Searching for "pain"

109 Results For 'pain'

Bob David

May 03, 2012 @ (san diego)

We met when I was 21 and she was just turning 18, a little over 5 years ago. There was instant attraction and our relationship advanced quickly. I knew deep down that neither of us were mature enough to be in a long term committed relationship, but we stuck together anyways. There were a lot of good times, fun memories, amazing sex and we were always there for eachother through the ups and downs. About two years into the relationship there were multiple infadelities-- she started sleeping with one of my good friends behind my back and I had slept around with more than 1 girl. Despite this huge blow to our trust and relationship, we stuck together after we came clean with each other on what we had done. In hindsight I know that we stuck together because we were attached and had some form of needyness with each other. I feel weak to admit that, but I honestly just felt attached and couldn't let her go despite the fact that we had both hurt each other severely and that we deserved better. I knew in my heart at the time that I should have let her go, but my impulsive needyness forced me to hold on to a relationship that had become toxic. Since then we tried to rebuild the foundation of trust in our relationship, but we were fighting an uphill battle and there was just too much insecurity and distrust towards eachother. A year and a half ago we moved in together, which was a big mistake. Things were ok on the surface, but deep down we both felt disconnected and unhappy with the relationship. Along the way we became very short tempered and irritated with eachother. She would yell and call me names, I would yell back and say hurtful things-- stuff you just don't do when you say that you love someone. I knew in my heart for a long time it was not right and that I needed to let go, but I just didn't have the courage to part company with her. I feel ashamed for having held on to something that I knew was not right for me. We broke up about 5 weeks ago after she did not come home one night. She told me she went out to party with her friends and stayed with a female co-worker, but my intuition told me otherwise. We both agreed that we were not right together and both needed to stand on our own two feet. We were together for 5 and a half years and although I know that it was not the right relationship for me I still feel a deep sense of loss an emotional pain. Despite having hurt eachother I had considered her my best friend-- we did everything together and wanted desperately to make things work. I have been trying so hard for the last 5 weeks to look at the reality of the relationship, but my mind keeps wanting to tell me that we could have made it work or that I should have been a better man. The fact is I was immature and acted with the level of maturity and awareness that I had at the time-- I think it's fair to say that she did too. I keep beating myself up over what I could have done differently and all the what if's, but it has only held me back from letting go and moving on. I am trying so hard to accept that it's over, but still find myself hoping for reconciliation in the future-- hope that is eating me up inside. I know that we both deserve better and that it cannot work. I am not one to share my personal story on an online forum such as this, but I started reading a book the other day that suggested I post about the breakup on this website. It has been helpful typing this story up and putting things into perspective. I think it's important that I look at my past relationship logically rather than feed off of my emotions. Anyways, I know my story probably sounds crazy or like I am a bad guy for having cheated, but I would appreciate any feedback. I am now 26 and have come to so many realizations in reflecting on the relationship. I really want to better myself and become the best man that I can be not only for myself, but so that I can have a healthy, loving relationship in the future. Most importantly I want to love myself so I never put myself in a toxic relationship again where I think that I don't deserve better. Anyways, stay strong to everyone that is going through similar heart break or emotional pain. Everyone keeps telling me it will pass-- I just hope that it does sooner than later!

Morgan

March 11, 2012 @ (California)

Tags: Morgan

Me and my ex were together for 4 years. Last year he got into drugs. It ruined our relationship. He lied, stole and cheated.
When we first got together I had just gotten out of a relationship and he was in a bad one. We leaned on each other for comfort and ended up falling in love. I felt we had the perfect relationship. It was us against the world. We brought a beautiful child into the world and had the perfect happy family.
The stuff he has done to me while on drugs is unthinkable. The person I fell in love with was sweet, understanding, funny, considerate, everything I wanted out of a partner.
For 3 weeks prior to our breakup he got clean. It was great. I felt like we were falling in love all over again. Things were happy and he was being a wonderful father again. Then he left for the store that one faitful day and did not come back. He gave me some excuse about being kidnapped by old druggie friends. Came back the next day with my car wrecked and a girl. He stopped coming home after that and finally 4 days later I had enough and I packed up me and my son's stuff and moved out. Apparently that girl moved in the same day I left and they were together since then.
In the following 2 months he turned our family home into a drug house, went on leave from his job, totalled his car, and ended up in jail, oh and lost our home because he was jailed.
A couple of days into his jail stint we talked on the phone and he cried and appologized for everything he had done. We kinda reconciled but a week after he got released he started lying to me about texting someone. He got really defensive about who he was talking to just like he would do to me when he was doing drugs. He wont stop lying and I do not think I can get over the pain he has caused me and my son. He used to be wonderful and now he is the complete opposite. I am at a crossroads with our relationship and not sure what to do. My gut instinct tells me to run screaming into the hills and my heart is saying work it out with him.

