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Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Kim

September 20, 2012 @ (BLOCKED)

Tags: (BLOCKED)

I was with the guy named, Don H. We met the first week Don moved into our neighborhood in (BLOCKED). I was 25. We dated off and on for about a year and a half. He denies that he was seeing anyone else but, I know he was sleeping with at least one other neighbor. We had great times together. He was always partying. He was always throwing parties and barbeques and stuff. He worked a lot at his brokerage but I think he was lying. I think he was sleeping with his admin. I met her she was maybe 20. He was always out on the boat but I never went with him. Kidding me!? In the end I knew he was cheating. So obvious. So, I confronted him about what I thought was going on. He invited me over and we had a great time. He actually told me he missed the memo we were exclusive. We had some drinks by the pool. It was a beautiful night. We had sex outside. Then again in the shower. Then again upstairs in his room for half the night. When I woke-up he was already dressed. Tying his tie. Hot. He left a note on a Post-It Said we were done. Are you f-ing kidding me!? A Post-It! My God who does that?

Mariah

September 13, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: heart ache, mistake

It first started as a lust; something I never saw going anywhere nor did I want it to. We met at my place of work, and considering that it's my job to turn men on, I did just that. Not expecting that I'd actually be turned on by him.
We exchanged numbers and I told myself, he was just a client and us spending time together would be strictly professional. With each visit he showed more interest in me, and I continued to play my role as a girl that was into him. However once we became intimate I noticed a change, at least I thought I did. He stopped coming to see me at work and slowly I found myself getting upset and feeling used. Now suddenly I was the one who had feelings.
I swear I didn't see it coming, and I thought to myself, "its just hurt pride, it'll pass". Before I knew it he payed little to no attention to me at all and I began to feel jealous and hurt. I expressed my feelings and he continued to do as he pleased. He knew I hated him coming by and so, he started to come by even more, claiming that although it was hurting me, he wasn't doing it to hurt me...

I think the big slap for me was when he came to my job on my birthday, and didn't want to spend time with me. In addition, his friends would snicker and laugh when they'd see me. I grew so furious I had them all kicked out, and once I got home, I cried. I cried a lot and for days.

I tried my hardest to shake what felt like hurt feelings I shouldn't be having. I reminded myself where I met him and told myself that chances are, I'm not the first girl he's done this to.
Then I told myself, well maybe its my fault. I brushed him off so much in the beginning, that when it got dished back to me, I didn't like it.

I honestly don't know what happened and I still don't understand it. It's been 5 months and every time I think about how he would come to my job to spend time with someone else, it burns me deep down. To watch him lust after someone else, then act as if I wasn't there...it's still so painful to think about.

We were speaking as friends for a while up until recently, but I noticed that the only person who has ever made any initiative to keep in touch, is me. He makes no effort to speak to me if I do not speak first, and so, I've given up on the idea of us being friends. I've erased all his numbers and tried my hardest not to think about him.

I really stuck my foot in my mouth. There are times when I've wanted him back, and there are times when I wish we'd never met. In fact, most times I wish that.

Gabor

September 07, 2012 @ (Maryland)

Tags: Sad, Betrayal

My story is a bit unique and is way too long to tell here, but I will link a video in this post. I never once dated in my life because I wanted to wait until I was old enough and mature enough to handle a relationship. I met my ex when I was near 16 and right of the bat I was there for her when she was dragged up from FL. to MD. because her mom wanted to be with her high school sweetheart. I did everything for this girl and she moved in within a month of meeting. We lost each other's innocence to one another. Later she would get sick of MD and eventually just leave and say we would do long distance. She never liked to talk and was slowly changing. She went from a sweet innocent girl to one of those general f***ed up teens today. She told me she would see me so I flew down to Florida at age 17, only for her to change her mind. Like I said there is too much to speak of in this box. I have a video that's 2 hours long for those of you that actually want to hear what happened. I'm trying to get through to her with support from the world that she changed for the worse because I don't want to lose her. YouTube link http://youtu.be/3YNYrCkXP48

Emma

September 06, 2012 @ (texas)

Tags: Broke up. Chance

so my girlfriend broke up with me but still wants to be best friend. So this is what happen im always calling her and wanting spend time with her, im just really clingy and i don't give her space and always asking her question and up her ass about stuff. i get upset when she busy with school and homework. For the past year she has told me to change and give her space but i never did and she broke u with me for good. and its only been couple days and i been trying to give her space and not be around as much and she told me that she still in love with me but not completely and she just wants to be single and work on herself with school and stuff. do you think i have a chance to get her back, im working on myself and changing

Emily

September 03, 2012 @ (California)

Tags: -.-

So. I met this guy and we were friends for about a week, and we saw each other at a mutual friends party. We got to know each other better and we hit it off, and when texting him later he tells me that he likes me...alright ! I had a crush on him too and we started talking. So every single day after that he would text me 24/7 non stop and blow up my phone when I wouldn't text back in 5 minutes, 5 FUCKING MINUTES !!! And he would always bash on my guy friends and me ex's without even meeting them, and i have healthy relationships with all my ex's. So fast forward all he would do was text me and cry and talk about his other bad relationships and how I was the one and he was going to marry me, and I was a little freaked. And Im not someone who's in relationships often so when I'm with someone it's a little special. Im saving my virginity for when I'm 18 and one day he grabbed my breast and tried to have sex with me !! After that I couldn't help myself, I kicked his ass(the best I could, I'm only 4'9 -_-) and I told him to get out and leave me alone. Now he bugs me and even has a timer on his phone for "the day I turn 18 and he can have me". What the fuck!?! What should I dooo ?

