John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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So Sorry!

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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reread the 13th paragraph bellow..

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John L.

January 26, 2012

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What was the question addressing? band wagon?Join a growing movement in support of someone or something, often in an opportunist way, when that movement is seen to have become successful. Means she is no longer a part of a group as it were in this reference. An ex of an argument could be WW2 with the dropping of nuclear bombs. Thus causing great suffering while causing joy because it ended the war. There 2 sides of the argument

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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in addition.. well we all use eachother .its in our nature as humans and i only think its fare4 then to say that we are shallo3w than.

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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um wwell i would prove that wrong but you still havnt answerred my question..

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John L.

January 26, 2012

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For some reason my msg's are duplicating. One of the things I told her after was. No amount of happiness is worth obtaining if it is through the suffering of others. Many might disagree but it simply shows how shallow an individual is.

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John L.

January 26, 2012

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I do not consider myself any better than anyone else. We are all the same, God made us the same way. I already explored that logic and played through it (with me being her parents). I have always been more logical and analytical than most people. One reason why I have so few friends. Hey who wants to get drunk and go jump off a 60 foot bridge into some water. Um yeah no. Lol. It's all simply a matter of choice. The fact is, I was used, led on, etc. for a girls comfort. She would have a bad day etc come over and feel welcomed, get compliments on how beautiful she was etc. Then screw around and because I was dumb enough to believe in dreams and her words when her actions never supported the cl*s I got wrecked. Was my eyeopener to the world. Before all this I thought guys only used girls for sex. Boy was I wrong

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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yay! break through!!!oh and dont think so highly of yourself ..she came to you..true but the whole world hasnt. trust me when i say we are all still children.

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John L.

January 26, 2012

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I could see that bec she even accused me of being her brother bec I looked out for her and took care of her. I was raised to do that. A friend told me this and its soo true. You have to let them fall on their faces first then pick them up whereas I was keeping her from falling on her face. Seems like so many people are children and nomatter what they have to experience life on their own in their own way. Even if you are trying to help them.

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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yay! break through!!!oh and dont think so highly of yourself ..she came to you..true but the whole world hasnt. trust me when i say we are all still children.

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jesse

January 26, 2012

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well like i said you sound pretty harsh when it comes to faith but when you say her ex was just like you... maybe she wasnt quite over him and maybe thought that if he didnt fall off the the band wagon -as you said he did ..maybe she would still have a chance with him again..haha btw thats so cool-you were like a clone of him..i need to find someone like that..anyways the point is she was hurt and i guess she thought that you were her second chance with him. hey im not saying what she did was right but she was hurt and we all do things that we may regret but still want them no matter what the consequences are.btw whats a band wagon?

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