Searching for "lost"

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Confused, And Lost

January 16, 2012 @ (Wv)

Well, it's been around six months, since my girlfriend and I had broken up. we had only been going out for three months but it seemed things were going really well for both of us. Some unfortunate things happened, and she broke up with me because I had to move. I ended up not moving because of a death in the family and she told me she didn't want to hurt me anymore, so we didn't get back together. In the past six months, her best friend told me that my ex still had feelings for me. (keep in mind, the three of us are still very close friends.) Then about a month later she said that my ex didn't want a relationship. I still have feelings for her, and have tried to move on, but nothing seems right. I need an idea as to what I'm to do at this point, because she seems to be falling for another guy now, three months after her best friend said that to me. I'm lost, and need help. Anyone?

Heartbroken Girl

January 15, 2012 @ (Austria)

Tags: Heartbreak, breakup

Well, here's my story..
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. To be honest, he has been breaking up with me for the past 2 years. Basically, the first year was more than just perfect. It was more I thought possible! I loved him so much, I would have done anything for me and I knew he felt the same way about me.

So after a year, he broke up with me for the first time. I probably did the worst thing possible after that: I begged him to stay with me and tried to convince him for an hour to give us another chance - which he did eventually.
The weird thing was, that in those next few days, he would be everything I wanted. Kind, sweet, caring, telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn't imagine living a life without me.

This lasted for about 2 months when he broke up with me again. I didn't beg him to stay with me anymore, but after some days he came back, telling me how sorry he was and that he badly wanted us to be together again - I went back.
You see the pattern there, I guess..

So, that's how it would be: breakin up, getting back together, being completely in love again, breaking up..
After 2 years, I wasn't myself anymore. My life revolved around him, he was the center of my universe and that's when I completely lost myself.. I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend, to never make him angry, to always do what he wanted me to do, but it didn't matter. No matter what I did, he would still breake up with me after telling me the day before that I was everything he wanted.

I was confused, devastated, hurt. So, about half a year ago, after one of his breakups I knew, I couldn't take it anymore. I even had to get professional help and take antidepressants to get through the day. It was the hardest time of my life and there were times, were I didn't just want to die (which I did daily), but when I thought I actually would because of the pain.
The only thing that helped me was knowing that he didn't have anyone else and I tried to tell myself he would come back eventually. After some time, I even thought, I had found myself again and I didn't need him anymore.

So, 3 months ago, he texted me, saying how much he wanted me and another chance with me. When he came over, I knew I never stopped loving him, but at least I was able to keep control of myself. He noticed of course, that I had changed and he was everything I always wanted him to be. He even was full of doubts, saying how scared he was, that I wouldn't want him anymore and that he was so sorry for what he had done and that he had the feeling that everything was better now.
I really thought, he had a wakeup call and that he finally knew, he didn't want to be without me. Everytime I went out with my friends, he was so scared that I would meet someone else that I even felt sorry for him, because I really didn't want him to feel bad. So I would always say the sweetest things, when he called or texted me, because I wanted his doubts to go away - while I was out, supposed to be having fun. I liked doing it though, because it showed me, he cared!

We didn't see each other that often during the last 3 months, because we both had a lot of work to do and we wanted to take things slow. We didn't spend christmas and new year's eve together because he was visiting his family. I really missed him and he also always said how much he was looking forward to seeing me again. I believed him.
On new year's eve, while I was out celebrating, he kept texting me, calling me, saying that he was so scared I would do anything stupid and that he wanted to remind me how happy he was to be seeing me the next day.

So, when he came to visit me, he was kind and sweet and he stayed over. The next day, after sleeping with me once more of course, he broke up with me.. For the last time now, because a few days ago I found out he was already in a relationship with another woman..
After ONE week..

How come, I am so easy to forget? That he's living his life with someone else, happy, while I don't even know how to get up in the morning?
Everyone keeps telling me, that I would get over him eventually and that I'm oh so young (20) so of course I would fall in love again - and maybe they are right!

But... I know that there are people out there, never able to let go, who always find themselves hurt and miserable again, everytime they see that person.
I don't want to end up like that, I don't, but what if I'm one of those people? What if everytime I'm going to see him alone or with his new girlfriend, my hearts just breaks all over again?
How do I know that I'll be able to let go?

