Searching for "anger"

48 Results For 'anger'

John

September 26, 2013 @ (Hidden)

So I've been dating this girl since senior year of high school, and we both had strong feelings for each other. She decides she wants to keep our relationship together long distance as she's staying home in California and I moved all the way out to Chicago for school. I want the same thing, because we both believed we were the one for each other. She told me she loved me every night before I went to sleep and promised to be the best, most loyal girlfriend possible. We stay together, I never even looked at a chick at a bar or anywhere I was on the weekends that showed any interest because I really didn't. I was the definition of loyal. I came home for christmas break, all went well, and then back to Chicago for me before I knew it. We stayed together long distance until I came home in the summer of 2013. She dumped me a week after my birthday in June (which was about a month into me being home for summer) because she felt I was a liar, dishonest, and not loyal. This came out of literally fucking nowhere. Distraught, heartbroken, and every word for "I'm not making it through this" found in the dictionary, I went through 2 weeks of alcohol abuse and couldn't even enjoy the family vacation I went on either. After I got home from my vacation, the next day actually, we got back together because she told me she knew in her heart that I was what she wanted and she really made me believe it. We got back together, stayed together for the next month and a half until I went back to school in Chicago, and after 3 weeks of being here she told me she has no idea what she wants and thinks that I'm absolutely the last thing she needs. She said after I left for school, even looking at my name when I'd text her back made her more and more not want to respond to it at all. And here I am now, in Chicago, stalking her instagram (deleted everything that had to do with me), twitter (posting tweets about another guy), and even tumblr which no man should ever go on as it is. So there ya go, I'm in one shitty situation. Plus her final text to me was "lets see how things go when you're back" and included that she "still wants to be friends and not strangers."

Yana

April 17, 2013 @ (California)

Tags: long distance

We met through a mutual friend who was very close to both of us. Before meeting, the mutual friend actually told my ex that we were "perfect for each other".
The first few times we hung out, always in a group of friends, I thought he was cocky and full of it, but I was intensely attracted to him. One night at a party, I noticed he was kind of following me around. Every where I was in the house, he was too. He was adorable and shy, and I was forced to re-examine my first impression of him. We ended up talking for hours alone that night and we somehow intuitively knew so much about each other despite having been acquainted for such a short time. It was one of those magical moments in life when two human beings who are basically strangers really "see" each other, and love what they see.
We fell in love very quickly and intensely over the next few weeks. Time was always running away from us; he was supposed to leave the state in just a few months.
A year of long distance bullshit later, he stopped responding to me. Said he needed to have some time to himself, to figure things out. A week later he broke up with me. The reasons were never really clear but I think mostly he needed his independence to carve out his own place in the world, and he didn't feel he could do that with the pressures of our relationship. He said we were like two kids caught up in a fairy tale, and he had been hit with reality. Our fairy tale was the most important thing to me. We shared dreams of building a treehouse and living there in the wilderness with our kids and dogs and little vegetable patch. We called each other soulmates and "love of my life". I believed in it with everything I had. For me, this was my partner in life.
I was in a state of physical and emotional shock for some time after the break up. We vowed to remain close, to remain best of friends, because we both believed that love never really dies - even when two people part ways. Six months later he told me again I was his soulmate. Three days later he started to ignore me, which he has continued to do since (4 months and counting). This has truly been the most painful part of the whole experience. I believed so completely that this person, regardless of the current status of our relations, would always support and love and acknowledge me . By ignoring me, he has made me feel invisible, worthless, and crazy. Sometimes I think I made everything up in my head or that it was some crazy dream. More than I grieve for a lost lover, I grieve for the loss of a genuine connection with a person, the kind which is very rare in our world.

Sweetie

March 31, 2013 @ (Kansas)

Tags: Breakup

I was the one who made the decision to break up. I did it out of anger and I believe what I did was just. He was rude, disappeared for a week, treated me like a doormat, broke promises, lied & cheated.

Regardless of how bad he was, he was my first real relationship. I guess this is the reason why I still think about him. People say, first love is always the hardest to get over. I believe that now. It really is the hardest.

People often say that it's often easier for the dumper, but in my case. It's not. When I ended the relationship, I gave him my side of the story, how he made me felt & how hurt I was about the way he treated me. He just argued and turned the blame on me. He implied that I was immature & selfish for wanting to break up & we ended it.

The break up was hard for me because even though it was my choice it was not one that I wanted. What he did to me broke a promise that he once made. I had to leave him to stand up for myself. It was hard because I was still in love with him. I think I still am a little bit.

