Searching for "think"

384 Results For 'think'

Jordyn

October 19, 2012 @ (California )

Tags: Breakup long term relationship

I was in a relationship since September of 2009 and it just ended recently, not to long ago, in May 2012.
I was confused, lost, in denial, anger. And I still am, it's been really hard.
I really thought he was the one, well I still do.
Me and him did everything together, I saw him everyday until late night and he would spend the night on the weekends quite often.
We went out a lot to the movies, the beach, Disneyland, and new places every weekend. He took me out to dinner almost every weekend, he did anything to make me happy.
We always spoke about the future, college, getting married, having kids, growing old together.
I just don't know what went wrong. One day, he suddenly wanted to break up because he is 'not ready to commit' and wasn't aware of the seriousness of our relationship - after 2 years, he finally decides he was too young to be in such a serious relationship.
And the worst of all, he never ever said anything about being unhappy with me until the day he broke up with me. He was hiding all his feelings from me, while I was being honest with him all along.
I just don't understand. To me, our love felt real. Like really real. I honestly feel like he is the one, still today after 5 months of being broken up. I still love him, I will always love him. He never did anything bad to me. He treated me like a princess, he was my best friend. We had so many good laughs and memories together. We were practically married. We were so comfortable with each other. Every one of our friends thought we were going to actually get married and when they heard that we broke up - they thought that I was the one who did it, but incidentally it was the other way around.
Every one thought he would never leave me, that he was so in love with me. And I thought so too, and I felt secure with him because I thought he was one of those rare guys who actually stays committed in a relationship. But I guess I was wrong.
It's just so hard, I'm trying to let go. But I think about him everyday, he was the only happiness in my life. Now I'm trying to find my own happiness, and I have managed. But nothing makes me as happy as he did. I loved him more than anything, more than my family. I know it was wrong of me, but it was true. He was my first priority and I was his. I never treated him badly, I never cheated on him, or anything. I loved him with my whole heart and soul and this is what I get in return? A broken heart.
I just wonder if he ever thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me.
Oh and we don't speak. Well atleast, he doesn't talk to me. From what I have heard is that he hates me because he realized that he missed out on life because of me ('life' referring to parties and drinking and what not). So he hates me because he didn't get to experience life the way he wanted to. Which is stupid because he knew what kind of relationship he was getting into since day 1. It took him two years to realize that he was missing out on life? We weren't missing out on life, I mean we didn't party like the way he does. Instead, we went on dates to new places every weekend. We had movie nights, dinner dates, etc etc. I mean we weren't a boring couple, we were always doing something. But I guess he just want to party and get smashed or something. Well that's what he's doing now from what I've been hearing.
I hope one day he realizes that he messed up, I hope one day he realiZes how wonderful our relationship was. I hope one day we can be friends again. I just miss him so much, and I know it's not good. I feel like I'm missing a part of me. And I know time heals all wounds, it has definitely been a bumpy ride in the last 5 months, some good and some bad times but I try to stay optimistic about the future.
Any advice?

Dee

October 18, 2012 @ (california )

Tags: love sucks

We started going out September of 2009. We were happy and in love. I honestly thought he was the one, we made love, we planned a wedding, we planned our lives. Then on April 2010 I fin d out he's been cheating on me. He says it only happened once but God who knows how many fucking times he cheated!! I was heartbroken. He left me for another. Fast forward to May 2010, my dumbass hangs out with him & what does he do? He kisses me and I tell him it isnt right since he has a girfriend. He didn't care and idk why i let him kiss me. He ignored me for the following months until September 2010 when he found out I had a new boyfriend. I guess it's true when they say that they want you back when they see you with someone new. He asks me if we can be together but that no one has to know. as much as i still had feelings for him, i didn't fall for that. Then the next month he finds out I broke up with the guy I was with and he goes to look for me he kisses me and I ask him "wait don't you have your Girlfriend still?" and he's like, "I don't want to talk about her, lets talk about us" and truth is I was really happy to see him again, he kisses me and I kiss him back but it doesn't feel right because in his girlfriend stays in the back of my mind. And as fucked up as she was to ruin my relationship and get in between it in the first place, I didn't want to be like her. but then he told me he was gonna leave her for me. Lies. Days pass by and not one single word from him. Then the following month his girlfriend sends me a message on facebook asing me all these questions about him. I end up telling her the truth that her guy has been after me since forever now. He denies it in her face but later he says that its true. Its a long long story. A story that should have been over with in 2010. But guess what? It is now 2012 and that asshole is still on my mind. And that chick still talks to me and pretends to be my friend but behind my back she talks shit. I don't know why! She is always Subtweeting me and all that and she always mentions him. She starts saying things like "oh im glad im talking with him again!" I have a feeling they'll get back together after all the shit that happened. I don't give a fuck though. Wait, yeah I do :/ I know I shouldn't but I still have those feelings. It's going to be two years now since I last saw him though so I don't understand why I still think about him, dream about him and cry sometimes for him. He really messed me up. I haven't been in a relationship in such a long time because of trust issues.He left me heartbroken and I don't think I can handle another one of those relationships. I honestly just want him out of my mind. I want him out of my heart but I don't know how. Maybe it does take time. Maybe I'll get over it little by little. I just hate the fact that I gave it up to a douche like him. I know I don't need him but sometimes I just want to tell him that I do. I don't know. Love is complicated.

