Searching for "honest"

80 Results For 'honest'

Gaia

May 02, 2013 @ (Berkeley Ca)

I met him in college. We had been through a lot with our exes but found someway to be there for each other. Our friendship started off innocent, we had no intention of being together, although i suspected we were both attracted to one another. But we were the best of friends, we spent every day together, talking, exploring, studying, struggling to eat on a broke college student's budget. He was my best friend and I could tell him any and everything. However things changed, one day when I was getting ready to head home for my sister's graduation he and I went to hang out and unexpectedly admitted our feelings for each other. I was so happy that day, i felt like flying. He told me he could imagine us being together in the future. So I went back to my hometown that night not knowing what was to happen between us but I was pleased and he was too. We gave each other butterflies and everything felt so new and fresh between us. I was in love with my best friend.
We never decided to be together, it would be too complicated for us to place a title on our feelings, he and I had just gotten out of our own relationships and thought it would be easier to hold off being together "officially" and just enjoy one another.
We experimented sexually and had a spiritual connection like no other. We had each other's back and spent every day together
But as time progressed, it became difficult for me to be stuck in uncertainty about where our relationship was headed. I began to feel insecure and jealous sometimes, in which I acknowledged and tried to solve by seeing the love in everything and everyone around us. I did not tell him about my jealousies and insecurities, because I knew those feelings were reflection of myself and my fears. However, he began to change... began pushing me away and becoming insensitive to how some of the things he did and said made me feel uncomfortable. I became sad all of the time and would cry and feel hurt.
Then one day we had a talk, I told him how I was feeling and he told me he had feelings for someone else. He was being 100% honest with me (which is a habit of ours) and also said that he did not want to go farther than just having a crush on another girl because he loved me.
Nevertheless, as the semester began to sweep me away to travelling around for work and school and family, he began to hang around the other girl more frequently in my absence. Then he told me that he told her about his feelings for him and she returned those feelings.
So I had enough. I broke things off with him, i told him that we should just be friends... I cant take feeling like this anymore. Regardless of how much we love each other. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I can't deal with it. I wish him joy and happiness and love and I hope he can figure out what he wants. Although thinking about this still makes my heart constrict and tears flood my eyes, i am moving forward. <3

N\a

February 20, 2013 @ (narnia )

Tags: can't even

I don't really know why I felt compelled to do this, but i mean why not. basically, me and this guy were together for about 10 months and i've never been more comfortable around a person ever. stupidly, i thought we were "perfect" for each other if there is such a thing but i was happy and i had let my guard down... which was also stupid because i know that only leads to being even more hurt at the end. anyways, everything was great and i'll always appreciate everything he's done for me but he's now lost every single ounce of my respect. I realized he began to change over the summer and there were several red flags that the relationship was going downhill. but of course, i didn't want it to end so i dealt with more bullshit than i ever should have put up with and i realize that now. but oh well, can't change that. come september (i think..) we had both changed. for me, it was due to an excessive amount of stress. school had just started again and my family problems had begun to escalate once again so obviously i wasn't myself but i thought i had him there to fall back on considering that's what i was led to believe. we started getting into arguments more often, sometimes my fault, sometimes his; we were both at fault. but when we spent time together on the weekends, which he always kept pushing for, everything was fine and arguments were almost non existent. so of course, i wasn't thinking about how badly i was about to get dumped. not even a week before he broke up with me, he had asked me to our school dance a month away on a night we had spent outside with a fire and smores, and laughing blablabla. a day or two after that he had asked me to his cousin's birthday party, even further than a month away and i had gladly accepted both offers. this gave me reason to believe that everything was gonna settle out again, i mean who wouldn't think that right? A couple days later, he dumped me & the night before that he told me that he still "loved" me (quotes because i hate that word). As he was breaking up with me, he was crying and gave me three excuses as to why he was doing it including stress sports and family pressure and he couldn't balance me in the equation. he also dropped the "but we're best friends. we can still be best friends" bomb on me at the same time and demanded hugs from me and also said that the past two weeks didn't feel the same to him. sometime during that two week period he had snuck over from about 1 in the morning till 6. honestly, i'm still confused about everything. & it gets worse. he texted me THREE times that night asking how i was and telling me about his family arguments and whatever and i was just like um what.