But nonetheless its over now and I can positively say that I'm confident that I will meet and find someone who will treat me a lot better than he ever did. Because even though I loved him the most out of every man I've ever dated. He was the worst boyfriend I've ever had!

Edan

March 29, 2013 @ (san diego)

Tags: ?

My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me and I am devastated . This was my first relationship and I feel an immense heartache. I feel I'm to blame because of my anger and distrust when he didn't give me a reason to. People say he'll come back but I highly doubt it. It hurts everyday and its barely been a week. I know he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like this feeling will never go away. Everything reminds me of him. I still love him. If he loved me, where did that love go? Or was it never love. If I could turn back time I would because I'm filled with regret, sadness and regret. What hurts more is he's already moving on. Love sucks.

Nameomitted

March 19, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: break up, long distance

We were never really official but this feels like a break up to me. We met in November. He was a military guy, no car, was leaving in a couple months. So at first we kept it casual. When he left on holiday leave we were both expecting him to return--he never did. Even though it was just a fling, it felt so unfinished. We'd text almost every day. At one point he said he missed me, and so I brought up the possibility of an LDR. We talked about the cost and how often we'd get to see one another, but in the end he said he hated LDRs, which I interpreted as a no. Yet we kept in touch, and I wanted to see him so badly. I wanted it more than I have wanted anything, I was so sprung on this guy. So I flew out to visit him last week. But I felt like he kept holding back, which in turn made me nervous. I froze up, and the entire week was a mix of silence and awkwardness. There were moments where we'd liven up, and we were only able to soften up physically--not just sex, but touches, caresses, neck rubs. The physical connection wasn't as crazy raw as I remembered it being, but we were still good together. It was still hot. However, I think my quietness got to him, and by the end of the week we were both exhausted. I could tell that he had run out of patience, and I had tired myself out by silently worrying and wondering and panicking. By the time I left we just waved goodbye. No hug, no kiss, not even a handshake.

On one hand, while I was out there I was noticing things about him that I didn't see before, and I would think to myself, "Hmm... no, I don't think we'd work as a couple." I know that we wouldn't. We have the same interests, and we're physically compatible. We're both thoughtful and affectionate. But intellectually, we don't really connect. Maybe I'm a little too independent for him? I don't know. We have different values. I actually found him to be kind of boring most of the time. He probably thought the same of me. I don't think we're actually boring people, but we tend mute each other out for some reason. But even with all that, it was one of the hardest break-ups I've had. Maybe because I was so invested in the dream of him, in the possibility, in the romantic star-crossed-lovers feel of the whole situation. That and my ego is kind of bruised. I was in love with his body, that's for sure.

I wanted it to be him, you know? I wanted him to tell me he wanted to work something out. I wanted to move clear across the country for him. I loved it out there and would love the adventure of it all, but I'm not going to lie that having him out there with me was the top reason I wanted to move. I wouldn't be alone. I have family and friends out there, so it wouldn't have been JUST for him. I guess I could still move if I wanted to, even if we never spoke again...

I hate that I get moody and distant when emotion overwhelms me. I shut off, and in those times it's nearly impossible for me to communicate how I'm feeling. When I panicked, I would push him away. That's one of the things I regret the most. I wasn't at my best, as hard as I tried. I feel... not good enough. Disheartened. The day he dropped me at the airport I still had a 2 hour wait, on top of a 6 hour flight. And I was fighting back tears the whole time. And I still have my spells of utter sadness.

In my heart, I know it's for the best. I know that I'll get over it, like I always do. I know that in time I'll look back and be able to see that it was a fun experience, and I'll be able to see how much I learned from it all. But right now, in the thick of it, it's a struggle to get through the day. I just want to go home and curl up and cry. But I have to work, and go to class, and be mature. And I don't want to annoy my friends and family by ranting and venting all the time, so I came here... It kind of helps, sharing this with strangers. So thanks.

Jenny

February 20, 2013 @ (Canada)

Tags: boyfriend, liar

This all began after I had broken up with my ex ( connor.) I wanted something new and exciting. 2 weeks after, my bestfriend introduced me to a guy by giving me his number. His name was Mathew. Good looking, had his own car, fun

From the moment I met him there was something about him. He would always pick me up, bought me expensive gifts, which was unnecessary but I loved it. The thing with mathew was that, his stories never seemed to add up, and about the silly things. For example, he would tell me that he didnt like this movie, and a month later he would say he really liked it. We would always get in these confrontations because I never knew what was going on in his head. He was an amazing liar. He had many issues, his dad was an alcoholic, he had issues within himself. I wanted to be there with him every step of the way, I gave up so much for this guy. He had never told anyone he loved them before, it was a HUGE thing for him, and finally after seeing a psychologist for that and other problems, after a year we had been dating, he finally told me he loved me. I left for hawaii with my family shortly after, and we would talk on facebook even though I found he was being really distant.