It felt good to get this of my chest..
With all my love,

a heartbroken girl

Anony-mous

January 09, 2012 @ (la)

Tags: trust, heartbreak

i've been with a girl for about 1.5 years. i met her in nyc. i'm originally from the west coast, but i moved to the city 2 years ago. anyway, throughout our entire time together, it felt like a never-ending "honeymoon phase". we were passionately in love with each other, and extremely affectionate. i moved in with her a year ago because i lost my job. she was kind enough to open her home to me. she's been nothing but amazing. her family loves me. she loves me. we had plans for the future, even plans of marriage.

though, at this moment, i am currently in la (for a short vacation) and she's in nyc. she broke up with me on the phone this morning because i'm too insecure. i have trust issues (that i am working on) and she's just tired. she's giving up on this relationship because she's tired of my lack of trust. that, i understand. but i'm confused because it was so sudden.

i think it's serious this time. we had a joint bank account for our apartment savings, and she removed her share of the money. now it's almost half-empty.

but, i'm flying back to nyc tomorrow morning. i thought about not flying back at all to avoid seeing her (just because it will be too hard), but i can't not show up for work. i at least have to put in my two weeks and get the rest of my stuff at her place. i also have unfinished business in nyc that can't be left neglected.
i also need more closure than this. i've been crying constantly all day. i've been going into my car and crying hysterically so no one would hear me. i am going through so much pain because i'm starting to believe that this is really IT. she's been the most amazing girlfriend to me, so supportive, faithful, genuine, and perfect. her imperfections are perfect to me.
i hope this was out of anger. and that she didn't mean it. otherwise, i'm on a one-way flight back to los angeles with a broken heart and a broken dream.

Eldon Matashaw

December 30, 2011 @ (Lebanon Missouri)

Tags: love, marriage, god

I am lost in my heart and my soul. I am very active in my church and I spend a great deal of time proselytizing to help bring others to Christ. Ever since I was 14 our minister has taken a special hand in my learning of Gods will and ways. He even encouraged me to date his adopted daughter Svetlana after he brought her here from Russia. A couple of years later, Pastor Williams encouraged me to marry Svetlana even though we were both still in school. We were married when I was 16 and she was 14. I was nervous as I was a virgin on our wedding night and I wanted to take it slow but Svetlana was very insistant that we have sex. We made love once, then she never wanted to do it any more. 6 months later our beautiful daughter Kima was born, 8 lbs 4 ounces and looked just like her mother. Pastor Williams was so helpful always offering to look after my wife and baby when ever he sent me out to spread the word of God. I had to leave school, because Pastor told me God spoke to him and said I was to be his beacon in the land to guide folks to his eternal love. I was often gone from home for many days and sometimes weeks as Pastor gave me instructions on where to spread His word. One day I was traveling near our home town, so I decided to stop in to see my family. When I went in to our trailer, I found my wife and Pastor Williams asleep in our bed. I could see they were both naked. I was so confused and I left without saying anything. A few days later, I talked to Pastor about it and he said the two of them had been praying and speaking in tongues. They had both been so posessed by the spirit, they chose to bare themselves to the Lord. He assured me that they had not engaged in fornication and that they both were just so exhausted they fell asleep. I believed him because I know he would never lie as it is a sin. Well, last week I found out Svetlana is pregnant again and her and I have not had sex since our wedding night. When I asked the Pastor for guidance, he told me I needed to "man up" and take care of my family. He explained to me that some women can carry a mans seed for years and have several children from only one mating. But then a sister in the church told me that she knew Pastor and my wife were committing adultry and that Pastor is actually the father of my Kima and my unborn child. I dont know who to believe, but I am so hurting in my soul. I think this may be the Lord testing me, or perhaps Satan trying to destry another of God's unions. I asked Svetlana to be truthful with me, and she just left and went to tell Pastor that I am being sinful in mistrusting her. I got on the internet to seek answers and somehow wound up on this site. I see so much pain here, and somehow feel kinship with it. But I also want you all to know, God loves you all, and he wants only your happiness. God has a plan. May he bless us all, Amen.