Dislike Chandra

November 05, 2012 @ (Duluth, MN)

Tags: Break up story

When you told me you had found someone, I was worried. I thought there wasn’t possibly a way you cheated on me because I knew you. I trusted you. You weren’t that person. You said you hadn’t started dating her yet and that you were “just friends” but that you’d spent the night at her apartment on her couch a few times, that you’d gone out for drinks, etc. I digested this news. You had found someone else. I begged, I cried, I starved myself for several weeks – because I couldn’t understand how you, someone who I thought to be a good person, could have cheated on me.

I read her Facebook updates and it appeared that you had been dating since April, going on little vacation trips together, meeting her family, etc., all the while you were still dating me. You used my car to visit her, to bring her to work, and to take trips out in the country with her. When I was extremely ill, you claimed you were at a cabin with your parents and elderly grandmother, so I would have to take an ambulance. Turns out you were with her in the country, with my car.

You didn’t even come clean with me, I had asked for honesty. Please just tell me how long you’d been dating, what had gone on behind my back, etc. I felt made a fool of and humiliated. I was embarrassed that I defended you when you were “at a friends house” (turns out you were spending the night with her), or when you were hours late coming home from work, I figured you stopped to hang out with a friend – turns out I was completely over-trusting.

When I found out the truths splattered all over her Facebook, knowing that she had been married and her ex-husband had cheated on her and caused the end of the marriage less than a year before you two started dating, I was angry. How can another woman agree to date a man and put another lady in the same position she herself was in? She knew how this kind of betrayal hurt.

There was a time after the cheating when you made me feel like the cheating was entirely my fault and that if I tried to change some things about my behaviors and my income situation, you’d still date me. You claimed you wanted to be friends. You cried like a baby several times. You insisted that you didn’t hate me.

I moved out. We broke up. Things were spiraling out of control – and there you were being cruel to me any chance you got. I ran into you and your new “fiancé” (you got engaged after four months of dating, all of which were done when you were cheating on me, really), and instead of showing some respect for me being in the same vicinity as you two – you made out the entire night for hours on end in front of my friends and me! Talk about disrespectful.

You couldn’t understand what caused me to hate you. You couldn’t understand what caused me to hate her? You wanted me to play nicely and be kind. I’ve moved on with my life, I’ve met someone I can trust and depend on. We bonded over the horrible things you did to me, how low you were as a person, and we laugh at you. I’m glad we’re able to be together – but I’m still angry at you for NOT apologizing for the kinds of cruel things you did to me.

I’d be ashamed for your mother and father that they raised such a horrific human. You lied to your parents while you were cheating, you didn’t even invite them to your wedding – because you’ve changed. You’ve become the most evil person I’ve ever known, and it’s sad – because you use to be a good person.

I’d like to say I wish you health and happiness, but I wish almost every ill the world can throw at you. Every impossible situation where you’ll find pain, I wish that for you. I hope one day karma throws you several things at one time and you can feel what it feels like to not have a choice in a situation, to be made a fool of, and to hurt.

I know in my heart, you will cheat on her. Once she doesn’t pay enough attention to you. Once she gets too busy working and being a mother, she’ll forget to give you the insane amount of attention you require and you’ll do horrible things to her like you’ve done to me. The only difference is, she’ll deserve it.

AL

October 21, 2012 @ (canada)