When I came back, I had a feeling something was off. I asked him if he had been going out behind my back, and he took my hand, looked at my straight in my eyes and said " I promised I havent been lying to you about ANYTHING. " But that was lie within itself.

I found out that he had been lying to me, well everyone about his personality, who is he. As i mentionned above how he would lie about liking a movie, even a certain food- only to get me to like him. And it worked! He never ever told me things that he didnt like about me. If i did something to piss him off, he wouldnt tell me and he would go talk shit about me to other people to get his anger out.. I didnt know this. I had broken up with him, and he seemed really sad and guilty, so i offered a break, just for few days to think things over. 4 days later I contact him, and he tells me to get out of his life, he hates me, he was only with me cause he felt bad for me..? im so confused. Apparently he was just tired of pretending to be someone else around me, and having bottled up all his emotions he blew up on me.

What I fell inlove with was just a bunch of lies put together. Right before we went on break, he admitted to me that the psychologist wanted to send him to see a psychiatrist, im guessing to get diagnosed with most likely a personality disorder. Its hard for me to move on from here because I just keep thinking back on what was true and what was a lie.. Ill never know. I seen pictures of him clubbing 2 days ago and it hurt me so much. Im doing my best to move on, I really thought this guy loved me, I shouldve listening to the warning signs from the begining.

Jordyn

October 19, 2012 @ (California )

Tags: Breakup long term relationship

I was in a relationship since September of 2009 and it just ended recently, not to long ago, in May 2012.
I was confused, lost, in denial, anger. And I still am, it's been really hard.
I really thought he was the one, well I still do.
Me and him did everything together, I saw him everyday until late night and he would spend the night on the weekends quite often.
We went out a lot to the movies, the beach, Disneyland, and new places every weekend. He took me out to dinner almost every weekend, he did anything to make me happy.
We always spoke about the future, college, getting married, having kids, growing old together.
I just don't know what went wrong. One day, he suddenly wanted to break up because he is 'not ready to commit' and wasn't aware of the seriousness of our relationship - after 2 years, he finally decides he was too young to be in such a serious relationship.
And the worst of all, he never ever said anything about being unhappy with me until the day he broke up with me. He was hiding all his feelings from me, while I was being honest with him all along.
I just don't understand. To me, our love felt real. Like really real. I honestly feel like he is the one, still today after 5 months of being broken up. I still love him, I will always love him. He never did anything bad to me. He treated me like a princess, he was my best friend. We had so many good laughs and memories together. We were practically married. We were so comfortable with each other. Every one of our friends thought we were going to actually get married and when they heard that we broke up - they thought that I was the one who did it, but incidentally it was the other way around.
Every one thought he would never leave me, that he was so in love with me. And I thought so too, and I felt secure with him because I thought he was one of those rare guys who actually stays committed in a relationship. But I guess I was wrong.
It's just so hard, I'm trying to let go. But I think about him everyday, he was the only happiness in my life. Now I'm trying to find my own happiness, and I have managed. But nothing makes me as happy as he did. I loved him more than anything, more than my family. I know it was wrong of me, but it was true. He was my first priority and I was his. I never treated him badly, I never cheated on him, or anything. I loved him with my whole heart and soul and this is what I get in return? A broken heart.
I just wonder if he ever thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me.
Oh and we don't speak. Well atleast, he doesn't talk to me. From what I have heard is that he hates me because he realized that he missed out on life because of me ('life' referring to parties and drinking and what not). So he hates me because he didn't get to experience life the way he wanted to. Which is stupid because he knew what kind of relationship he was getting into since day 1. It took him two years to realize that he was missing out on life? We weren't missing out on life, I mean we didn't party like the way he does. Instead, we went on dates to new places every weekend. We had movie nights, dinner dates, etc etc. I mean we weren't a boring couple, we were always doing something. But I guess he just want to party and get smashed or something. Well that's what he's doing now from what I've been hearing.
I hope one day he realizes that he messed up, I hope one day he realiZes how wonderful our relationship was. I hope one day we can be friends again. I just miss him so much, and I know it's not good. I feel like I'm missing a part of me. And I know time heals all wounds, it has definitely been a bumpy ride in the last 5 months, some good and some bad times but I try to stay optimistic about the future.
Any advice?

