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David Pheng

October 10, 2016 @ (Cambodia)

A month ago, I was deeply in love with this sweet tough guy whom I nicknamed him "Blueberry". The relationship we had was like an electromagnetic force turned into flames and sparks, although sadly it only lasted for a month. It all started in the late summer and ended in the early monsoon. It was the kind of love that was unexpected and overwhelming, and we had no idea why we ended up falling in love at first sight. Meh, you wouldn't believe me, right? Yup, I wouldn't believe myself, either.

I had always thought that the idea of being in love at first sight was "foolish" until it happened to me. He was brave enough to hold my hand, walking in the pouring rain and whispering to me that he'd never met someone like me before. At that blissful moment, I caught him looking and smiling at me dazzlingly, laughing like a little kid. Oh, you know what? His smile was infectious; his deep husky voice kept me interested in whatever he talked about; and his large and tall body kept me safe and warm. I knew he also liked me...and I was happy.

Time passes; feelings change; memories fade; people leave but hearts never forget. We broke up out of the blue. It hurt like hell when he told me he tried to make the relationship work but it didn't, because he made me fall so deep in love with him. It was the moment I knew I'd just lost a soulmate whom I could talk to for hours without any pretense, laughing at his jokes without acting like he was a funny guy (because he was one hell of a funny guy) and sharing secrets to each other. I felt like I'd lost someone more than a close friend, although we only spent a month together. We'd had plans to be done and promises to be made until we found out that we weren't meant to be together in the end.

I would be lying if I said that I was fine going through the breakup...but I guess, it was okay, because I kept reminding myself that all I've always wanted is for him to be happy even if I'm not the cause of his happiness. The combination of anger, guilt, and revenge built up inside me has finally subsided. I admit I was so mad and depressed, leaving him numerous messages and calls...because I wanted him to be there when my heart was broken and fire was burning inside me. I couldn't sleep and eat well for several weeks; I lost some pounds; I looked up "how to mend a broken heart" articles on the internet, yet they couldn't help much as my heart still wanted what it wanted, although my head tried to prevent me from going back to what'd shattered my heart into pieces. The funny thing was I even cried at work when he instantly popped up inside my mind.

Buried deep inside my head, his presence was still there. I saw the invisible him every where we used to go together. As much as I tried to erase him from my mind, I only kept hurting myself by doing so. It took like a month to get better from it. However I'm in the process of healing my heart and bringing back the old happy me, deep down inside I still miss him and wish him all the best. I love him. I still do. But I'm letting him go if that's what makes him happier. Thanks for all the memories which will be kept and locked forever in my heart.

Stephen King once said, "Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure."