Searching for "relationships"

41 Results For 'relationships'

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Emily

September 03, 2012 @ (California)

Tags: -.-

So. I met this guy and we were friends for about a week, and we saw each other at a mutual friends party. We got to know each other better and we hit it off, and when texting him later he tells me that he likes me...alright ! I had a crush on him too and we started talking. So every single day after that he would text me 24/7 non stop and blow up my phone when I wouldn't text back in 5 minutes, 5 FUCKING MINUTES !!! And he would always bash on my guy friends and me ex's without even meeting them, and i have healthy relationships with all my ex's. So fast forward all he would do was text me and cry and talk about his other bad relationships and how I was the one and he was going to marry me, and I was a little freaked. And Im not someone who's in relationships often so when I'm with someone it's a little special. Im saving my virginity for when I'm 18 and one day he grabbed my breast and tried to have sex with me !! After that I couldn't help myself, I kicked his ass(the best I could, I'm only 4'9 -_-) and I told him to get out and leave me alone. Now he bugs me and even has a timer on his phone for "the day I turn 18 and he can have me". What the fuck!?! What should I dooo ?

Tynisha

July 30, 2012 @ (Love lost)

Tags: Young, love

We had went out over the summer of leaving the fifth grade. He had said he loved me so much,I meant the world to him, etc.. Young love. We had our little arguments here and there, but they didn't matter. Anyway, the next summer, we dated again. But it wasn't the same. My feelings for him had increased, but I could sense that his feelings for me were not the same. One day over the phone he broke up with me. I was so sad. But he said that we could still be friends. But he never talked to me afterwards. Later on I found out that after we broke up, he started dating my friend. I'm now going to the 9th grade. There isn't a day I go without thinking about him. Some people might call it pathetic, but I call it in love. We no longer talk to each other. Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not obsessed with him or anything, I just think about him. How can I get over him? I don't want my feelings for him to affect my current relationship. Or future relationships. I want him back in my life. :(

Serena

February 27, 2012 @ (Texas, California)

Tags: Long distance1, internet, dating, sad, breakup

Bitter sweet Internet love life

This is a true story about my own love life and how it started.. and sadly ended

-----------FlashBack-----------
I looked to my right and then to my left, I saw a guy with a cat head on? He seemed pretty interesting, but being the random person I was I walked up to him and said "Hai how's life?", "It's awesome right now" I giggled, "So what's your name?" the crowd around him answered "--------" I didn't even notice they were there and made me jump out of my skin!
------End of Flashback------
The day we first met was a memory turning hazy, but I never knew he would become my best friend. At the time I first met him I was a 1st year in middle school and was pretty dumb, but I didn't care as long as I was having fun at school, I was the type of person who could make anyone smile! I didn't take anything seriously at the time as in friendships, and relationships, I was all about living for the moment and always acting silly, but that would eventually change. Jerome was a well known person, I'm pretty sure he had more friends then I would ever have in my school years, but he was funny and also serious, he always put his friends as his number one priority and that's what I liked about him! I started talking to "------" everyday, and I would always learn something new about him, my friendly feelings eventually turned into love. One day my friend Christopher and I had started talking about the most random topics and I saw "-----" walk over to me and sit close to like he always did , I told Chris, "HEY CHRISTOPHER, are you going to pay for our wedding!" I realized what I had just said and started to blush, "but I have to pay for mine first!" he whined , ever since that day "------" and I became girlfriend and boyfriend, we exchanged numbers and the first thing he said was, "YES, I can prank call you now!" "Oh shush and text me cause I have to go, BAI "------" I LOVE YOUH!<3" "Love you too!<3" After that he imminently texted me, he made me feel special inside like I was the only girl he could have, I guess he had me falling head over heels for them, but things change... The day of my birth was coming up and I was so excited on what he would get me!! It could be anything I ever dreamed of. It finally came and what I got was a diamond ring as in an engagement ring!! He purposed to me after just one month and I felt so happy!! But after that my life would change forever... It was Friday may 20th that I received a text saying he had asked a girl out and she said yes. I wasn't happy about it, but I tried to act happy, but failed miserably. Inside I felt real jealous even though this relationship was just over the Internet I couldn't help but feel a little ache in my heart. As the weeks had gone by we started texting less as he distanced himself from me, but then his friend had died one day and that made the distance seem even longer, as he was always busy helping out others, even though I was a priority I felt like an option which hurt me the most... as a result I... cheated on him, I cheated on him because I wanted him to feel what I felt when he told me he had a girlfriend, that was The lowest point I had ever gone to in a relationship, and I felt empty inside. I told "------" all about "Joey" (a.k.a moo moo) at first he seemed completely fine with it but as I told him more, we had arguments that were pointless, he eventually found out that moo moo wasn't in real life but was on the Internet, I made a fatal mistake of hanging out with "Joey" that day as he gave me a '<3' sign right in front of "------" After that day "------" no longer talked to me, he ignored me, and all their was left was for "Joey" to fill the void I had in my heart. After a successful relationship "Joey" finally ended it, saying we were going to fast... I no longer had anyone to cover up the sadness that they left me, and started to cry everyday waiting for them to come back to me. I became obsessed and eventually had thoughts of suicide, but I never did have the courage to cut into my arm. In my mind I knew no one would want me anymore from the terrible thing I've done to "------", and decided to never love again. All I ever wanted was Jerome's attention and acceptance, I had eventually got it but lost it so easily.

