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Broken (part 4)

April 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Three weeks into my still ongoing vacation i get a call from a friend. Says he wasn't in paris with his friends for new years but with his so called ex-wife who is not an ex wife and never was. I feel a flutter of wrongs come back into my stomach. I feel a volcano of emotions. But most of all i feel like puking I puke out everything, the lies, the emotions, the hurt, the champagne, the empty promises, the real promises? I don't know at this point but i keep puking and then i cry. I cry for the lies he has told me and i cry for the two hearts i broke because of him. I cry for the man i let go and i cry for the mistake i have made. I cry for lying to myself and ignoring all the red signs, i cry for believing him, and mostly i cry because i can't and won't let him go. I call him i break up with him. He doesn't run after me and won't run after me. I block him and then unblock him i do this for the next 3 months. once i unblock him i hurl insults at him through Facebook, text messaging, voice messaging. I feel empty so i block him again. I do it again and this time we go back to saying i love yous but then the anger rises in me and i hurl my insult my pain at a screen. So i block him again. I unblock him and so it begins a cycle. I laugh sometimes. My friends stare at me. They used to call me the ice queen now i am the melting queen. I have break downs and melt downs. I can't hurl my anger at him so i hurl it at them whenever they'r ehappy i do it when they're down i do it when they're sad i do it. I don't know myself. The last time i blocked him was 7 days ago today i say its done its over. But deep down i don't know if it is. I love him as a child loves its favourite blanket or as mother loves her unborn child. I love him as if he were the beat of my heart and soul. I feel a physical pain when i see a flash of his smile in my head. I miss him so much that its physically painful to breath. I tell myself it is better to have loved and lost then to have felt no love at all. Then i google and try to find who said that quote and i then i want to find them and murder them. I want to see if they really have loved and lost because anyone who has truly loved. As in loved with their entire soul and finally understood what i would die for you would never ever ever say such a fucking stupid quote. So i go online and i try to find sad break up stories. I find this website but all the stories are about 18 year olds whom portably thing they have found true love. And i think to myself they are only 18 and they don't know what love means. But then i look at myself and i remember i was 18 and i knew love and look where that love has brought me. Which really is nowhere.

Broken (part 3)

April 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Tags: bad breakup

He says she has made his life a living hell and he wants to get out. I say whatever makes you happy and he gives me this smile that makes my heart stop. I lie to him and say i don't have a boyfriend. I go out of my apartment and call him. I say he's here. He says great now go and have fun i love you. I do too i say and don't mean it. Because all of a sudden i realize no other amount of love will ever come as close as the way i love him. I finally realize when people say if its love you will know. I don't care that he has two kids, i don't care that his wife is a bitch, i don't care that he has so much baggage that he literally is the baggage claim. I care about none of it. Because when i am with him i need nothing. The world without him means nothing. And what is a world without nothing to live for? So we go on vacation. We leave the country and go away. At first we are friend and nothing else. It starts with silly jokes, past memories, the brush of his hands against mine, the way he accidentally touches me, the way he pokes me when he thinks i am not listening. Then before you know it you're both falling madly in love. I had already been in love but this time its his turn to feel what i feel. And he does. He feels it with a passion i did not see coming. Then the planning of the future comes. He promises me a grand wedding, the telling of our families, the happiness our fathers would feel at the news. We talk about how we would raise his kids and whether i should learn how to cook healthy options. He leaves and i cry at the airport. I break up with my boyfriend and forget all about him. As if he never existed. I stay up until 4 am everyday so i can be on his time. I sleep all day and am up all nigh. He's worth it i say. I get too tired to go to work, too tired to go out with friends he's all i think of. He calls he says its over the divorce is final and he will send me a ticket to vista him after january (2015). I cry whether its from joy or the foreshadowing of our future i can't tell. I quit my job, i sell the few things i owe, i pack my life up and go to vegas with my best friends and he hits Paris with his. I am on the phone with him on new years i say happy new years love of my life. He says happy new years my soul but i have to go now my guy friends are waiting for me. I feel a pang of something a flutter of wrongness but i ignore it and keep on dousing champagne. I smile and think to myself this year is going to be great.

