Tags: Everything happens for a reason
We met my sophomore year of high school, his junior. He was tall, lean, blonde and gorgeous. At the beginning, I was normal. I treated him right and gave him everything. Gave him my virginity a couple months in, there was nothing I wouldnt give him. But a year and a half had passed so quickly. I didnt notice how awful of a person i had became. I was so irritated by his stupidity, even when he was not stupid. I was angry and I felt trapped, I blamed him for my sadness. I treated him so terrible and I took his love for granted. Though, after a year I had began noticing my abuse to him and decided i wanted to be better for him. I began changing, showing him my love, spoiling him. I wanted to make it up to him. But my damage was done. In the remaining months of our relationship when we first got out first job, he began talking to this girl. He started to not call me, text me, see me. I would ask him why and he responded that he didn't know why. That he forgot. The now and then we did hang, he was texting her. He said she was helping him pursue his dream of drawing. I said okay. He just grew so distant and I was growing so attached. The day he broke up with me was outside my house, I was late for work but needed to see him since he used every excuse to not see me. He finally did, and we broke up. I lead it on. I knew he wasnt happy, that i didnt make him happy. So i encouraged him to break up, and that we were going to be okay. He cried. I did too. He agreed and he ended it. Except... he kissed me goodbye. That was when I felt such pain and disbelief, how could i have let him go? i drove to work in tears, almost got into an accident. I was such a mess and in such a shock. I texted him i didnt want to break up, he didnt reply. I ended up calling and he picked up, explaining this is what he wanted, then saying it wasnt, then saying it was, then saying it wasnt. So i indeed kept hope. We made a deal that he would come to his decision the following thursday a week from then. I kept hope. I called him that monday asking id he had made a decision, he said yes. He made it a while ago, but he wasnt going to tell me till friday. That break up was the most painful thing i have ever dealt with. I had a lot of problems that he only knew about, i was open with him completely. Trusted him. Love him. I had made him my world and left all my friends. When he dumped me, I had no one. So i rebounded. cried. rebounded. cried. Then realized that everything happens for a reason. In this case, i was a terrible person to him. He brought out the worse in me. He didnt deserve it. Im glad he dumped me, i wouldnt have worked hard to change my ways. He wouldnt have been so happy. Hes the one who got away and I miss him. Will always love him. And I am sorry.
Tags: Everything happens for a reason
We met my sophomore year of high school, his junior. He was tall, lean, blonde and gorgeous. At the beginning, I was normal. I treated him right and gave him everything. Gave him my virginity a couple months in, there was nothing I wouldnt give him. But a year and a half had passed so quickly. I didnt notice how awful of a person i had became. I was so irritated by his stupidity, even when he was not stupid. I was angry and I felt trapped, I blamed him for my sadness. I treated him so terrible and I took his love for granted. Though, after a year I had began noticing my abuse to him and decided i wanted to be better for him. I began changing, showing him my love, spoiling him. I wanted to make it up to him. But my damage was done. In the remaining months of our relationship when we first got out first job, he began talking to this girl. He started to not call me, text me, see me. I would ask him why and he responded that he didn't know why. That he forgot. The now and then we did hang, he was texting her. He said she was helping him pursue his dream of drawing. I said okay. He just grew so distant and I was growing so attached. The day he broke up with me was outside my house, I was late for work but needed to see him since he used every excuse to not see me. He finally did, and we broke up. I lead it on. I knew he wasnt happy, that i didnt make him happy. So i encouraged him to break up, and that we were going to be okay. He cried. I did too. He agreed and he ended it. Except... he kissed me goodbye. That was when I felt such pain and disbelief, how could i have let him go? i drove to work in tears, almost got into an accident. I was such a mess and in such a shock. I texted him i didnt want to break up, he didnt reply. I ended up calling and he picked up, explaining this is what he wanted, then saying it wasnt, then saying it was, then saying it wasnt. So i indeed kept hope. We made a deal that he would come to his decision the following thursday a week from then. I kept hope. I called him that monday asking id he had made a decision, he said yes. He made it a while ago, but he wasnt going to tell me till friday. That break up was the most painful thing i have ever dealt with. I had a lot of problems that he only knew about, i was open with him completely. Trusted him. Love him. I had made him my world and left all my friends. When he dumped me, I had no one. So i rebounded. cried. rebounded. cried. Then realized that everything happens for a reason. In this case, i was a terrible person to him. He brought out the worse in me. He didnt deserve it. Im glad he dumped me, i wouldnt have worked hard to change my ways. He wouldnt have been so happy. Hes the one who got away and I miss him. Will always love him. And I am sorry.
Tags: Bad break up, I still love him, First love
Our relationship was totally unexpected. Last september 2013, a guy that I had a teeny tiny bit of a crush asked me out unexpectedly. No clues, No everything. Out of shock, I started freaking out. I don't know what to do. My mind screamed no, but heart says yes! The reson why i don't want to go on is because im scared of my mom. Like really. She's the definition of a really strict mom. i was scared but then a thought crossed my mind.
Why not accept this? Everything happens for a reason right?