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Kim

September 20, 2012 @ (BLOCKED)

Tags: (BLOCKED)

I was with the guy named, Don H. We met the first week Don moved into our neighborhood in (BLOCKED). I was 25. We dated off and on for about a year and a half. He denies that he was seeing anyone else but, I know he was sleeping with at least one other neighbor. We had great times together. He was always partying. He was always throwing parties and barbeques and stuff. He worked a lot at his brokerage but I think he was lying. I think he was sleeping with his admin. I met her she was maybe 20. He was always out on the boat but I never went with him. Kidding me!? In the end I knew he was cheating. So obvious. So, I confronted him about what I thought was going on. He invited me over and we had a great time. He actually told me he missed the memo we were exclusive. We had some drinks by the pool. It was a beautiful night. We had sex outside. Then again in the shower. Then again upstairs in his room for half the night. When I woke-up he was already dressed. Tying his tie. Hot. He left a note on a Post-It Said we were done. Are you f-ing kidding me!? A Post-It! My God who does that?

Mariah

September 13, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: heart ache, mistake

It first started as a lust; something I never saw going anywhere nor did I want it to. We met at my place of work, and considering that it's my job to turn men on, I did just that. Not expecting that I'd actually be turned on by him.
We exchanged numbers and I told myself, he was just a client and us spending time together would be strictly professional. With each visit he showed more interest in me, and I continued to play my role as a girl that was into him. However once we became intimate I noticed a change, at least I thought I did. He stopped coming to see me at work and slowly I found myself getting upset and feeling used. Now suddenly I was the one who had feelings.
I swear I didn't see it coming, and I thought to myself, "its just hurt pride, it'll pass". Before I knew it he payed little to no attention to me at all and I began to feel jealous and hurt. I expressed my feelings and he continued to do as he pleased. He knew I hated him coming by and so, he started to come by even more, claiming that although it was hurting me, he wasn't doing it to hurt me...

I think the big slap for me was when he came to my job on my birthday, and didn't want to spend time with me. In addition, his friends would snicker and laugh when they'd see me. I grew so furious I had them all kicked out, and once I got home, I cried. I cried a lot and for days.

I tried my hardest to shake what felt like hurt feelings I shouldn't be having. I reminded myself where I met him and told myself that chances are, I'm not the first girl he's done this to.
Then I told myself, well maybe its my fault. I brushed him off so much in the beginning, that when it got dished back to me, I didn't like it.

I honestly don't know what happened and I still don't understand it. It's been 5 months and every time I think about how he would come to my job to spend time with someone else, it burns me deep down. To watch him lust after someone else, then act as if I wasn't there...it's still so painful to think about.

We were speaking as friends for a while up until recently, but I noticed that the only person who has ever made any initiative to keep in touch, is me. He makes no effort to speak to me if I do not speak first, and so, I've given up on the idea of us being friends. I've erased all his numbers and tried my hardest not to think about him.

I really stuck my foot in my mouth. There are times when I've wanted him back, and there are times when I wish we'd never met. In fact, most times I wish that.

