When I was 16 I was curious about having a relationship with a boy. Any if possible, although I had some in mind for a while.
He was the friend of my brother, but also a friend in a group at school I was part of. He was nice, treated me like I was normal. I had very low self esteem. No other boy treated me like him.
I chatted a lot with him on MSN. At one point he broke up with his girlfriend and I was kind of eager to match him with someone. I started to like him and wishing I was his girlfriend. He made me feel tingly.
At one point I convinced him to kiss me. And he was very good at it.
We were not a couple at that point. He kept me on a distance, not sure what to do. Mostly because of my brother. The summer was hot and we were getting more involved. We shared many kisses and it was amazing. But still he would not want to be my boyfriend.
I was getting down, but I waited for him.
It was September when he finaly dared to make it official. My brother was kind of let down, but wanted us to be happy so he went along with it.
My relationship was in a nutshell a life changing experience, but not good for me. We had lots of sex, what kept us addicted to eachother. But he was not my match. He wanted to go out a lot, see sports and friends, while I wanted to stay at home, watch movies and such. And there was his toxic mother. In the beginning she was enthusiastic, but later on she didn't saw me as a good daughter in law. She was convinced I was not good for her son. In the end, she was right, but the way she treated me was not right. I felt worse about myself than ever before. But I loved him, so I holded on. Even when we were on a break for a month, I still went back to him. The last year of our relationship was the most miserable one. He made me feel like I was not good enough for him, because I was not myself. He was also right. I wasn't. I left all my hobbies behind and did things I didn't like. Even though he ment I was not his ideal girlfriend, I know now I couldn't match his expectations.
In the end he went out with a girl to a cinema. And that was his trigger to end it.
I was heartbroken and begged him to come back.
But he said he would not.
We met one last time and after that I never spoke to him again.
Now I can say I am grateful he ended it, but healing from this relationship took a long time for me. At first I thought about him daily, at almost every moment, and slowly that became less and less.
I met my husband 3 years later. Right after my lowest point ever. He is my match. Not sure soulmate, but I can't think of anyone more right for me. He is kind, caring, make me laugh and is my best friend. I can share anything with him. But most important: stay myself. I spent time on my hobbies and interests and he not only admires it, but stimulates me. I love him so much and I am grateful to have this other life.
From time to time I sometimes think about my ex. Wondering what my life would have looked like if we didn't broke up. Or what kind of children we would have had. I have a son now, so that is on my mind a lot. Doesn't mean I want to be his, but I just wonder. It doesn't hurt me anymore and I never want to go back.
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