That's when I said Yes. For the first 2 weeks it was amazing. The sparks, the giddy butterflies in my tummy were there until my mom found out about him. It was horrifying. My mom was in range. My mom threatened me to talk to him in school. I was scared. I told her that I promise to break up witj. So I did. I explained to him everything. After a day, things were back together. We decided to mend things back together. I mean we aren't officially dating but you know what I mean? You can sense that something's still going on? Yup, that's it. October came, he stole my first kiss. It was magical. All I could ever think about is that I love him. That everything revolves around him. Its like he's my world. He's my strength yet he is also my weakness. Everything in him is just perfect. The way he surprises me with kisses.. The way he brought Gatorade just for me (Gatorade is my favorite drink, i just love that shit lol)
It was perfect. Everything was perfect. There are even times when he makes silly jokes or I took glances at him in class and im like 'shit, I love this guy' I was soo inlove. It was just.. Perfect. I never been so happy in my life. Everytime I woke up he's all I ever think about. He's cute 'Good Morning's'.. It made me cry, thinking about all those happy memories.
When christmas break came, he told me that his wifi router got broken.. Me, being the understanding girl that I am, understands him. I told him it was okay that he shouldn't worry about me.
(We talk and chat in Kik. We can't text since my mom checks my phone all the time)
One time, back at christmas break.. I was looking at my chat box in facebook but Something totally made me stop in my tracks. He was online. And he was usinh he's phone. I messaged him, i did everything but noo, he wouldn't reply anymore.. I don't know why. Christmas eve came, I kept on looking at my phone hoping that maybe he'd greet me a merry christmas but no, nothing came. It broke my heart. But one thing crossed my mind. I was like 'oh maybe he's wifi router is still destroyed'
New year came, I was waiting. Waiting for him to atleast greet me but no, nothing still came. It hurt me. It Crushed me .. to millions of pieces. But there's one thing that made me ball my eyes out.. He's close friend messaged me in facebook. He's like;
Happy new year __ ! How are you and him? I hope that this year is going to be a big blast for both of you. Best wishes. Haha don't forget im one of your #1 Fans of LYN! hahaha cx
That totally made me cry. I mean out of everything why that? Why his friend.? Its really heartbreaking to know that he's friend greeted me, while him? No. There was no effort. It crushed me. The way his friend says he want us to be good this year. It break me.
School came along, i tried not to approch him. Waiting for him to atleast apologize or say Hi, or ask me how my christmas break went but nothing. He never did. It crushed me. The next day, I tried talking to him but he was distant like he really is. He's bestfriend approached me and told me he wanted to talk. I listened. He's bestfriend told me the truth. He met a girl back at christmas break. He went to the movies with her and ate in a restaurant. It killed me. I was paralyzed in my seat. My breathing hitched. My face paled. My mind went blank. I felt like crying but my tears wouldn't fall. My eyes feel numb. My skin is on fire. I feel like someone just throwed me a bucket of lava. Just like that. It crushed me. I've lost weight. Im not the happy girl like before. Every recess or lunch, I don't mingle with my friends anymore. I just stay in the classroom, facing the wall, got my phone out and stay there till' its over. It crushed me. I'm not the bubble person that I am before. But you know what hurt me the most? He acted as if I never exist. It was like I was invinsible. That he couldn't see me. Just like that. There are times that I break down in class. I just couldn't help it. He looks soo happy without me. Huge smile in his face. And well, I also think that he has a crush on this girl.. He craves for her attention. He sits with her all the time in class. He talk about her all the time. I don't know what to do. Its killing me since we are classmates. I could see him everyday. Its hard to ignore him. It really is. It broke my heart. he is the love of my life. He's my everything. He's the only reason why I smile. Its hard. I mean he is after all my first love. My first ever boyfriend. My first kiss. It hurt me to know that another that I love, would leave me again. Like my dad. He left me. I mean sure, I got to see him and everything but it isn't like before. My dad has another daugther who is my half sister. My dad loves her so much. He wouldn't even bother to talk to me anymore. He wouldn't crave for our communication. When me and my dad's girlfriend fight, he always take her side. It kills me. Another guy who I love would leave me again. Wow, What did I do to deserve this? It kills me. Its almost a month now but im still not over him. He's all I could ever think about. I don't know what to do. I want the real me to be back again, but it wouldn't. Its hard to smile. He looks soo soo happy without me. It break me into millions of pieces. It made me realize that love is shitload of bullshit. I honestly don't believe in love anymore. I mean why? No matter how loving or caring that person is to you, they will break you in the end. Those people out there that are experiencing heartbreak, don't worry. Your not the only one. Im trying my hardest to stay strong. Let's just believe in ourself, have faith in God. And never say never
Tags: Bad breakup
Her and I were together for 5 months. It was great and all but eventually she became bossy and a snotty bitch. She would always point out y flaws, never let me have a say in anything, and she would yell at me... A lot!!! Honestly it turned to a point where I was losing it. It felt like we no longer had the same sense of humor, we would fight over the smallest things, and she was changing me to something I'm not. This girl got me into a lot of shit, she also got me in huge trouble at school (but that's another story). I did a lot for her and trust me when I say a lot.
On our last date she was being rude to me, through out the entire date she kept upsetting me. The fact that my feelings for her were deep I took every thing she said seriously. But towards the end everything bottled up and I exploded on her just dumped right there and then.
It hurt me to dump her and I never knew I had it in me to do it. Although there was bad times in our relationship there were also good. And knowing I wasn't going to be with her this summer it really sucked. That doesn't matter anymore. I must admit I miss her and I do think about her time to time. But I believe everything happens for a reason. That reason was for me to find someone better, and I did. This new relationship is so far better. It really is and throughout this new relationship we experienced more than what I experienced with my ex. I hope this new relationship will be longer than my previous ones. And to all you people in this site: please believe there will be someone for you. I promise it took me a while to realize that!!
Tags: breakup
FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT
I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.
For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.
I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.
I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.
For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.
When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?
It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.
I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.
I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.
I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.
Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.
As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.
A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.
Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.
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