Paul

December 20, 2011 @ (US)

Tags: army break up

Heres a little backround first; Well I started dating this girl April first, a year ago.. This being my senior year in high school, we did about everything together.. Homecoming, prom, etc.... I gave up so much for this girl. I lost so many friends to just be with this girl. I could honestly say this was my first love, and my longest relationship so far... Since mom ey is tight with my family, I thought the best solution for me to go to college was enlist with the Army..heres where my story begins....
I had to head off to boot August 2nd.. To fort benning, for infantry training, right before I left my family and her went out to dinner and such, really had a nice time.. Everything was perfect between us, gave her a final kiss good bye, and off I went..
So basic started I wrote this girl, every single day for nine Weeks... She wrote me twice, toward thr beginning, everything seemed okay, she said she missed and loved me etc..then she just stopped. I kept writing, and wondering whats going on.. At week 9 we got our 36 hour pass. I call her up and she literally was just like "oh hey" in thr most unenthusiastic voice ever, I was so excited to talk to her, she was all that was on my mind for Weeks... And she didnt even care.... We ended up fighting over it.. I was pretty unhappy about it. I expected a bigger reaction I guess..
I ended up breaking my leg and sent home for con leave, comes to find out shes been seeing another dude, she changed her status to single on fb and starts hittin up all these guys... After all this, I still wanted to try and make it work. She acts like im the bad guy, and I deserve this... I just dont get, after dating for a year and a half, I couldn't even get a letter saying "f you, im done" or anything... She just left me in the cold..I still think about her to this day. I've been miserable since she left me, no girl has made me feel the way she did.

His Only?

December 18, 2011 @ (If only I knew..)

Tags: two years, serious, love, hurt, miss him, want him back, heartbreak, pure, happy, how

I don't want this to sound like another bad romance or break up.. Because we weren't. I know this is hard to believe but in eighth grade, I met the love of my life. Don't get me wrong, I was really young and naive. But he had me at hello. He was tender but strong, charming but sweet, and fun ut committed. He was perfect for me. My other half has finally connected with my soul. We dated seriously for 2 years. We never rushed anything, always a casual move or a serious discussion. We realized the dangers of becoming as close as we did but were so sure we would be together for years to come. He loved me enough to even sit through New Moon with me on our year anniversary. I guess I was never a great girlfriend to him but I couldn't, and still can't live a day without him. A week after our two years, we got into a fight and my friend got involved and made him want to break up with me.. We were done at that point.. We disconnected and lost each other. Tragically, I grieved for months about losing him. He was my gift and I let it go. He moved,literally, across the country and it's been 8 months since I've seen or heard from him. Recently, he popped up into my Facebook and we started talking. I realized about 3 weeks ago how much I missed him and how much I want him back.. He is still kind of bitter, but is sincere too. I'm not sure what I should do anymore about this and was seeking help and guidance from someone who has gone through something like this. I know we both messed up but I still love him dearly. And I don't want to sound like a hopeless romantic because I'm not. I gave myself to him and have lost it. He means the world to me... Still.. Thank you for reading my reach out..

Shitfacegurl

December 13, 2011 @ (Sweden)

Tags: broke relationship, miss, him

It all started at the end of 9th grade, when I was 15 years old, he was in my french class but i never noticed him much, until he added me on facebook and there it all began! We talked for hours and hours 2 hours went to 5-6 hours, but I never dared talking to him in person, because I was to shy. After we graduated from ninth grade, we still kept in touch and we had our first date in July that summer and, already that night he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend but I said I didn't wanted that yet, and later on after 2 weeks at our second date,i was childish and when he told me his hands were cold and i told him " I know what you're up to" and i held his hand and i told him so are we together now, and since 23-11-10 , we became a couple. We kept it a secret and everything was perfect! Then after 3 months I admitted that I wasn't that in to him from the beginning, I've realized today, that i should never do something before i give it a further thought. And he broke up with me and I tried to convince him to get back together, but he said he didn't trusted me, but we got back together. And then 3 months further he broke up again because he felt I treated him badly, like a bitch and stuff but then again I convinced to get back together and we did. I never realized my mistakes,before its to late! Then since then its been an down hill roller coaster. I did the most dumbest thing ever on our 1st year anniversary, i broke up with him, because he avoided me for a whole week and we fought. It was another mistake. A day later we talked and we got back together again, then 2 months later we fought, and his best friend told me to call my boyfriend and talk about it, but it ended badly and we broke up over the phone, and then we got back again and 2 months ahead, which is by today, we had an argument a week ago and he told me our sex is bad and he was sick of the relationship and we broke up and got back together at the same time, and now its been 5 days since he broke up with me again because I've been grumpy, and bitchy whenever he mentions something i dislike. We didn't talked for 2 days and then he texted me and we argued even more and few hours later he texted back he missed me and i missed him to ofc! And we had a stable conversation and decided to be single and figure things out, but the next day i already asked him if he had decided,what we should do and he told me ladies first, and I've been thinking of it, and I told me it would be better being single, since I've hurt him many times and I was scared and his respond, was just lot of mean,harsh,hurtful words and he said i should give him back all his presents, and that would be a sign its over. But I never handed them over, I still wear the necklace he gave me.
It has been 5 days now, and im going crazy, we have so much in-common and have this good communication with each other, we could text and talk for 12 hours or the whole day exactly, without getting sick of each other.
He has been special to me, since the first time I meet him, I wanted to get to know him, since the day we became a couple, I've changed, i know I'm only 17 now but i love him so much, he was really good to me, he was there whenever i needed him and just stood out with whatever emotion i had, and spoiled me even though i never asked him for much, and he was a gentlemen, except when we argued, he would turn into a huge jerk. Despite all that we've been through, i didn't understood him well before, after all we've been trough over a year now and 4 months, we've handled many things together, and i've supported him with everything we did, even woke up at 5 am and surprised him at the train station just coz i missed him so much <3. Its hard breaking up, i miss him and ive been crying ever since, and i cant even eat properly or even concentrate on things, he is always on my mind. It feels like I've lost him forever, but I still want to hear from him in a few days.