Trisha

February 29, 2012 @ (Cali)

Tags: Lesbian, blindside, experiment, straight

Background knowledge: I am a 24 year old lesbian, known my whole life and came out at 16. She is a almost 23 year old "free spirit" never had been with a girl before but always said she'd never closed it out of her options.

We first talked in May of 2011 and there was instantly a connection between us. She asked me to hang out in the beginning of June for the first time and we hit it off. We went out with a group of friends but me and her were inseperable. I knew she was "straight" so I didn't make any advances but she sure did!! She kept telling me how hot I was, she invited me to stay at her house that night(even made sure to mention I wouldn't be sleeping on the couch), and grabbed my hand to hold it to the next bar we walked to. As we sat there talking she grabbed my head and began making out with me. Wow! We walked back to her place and innocently kissed and fell asleep. She walked me to my final college class the next morning and we were glued to each other since that night. Our "relationship" grew over the next 9 months into something I saw as perfect, one of a kind, unique, and new. She told me she felt the same way. She had never felt so real before and that this was truly the relationship she always dreamed of and I was the person she always dreamed for. I was "the one". The sex was aweesome(in my opinion), and she would tell me how she couldn't wait to spend her life with me, have babies with me, and how truly amazing I treated her. So things are rolling just like they had been when suddenly she tells me, "I don't know about us anymore. I'm so confused and I'm just not sure what our future holds." I let her think for a week and hope she is just saying crazy things and we can make it better. We have a PHENOMENAL weekend but things seem distant still as the week comes. I ask if things have gone back to normal and if she still believes I'm the one and what we have is unique and one of a kind. She doesn't reply. I ask if she wants to break up. Her response, "No! I mean.....I don't know". That kind of said it all. So we hung up after that and she didn't contact me for an entire fucking week!! Blindsided by this breakup, everything seemed perfec for 9 months, then she gets confused and ends it. We finally talk after a week of not taking and she was supposidely so sad and miserable over the situation. After giving me BS reasons that we broke up for 30 minutes, she finally "got honest" with me and let me know that she loved me as a friend and as a person but got that confused with being in love and that she tried to convince herself that she was "in love" but that she doesn't think she is. She could never see a future with me she said. AKA she isn't gay/can't be with a girl! Talk about a fucking slap in the fucking face. It's the closure I needed but now I'm just pissed that I was apart of her experiment that she likely knew the results of early after we met but didn't let me know till now. Plus for her to pretend she was in love with me and wanted a future with me is BS. She isn't the first "straight" girl to do this to me but she is the first to let it last 9 months. She wants to be friends and will talk/text but I feel like it's not a good idea. I think any "pain" she felt is gone now and she is relieved and fine because she "cleared her conscious" and got honest. I don't think she has any pain over losing "us" or this "relationship" and that sucks because I thought it was something different for 9 months but I guess it was all a lie.

Heartbroken Girl

January 15, 2012 @ (Austria)

Tags: Heartbreak, breakup

Well, here's my story..
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. To be honest, he has been breaking up with me for the past 2 years. Basically, the first year was more than just perfect. It was more I thought possible! I loved him so much, I would have done anything for me and I knew he felt the same way about me.

So after a year, he broke up with me for the first time. I probably did the worst thing possible after that: I begged him to stay with me and tried to convince him for an hour to give us another chance - which he did eventually.
The weird thing was, that in those next few days, he would be everything I wanted. Kind, sweet, caring, telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn't imagine living a life without me.

This lasted for about 2 months when he broke up with me again. I didn't beg him to stay with me anymore, but after some days he came back, telling me how sorry he was and that he badly wanted us to be together again - I went back.
You see the pattern there, I guess..