"Yes, this whole relationship thing was over the Internet, but it didn't matter to me because I felt so close to him that even distance couldn't tear me apart from him, I know it was naive of me to think it would last even though I cheated on him, I still hoped the relationship would still make it through"

Seriously?

January 21, 2012 @ (U.S.A.)

Tags: jerk, slut, whore, friend, drunk

I guess this one isn't even a break-up, but it was like one. A while back when I was single, there was this guy that I knew who was, to put it bluntly, the community whore. He made it his personal mission to sleep with everyone. I was in no way interested, but because we worked together we eventually did end up becoming friends, and would often see each other outside of work when co-workers got together for drinks. And then one night I had too much to drink and lo and behold, banged the company bicycle. I was pretty mortified with myself. I made him swear not to tell anyone about it--not only because I didn't want people to know I'd been that stupid, but also because it's not exactly kosher for that to go on between coworkers anywhere--and I made it crystal clear that it was never, never happening again. He felt the same--the man went through women like tissue paper, so he agreed without batting an eye.

So imagine how angry I was when I found out he told literally EVERYONE about it the next day. I tore him a new one--I brought that infantile jerk to tears. He swore he was sorry and after a few weeks of giving him a pointed cold shoulder, things sort of went back to normal and we became friends again--closer than before, oddly. He ranted to me about his conquests to bed other drunk and/or low-self-esteem suffering women and I would smile and nod. He kept bringing around whatever woman he was currently screwing and tried to get me to be friends with them, which I hated. I mean what am I supposed to say to her? It'll be nice knowing you for the next few days before he finds someone new? It was so awkward and I couldn't stand hearing them gush about whoever he was pretending to be while knowing he was just intending to toss them aside. He kept insisting "this one's different", like he was madly in love with each one, thus making it okay to love and leave them in his mind I guess.

Well, I started to hang out with him less and less. He was fun to be around sometimes but god could he be a twat. Then one day, after we'd been friends for about a year, I met someone I really liked and started dating him. Suddenly, this supposed friend was pissed. He was jealous and cold and ignored me whenever he could, ranting behind my back to other coworkers that the relationship was obviously no good. So apparently he was only ever keeping around female friends as people he thought he could potentially back-up bang. I had no clue that I was actually part of some sick, perceived harem. Now he claims that I "broke his heart" or some shit, when while we were FRIENDS, he was in relationships with dozens of others. It's such a lie; I know he never had feelings for me, he just wants attention. Such a crybaby, and I'm glad I finally have the sense to just ignore him from now on.