Tags: first heart break

my gf recently broke up with me and heres the story;
we were together for almost 2yrs and i thought she was the one. my family loves her and she gets along with my friends and vice-versa. she was my longest girlfriend and i let all of my guards down. we recently went on a trip too and i can remember a month before the trip she told me she doesnt feel the same way. but, me, blinded by love i ignored the warning and thought everything was ok and she was just having mood swings. as days, weeks went by she was back to normal. the day of the our 1 week trip comes, we were really happy and in love(atleast i was). so we get back from the trip(it was a great trip) and i thought everything was going fine. its september so we planned to spend the holidays together because my whole family is leaving the country for a month to spend the holidays over-seas. a few weeks after the trip its was september 28 to be exact, i was having a shitty day at work and looking forward to seeing and talking to her. that night, she just wanted to end our relationship, my heart sank while i asked her why and her reasons were: she's still young, she wants to figure herself out, she wants to experience life and she needs her own space. i talked her out of breaking up with me but i would give her a month break to have her space and to do her own thing. i tried to let her do her own thing but i failed, i still called, texted and saw her. that went on for a couple of weeks. she would still say i love you to me but whenever i was with her it didnt feel right anymore i mean i love her but i could just tell that she's fallen out of love with me. i was too stupid to be honest to myself and face that there was no point of me still trying, giving my absolute best to make things work out and make her fall in love again. but she would say the littlest things that would give me the biggest hope. so there i was again, lying to myself, prolonging my own agony, torturing myself. until a fews ago, i faced my fear. we were in her place we watched a movie after the movie we had a serious talk about our relationship. she was still trying to fall back in love with me but she also knew that there was really nothing there. so i told her if theres nothing there anymore dont bother. she wants to stay friends but that would be impossible for me. she loves me but not inlove with me. so i walked out of her house crying my eyes out my face was hurting alot for holding the tears for so long, carrying the bag of chips and dip i bought for the movie(she didnt want them). that night was the night i felt so bad for myself. only a few people know that we're broken up even our FB relationship status says we are still in the relationship. everyone thinks we were perfect for each other. i still need to have my question answered "why/how did she fall out of love?". it gets tougher everyday because i still have that little hope. im trying to be strong and busy to get over my first heart break. its so hard for me to tell people what im really feeling inside. my friends see me as a strong man yet i feel like a little kid inside hoping to be loved. im doing the best i can not to contact her. im trying to get back on my feet and just let things be. i dont know if she'll miss me and come back but i best not expect anything.

for other guys out there: growing up we were always taught to be tough, strong and not to show any kind of weakness. while, girls are taught the opposite they show emotions, how they feel and all girls out there expects to have their heart broken by a guy one day. us guys would never expect that. so when we guys get our hearts broken it would be unexpectedly fcked up for us.

atleast thats how i see why im having a difficult time coping with this.

well i got some out of my chest! thanks for reading

Jordyn

October 19, 2012 @ (California )

Tags: Breakup long term relationship

I was in a relationship since September of 2009 and it just ended recently, not to long ago, in May 2012.
I was confused, lost, in denial, anger. And I still am, it's been really hard.
I really thought he was the one, well I still do.
Me and him did everything together, I saw him everyday until late night and he would spend the night on the weekends quite often.
We went out a lot to the movies, the beach, Disneyland, and new places every weekend. He took me out to dinner almost every weekend, he did anything to make me happy.
We always spoke about the future, college, getting married, having kids, growing old together.
I just don't know what went wrong. One day, he suddenly wanted to break up because he is 'not ready to commit' and wasn't aware of the seriousness of our relationship - after 2 years, he finally decides he was too young to be in such a serious relationship.
And the worst of all, he never ever said anything about being unhappy with me until the day he broke up with me. He was hiding all his feelings from me, while I was being honest with him all along.
I just don't understand. To me, our love felt real. Like really real. I honestly feel like he is the one, still today after 5 months of being broken up. I still love him, I will always love him. He never did anything bad to me. He treated me like a princess, he was my best friend. We had so many good laughs and memories together. We were practically married. We were so comfortable with each other. Every one of our friends thought we were going to actually get married and when they heard that we broke up - they thought that I was the one who did it, but incidentally it was the other way around.
Every one thought he would never leave me, that he was so in love with me. And I thought so too, and I felt secure with him because I thought he was one of those rare guys who actually stays committed in a relationship. But I guess I was wrong.
It's just so hard, I'm trying to let go. But I think about him everyday, he was the only happiness in my life. Now I'm trying to find my own happiness, and I have managed. But nothing makes me as happy as he did. I loved him more than anything, more than my family. I know it was wrong of me, but it was true. He was my first priority and I was his. I never treated him badly, I never cheated on him, or anything. I loved him with my whole heart and soul and this is what I get in return? A broken heart.
I just wonder if he ever thinks about me. I wonder if he misses me.
Oh and we don't speak. Well atleast, he doesn't talk to me. From what I have heard is that he hates me because he realized that he missed out on life because of me ('life' referring to parties and drinking and what not). So he hates me because he didn't get to experience life the way he wanted to. Which is stupid because he knew what kind of relationship he was getting into since day 1. It took him two years to realize that he was missing out on life? We weren't missing out on life, I mean we didn't party like the way he does. Instead, we went on dates to new places every weekend. We had movie nights, dinner dates, etc etc. I mean we weren't a boring couple, we were always doing something. But I guess he just want to party and get smashed or something. Well that's what he's doing now from what I've been hearing.
I hope one day he realizes that he messed up, I hope one day he realiZes how wonderful our relationship was. I hope one day we can be friends again. I just miss him so much, and I know it's not good. I feel like I'm missing a part of me. And I know time heals all wounds, it has definitely been a bumpy ride in the last 5 months, some good and some bad times but I try to stay optimistic about the future.
Any advice?