So, that's how it would be: breakin up, getting back together, being completely in love again, breaking up..
After 2 years, I wasn't myself anymore. My life revolved around him, he was the center of my universe and that's when I completely lost myself.. I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend, to never make him angry, to always do what he wanted me to do, but it didn't matter. No matter what I did, he would still breake up with me after telling me the day before that I was everything he wanted.

I was confused, devastated, hurt. So, about half a year ago, after one of his breakups I knew, I couldn't take it anymore. I even had to get professional help and take antidepressants to get through the day. It was the hardest time of my life and there were times, were I didn't just want to die (which I did daily), but when I thought I actually would because of the pain.
The only thing that helped me was knowing that he didn't have anyone else and I tried to tell myself he would come back eventually. After some time, I even thought, I had found myself again and I didn't need him anymore.

So, 3 months ago, he texted me, saying how much he wanted me and another chance with me. When he came over, I knew I never stopped loving him, but at least I was able to keep control of myself. He noticed of course, that I had changed and he was everything I always wanted him to be. He even was full of doubts, saying how scared he was, that I wouldn't want him anymore and that he was so sorry for what he had done and that he had the feeling that everything was better now.
I really thought, he had a wakeup call and that he finally knew, he didn't want to be without me. Everytime I went out with my friends, he was so scared that I would meet someone else that I even felt sorry for him, because I really didn't want him to feel bad. So I would always say the sweetest things, when he called or texted me, because I wanted his doubts to go away - while I was out, supposed to be having fun. I liked doing it though, because it showed me, he cared!

We didn't see each other that often during the last 3 months, because we both had a lot of work to do and we wanted to take things slow. We didn't spend christmas and new year's eve together because he was visiting his family. I really missed him and he also always said how much he was looking forward to seeing me again. I believed him.
On new year's eve, while I was out celebrating, he kept texting me, calling me, saying that he was so scared I would do anything stupid and that he wanted to remind me how happy he was to be seeing me the next day.

So, when he came to visit me, he was kind and sweet and he stayed over. The next day, after sleeping with me once more of course, he broke up with me.. For the last time now, because a few days ago I found out he was already in a relationship with another woman..
After ONE week..

How come, I am so easy to forget? That he's living his life with someone else, happy, while I don't even know how to get up in the morning?
Everyone keeps telling me, that I would get over him eventually and that I'm oh so young (20) so of course I would fall in love again - and maybe they are right!

But... I know that there are people out there, never able to let go, who always find themselves hurt and miserable again, everytime they see that person.
I don't want to end up like that, I don't, but what if I'm one of those people? What if everytime I'm going to see him alone or with his new girlfriend, my hearts just breaks all over again?
How do I know that I'll be able to let go?

It felt good to get this of my chest..
With all my love,

a heartbroken girl

Anony-mous

January 09, 2012 @ (la)

Tags: trust, heartbreak

i've been with a girl for about 1.5 years. i met her in nyc. i'm originally from the west coast, but i moved to the city 2 years ago. anyway, throughout our entire time together, it felt like a never-ending "honeymoon phase". we were passionately in love with each other, and extremely affectionate. i moved in with her a year ago because i lost my job. she was kind enough to open her home to me. she's been nothing but amazing. her family loves me. she loves me. we had plans for the future, even plans of marriage.

though, at this moment, i am currently in la (for a short vacation) and she's in nyc. she broke up with me on the phone this morning because i'm too insecure. i have trust issues (that i am working on) and she's just tired. she's giving up on this relationship because she's tired of my lack of trust. that, i understand. but i'm confused because it was so sudden.

i think it's serious this time. we had a joint bank account for our apartment savings, and she removed her share of the money. now it's almost half-empty.

but, i'm flying back to nyc tomorrow morning. i thought about not flying back at all to avoid seeing her (just because it will be too hard), but i can't not show up for work. i at least have to put in my two weeks and get the rest of my stuff at her place. i also have unfinished business in nyc that can't be left neglected.
i also need more closure than this. i've been crying constantly all day. i've been going into my car and crying hysterically so no one would hear me. i am going through so much pain because i'm starting to believe that this is really IT. she's been the most amazing girlfriend to me, so supportive, faithful, genuine, and perfect. her imperfections are perfect to me.
i hope this was out of anger. and that she didn't mean it. otherwise, i'm on a one-way flight back to los angeles with a broken heart and a broken dream.

