire perception of people changed that day. I don't know if I should put more trust in strangers or in friends. At least strangers won't lead you on when they fuck your shit up.

I'll admit. I had my faults. Maybe I was going too fast with it and I jumped into things. but I truly felt this was it. My dumbass never felt so stupid in my entire life. I should've calmed down and played it slowly. She told me it wasn't gonna work, but I told her we'd make it work. I just never knew I was the only one workin at it.

I've had so much shit hit me in my life. Car accidents, fist fights, fights at home, fights with friends, broken bones, shattered eyes, surgeries, deaths, fires, rejection, loneliness, isolation...and yet. the only thing that ever REALLY hurts me...is a broken heart.