Dee

October 18, 2012 @ (california )

Tags: love sucks

We started going out September of 2009. We were happy and in love. I honestly thought he was the one, we made love, we planned a wedding, we planned our lives. Then on April 2010 I fin d out he's been cheating on me. He says it only happened once but God who knows how many fucking times he cheated!! I was heartbroken. He left me for another. Fast forward to May 2010, my dumbass hangs out with him & what does he do? He kisses me and I tell him it isnt right since he has a girfriend. He didn't care and idk why i let him kiss me. He ignored me for the following months until September 2010 when he found out I had a new boyfriend. I guess it's true when they say that they want you back when they see you with someone new. He asks me if we can be together but that no one has to know. as much as i still had feelings for him, i didn't fall for that. Then the next month he finds out I broke up with the guy I was with and he goes to look for me he kisses me and I ask him "wait don't you have your Girlfriend still?" and he's like, "I don't want to talk about her, lets talk about us" and truth is I was really happy to see him again, he kisses me and I kiss him back but it doesn't feel right because in his girlfriend stays in the back of my mind. And as fucked up as she was to ruin my relationship and get in between it in the first place, I didn't want to be like her. but then he told me he was gonna leave her for me. Lies. Days pass by and not one single word from him. Then the following month his girlfriend sends me a message on facebook asing me all these questions about him. I end up telling her the truth that her guy has been after me since forever now. He denies it in her face but later he says that its true. Its a long long story. A story that should have been over with in 2010. But guess what? It is now 2012 and that asshole is still on my mind. And that chick still talks to me and pretends to be my friend but behind my back she talks shit. I don't know why! She is always Subtweeting me and all that and she always mentions him. She starts saying things like "oh im glad im talking with him again!" I have a feeling they'll get back together after all the shit that happened. I don't give a fuck though. Wait, yeah I do :/ I know I shouldn't but I still have those feelings. It's going to be two years now since I last saw him though so I don't understand why I still think about him, dream about him and cry sometimes for him. He really messed me up. I haven't been in a relationship in such a long time because of trust issues.He left me heartbroken and I don't think I can handle another one of those relationships. I honestly just want him out of my mind. I want him out of my heart but I don't know how. Maybe it does take time. Maybe I'll get over it little by little. I just hate the fact that I gave it up to a douche like him. I know I don't need him but sometimes I just want to tell him that I do. I don't know. Love is complicated.

Rogue

September 25, 2012 @ (ontario canada)

Tags: heartbroken, deserved it

Our love stories begins in September 2010. How fitting it ends now.

I will be honest and tell you that I didn't deserve his love the first year we were together and if I could find a way to take that time back. I would. A bit of history - he is 10 years younger than I (I am female). Although our maturity levels were in sync age (until recently) was never an issue. (It was something that troubled me. And because of that created unnecessary stress).

He worked full time, I was in school full time and worked two part time jobs. I have two children. One was 11 at the time the other 16. I had made the decision prior to even meeting him that I wasn't going to just introduce my kids to just anybody. I needed to know he was going to stick around. I didn't want to be one of those parents who bring partners in and out of their childrens lives. One year I told him when we met. I would introduce him after one year.

My family and friends disaproved of our relationship because it was interacial and because he was so young. I fell under the pressure. And ended it in December 2010. It didn't last long. We both loved each other and to end a relationship for others seemed wrong. Yet I always put my family and friends needs before his.

He lived 45 min away and was always ready willing and able to see me at the drop of a hat if I was free. Free time was something I didn't have much of and I soon began to resent the fact that all my time was consumed making someone happy, either my family, my children or him. I began to resent how much time he wanted from me.

I felt I had nothing to give in the first place. In May 2011 I noticed there was a girl he worked with that he was msging daily. I confronted him and he deleted her from bbm and facebook immediately no questions asked. The fact that I was uncomfortable made him do it. Why couldn't I do the same for him. I had a 20yr friend who made him uncomfortable and rightly so but I didn't do the same for him and he didn't push me. I know it hurt him.

I chose soding the back yard with family on a night we should have been together because my obligation to family was stronger to my obligation to him.