Pixie

November 25, 2011 @ (United Kingdom)

Tags: confused, hurt, lost, change, embarrassing

We met in September 2010, at a friend's flat party. He whisked me off to the Isle of Skye for three days of surreal relaxation. We didn't even know each other but both wanted an adventure. I was his after that.

The next year was one of the best. Truly, I was so happy. He was my best friend, we spent most of our time together. He wrote me songs, letters, drew me pictures. I visited his family, he met mine, we all got on. Not one person in my life disliked him. We never argued, and he knew me better than anybody else.

However, this September, things changed. He became more interested in University work and University friends. I can understand that completely, we live in different cities, about 40 minutes apart, but he had literally no time for me, and reminded me of that constantly. He told me to put up with it for the next year and a half.

Things exploded and we broke up over the phone. He then phoned me ten times, I ignored, and he turned up at my flat, on the verge of tears, with a letter saying how sorry he is and how he realises now that he was wrong. I told him we both need to take a bit of room to breathe.

A week later, I asked him to meet up for a coffee, expecting him to be in a similar, apologetic mind set, and with hopes we could find a new way forward, things were going to change. Instead, he told me his life is a lot less stressful without me. "It's not that I don't like you" he said, and proceeded to talk about how we should be friends because we get on so well. He showed no emotion whatsoever. I met him at 3 and was waiting for a train home by 20 past 3. He told me about the "cool" parties he's been to with his friends and the nights he has planned, how some girl was nipping his thigh at the last one and being very weird with him.

I didn't show any emotion. I was relentlessly 'nice' because I didn't want him to have all of the power, or anything to hold against me. Now I'm just trying to pick up the pieces.

Elove

November 19, 2011 @ (Los Angeles )

