Searching for "never giving up"

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KMO

April 29, 2011 @ (NY)

Tags: never giving up, lost, confused

It could have been a year. it was 5 days short of a year.

To start off, He was the best, i wouldn't even think twice about that. This was his first relationship so It took us awhile to get comfortable around each other, but after a couple months he was like my best friend. We did a lot together and i thought he was happy, he told me these were the best moments of him life and they were mine. The previous boyfriends i had were assholes. They didn't care about me at all, but He did, which set him aside from the rest and i thought he was different.

About 2 months ago, he started to go into these pensive states where he began to doubt his love for me, but he always talked to me about it and he always decided that his doubts were wrong. I didn't know what i had done to him to do this to me, but he'd never tell me.

Anyways, 2 weeks ago, He came back from vacation and he was sad and quiet. He said he wasnt sure if he could balance school work and me, but i reasoned with him because i love him and i wanted to be with him no matter what and i thought everything was fine. We kissed and he seemed normal, we hung out after school and He seemed just like he had before he left. However, the next 4 days he didnt talk to me, he treated me like a friend and he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I felt like crap because all of that trust and friendship that we had build wasn't there anymore, and he wouldn't allow me to talk him out of his pensive state. After those 4 days, he agreed to talk to me, and told me he just didn't want to be in a relationship and that he didn't love me anymore. I was in tears, but he just stood there and watched. He isn't the type of person to just watch me in pain, but he starred at me. Before he left, he said he wanted to remain friends, and that he'd try to keep some stuff we normally did together the same. But nothings the same anymore. He feels awkward about everything and i feel like i've lost everything we've ever had together and its literally all i ever think about. I feel like he's lost, but he avoids the subject and he just says we're never getting back together. He always gives me different reasons for breaking up with me, and i just dont understand. Maybe i'm just in denial but i feel like theres a piece of him that still loves me and i just wished he'd give me another chance, we were happy. I truly love him more than anyone and i refuse to give up.