Sara

August 15, 2012 @ (Slovenia)

Tags: Sara

Our story is now almost 7 years long. With zillion of breakups, cries, backtogethers, now I can finally say it's over. When I look back now, there's been more bad than nice times, I often felt rejected, humiliated and not loved.. What took me so long? Low self esteem, not a drop of self love and addiciton. The last drop over the top was last month of our "relationship". In May I got pregnant.. Then he fell in love with someone new - so he said. We talked on the phone about the situation we had to solve somehow. I've decided that the abortion is the best solutin for me.. The day I went to the hospital, he wasn't there for me. Yet the "good" thing came out of all, I didn't have the abortion since I misscarried the child. It was probably somekind of a sign, that that person is really the best to stay away from. But the pain of his actions was and still is sometimes unbearable. I am moving on now, day by day, hour by hour with thoughts of lonliness mostly in my head. But my goal is now to get over him and find love in myself, the long missing self esteem and the partner I deserve. I know I will be ok! :)

Brittany

August 01, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: Love and hate

It all started off on December first. It was in 7th grade, pretty much the beginning of the school year. His name was Bryce. One of those popular basketball jocks. He seemed so sweet, but i knew i would never have a chance with him. So one night a bunch of my friends and a bunch of his friends were at a girls basketball game for our school. We all hung out together and it was so fun! I talked to him for a little bit until he had to go home. Later that night, after i got home, i messaged him on Facebook and told him he should text me sometime, so i gave him my number. About half an hour later he messaged me back and was all 'alright(:'

After talking for about a week, he said he really liked me and he would like to ask me out, But to me surprise he said he didn't want to do it over text. The next day at school, just a normal day, he came up to me and asked me out. Probably the best day ever! After about a month dating he decided to break up with me. Btw it was the day after Christmas... He always told me 'forever and always' that was our little saying. So since he said it so much i started to believe it. I fell for him soo hard.

For about a month i cried myself to sleep. Then one day out of the blue, i was walking thru the halls, and he says my name. I turn around and he is standing there with the most saddest look on his face. I give him the 'what do you want' kind of look. My best friend turns to me and says, he was going to apologize to you for all the things he's done to you. Till this day i regret doing that. Later on that day i text him and say, im sorry for giving you a dirty look. He later then text's me back with a long text that he wants to take me back and that he made such a big mistake. I liked him so much' so i took him back.

The next day at school it was a normal day but Bryce was back in my life. That day was great. But when i got home i got that heartbreaking text message again. He said 'my parents said i couldn't date anymore' I texted him why but he never once texted me back. A couple months of still crying constantly, i try once more and ask him why? He said he was too good for me and so he made up and excuse to stop dating me. I was so pissed at myself for taking him back that other time.

Of course i still have feelings for him,he just doesn't feel the same way about me. I guess it's just one of those 'first love' things, where even though how bad they hurt you, you still take them back.

Its now the beginning of 8th grade and i still am not over him.. Till this day i listen to one certain song and i cry my eyes out for hours. I miss him, i really do,i'd take him back in a heartbeat but i don't want my heart broken again.

Alygna

July 29, 2012 @ (USA)

Tags: jonah, angela

It started when i was at a church walkathon deal and i volunteered to join.My sister and i went because we knew jonahs bro jordan was going to b there so we thought it was a great oppertunity to hang out or whatever. And i ended up meeting jonah he was 15 and i was 14.We instantly hitted off, after i left the church convention i went home and thought about him.Days pasted and i thought id never see or hear from him again.I finally became desperate and looked him up on facebook and added him.To my suprise he quickly accepted.We started comunicating and ended up dating the same day we had our first kiss.During the 2months and a week of which we dated we never fought or anything i believed it to be too good to be true.Sadly jonah got grounded for 4 weeks and during thos weeks i became lonely and cheated on him with another guy.Jonah never found out until he broke up with me because he said he never had any feelings for me since the start.I cried for days and never forgave myself for what ive done to him..

Christa

July 19, 2012 @ (Corpus Christi, Tx)

Tags: Birthday, Scumbag

First off, let me start by saying that this sounds fake, but I promise, every detail is real.

My boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years when I notices he was acting strange. We were out of state visiting his family for Christmas, when I saw he was receiving texts from the slutty secretary at 6:30 pm (well after she was off work). I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, so the next morning when he was in the shower, I did something I'd never done before in 3+ years together - I checked his texts. She had set him messages, wishing he was in bed with her. He blew it off, but never told her to stop. The worst part is, I work with both of them; she knows me and she knew he and I were together.

We argued all day, but promised eachother to work on our relationship.
He told me I needed to contribute more around the house (even though I work and go to school full-time), and I told him he needed to quit treating me like I was the pile of dung stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

Fast forward to February - I found out I was getting laid off April 30th. This caused alot of stress on my part, as I was losing my only source of income. I decided to use the layoff as an excuse to go to school full time, living off of whatever student loans I could get. I told him that my financial contributions would be minimal, but he was incredibly supportive.

Fast forward to April 29th - It's his birthday. I scrimped and saved from my last few paychecks and spend over $300 on him. I baked him cookies (because he preferred that over cake), and settled down at 1:00 to work on some homework. An hour later, he breaks up with me, knowing I'm losing my job the next day.

He broke up with me on his birthday, after I'd given him over $300 in gifts, knowing that the next day I'm losing my job, and have no way to support myself.

The worst part is, It's July now, and I'm still living with him because I can't afford to move out.

I can't wait for December.