I could list several situations where this was the case. All of which now, I regret.

In july he lost his job. Money became tight and I found myself frustrated at the fact that he was playing video games all day while I worked my butt off just to make ends meet.

When september came time to meet the children my son had a death in his class, then his aunt was diagnosed with cancer and died shortly after. Excuses I know. But I wanted my son to be in a good spot prior to meeting him.

In december, he still had not met my son, still didn't work, was borrowing $$ from friends family and me who didn't have any to begin with. I ended things again.

Naturally we ended up back together in januay. But this time roles had switched. I realized how much I loved him and wanted to be with him and I was ready to share my life with him. Every aspect. The things I hesitated doing before I did without hesitation including getting rid of that 20yr friend. But now, he was distant. He was reserved. He was worried. I tried everything I could to make up for the wrongs that I had done.

The things he requested were unreasonable we both know it but I did it. Some of the things he asked me to do I am so ashamed that I did. Most, I will never tell a living soul because I am so disapointed in myself.

I hadn't seen him in 6 weeks. We hadn't slept together in 3 months, he was refusing to meet my kids still. Then on friday when I was supposed to spend the weekend at his house, he sent me a bbm msg while I was at work I am a manager of an employee and it was his first day. He didn't even give me a chance to respond before he deleted me on bbm. Blocked my emails and my phone number and I haven't heard from him since.

Why is it I love him so. Why is it I can forgive him anything now, but that first year we were together I couldn't give him what he deserved!

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Mariah

September 13, 2012 @ (New York)

Tags: heart ache, mistake

It first started as a lust; something I never saw going anywhere nor did I want it to. We met at my place of work, and considering that it's my job to turn men on, I did just that. Not expecting that I'd actually be turned on by him.
We exchanged numbers and I told myself, he was just a client and us spending time together would be strictly professional. With each visit he showed more interest in me, and I continued to play my role as a girl that was into him. However once we became intimate I noticed a change, at least I thought I did. He stopped coming to see me at work and slowly I found myself getting upset and feeling used. Now suddenly I was the one who had feelings.
I swear I didn't see it coming, and I thought to myself, "its just hurt pride, it'll pass". Before I knew it he payed little to no attention to me at all and I began to feel jealous and hurt. I expressed my feelings and he continued to do as he pleased. He knew I hated him coming by and so, he started to come by even more, claiming that although it was hurting me, he wasn't doing it to hurt me...

I think the big slap for me was when he came to my job on my birthday, and didn't want to spend time with me. In addition, his friends would snicker and laugh when they'd see me. I grew so furious I had them all kicked out, and once I got home, I cried. I cried a lot and for days.

I tried my hardest to shake what felt like hurt feelings I shouldn't be having. I reminded myself where I met him and told myself that chances are, I'm not the first girl he's done this to.
Then I told myself, well maybe its my fault. I brushed him off so much in the beginning, that when it got dished back to me, I didn't like it.

I honestly don't know what happened and I still don't understand it. It's been 5 months and every time I think about how he would come to my job to spend time with someone else, it burns me deep down. To watch him lust after someone else, then act as if I wasn't there...it's still so painful to think about.

We were speaking as friends for a while up until recently, but I noticed that the only person who has ever made any initiative to keep in touch, is me. He makes no effort to speak to me if I do not speak first, and so, I've given up on the idea of us being friends. I've erased all his numbers and tried my hardest not to think about him.

I really stuck my foot in my mouth. There are times when I've wanted him back, and there are times when I wish we'd never met. In fact, most times I wish that.

Nataly

June 11, 2012 @ (California)

Tags: long term relationship, breakup

Question... How do you get over someone who you dated for almost 10 years? It would've been 10 years this year and at the moment I'm really upset. The first mistake I made was dating at such a young age. I was 12 and he was 13 and although we dated right away after meeting, he was my best friend. We've been through so much but never cheated on each other. I honestly thought by next year we would marry. He was actually the first to mention marriage years ago so over the years I believed it would happen. Anyway our relationship changed a few months ago starting with issues at each others home to him being unhappy with certain choices he's made in his life. Now he's completely distant and mean. He treats me like I never existed and keeps saying he wants to get his life together for himself. I get it but he's my life and all i've known. I still love him very much although he says he doesn't know if he still loves me. Anyway I'm just sad and can't understand how things changed so suddenly and I miss him. We still talk but he just hurts me by the way he acts and the things he says.