Heartbroken Girl's Breakup Story in Austria

Heartbroken Girl

January 15, 2012 @ (Austria)

Well, here's my story..
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. To be honest, he has been breaking up with me for the past 2 years. Basically, the first year was more than just perfect. It was more I thought possible! I loved him so much, I would have done anything for me and I knew he felt the same way about me.

So after a year, he broke up with me for the first time. I probably did the worst thing possible after that: I begged him to stay with me and tried to convince him for an hour to give us another chance - which he did eventually.
The weird thing was, that in those next few days, he would be everything I wanted. Kind, sweet, caring, telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn't imagine living a life without me.

This lasted for about 2 months when he broke up with me again. I didn't beg him to stay with me anymore, but after some days he came back, telling me how sorry he was and that he badly wanted us to be together again - I went back.
You see the pattern there, I guess..

So, that's how it would be: breakin up, getting back together, being completely in love again, breaking up..
After 2 years, I wasn't myself anymore. My life revolved around him, he was the center of my universe and that's when I completely lost myself.. I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend, to never make him angry, to always do what he wanted me to do, but it didn't matter. No matter what I did, he would still breake up with me after telling me the day before that I was everything he wanted.

I was confused, devastated, hurt. So, about half a year ago, after one of his breakups I knew, I couldn't take it anymore. I even had to get professional help and take antidepressants to get through the day. It was the hardest time of my life and there were times, were I didn't just want to die (which I did daily), but when I thought I actually would because of the pain.
The only thing that helped me was knowing that he didn't have anyone else and I tried to tell myself he would come back eventually. After some time, I even thought, I had found myself again and I didn't need him anymore.

So, 3 months ago, he texted me, saying how much he wanted me and another chance with me. When he came over, I knew I never stopped loving him, but at least I was able to keep control of myself. He noticed of course, that I had changed and he was everything I always wanted him to be. He even was full of doubts, saying how scared he was, that I wouldn't want him anymore and that he was so sorry for what he had done and that he had the feeling that everything was better now.
I really thought, he had a wakeup call and that he finally knew, he didn't want to be without me. Everytime I went out with my friends, he was so scared that I would meet someone else that I even felt sorry for him, because I really didn't want him to feel bad. So I would always say the sweetest things, when he called or texted me, because I wanted his doubts to go away - while I was out, supposed to be having fun. I liked doing it though, because it showed me, he cared!

We didn't see each other that often during the last 3 months, because we both had a lot of work to do and we wanted to take things slow. We didn't spend christmas and new year's eve together because he was visiting his family. I really missed him and he also always said how much he was looking forward to seeing me again. I believed him.
On new year's eve, while I was out celebrating, he kept texting me, calling me, saying that he was so scared I would do anything stupid and that he wanted to remind me how happy he was to be seeing me the next day.

So, when he came to visit me, he was kind and sweet and he stayed over. The next day, after sleeping with me once more of course, he broke up with me.. For the last time now, because a few days ago I found out he was already in a relationship with another woman..
After ONE week..

How come, I am so easy to forget? That he's living his life with someone else, happy, while I don't even know how to get up in the morning?
Everyone keeps telling me, that I would get over him eventually and that I'm oh so young (20) so of course I would fall in love again - and maybe they are right!

But... I know that there are people out there, never able to let go, who always find themselves hurt and miserable again, everytime they see that person.
I don't want to end up like that, I don't, but what if I'm one of those people? What if everytime I'm going to see him alone or with his new girlfriend, my hearts just breaks all over again?
How do I know that I'll be able to let go?

It felt good to get this of my chest..
With all my love,

a heartbroken girl

Comment on this breakup

Heartbroken girl

January 16, 2012

Thank you SOO much for your answer! It feels so good to have strangers trying to help you, though they have many problems themselves.. Seriously, I can't thank you enough! About your situation: I'm really sorry for you, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you living in the same apartment. Trying to think of something else must seem impossible.. Just know that I wish you all the best and if I could, I would ease your pain, because I know how it feels.. How you feel! If you ever want to talk about it, you can contact me if you want to! I would love to help you as well.. As for your advice: I KNOW that I'm supposed to let him go, especially since for him the relationship wasn't something he had to get over anyway.. But it is for me! And I KNOW how young I am, but I'm really scared of not getting over him.. Because I don't know how to accept the fact, that some girl he met a few days ago seems to be so great that all we ever had and all we've been through seems forgotten I've just been replaced - just like that! I know I should let him go, I want to let him go!!!!!!! But... How do you do that? Without dying everytime you see him.. And simply thinking of seeing him with his new girlfriend, though I haven't actually seen them together yet, is killing me.. Thank you again! So much

another heartbroken girl

January 15, 2012

i can't imagine the pain you're going through right now. i too, am getting over a relationship. my girlfriend broke up with me a week ago, but the hard thing is, we live together. now she's out and about, with friends, doing her own thing that she wasn't able to (because of me and my insecurities). it's hard, because i'm restless, waiting for her when i shouldn't be. for your situation, you need to let (him) go. i'm sure you've heard this many times before, but it seems as if this "relationship" is causing you more pain than happiness. even if it is good at times, you can't equate love with pain. try to disconnect yourself from him for awhile. hang out with friends. keep yourself occupied. know that there are many heartbroken people out there in the world too (one being myself). it'll all get better. you're grieving right now, and it's okay. cry if you want to. just try to focus on positive things, and don't self destruct. self destructive behavior would be calling him, waiting for him, and expecting he'll come back to you. just observe the patterns. you can't deal with this anymore. you need to do you and take care of yourself. he might have been "mister right", but he obviously has been confused. it's all about acceptance.