Broken

April 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Tags: bad breakup

I met him at 18 while travelling abroad. He was a childhood friend that my mother insisted i visit even if its for a few days. Our fathers were best friends and as children they had always joked that we both would end up together. I was 18 he was 19. The day he came to pick up me up at the airport was a day i will never forget. Even though i had never met him i remember running into his arms as if i had known him my whole life. As if my soul knew him long before i had even known him. I ended up only spending two days in his home country as i was back packing through Europe and had not thought much of staying there for longer. Another reason was that i was travelling with my best friend and she wants interested in last minute change of plans. I never imagined i would feel this way about him. After spending two wonderful days with him i promised i would end my trip back in his country and fly back from there. However that never happened. I had a family emergency back home and had to fly back mid way through my trip. However once i got back i could not stop thinking about him. And let me tell you at that point i had a great boyfriend and once i came back from my trip i no longer felt anything for him. So i broke it off. What i didn't realize at that moment was that he never wanted what i wanted. I wanted him and he didn't think we would work because i was so different from him. Two years later he got married to a girl and he kept in touch through out the years. He would message me happy birthday or miss you come visit. I never replied. I blocked his memory out of my life because after all what do you know when you're 18? You think you're in love and you have met your soul mate but everyone tells you you're too young to know. So i blocked him and every single memory of him. Forward it to 8 years later. I am 26 living alone, have a great boyfriend whom i see a future with, a great job. I get a call early morning 3 am my time. Its him. He says he's going through a divorce and wonders if it would be okay for him to visit. I think nothing of it. I don't even remember that i once had feelings for him. I just think sure come why not i can show you around. I don't over think it, i tell my boyfriend and he's okay with it as he will be out of town anyways and thinks its a great idea for him to come. After all he says he's going through a divorce why not be there for him. I should have known i would regret this i should have known nothing ever good comes out of him but i didn't.

C_papillon

April 19, 2015 @ (Melbourne, Australia)

Tags: Bad breakup, living together, phone break up

I was in a very committed relationship with my ex, where we moved in with each other after one and a half years. Things were going well (I thought) with the occasional bickering of two people who live together but there was never a day when we didn't say we loved each other. About six months in, one day after we had spent a lovely day pulling 'sickies', having brunch, watching our favourite TV show together, I received a phone call from our landlord while at work. She was calling me to confirm if someone under the name of (my ex), needed a reference for a new lease. I thought it was some sort of mistake so I told her not to worry about it and hung up. She called back immediately and suggested that I find out what the situation is from my ex. So, I duck out thinking I'd make a quick phone call to sort out a silly misunderstanding. He picks up after a couple of rings, I tell him the story and his reply was 'Yes, I'm really sorry you had to find out this way but I'm moving out tonight, I was going to tell you after work'. It was a legit WHAT THE F. moment.

Sara

April 17, 2015 @ (Canada)

Tags: bad breakup

My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago, everything was going so great, I never felt this happy before, he made me feel like a princess and I know that he truly cared. We have been together for a year and a half, we have had problems, but nothing really major, it was often the same problems again and again, but I thought that we had so much more good times than bad ones and from my point of view, the relationship was going just fine. Well, aparently not, he did not told me a specific reason for the breakup, he just told me that he felt their was a distance between us now, that it was not like it used to be, that we loved less that he did. And i was just so confused, I did not get it and none of my friends or family members neither. They just could not understand, just like me. My friends and family loved him. We promised that we will be friends, but soon realised that we needed some time off first. So we tried to stop talking to each others, but we failed, it's been a month and we talk at least once a week. He tells that he misses me all the time and I miss him so much too, I can't stop thinking about him. And I know that if we ever get back together, we could make this work. I asked him to take and break, he said he did not want to, I asked him if we took some time off and try this again in a few months, we frist said ok, but then said no,that he did not want me in his life anymore, yet he tells that he misses me... I just do not get and I am so confused. I am juste sitting there, hoping he will come at my door tomorrow and ask me to get back together, knowing it will never happen. Never knew something could hurt so much.

