I consider her the most important girl in my life. Let me tell you why.
Before I dated her, I had three previous relationships.
The first I consider a puppy love; the second I stole her virginity and cheated on her; the third I thought I love her much, but objectively speaking it was too sexual. In between I was also very flirtatious. I love to fool around and usually grow an immediate attraction to those girls who are willing to talk about sex, aka sluts. I was very into sex.
After I got hurt from my last breakup, I told myself I would never believe in love again. So I decided I could just turn back into the old me and flirt around. Eventually, I also slept with someone who wasn't my girlfriend. I also allowed myself to engage in cyber sex with a girl who had a bf back then.
None of this was known about me by the public. I hide it pretty well. I live with a double face life.
All of this ended after I fell in love with this special girl. It was a love at first sight. We had been close friends, maybe even best friends more like 7 to 9 months back then. I just suddenly realize how much care she actually giving me, and how I am actually really attracted to this kind of good girl. So I started showing her my love and fortunately she also loves me. Falling in love with your best friend is just beautiful. (this is coming from a guy)
She is just a pure girl. Someone with good moral values, who can really lead you to the right path. She is also very traditional. So we agree we would have no sex until we are fortunate enough to get married. And since then, for 20 months, we simply make out and have no sex. If you ask the old me, I guess I would have been shocked to know I can live without having sex with my gf. (I rmb I was literally angry when my second gf didn't agree to have sex with me back then; and then I also was very sexually involved with the next gf; and of course that time that I allowed myself to engage in casual sex)
But of course, its more than that. I just realize this kind of life, where I follow good value, be a good guy, no double life is what I truly want. In a sense I realize I had destroyed my integrity with what I did before. All this was only made possible because of her being with me, her loving me.
At the beginning, it turned out she actually knew some of my past. And she said if I am not the same anymore, she is willing to give me a chance. I felt really touched by that. I think that is what being loved feels like: knowing you are a sinner but somehow a great girl still willing to give you another chance to be a better man. I told myself I won't let this girl down ever again.
I hope it's obvious now how special she is to me. In a sense, she was there with me at the right time. Being here with me when I sinned, when learnt from my past and mature enough to know what is right for myself and what is not.
Unfortunately, we didn't last.
The problem was that she somehow dug my old stuff out. My old chat history with my previous girlfriends or sluts that I flirted with. And because of some reason, I also had to tell her about my causal relationship (terribly so, the girl is someone she knows)
It just all started to crumble for her.
As she read those words, she got more and more disappointed at me. She is very upset and hurt for what I did. This might have sth to do with her possible bipolar disorder and family issues that has made her highly insecure. And I am her first bf too. There is a lot going on her mind: insecurity, sharing her guy with many girls, not able to trust my words anymore and so on. So she kept asking for breakups. I tried to save our relationship millions of times already. But her hatred against me and her pain just grew. So finally I agree to try and separate from her...
It's so difficult for me. It's just the first day of not talking to her today. And obviously I am dying. But once I recall what I did, and think about her hurt she is because of me, I know I am making the right decision this time to give her the same she deems.
It's time for me to brave and take care of her. (She has always been the "strong" person in our relationship more often than me) She deserves to be happy. Maybe we can get back together if she can be mature enough to let go of my past. Or maybe can't. Either way I hope she can really be happy. Because I am indeed very happy with her.
She changed me for the better. I am forever indebted to her. I also wouldn't go back to those dark alleys like I once did.
I am changed, forever, because of her. And I am hoping to show her how special and how much I love her, by letting her go...
I met my ex-girlfriend on an online dating website and things got serious pretty quickly. She had bipolar disorder but was not getting treated. She lived with her parents and had a rocky relationship with her domineering and controlling mother. I always got the impression that her parents viewed my ex-girlfriend as a disappointment in comparison to her two older sisters who were both married with their own families. It seemed like her parents were happy with just about anybody who take my ex-girlfriend off her hands.
Initially I got along with her parents. I attended family gatherings, holidays and even went on a vacation with them. Over time, however, things changed. It started during a dinner we had with her parents. Her mother had a habit of scolding my ex-girlfriend about seemingly petty things. Even though it was an awkward situation that was uncomfortable, her mother was very unapologetic and instead got upset at me for not talking.
After two years together, we started to run into some problems. My ex-girlfriend was pressuring me into getting engaged, mainly so she could get my health insurance and get treated for her bipolar disorder. She even talked about eloping first so she didn’t have to wait to claim my insurance. I started to feel that the relationship was a little one-sided. We practically spent all of our free time together and I was bothered she never showed much interest in any of my hobbies and was always very vocal about how stupid they were. Another problem were her mood swings which often lead to arguments, which occasionally took place in public places.
After we broke up, I went out on my own while my ex-girlfriend immediately jumped into another relationship. Also during that time, her parents sort of relented and allowed her to get treated for her bipolar disorder. After a few months, we both realized that we still had feelings for each other and decided to get back together, promising that things would be different.
At first not everyone was excited that we were back together, mainly her parents. They were upset because they believed her new boyfriend would’ve eventually married her and because they believed I had caused my ex-girlfriend’s mood swings. My ex-girlfriend’s mother was upset at me over an incident that happened a year ago that never occurred. Even though my ex-girlfriend believed her, I was suspicious of her mother.
Initially everything seemed to be going great. The relationship was a lot more balanced and because my ex-girlfriend was taking medication she wasn’t getting those mood swings that plagued us last time. Around the holidays, things started to turn. I was driving my ex-girlfriend to the airport and my car got a flat tire. As I pulled into the gas station, she started screaming at me, like she did before she was taking her medication. It was so bad that the attendants felt sorry for me and gave me the replacement tire for free. Even though my ex-girlfriend wrote off the incident as holiday-related stress, it was the first indication that something wasn’t right.