Tags: break up

lets call him alex. he asked me to be his girlfriend on september 25, 2009. he was sweet, caring, funny, i loved him with all my soul and he would always tell me that he loves me that i was his only one. he would tell me that he wanted to marry me and have children with me someday. he was my happiness, my everything. we went out on the weekends and sometimes on weekdays. since the moment i met his family we got along so well. on january 2010 he was acting sort of distant with me. i wondered what i did wrong. then the last week of that month we were talking on the phone and he told me that he needed a break. that he was stressed out cause of school and football. i cried, i was broken. the next day he texted me and told me that he had actually cheated on me, i didnt believe him. so i talked to a mutual friend we both have and he told me that alex was lying to me that he just told me that he cheated on me so that i can forget bout him. so i acted like i didnt know this with alex. then that same week he had injured his ankle and i went to see him. i knew we had to fix things and i was afraid it was gonna be our last goodbye. but i was wrong. when i got there i saw him sitting on his bed and he told me to sit down next to him. i couldnt look at him so i just stared at his ankle and i had tears in my eyes and he told me he was sorry for what he "did." he touched my arm and i pulled away. i moved a little bit afar from where he was sitting and he moved closer and i wouldnt let him touch me. he then grabbed me and pulled me close to him and he started crying. then i cried. it was so emotional and i knew it wasnt the end. eventually we ended up getting back together and i was happy again. throughout the relationship we often talked about sex and i would tell him how i wanted to wait until marriage. he said he would wait for me. he said he was a virgin too then on february 8 he came over to my house and he said "u know we're gonna be together forever so why not get it over with?" so i gave in. worst mistake ever. we lost our virginity to each other. he then told me that he lied to me bout cheating and that he would never ever do that to me. from there our relationship went back to normal he was so sweet and caring. then came April and things were getting suspicious. the day after my birthday i found out trough my brothers phone that alex liked this other girl lets call her gina. i was broken. that weekend we got into an argument and he said that i still loved my ex he was putting words into my mouth that werent true. i made him tell me who this gina girl was and he ended up telling me that its the girl he likes and that he was confused bout both of us, and that the day of my birthday he had seen her and kissed her. so he said he cheated. i cried that whole day and then that week i went to see him and we acted like nothing happened we later planned our last day together, a week later he came to my house and spent one last day of our relationship with me. he told me then that he wasnt gonna get with gina and that our thing was just a break till he stopped being confused. i believed him, so i left it at that. a week later i find out that he got with her and i was depressed. 2 days after that i did a stupid thing. i got drunk and ended up intoxicated in the hospital. i had more than 100% alcohol in my body and if it wasnt for the paramedics i wouldn't be here telling my story. and i blamed him for what i did. after that i only saw him two times and eventually he cheated on gina with me. one day he told me he wanted to get back with me and that we can keep it low-key. i didnt accept that offer. so forward to November of 2010. gina requested me on FB and we talked. she said they were having problems and idk what. i ended up telling her that he cheated on her with me. she told me that they both lost it to each other and i was like WTF i ended up telling her that it wasnt true cause i lost it to him and well thats when she realized that he is a player and a lier. he would deny the fact that he did it with me but watever we both know he lied. so i'll leave it at that. i loved him so much and i never thought this would happen. its hard for me to trust any guy again. i wish i never met him but then again i dont regret all those amazing moments i shared with him. i still keep his gifts and letters and his shirt. i miss him and i still love him but im willing to move on.

Raven

November 09, 2011 @ (Canada)

Tags: November 9/11

My ex-boyfriend and I where together for 2 1/2 yrs. Everything was great! We we're together all the time, except when we went to work. And still on breaks conversated. Great connection, conversation, companionship, we understood one another. Everyone told us how great we we're as a couple and could see our chemistry. Our loved continued to grow throughout the relationship. We we're bestfriends, soulmates and lover, everything you could ever image and fantasy about having in a relationship.
Last week we broke off. I believe that he's blowing the situation way out of proportion. Here's what happened: He was hanging out with he's friend and than called to see if it would be alright if his friend came over. Everything was cool. He told me he wanted to be closer to me. They arrived, I gave them some space. Their drinking and having a good time hanging out in the back yard, then they came in and It sounds like my guy is being a bully towards his friend, and a fight is about to pop off. So, I ended up going down stairs and his friend looks so sick, like he's dying. So, I bypass my boyfriend and asked his friend if he wants me to gave him a ride home, and I try to joke around and tell him a story that my guy did to me when we had a couple of drinks. Any way from there we had a little argurment. He left with his friend and came back and packed all of his stuff up. I told him he's blowing the whole thing way out of proportion.
I've apologized so much and even to he's friend, he's forgiven me, but he says that I've betrayed our relationship and put a pink elephant in room, when there shouldn't be one. He say he trust me because I never cheated or have done anything else. But he doesn't trust that I have the best judgement for what the relationship should be.
At this time frame he just wants to be friends and told me that I hurt him. I didn't knowly want to do that. I know he loves me the way that I love him. But it's hard to be just friends, when you want so much more. We still talk approx. 5hrs a day, but he chooses not to see me at this time frame. Somedays, I end up crying to him and he tells me that I shouldn't have done what I did. That make me feel even worst. Because I realize the error of my ways and I've lost my bestfriend. The situation is messed up.
A week prior to this arguement was my birthday and he surprized me with a ring and put it on one finger and than surprized me with another for the other hand. I know he's hurt and I'm hurt too. Just don't know what to do.