Young And Naive

November 29, 2011 @ (nj)

Tags: naivegirl stupidguy

Ok so my break up story is about a guy I dated in my highschool years. I met Shane my sophomore in highschool he was a freshman. I thought he was really cute and vice versa. He always asked our mutual friends about me. I liked him because he was sweet and he seemed like he genuinely liked me. He tried getting a friend to ask me out for him cuz he was shy but I refused to give an answer until he asked for himself. Eventually got the nerve to ask me I was ecstatic and of course said yes. We dated for about a month and a half and he broke up with me cuz I refused to be the one to kiss him first and he didn't have the balls to do it. So we kept in touch and remained friends. We started "talking" again my junior year and he told me he wanted to try us out again. I told him I wouldn't do it unless he kissed me first so he kissed me and I said yes. He got excited and hugged and kissed me again. He treated me pretty good and we talked on the phone almost every night but we never got the chance to hang out cuz my mom is over bearing and extremely strict. We dated for about a month before he broke up with me only to ask me back out a day later. I wasn't going to say yes but his twin brother told me that he talked about me nonstop and that he missed me so I gave in. We dated for 2 more months after that we loved eachother or so I thought. One day while on the phone he broke up with me after a huge argument and it absolutely crushed me. Again we remained friends. My senior year we started talking again but it didn't go anywhere. I graduated highschool and we kept in touch. I dated other people he dated other people. We started talking again(I couldn't stay away being with him just felt so nice) we had sex a couple times and we're thinking about going out again but I decided I didn't feel like risking the hurt again but we remained in touch and flirted all the time. No matter how many girls he dated it always came back to me so I know deep down he does have real feelings for me but he's too immature to commit(none of his relationships last long) I eventually just gave up on him and could not be happier with that decision. I'm with an amazing guy now. We've been together for a little over a year and are engaged. I have no contact with my ex at all. Ahh it feels nice to get all of this off of my chest$

Anonymous

November 23, 2011 @ (home)

Tags: example1

I guess i just don't know what to say. I wish we'd never broken up, but I know it's what he wanted to do for awhile now. I was a fool for having been in denial for such a long time, and for believing that he feels as much as I feel for him. It's already been a month ever since our break up, but I still feel as broken as if it was just yesterday. I can remember begging him to not break up with me, but only to have him get angry and push me away. It hurts to think back and face the truth that all the while he was with me, it was just pretense. He really can't even stand the sight of me. He stopped texting me altogether after we broke up. I feel sick and tired; sick of relationships and tired of meeting new people. I absolutely hate the fact that he's made me feel like everything was my fault. I hate that he puts me through so much misery while we were together. He isn't the guy I once knew him to be, so I guess i'll let time do it's job and bury all this.

AC

October 25, 2011 @ (US)

Tags: indecisive, indecision, flip flop, back and forth

It is apparently over. It feels that way. I have not been able to say the words to her though I think my heart feels it is.

It isn't that I don't love her, its that I am so unsure of what I want for my life that my instincts (or my goddamn brain) won't let me find clarity. Maybe that means I don't love her...I dunno. Or maybe I don't need clarity and I'm just ignoring my instincts which say that this relationship can not work considering the re-evaluation I am undertaking.

I haven't been able to wholeheartedly agree on the direction she would like life to go in...it mostly the children issue. But its not because I'm so against it or worried she isn't good enough to build a life with. I just haven't found a way to say yes or no, to reconcile what I want with what she does so maybe the indecisiveness is my answer.

Even if it means that I change my mind a year from now, I think the answer is "no I can't be what you need and deserve right now." If that's the case and she has a clearer plan for her life, I should let her go so she can find it with someone else. It may be the worst decision of my life and I may regret it but I just can't see a way to put love, attention and energy into this relationship AND try to figure my own shit out.

Part of me feels plain dumb for not having figured myself out at 33, but part of me also doubts that every married with kids person really gave it all as much thought and followed their instincts either. It feels so odd to not inherently agree with the way society goes about relationships, marriage, kids and just maturing in general. Everyone feels like they are on auto-pilot with their life choices. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about my indecision.