Jolene

January 02, 2012 @ (Aus)

Tags: 1

We weren't together long, probably only over a month and the relationship felt kind of rushed, as if everything just went way too fast. It isn't as if I regret anything about the relationship as it happened, I just think it would've turned out better if it didn't go so fast.
Anyway, all of a sudden when the holidays began we saw each other less and less. I was told that he was working too much and he was too tired to see me. When I asked about our lack of communication he said that he was just too tired and that I never really talked to him. It was frustrating and despairingly I attempted a sort of silent approach interspersed with periods of strained conversation (not face to face). I have no idea how any of this was supposed to help and so I just left it. He didn't 'have time' to see me...okay, then I'll just go on and assume that he's just not interested anymore.
So basically my breakup was a prolonged period of confusion in which the dumper let me work it out for myself that we were no longer together. Whether this method of indirect break up was an act of cowardice, laziness or (seriously misguided) kindness I don't know. We still talk occasionally through social networks and such and are supposedly 'friends' in a weird way that feels like nothing meaningful. I don't feel any resentment towards him (or try not to) because this stuff happens and people lose interest. Except I hope that when it does happen most people explain this to the persons' face and don't let them painstakingly figure it out for themselves.

Baty

January 01, 2012 @ (egypt)

Tags: example1

hi, i really dont know what to do .my bf travelled to work to another country but although we were far but we kept in contact and we were so good.until he recieved email that he cant take a vacation before at least 2013 and he told me he's thinking alot about our relation and my father as he may not accept me wait him according to our traditions.and he tell me he hopes that he can reach me.when i asked him do you want to leave me he said not like that but dont base your life on me bec. Your father wont accept that.l cant bear this pain i feel he doesnt care but he told me he still love me and he is working there for my sake. Could anyone tell me what to d?? i havent eat for a week and im crying all day and i tried to text him but he doesnt respond?

Brynn

December 31, 2011 @ (bacolod)

Tags: 123

Hey.I'm ladiesman from philippines(obviously just an alias). It's my first time to experience this kind of pain from a break-up, cause I've invested too much on this woman. We got into a relationship through a dare game, in a text message. We got along,flirted,calling each other every 10:00 in the evening, been making out 4 times.., but never had an actual sex(just oral). The thin g with our relationship is she doesn't want to go out with me in public, telling me that she doesn't want her friends to know about it and that they will be shocked, I've also asked her about the guys that had been tecting her and calling her, and she would just tell me that these guys are nothing to worry about. Deep inside me I know that she's hiding something from me, but everytime I've asked her about this one she would always tell me the same thing, that I don't need to worry, they are just old acquaintances/ friends. It got to a point that I couldn't take this kind of thing anymore, and that I wanted our relationship to be open, so I told her about it, we broke up, and after an hour I told her that I was sorry and I want her back again. She just agreed, but starting that time, things got weird. She would not call me every 10:00 in the evening like what she's gonna be doing before, always delayed or sometimes not replying on my text messages anymore, started to make excuses for us not to meet, it was too much for me that I tried to call her for 33 times, she didn't answered back then. She then texted me on why have I called her for that many number of times, and I told her that I thought she was trying to avoid me, she was pissed, and told me that she's starting to lose interest on me because of what i did, and that caused our break up. I still made an effort to contact her, and even called her once asking for one more chance, but she told me that she just wants to be alone during christmas, and that she won't be giving me a chance
"for now" she says. 3 days passed, i never texted her but I would still call her from time to time, cause I was badly missing our daily routine of calling each other, and also spending time with her too...The last time that she answered the phone, after my 5 attempted calls in one day, she said"hello?...., I'm still busy", and then she dropped the phone. That hurted like hell for me. I felt like it's really 100% over already. I couldn't get over it that much, i became a paranoid and tried to seek advice from a lot of people around me, even those that I don't know. It came to a point that I've realized that I'm starting to get over it already, and had been trying to check her fb walls if there are other guys posting some stuffs. Lo and behold, there was a guy that I really have doubts to have a sexual reltionship with her that posted in her wall, I checked his fb account, checked on the pictures and his walls, and there I've discovered that my girl was actually trying to flirt, and chase the guy(cause he's a model) and had been posting a lot of flirty comments to each other since the day that my girl and I started making out(only lasted for about 2 months and a couple of weeks). Right now, I already consider her as a bitch, and is still trying to move on from the lies that she's been doing to me. I never realized that she's this kind of person, but a girl like this are the type to just be thrown away and be ignored(that's what my ego tells me to do....), and that's what I'm trying to do right now. Thing is, she still has a small boobs and a smelly cunt, so, I wanna wish the other guys who's gonna be meeting with her vagina a goodluck.