Over the next month, my ex-girlfriend continued to act erratically and decided to break up with me on Valentine’s Day, only to change her mind the following day and the same pattern would occur every few weeks. Also during that time, my ex-girlfriend discovered that her mother had tricked her into not taking her bipolar medication and had told her doctor that she no longer needed them causing her doctor to believe she was misdiagnosed.
Eventually, my ex-girlfriend’s mother began to act even more coldly towards me. During an argument over the phone, I overheard her mother screaming in background and demanded that she break up with me and get it over with. Every time I saw her mother, I tried to be friendly or polite to her but she either scowl at me or storm out of the room. She continued to badmouth me and even made bizarre accusations about me. She claimed that I wasn’t serious about getting married and claimed that I was gay. She even told family members that she didn’t think that I was a nice person.
By the spring, my ex-girlfriend’s mood swings started to get worse. One night, my ex-girlfriend had too much to drink and she started grinding against me at a restaurant. After I quietly pushed her off of me and told her to stop, she started screaming at me and eventually pushed me out the door. When I returned, she continued to scream at me and had to be told to leave by the manager.
On the way home, I told her we were finished but she wanted to talk. She asked for another chance and promised to stop drinking. When I wouldn’t reconsider, she got upset demanded that I get out of her car and kicked me in my ribs and threw a half empty wine bottle out the window. The following day, she changed her mind and tried to convince me to give her another chance. After she got her friends to contact me, I felt like I had no choice but to give in.
In the following weeks. My ex-girlfriend’s mood swings got worse and she even got pushy and demanding. When I tried breaking up with her again, she again forced me to reconsider and sometimes held me hostage in her house until I reconsidered. Personally I felt trapped. When my ex-girlfriend and I got back together, this was not what I had envisioned. Now I felt depressed and noticed that I had gained weight.
I decided that I needed an outlet for my feelings and decided to sign up for an obstacle course race. My ex-girlfriend immediately thought it was a dumb idea and was upset that I ask her permission. She also hated that I joined a Sunday softball league with a friend, even though she worked on that day. She always expected me to stay home and meet with her after she got off of work.
The night before the race, my ex-girlfriend decided to rehash an old argument about how she felt that I wasn’t committed to her and believed her mother was about me. The argument continued as I was driving her home and when I tried to break up with her again, she lost her temper and started hitting me over the head with a book as I was driving. Afterwards, I was forced to change my mind after she refused to leave my car. The following week, I finally broke up with my ex-girlfriend after I cancelled my plans with her and she furiously berated me on the phone. Unlike last summer, this was for good.
In the months that followed, my ex-girlfriend continued to try to contact me.
Sometimes she scolded me for breaking up with her and occasionally she begged for another chance. She even would scream at remaining mutual friends when they wouldn’t tell her any information they had on me. I also learned that she was in a serious car accident that some of her friends believe might been a suicide attempt. Eventually, she stopped trying to contact me and I learned that she had started dating another guy and was once again taking bipolar medication.
As for me, I rediscovered how to have fun again. I made a lot of new friends on the softball team I joined that summer. It helped that we won the championship and I ended up making the game winning catch. I also lost 50 pounds and have since competed in 3 more obstacle course races. I even started dating again and am currently in the early stages of a new relationship. It’s been fun and I can't remember the last time I felt this happy or excited about my life.
I told him everything. I made myself completly vulnerable.. and I regret that. I really do. I already knew it wouldn't last forever, it never does, especially when you're so young. That feeling just.. wore off. He used to type a long paragraph just about how gorgeous he thinks I am but that slowly resolved to one word replies.. And remember that girlfriend? Yea, that came back to bite me in the butt. She started all this drama, constantly texting
I started seeing this boy back in April. On our first date he told me he was bipolar. I asked him if he was taking medication for it, and he said no. This, of course, worried me, but I was understanding and empathetic. I continued to talk to him, and we realized that we had many things in common. The more we talked, the more I started to like him. On the third date, he told me that he has been dealing with self-injury for the past six years. I was a little shocked that he would share something so personal to someone he just met, but I took it as a sign that he trusted me enough to tell me these things. He also told me that he didn't think he was in a place to be in a relationship at that moment in his life. I understood. After that date, he continued to text me everyday and we continued to see each other about twice a week. Things progressed very quickly and became very intense. A few weeks later, he told me that he had been diagnosed with boderline personality disorder, and that he also had an eating disorder (which I was starting to suspect). I asked him if he was getting help for any of these things, and he said no. I asked him what I could do to help him, and he said nothing. This was all becoming too much for me, but I had started to develop deep feelings for him, and didn't want to abandon him. I was starting to fall in love with him, and I trusted him enough to have sex with him (he was my first). We talked about us and our relationship, and he was still firm that he didn't want or need a relationship. At that point, however, I felt like we were in one, and was very hurt with his decision not to move forward. We broke up soon after that. At the time I thought we were breaking up because we both wanted different things. I wanted to move forward and start a relationship with him, and he did not.
One week (yes, ONE WEEK) after we broke up, he removed me as a friend on facebook and changed his facebook profile picture to him and this girl. A mutual friend told me that he was "in a relationship' with this new girl. After trying to contact him to figure out what the hell was going on, he simply stated that I was not what he needed.
This whole situation has taught me alot about mental illness and what it means to be romantically involved with someone who has one (or many). If someone tells you they have borderline personality disorder and are not in therapy or seeking any sort of help for it, RUN. If you stay, you will only end up getting hurt. Because they will leave you and replace you in a second.
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