Emma

September 06, 2012 @ (texas)

Tags: Broke up. Chance

so my girlfriend broke up with me but still wants to be best friend. So this is what happen im always calling her and wanting spend time with her, im just really clingy and i don't give her space and always asking her question and up her ass about stuff. i get upset when she busy with school and homework. For the past year she has told me to change and give her space but i never did and she broke u with me for good. and its only been couple days and i been trying to give her space and not be around as much and she told me that she still in love with me but not completely and she just wants to be single and work on herself with school and stuff. do you think i have a chance to get her back, im working on myself and changing

Lauren

August 22, 2012 @ (Maryland)

Tags: (highschool, religion)

So it was a nine month relationship. We were friends for about a year before. We finally decided to hook up the week of homecoming. But it turned out to be something a lot more. He asked me out at the homecoming game. Since then we've been together and in love. I helped him through so much. His parents fight constantly, he was adopted, he has self worth issue but so do I. We helped each other out. We were happy together and we promised each other to stay forever. We thought we were going to get married. We thought we had so much time. We even lost our virginity to one another.
So he went to church camp for a week about a month ago. He came back wanting a break. No explanation, no answers, no nothing. He changed completely. He always used to say that he believed in God but not in religion. Now he's a legit conservative Catholic. He says "Sex is bad." He thinks he has to break up with me because of his religion. The experience at camp changed him. It's like my old guy is there but he's not. Like he's asleep and soon he's going to wake up and have no one. He thinks the world is a perfect place where only nice people exist because that's how it was at camp.
I don't know how to get through to him. But all he says now is 'idk'. Ten months and he's willing to throw it all away... I get the feeling he isn't telling me something. I'm so fed up with guys being assholes. He was different though.

Tynisha

July 30, 2012 @ (Love lost)

Tags: Young, love

We had went out over the summer of leaving the fifth grade. He had said he loved me so much,I meant the world to him, etc.. Young love. We had our little arguments here and there, but they didn't matter. Anyway, the next summer, we dated again. But it wasn't the same. My feelings for him had increased, but I could sense that his feelings for me were not the same. One day over the phone he broke up with me. I was so sad. But he said that we could still be friends. But he never talked to me afterwards. Later on I found out that after we broke up, he started dating my friend. I'm now going to the 9th grade. There isn't a day I go without thinking about him. Some people might call it pathetic, but I call it in love. We no longer talk to each other. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not obsessed with him or anything, I just think about him. How can I get over him? I don't want my feelings for him to affect my current relationship. Or future relationships. I want him back in my life. :(

Alex B.

July 09, 2012 @ (New york)

Tags: cheating?

Alright so where do I start.. We met at work, the girl I'm dating now, and we've been together for about 2 years now. I am 20 and she is 18. I guess I'm writing this because I'm confused and I need to get this off my chest.
Since we have started dating she has texted and messaged every guy at our club (over 20+). Now this would not have bothered me if she had not been writing to them nasty messages like she wants their dick or wants to show them a "good time".
I found all this because I felt that something wasn't right and everyone at our club would tell me that I'm too good for her and she doesn't deserve me.
Well long story short I confronted her about this and at first she denied it up until I showed her proof.. So she started to cry.. A lot.. and apologized and kept assuring me that nothing ever happened.. She said she needed to do all this to feel like she has "power". At first I didn't understand until she explained to me that as a child she was sexually abused by a close friend of the family. In the end she kept reassuring me that nothing happened sexually with the people at our club. So I believed her.
I have always been faithful and true to her because she is my first. But once I found all that was going on behind my back, the trust I had for her is broken.. I try but I can't seem to trust her anymore. But she keeps promising me that she will never do this again because she doesn't want to loose me.
We have talked about living together, getting married and having kids but.. A part of me doesn't want that anymore.. Because I feel like it will happen again. I don't want to waste my time with someone who will not be faithful and give it her all in the relationship.
I don't know whether I should stay with her or break up. The reason I'm contemplating is because she is going to be moving across states from me to live a "stress free" life for a couple of months. And I can understand why... her family treats her like a maid or nanny and doesn't really acknowledges her as part of there family, and they don't really approve of us being together. Things are basically not going her way. I just feel that she will mess up and cheat on me. I don't want that to happen. I can't go with her because my work is here.
So what do you guys think I should do? I need advise. I am really lost.

Sophia

June 19, 2012 @ (UK)

Tags: long-distance, cancer, depression, love of my life, soulmate

I was in a relationship with a guy for about 5 months. I had never experienced such an intense and caring love before. There were a few ups and downs but we grew closer and closer. He was constantly saying that I was the love of his life and that he would do anything for me. I felt closer to him than to any other human being ever before.

After 5 months, I needed to move to another country for my job. (This career move had been planned long before I met him.) After living in the new country for six weeks I was diagnosed with a tumour. When I told him about this tumour, he sent me an email saying that he still loved me as much as before but was planning on spending his next holiday with “some close female friend” and needed to let me go.

I hit rock bottom that night. I talked to him only once more on the phone. After that, I never heard from him again.

8 months later I am still struggling and on medication (both against the tumour and the depressions that set in after the breakup). Not one day goes by without me thinking about him.