Heartbroken Girl

January 15, 2012 @ (Austria)

Tags: Heartbreak, breakup

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Well, here's my story..
About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. To be honest, he has been breaking up with me for the past 2 years. Basically, the first year was more than just perfect. It was more I thought possible! I loved him so much, I would have done anything for me and I knew he felt the same way about me.

So after a year, he broke up with me for the first time. I probably did the worst thing possible after that: I begged him to stay with me and tried to convince him for an hour to give us another chance - which he did eventually.
The weird thing was, that in those next few days, he would be everything I wanted. Kind, sweet, caring, telling me how much he loved me and that he couldn't imagine living a life without me.

This lasted for about 2 months when he broke up with me again. I didn't beg him to stay with me anymore, but after some days he came back, telling me how sorry he was and that he badly wanted us to be together again - I went back.
You see the pattern there, I guess..

So, that's how it would be: breakin up, getting back together, being completely in love again, breaking up..
After 2 years, I wasn't myself anymore. My life revolved around him, he was the center of my universe and that's when I completely lost myself.. I was trying to be the perfect girlfriend, to never make him angry, to always do what he wanted me to do, but it didn't matter. No matter what I did, he would still breake up with me after telling me the day before that I was everything he wanted.

I was confused, devastated, hurt. So, about half a year ago, after one of his breakups I knew, I couldn't take it anymore. I even had to get professional help and take antidepressants to get through the day. It was the hardest time of my life and there were times, were I didn't just want to die (which I did daily), but when I thought I actually would because of the pain.
The only thing that helped me was knowing that he didn't have anyone else and I tried to tell myself he would come back eventually. After some time, I even thought, I had found myself again and I didn't need him anymore.

So, 3 months ago, he texted me, saying how much he wanted me and another chance with me. When he came over, I knew I never stopped loving him, but at least I was able to keep control of myself. He noticed of course, that I had changed and he was everything I always wanted him to be. He even was full of doubts, saying how scared he was, that I wouldn't want him anymore and that he was so sorry for what he had done and that he had the feeling that everything was better now.
I really thought, he had a wakeup call and that he finally knew, he didn't want to be without me. Everytime I went out with my friends, he was so scared that I would meet someone else that I even felt sorry for him, because I really didn't want him to feel bad. So I would always say the sweetest things, when he called or texted me, because I wanted his doubts to go away - while I was out, supposed to be having fun. I liked doing it though, because it showed me, he cared!

We didn't see each other that often during the last 3 months, because we both had a lot of work to do and we wanted to take things slow. We didn't spend christmas and new year's eve together because he was visiting his family. I really missed him and he also always said how much he was looking forward to seeing me again. I believed him.
On new year's eve, while I was out celebrating, he kept texting me, calling me, saying that he was so scared I would do anything stupid and that he wanted to remind me how happy he was to be seeing me the next day.

So, when he came to visit me, he was kind and sweet and he stayed over. The next day, after sleeping with me once more of course, he broke up with me.. For the last time now, because a few days ago I found out he was already in a relationship with another woman..
After ONE week..

How come, I am so easy to forget? That he's living his life with someone else, happy, while I don't even know how to get up in the morning?
Everyone keeps telling me, that I would get over him eventually and that I'm oh so young (20) so of course I would fall in love again - and maybe they are right!

But... I know that there are people out there, never able to let go, who always find themselves hurt and miserable again, everytime they see that person.
I don't want to end up like that, I don't, but what if I'm one of those people? What if everytime I'm going to see him alone or with his new girlfriend, my hearts just breaks all over again?
How do I know that I'll be able to let go?

It felt good to get this of my chest..
With all my love,


a heartbroken girl

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So Sorry!

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john L.

January 24, 2012

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Just seeing if this works j o h n l e h ma n n 1986 at the g mail dot c o m

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January 24, 2012

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test

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John L.

January 22, 2012

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Yeah they do that to prevent weird ppl from contacting you. Lets face it their are some messed up ppl in the world especially on the web. I can try to help you on here but the questions and answers will be somewhat general due to many people seeing them. So far on here I have helped two girls that wanted to kill themselves. One of which just told me it was because of me that she turned her life around. Her story was on here. There are ways around the email thing but again you have to be careful. I will help you though : )

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heartbroken girl

January 22, 2012

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Well, I wanted to add my email adress, but that doesn't seem to work ^^

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heartbroken girl

January 22, 2012

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heartbroken girls

January 22, 2012

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* John L.: This really is strange ^^. Once again, I felt really sorry for you when I read your story. I hope you're doing fine. I would love to talk to you about it and maybe help each other going through this?! Just contact me, if you want to: =)

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jesse

January 19, 2012

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im so sorry

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John L.

January 19, 2012

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Hey well this is kinda strange and odd all at the same time. I havent been on this site in a while and I clicked on your story to see Jake recommended mine. If I can help you I will try my best. : )

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heartbroken girl

January 17, 2012

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Thank your again for your answers, I really appreciate them! *Jake: u are right, I've read his story and I feel really sorry for him. I think it's a good idea to contact him. Thanks for that! *jloveschocol8 thank you too. I guess you described him perfectly. It seems to be like that. But.. I don't want this anymore.. I don't want this self doubts nagging at me and telling me I'm not good enough for him, because he keeps breaking up with me.. Well, he's not breaking up with me anymore, because I've got to say: even if he did come back (which I really don't think he will), I wouldn't take him back for the first time, because I couldn't forgive him for what he did.. What I still need help with though is this: I know it was his decision to leave me, so of course he's doing better than me, but what I can't make sense of is why he would be so sweet and obviously scared of me doing anything stupid on new year's eve, if all he wanted in the end was to leave me? God knows, how long it has been going on with this woman and even if he has just met her.. My thought keep revolving about one question: How can he be happy already, pretending like what we had was nothing and why is it so easy for him to forget about me?

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Jake

January 17, 2012

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Look at a story on here I just read. Under browse tab at the top then popular, I think its the third one down by a guy named John L. Read his story if you think yours was bad. He invested everything and that girl destroyed him. I feel sorry for you and him but maybe he could help you or you help him.

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