Ashes

August 11, 2010 @ (Canada)

Tags: sad, depressing

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My boyfriend (now ex) started dating in my first year of highschool. It was one of those highschool relationships that you see on the movies, and who every teenage girl hopes to have. We were together all through out highschool. He was so in love with me. Honestly, Im pretty sure I could of gotten away with anything and he would always come back to me. A lot of it had to do with the fact that we were eachothers first time and lust/love was being thrown around together. But at the end of the day we really did love eachother and we had something that some people will never ever experience. We were best friends. We knew every single thing about eachother. It was a relationship where I could take a crap infront of him and that wasnt a problem at all! haha! at one point he even moved away for half a year and still we some how made it work. But then, oh i forgot to mention he is a year older than me! anyways, he started university and I was in my last year of highschool. Thats when everything changed. We had always had our problems. his was honesty issues, mine where anger issues. But once he moved on, it was like we were completley different people! I know... if any of you are reading this you are probably thinking my story is pretty boring. he never cheated on me with my sister, or i never left him at the alter. We were just two regular people who were at one moment so in love... to not even knowing who eachother were. I guess im writing this because im so depressed and bitter with the reality of relationships and life in General. We ended up breaking up because our lives and our relationships became so routine. We new that we loved eachother but we were stuck making time to see eachother to make love with one another, to make sure we set enough time to have a phone conversation once a day, made sure we sent eachother at least 10 txts a day to make sure our days were going alright. It was horrible and I was unhappy, and because I was unhappy we fought... all the time. So those "dates" turned into a boxing ring. So eventually I had to end it. that was about around last christmas. I didnt blame him, nor did I blame myself. I blamed our situation. He was in Univserity and leading a completley different life than me, I was enjoying my last year of highschool. But since we broke up, I have had a few flings, slepted with a random, tried to pretend that those guys could at some point mean something to me, but at the end of the day, it was always him, and I feel as if it will ALWAYS be him. But again, it hurts me so much to see how things change... it wasnt supposed to turn out this way. I am now moving to Europe in a few weeks for a year, he has a new girlfriend( who is horrible) and we went from being so happy and to not being able imagine our selves without eachother, to leading completley different lives without eachother in them. Am I still in love with him- Yes. most definatley... if he magicaly asked me to be with him again would i say yes-No. Definatly not. I wish i could of met him in 5 years.. thats what i always told him. I wish we met in a different life where we could be with eachother and love eachother completley without having such barriers set up between us, masking the love we had for eachother. I cry at night, i miss him every night. I dont want to leave without him touching me, kissing me, looking me in te eyes one last time. But i know thats not possible. i want him to be able to move on, all i want is for him to be happy. He deserves it.

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So Sorry!

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katt

December 30, 2010

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Im confused...u were UNHAPPY n bored w the routine so u left him, but now u miss him n love him, but if he were to ask u out ud say no?? Is that right?? U are 1 confused lil girl Ashes!! Every single 1 of us has a high school sweetheart, some marry theirs, others will always remember theirs...time to focus on Europe n ur future...if its meant to be it will be...just be more selective when ur having sex w these "randoms"...so many stds n babies out there!!! be wise!

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jerseyjersey

August 16, 2010

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yes yes yes.very hard i can imagine that coz now im suffering that ...but i still hope u happy .u r a gud gr

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Ashes

August 15, 2010

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Sped- thanks for your comment. Thats exactly how I feel. And i guess thats what i struggle with- How easily things can change. It makes me almost doubt marriage. I completley understand that he is his own person, and that he will do what he wants to do! And if this new girlfriend makes him happy than i will try my best to be happy for him. But its hard to just be okay with everything. I hate when people say just get over it or, these things happen. I know its life, and its going to be full of disapointment, but i find it almost impossible to not care at some level.

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jerseyjersey

August 15, 2010

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sorry abt it Ashes.i can fully understand ur feelin.since u r in different worlds things become more complicated Yeah, you know how it is. glad you know that some things in life are true.ppl ended up breaking up because the relationships became so routine rite and lack of new things ,even a serious conversation could hardly continue.and i do believe u still love ur ex .my suggestion is:just let it be and trying to make things simple then u can be back.....

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sped

August 15, 2010

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Ashes: this sounds all terrible, but you need to realize that he is his own person and can lead the life he wishes. Serious dating as a freshman is OK but the relationship never lasts. People grow up and change. When he went to University his whole world changed and he met other girls. And free sex happens all the time in University. If you went away before him, you would have changed and dumped him. It happens

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John L.

August 15, 2010

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Thanks. Your the first person to acknowledge that you didn't regret what you did (sex) and that it wasn't a mistake. (feels weird to be honest) I feel the same way. All my friends are like we all make mistakes but in this case I didn't. I waited just for this girl for 8 years. I hope that God has her realize just how special she is bec. I looked so hard. She doesn't see how rare she is. At least I know that I have fulfilled every promise to her that I made. There is but one more that I must keep and after that I will be done. While most would say I owe her nothing, that she doesn't deserve it, etc. I made a promise and I always try to keep a promise. I have lived my whole life by a code of honor that has long been forgotten. (knights code)I'm going to wait one year for her,while still looking around for another girl that God will put into my life but at the same time like I said I know I will never find another like her ever again. Especially since I married her and saw her's and her father's face 8 years before I ever even met them. Thank you and God Bless

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Ashes

August 13, 2010

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Thanks John. I read your story and I am very sorry to hear that. When I first had sex for the first time I tore myself up about it because I was a christian. But at the end of the day I didnt regret it at all. I did it with a man that i loved and who was loyal to me for almost for years. I know you maybe feeling like you regret this, but once you find someone that has the same values as you and respects you, it wont matter if you are not a virgin. Everyone makes mistakes, and it seems like you have a great understanding of the mistake you made with that girl.. so move forward, and dont dwell. Life is to short. I pray every night that things will turn out well with my ex. But i do trust in God that if we are not meant to be then thats just the way it goes. Thanks again!

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John L.

August 13, 2010

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That was a very heartfelt story. Well as you know you shouldn't sleep around with guys because you are depressed. As a matter of fact I apparently was one with the girl I gave everything to. Relationships need some space sometimes and if you want to be with him you still can it might be later in life but don't close the door just yet. Pray and ask God if its meant to be, something might just happen that you didn't expect.

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Valley Smoker

August 12, 2010

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each other is two words

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