Ryan

April 16, 2015 @ (United States)

Tags: Bad Breakup

Exactly a year ago I met someone special, the moment I set my eyes on her I knew she was something of one of a kind, I was a typical high school student and she was as well. It took me a month before I worked the courage to speak to her and my gut was right, she was the most beautiful person I have ever met. She was weird and quirky and funny and stupidly silly. The school year ended and thats when it started to get serious. We spent our summer together and did many things, she taught me how to swim(because I never trusted anyone around water due to my hydrophobia) and we went on vacation together(her parents payed for my trip lol) It was honestly one of the happiest times of my life. We barely fought and if we did we made up each time like it was nothing and moved on with our days. I grew blinded by my affection soon after, I loved this girl and I was terrified to admit it. Soon after the next school year started, I could feel the distance happening. Which caused me to become jealous, scared, etc I was panicking and didn't know what to do. I could see it coming and it did. She broke up with me, telling me she didn't want a relationship right now blah blah blah. I crashed and burned, I was so devastated that I just wanted to hurt myself(of course I didn't) she then led me on for a few months, would kiss me, try and comfort me when I was down, she even came over to my house and slept with me, but in the end she would always use that excuse and it pushed me even further down... causing me to push her even further away without realizing it... Ever sense then I've just been realizing what I did wrong and been bettering myself, dating new people most guys would say my life has been pretty great for some of the girls that are chasing me.. but all I can continue to think about is her. The one that got away. That all I can do is pray because I knew her reason of leaving me was complete crap, especially since she's with someone else now. I just wish her the best while I sit and wish I had the best. She's still deep in my heart and I see people hating on their ex and everything, but even though she did me wrong I can't help but wish she has the best for her. I just know that if I was with her now, things would have been much different and she'd still be mine, but that's my new found confidence that I will hope to be able to use with someone of the same or better amount to offer... I've learned a lot and even though I still am upset about her, maybe we're better off. Or maybe it was the bad timing, I'm now 18 and i'm still young. Life ahead of me is something to shine about.

AZ

April 11, 2015 @ (United States)

Tags: first Love, First break up, second chance, back together

My story might be a little different, but still the same feelings, the same pain. I am a guy and i fell in love with another guy this was my first relationship with a guy. We met in March of 2014 everything was great from day one. We met at a parking lot at the willowbrook mall in Houston, TX. We were great together, we wouldn't go 24hrs without texting each other. He told me from the begining he was scared of getting hurt and wanted to take everything slow, he said he had moved too fast before and only ended up getting hurt. He didnt want to make the same mistake this time. We never became an official couple, but we were officially dating. He told me what he was feeling was getting stronger and it was freaking him and he didnt want to lose me. We went on a few road trips, Marfa, TX Austin, San Antonio it was great. We used to see each other a few times per week almost a year later we started seeing each other less and less, he put this big distance between us i didnt know why and it was killing me. In October I decided to ask him to take it to the next step, he straight out said no, he didnt want to get hurt or move to fast. I told him i would wait for him. We kept hanging out, things were ok I was already in love, but i was also scared. so in March i finally decided to put the fear aside and tell him i fell in love with him and that i love him so at least he knew how i feel, i didnt want to pressure him. When i told him he probably freaked out, he was more quite than usual. I started feeling sad, i didnt want to lose him. I told him to tell me if he wasnt interested anymore or didnt want to continue dating. He said he was just figuring out himself. On March 18th saw him again and it was the last time i saw him, i texted him he didnt reply at that moment i thought he was ignoring me, avoiding me, he texted me back he said he wasnt. I felt he didnt want to talk to me or hang out anymore it was killing me i didnt know if i did anything wrong, he told me there was not a thing wrong with me that it was all him and he wasnt ready. i told him i had faith we will end up together i had hope he would shop up at my door and tell me he wanted to give it a chance. He said maybe someday, he wasnt ready yet, but he wasnt going to disappear or quit talking to me. That was his last text. He completely ignored me, I didnt know why, i didnt know what happened or what i did wrong. I still havent gotten a text from him. I did everything i could to be together. This is the first time I was in a relationship with a guy, I never thought i could love someone, i never thought i could love a guy this much. I accepted all these feelings, I was ready to tell my family if i had to. Its almost two weeks since he ignored me, his silence is killing me, he didnt give me the gift of closure. I dont know what hurts more to feel that i lost him, to have accepted all these emotions or to be ignored and i dont know why or what happened or if i didnt anything wrong. This is the first time i feel this, the first time i suffer for someone. This is the first time i love someone and it was a guy. And the worse thing is that i still have hope that he will show up at my door, i hope he is just figuring out himself to finally be ready and start something with me. He will be ready someday, he will give someone a chance, i wish that someone was me, i wish it was me the one to make him happy. I love him, he will always be my white guy, the one who brought light into my life.

Bubby

April 10, 2015 @ (vijayawada)

Tags: Love, break-up, back together.