I think in many ways my spirit is flawed, broken...but not irreparable. I will take the time to ask my heart what it really wants and I will keep asking until it responds....because it will. It wants me to be happy and maybe it doesn't even yet know what it wants but when it does, I will fight for it with all I can. I only have one known chance at living. I've got to try and live as best I can. I hate that I don't know that she could represent living life the best way I can, but if we are done and it was a mistake, it just feels like a mistake I have to make, otherwise I am doomed to create the same indecision and same mistakes time and time again.

Golden614

May 06, 2011 @ (AZ)

Tags: love1

We had been together for three years. Three happy years. We laughed all the time, went places together, shared dreams and thoughts. Had awesome debates. We didn't always see eye to eye, obviously, but when we argued it was productive. There was compromise on both parts and I FELT so loved and so lucky. I looked at other people's relationships and couldn't understand all the drama and strife. We worked through our problems and were steadily making progress and both happily moving forward in our relationship. So much laughter and joy, any issue was rare because we got along so well. And then about a week before it happened, maybe two, I noticed he was very distant. I chalked it up to work stress and so many other things. I didn't push, thinking he would talk about it when he was ready. I know how I feel when I get the blues, I don't want everyone pushing me and asking me what's wrong, ad nauseum. He called me one day while he knew I was at work and gave me the dreaded line, "We need to talk." He said he didn't love me. He wasn't looking for "the one." We weren't compatible, etc etc etc. This from the man who only a week before had purchased a trip over seas with me and was talking about our future and telling me how special I was, I mean I literally had the wind knocked out of me. Now he says he wants to be friends. I love him but I'm not stupid. I don't want to be with someone who could flip on me so quickly, who would lead me on for three years, someone who apparently doesn't love me. But, my heart just can't seem to catch up with my brain. I see that he had an attack of commitment-phobia. But, how can it be true that he would stay with me for so long, that we could both be SO happy and he doesn't love me? I am having trouble moving on because I just can't wrap my head around it. And this whole, "We can still be friends," mess. Yeah, right. That has to some selfish ploy to alleviate his guilt feelings. And he tells me things like, "People break up all the time." "People change." It seems like the only thing that changed was how he acted toward me. And people do break up all the time, but so suddenly? So arbitrarily? He said he has never been with anyone as long as he has been with me and that no one was so immersed in his life, that he had never been so close with anyone else. Ever. He still wants me to be a part of his life. But he doesn't love me? He has loved other girlfriends, but not me? I'm lost. I just don't get it.

Violet

April 19, 2011 @ (NYC)

Tags: relationships, break up, love, hurt, pain, choices

'After 8 years in a relationship you realize there comes a point you ask yourself. Did I just miss out on "my life" and live someone else's or should I move on to the future and make this"our life". Well after 8 years you obviously share almost every moment together. Living together, same friends, family is involved, your best friends, you have animals together, or even children, both have great careers, may even own a business together, you have this life together. Which are all positive things that you want in a relationship. Thats the outter shell of a relationship looks and sounds wonderful. The inner part of that shell is what matters right? Well when you have to deal with BAGGAGE. Emotional problems, affectionate problems, ego problems, privacy problems, boundary problems,"my own" space problems, or "I need space". So how invovled are you supposed to get? Then there is the other part of the relationship is where you waiting for this person to change and do all the pro''s and con''s of each other. Yet you LOVE this person more than anything in the world and want to be with this person more than anything in the world. Its like where is the fun and love and when you are looking to change and figure out this person everyday. Where do you find the time to build a future when you are worried about the past or the right now? Then again, you want to work it out so badly because you love this person so much. Then it goes back to the beginning question am I missing out on my life or am I worried about their life? What to do? Big risk. Lose out on love and may never feel this love again or live life they way you want and hope to be in love like that again.Therefore, I chose the hard way; the challenge after long 8 years I chose to leave the one I love its been a year and I still love him. It was one of the most hardest things I have ever done in my life. I miss him everyday, think of him everyday and wish he was still my friend. I know he moved on and can carless how I feel since I was the one who left the relationship. Its not that your getting over the person when you break up, it getting over the fact your not in love anymore and want that feeling back more than anything. That is what I learned.n Don''t get me wrong I have had one of the most amazing years of my life and don''t regret my choice. Break ups are not easy. ',