Eldon Matashaw

December 30, 2011 @ (Lebanon Missouri)

Tags: love, marriage, god

I am lost in my heart and my soul. I am very active in my church and I spend a great deal of time proselytizing to help bring others to Christ. Ever since I was 14 our minister has taken a special hand in my learning of Gods will and ways. He even encouraged me to date his adopted daughter Svetlana after he brought her here from Russia. A couple of years later, Pastor Williams encouraged me to marry Svetlana even though we were both still in school. We were married when I was 16 and she was 14. I was nervous as I was a virgin on our wedding night and I wanted to take it slow but Svetlana was very insistant that we have sex. We made love once, then she never wanted to do it any more. 6 months later our beautiful daughter Kima was born, 8 lbs 4 ounces and looked just like her mother. Pastor Williams was so helpful always offering to look after my wife and baby when ever he sent me out to spread the word of God. I had to leave school, because Pastor told me God spoke to him and said I was to be his beacon in the land to guide folks to his eternal love. I was often gone from home for many days and sometimes weeks as Pastor gave me instructions on where to spread His word. One day I was traveling near our home town, so I decided to stop in to see my family. When I went in to our trailer, I found my wife and Pastor Williams asleep in our bed. I could see they were both naked. I was so confused and I left without saying anything. A few days later, I talked to Pastor about it and he said the two of them had been praying and speaking in tongues. They had both been so posessed by the spirit, they chose to bare themselves to the Lord. He assured me that they had not engaged in fornication and that they both were just so exhausted they fell asleep. I believed him because I know he would never lie as it is a sin. Well, last week I found out Svetlana is pregnant again and her and I have not had sex since our wedding night. When I asked the Pastor for guidance, he told me I needed to "man up" and take care of my family. He explained to me that some women can carry a mans seed for years and have several children from only one mating. But then a sister in the church told me that she knew Pastor and my wife were committing adultry and that Pastor is actually the father of my Kima and my unborn child. I dont know who to believe, but I am so hurting in my soul. I think this may be the Lord testing me, or perhaps Satan trying to destry another of God's unions. I asked Svetlana to be truthful with me, and she just left and went to tell Pastor that I am being sinful in mistrusting her. I got on the internet to seek answers and somehow wound up on this site. I see so much pain here, and somehow feel kinship with it. But I also want you all to know, God loves you all, and he wants only your happiness. God has a plan. May he bless us all, Amen.

Shane

December 21, 2011 @ (North America)

Tags: example1

Two son's,grandbaby,Big house,cottage,condo in the south,boat,personal watercrafts,atv's,cars,income....Gave it all up for love.
My wife was more like a work partner.Did everything for me and the family. She had very low self esteem and didn't want to do anything socially just with her family.We were intamit twice in 6 years. I had a female friend I use to visit about 16 or 17 years ago strictly platonic we just enjoyed each others company without feeling any pressure. Well we ran in to each other again and a relationship developed this time, I know "shame on me". I fell in love with this woman and we have been together a little over a year.I left my wife and she left her husband. Her two daughters have adjusted extremely well. I love this woman but I’m also heart broken.No one in my previous family has anything to do with me at all not my son's or granddaughter, in-laws, no one. My ex-wife has all the material items, everything including $2,000.00 I deposit in her account every month, we have never been to court or had any outside settlement input. She is still devastated and so are the kids. I’m happy, extremely happy but heartbroken. Sometimes I even feel like I should take my own life just to have the pain and suffering that I have caused other people.
Thanks for a place to vent.
Happy but heartbroken, my sons were my best friends period...I miss them so much.