Most people who have broken up with their partners, have tried to get back together. Whether from fear, whether from frustration of meeting someone new, I cannot say.
I have broken up with women and after some time - a week, a month - we have tried again. Itâ€™s funny how we always tell ourselves: "I will not do it again." We promise a lot of things, but there always comes a time that the old problems, in most cases unresolved or misunderstood, emerge again.
A person comes in the life of another in order to learn from one another. The breakups happen in order to teach the partners something. If "the beloved ones" do not pay attention to this life lesson, they will surely make exactly the same mistakes in the next relationships. The most common problem, I think, is that people wear a mask. You liked the external first and then looked inside the shell. Fallen in love. But to keep the attention of your loved one youâ€™ve been doing things that in some cases, they did not like. You wear a mask, just to prove yourself you are good enough for them.
So the two lovers begin to live life together in a lie.
From my experience I would say that in a relationship, including my own, one of the partners loves the other one more. One always feels ignored by the other. You are going restaurants, theaters, film screenings, etc.., which you do not want to, but you do just to please your partner. It happens so that there comes a point where you forget who you are. You no longer go out with your friends, stay away from things that youâ€™ve previously enjoyed and activities which made you say things like: "No one can make me stop playing on Saturdays..!"
But why does it happen so? Most likely you've been so in love with the person next to you that you were ready to do everything for him.
So youâ€™ve got that person in your life. Youâ€™ve achieved your target by wearing the fake mask. Now what? Time passes and you start to thing youâ€™ve made some wrong decisions. Now your friends do not call. You are deadlock. And you wonder how it came to here.
Even your mates can feel that things are wrong. You argue and quarrel very often but both donâ€™t have the courage to admit what the real problem is. Namely, both have forgotten who you are. In order not to quarrel for "trifles", you put aside your interests to try make your relationship better. Now, you both stay at home, doing some nasty things, monotonous, you do not feel but only satisfy your needs.
And there comes a point where you say: "I cannot go on like this!â€. You split with mixed feelings, without even thinking. No longer want to see the other person and you say that true love is there only in the movies. You close yourself to others.
But a month passes and you begin to feel the need to satisfy "needs." You start meeting with different people. You say to yourself, "Life is life!" Clubs, bars, restaurants, cool promiscuity. You feel the euphoria and cannot stop. The effect wears off quickly...
You meet new girl in the college or in the streets. She is the personification of everything you dreamed of. And fall in loveâ€¦ And history repeats itself...!
MY ADVICE..!
Stop thinking so much! Be yourself! As much as you like a person, above all love yourself! No, do not be selfish, but do not forget yourself. If a person does not feel happy inside, he cannot be really happy. If people could be paused in their hectic life for a moment and asked what they really love to do, to follow and achieve their childhood dreams, the world would be a wonderful place. Be the Change...!!!

Giovanni

March 30, 2015 @ (The Netherlands)

Tags: bad breakup fml

Okay, so me and this girl were together for about 9 months when she started to become very distant in comparison to how our relationship was in its earlier stages. We had something really special and she used to tell me that all the time. She was my first love and I honestly haven't been able to feel the same way again. It has been two years now.

So what happened was...
She and I had been in a fight because I saw her texting some guy I knew she had a past with. When I confronted her, she lied and said she wasn't texting him. I got mad and we started fighting. The next day, I'm in the train on my way back home from college and we are still fighting. Suddenly she says she wants to break up. I had not yet realised that this would be the definite end. I asked her if I could come by and pick up my stuff. She said it was okay. So I was thinking, i'll try and talk to her and fix things, because talking about it in person would be a lot better for a matter like this.

I show up at her house to pick up my stuff and her dad opens the door. He hands me my shit and off I go. I then realise my first love has come to an end and my first heartbreak is a fact.

In the months after, I couldn't bear seeing her, and if I did see her I'd panic, run off and eventually cry.

Half a year later, come to find out she had been fucking the guy she was texting AND a 'friend' of mine.

Trees Of Glory

March 29, 2015 @ (united states of america)

Tags: funny break up

So I wanted to break up with this guy for quite a while, he was so rude. I couldn't bring myself to do it. We had been dating a year and a half, when he said we are having problems. So we meet up infront of some trees at a park he gets there and stares at me like a weirdo. I say we are breaking up he agrees and proceeds to tell me how perfect I am and I start to cry. He trys to hug me and I say don't fucking touch me. He started crying and I walked away. afterwards me and my bestfriend went to the fair and made out with 2 really hot guys. BEST DAY EVER