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Kimberly

March 10, 2012 @ (Indiana)

Tags: YoungLove

We didn't talk much and he was one of those "to cool" kids.I am a mexican girl in like a white school.So i never actually got to grab his attention.I then was in his class for 5th grade.At first we didn't talk much.But then i gave him my number.We talked all day long every single day.We got closer and closer.The thing is he had a girlfriend named (changing name) Sam.They have been dating for a while and he loved her very much.As time went by i had huge feelings for him.I Then Told Him I Liked Him So Much.We were the best of friends.As time passed again he told me he had feelings for me too.Then summer of 2011 he broke up with Sam.We then went out June 1st.We were such a cute couple in school.I Would Always Kiss Him Hold His Hand Everything You could imagine was cute in the relationship.I Then Became Jealous of him Talking to Sam.He was jealous i talked to boys too.We would fight after the next 3 months in our relationship.I loved him sooo very much and still do.Then February came of 2012. I Became very frustrated and had so much stress on me.I Broke Up with Him.He kept begging me back and asking me out,i would always say NoNoNO and change the conversation.We were both a mess.I Cried every night.His friends would tell me he was a mess.But the next thing i know i get a text.He said he was with Sam again.My heart collapsed.He cheated on her kissing me like three times.I Caused them trouble and he told me to keep quiet about him cheating.I Then Busted out with anger and said stuff i wish i didnt.Now we have a awkward friendship with hate.He is still with sam.And i still love him more than anything but im moving on and i Am annoying telling him i want him back.He then said it feels bad when the one you love rejecting you doesn't it.I Then Still waste my time thinking about him and being forever alone.

Jessica

March 02, 2012 @ (Texas)

Tags: Bestfriends, Friendship, Heartbreak, Love,

Hey everyone,

First of all, I'm going to change his name to...Johnny. Anyways. So Johnny and I had been bestfriends for a while. We were the best of best friends. We memorized eachother's daily routines down to when we got up to when we slept, what class we had on what day, and had a lot of insiders. He went to a school a little far from where I live so we never really saw each other because we met on Facebook but we had Skyped a lot. It wasn't until he said he was in love with me but at the time, i was in another relationship with a guy I had been with for a year and some months. Very sweet guy. But when it came to communication, my boyfriend at the time would never really talk to me. Every time I'd cry or feel sad I always went to Johnny because he was always there. At any hour of the night, i could call him and even though he was asleep he'd wake up just to talk.

So October cam around and I had feelings for Johnny as well but I knew I had to probably break up with my boyfriend at the time because things became very distant. My boyfriend at the time was going to San Francisco for 2 months. He couldn't even keep up communication when we were apart (and him living in my same area) what made you think he'd still talk to me when he left so I broke up with him. 2 Weeks later I started dating Johnny and he made me the most happiest girl in the world. And soon after that, we started doing things in bed (not necessarily sex but things extremely close to it) In fact we tried but we couldn't because it was difficult.

Anyways, so around last week (Feb.20) I noticed I hadn't gotten my period and suffered a lot of symptoms of pregnancy. I told him and he reassured me that I wasn't. Guys take it easier but for a girl, its tormenting, especially if it wasn't planned. So, I told him we needed a test. He agreed to buy me one when I saw him. (I only really saw him on Saturdays due to gas and distance) But my mind was dying to know so, I told my mom what was going on, because I was concerned. She took it okay in the beginning but when I told Johnny, i could tell he was upset but took it cool. My mom bought me the test and it came out negative thank god. But I had a feeling I did it wrong because I still felt bloated and it was already the 8th day of it. Soon, my dad found out and had a talk with Johnny and I just saying that we were lucky and what not. And to try and abstain from it.

My paranoia took the best of me because I still felt really sick so I went to the doctor to go get blood work done and thank goodness, it was negative again. I started the next day and things ended like that. But I told Johnny we'd have to be more careful and that even if its not real intercourse, its still possible. Soon after, I noticed that he became more distant so I kept telling him if something was bothering him, he could tell me. I still loved him a lot. But apparently, he didn't feel the same for me anymore.

He claimed that he never used me and it wasn't because of what happened but according to all the things he said through text (Oh by the way, he dumped me over TEXT) he didn't care much about anything I had to say. And after that, bam. He deleted me off of facebook and all communication ended there.

How can some guys be so mean...especially since he was my bestfriend and boyfriend. I trusted him so much. But I felt more anger/disappointment than sadness. I guess its true what they say..Don't date your bestfriend.