Some1
October 13, 2009 @ (don't matter)
Tags: broken heart, lost love
There was this girl. I had known her for years and years. I met her in 5th grade and ever since then we became friends. We wouldn't talk much but we'd always have something to say to each other. We grew up...her becoming gorgeous day by day and me realizing how much this girl knows me. We'd literally sit for hours talking about our lives and our beliefs. She had a cold outside, but inside she was warm and sweet as sugar. She went out with my best friend at one time and I didn't mind. I always felt she would come back to me. So I waited. 2 long years I waited until finally all those times of going to her house to have sandwiches got to me, all those times of sitting in class cracking on everyone else got to me, all those times of hanging out and generally loving each others presence got to me......I fell in love...or so I thought. I felt perfect. Everything was right. Just being in her presence took away all my demons, my frustrations, my unwavering pathetically insignificant life. I felt like a person in front of her. Like I mattered. I fell in love with my dream girl.
But then things got different. She went to college and hooked up wit some dude...She swore it was a mistake and that it was the first time she had gotten drunk. My dumbass believed her. Why? Because I believe in HER and ME...together. I told her we'd work through this. A couple months later, she told me she had to break it off because her parents didn't approve of me even though they had known me my entire life. They thought I was unpredictable and was going no where in life just because I wasn't becoming a doctor. She told me her parents didn't approve and I believed her. We broke up and God did it fuckin hurt. I couldn't talk to her, email her, nothing. She said her parents knew about us and were making sure I didn't call her. I lost touch with her. My best friend told me he went to go see her to console her because he knew we were both going through a hard time. He came to my place afterwards and TO MY FACE told me that nothing happened. After that, I went to India.
When I came back, I lost my soul, my heart, and my general appreciation for love. My best friend, who has known me just as long as she did, tells me that the day he went to go see her...something did happen. I was a broken man. In one swift move, I lost any connection to my love and my true friend. I cursed her for breaking my heart and for doing something this cruel. As for my best friend, I forgave him with my brain but not my heart. Both of them hurt me in ways I didn't know humans could be hurt. I had done no harm to any of them. I showed them love when everyone else showed hate.
The story goes on. My best friend went on...back to his old girlfriend. She forgave him and they moved on. And for her...she has a new boyfriend. A douche. Some fuck who will probably end up worse off.
My entire perception of people changed that day. I don't know if I should put more trust in strangers or in friends. At least strangers won't lead you on when they fuck your shit up.
I'll admit. I had my faults. Maybe I was going too fast with it and I jumped into things. but I truly felt this was it. My dumbass never felt so stupid in my entire life. I should've calmed down and played it slowly. She told me it wasn't gonna work, but I told her we'd make it work. I just never knew I was the only one workin at it.
I've had so much shit hit me in my life. Car accidents, fist fights, fights at home, fights with friends, broken bones, shattered eyes, surgeries, deaths, fires, rejection, loneliness, isolation...and yet. the only thing that ever REALLY hurts me...is a broken heart.
Comment on this breakup
emily
November 13, 2011
Your writing is so beautiful and in depth. I truly understand what you must have felt and i'm sorry you had such a terrible experience with her. what she did was so incredibly awful but truth is that she doesn't deserve you! All the pain she's caused will hopefully just make you more aware of all the sh*t that people do. I honestly hope you find another better "dream girl"
john L.
July 25, 2010
Wow that is somewhat similar to mine. I felt the same way and believed in it. She left me saying I was a mistake when all I did was for her and to help her smile. I tried to take away her pain when she caused the pain herself. We live in the age where people are messed up and don't respect themselves or really care about others which is y so many marriages fail. Its hard work. I went through burying my dog, failing 2 classes, health issues, financial crap, etc. Just as you said just looking into her eyes took all my worry, pain and stress away. For the first time I thought someone actually cared about me. It was all a lie. A mistake she said. This was a girl I had seen 8 years in my dreams I was 15 now 23 and I looked for her that whole time. I never lied to her or did anything wrong she even said so and in the end she said she couldn't be with me bec. having a friend that loves you when the other doesnt never works. She probably just said that so she wouldnt feel guilt for what she had done. I gave her my life, everything. She said it was all a mistake.
SomeGirl
February 06, 2010
Hey man, I feel your pain. I had almost the exact same thing happen to me. I am really sorry. but i do promise you it does get better. I am still slowly moving on but because of what happened with me, which like I said was almost exactly the same thing, I trust no one because of it. It was my best friend and my first love and I still have not fully forgiven my "best friend" we have not spoken since I found out. Its been over a year. I forgive her but I just can not trust her and do not know what to do. now I am rambling on. I just want you to know I feel your pain.
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