Searching for "online"

57 Results For 'online'

Lyn

January 23, 2014 @ (New york)

Tags: Bad break up, I still love him, First love

Our relationship was totally unexpected. Last september 2013, a guy that I had a teeny tiny bit of a crush asked me out unexpectedly. No clues, No everything. Out of shock, I started freaking out. I don't know what to do. My mind screamed no, but heart says yes! The reson why i don't want to go on is because im scared of my mom. Like really. She's the definition of a really strict mom. i was scared but then a thought crossed my mind.

Why not accept this? Everything happens for a reason right?

That's when I said Yes. For the first 2 weeks it was amazing. The sparks, the giddy butterflies in my tummy were there until my mom found out about him. It was horrifying. My mom was in range. My mom threatened me to talk to him in school. I was scared. I told her that I promise to break up witj. So I did. I explained to him everything. After a day, things were back together. We decided to mend things back together. I mean we aren't officially dating but you know what I mean? You can sense that something's still going on? Yup, that's it. October came, he stole my first kiss. It was magical. All I could ever think about is that I love him. That everything revolves around him. Its like he's my world. He's my strength yet he is also my weakness. Everything in him is just perfect. The way he surprises me with kisses.. The way he brought Gatorade just for me (Gatorade is my favorite drink, i just love that shit lol)
It was perfect. Everything was perfect. There are even times when he makes silly jokes or I took glances at him in class and im like 'shit, I love this guy' I was soo inlove. It was just.. Perfect. I never been so happy in my life. Everytime I woke up he's all I ever think about. He's cute 'Good Morning's'.. It made me cry, thinking about all those happy memories.
When christmas break came, he told me that his wifi router got broken.. Me, being the understanding girl that I am, understands him. I told him it was okay that he shouldn't worry about me.

(We talk and chat in Kik. We can't text since my mom checks my phone all the time)

One time, back at christmas break.. I was looking at my chat box in facebook but Something totally made me stop in my tracks. He was online. And he was usinh he's phone. I messaged him, i did everything but noo, he wouldn't reply anymore.. I don't know why. Christmas eve came, I kept on looking at my phone hoping that maybe he'd greet me a merry christmas but no, nothing came. It broke my heart. But one thing crossed my mind. I was like 'oh maybe he's wifi router is still destroyed'

New year came, I was waiting. Waiting for him to atleast greet me but no, nothing still came. It hurt me. It Crushed me .. to millions of pieces. But there's one thing that made me ball my eyes out.. He's close friend messaged me in facebook. He's like;

Happy new year __ ! How are you and him? I hope that this year is going to be a big blast for both of you. Best wishes. Haha don't forget im one of your #1 Fans of LYN! hahaha cx

That totally made me cry. I mean out of everything why that? Why his friend.? Its really heartbreaking to know that he's friend greeted me, while him? No. There was no effort. It crushed me. The way his friend says he want us to be good this year. It break me.

School came along, i tried not to approch him. Waiting for him to atleast apologize or say Hi, or ask me how my christmas break went but nothing. He never did. It crushed me. The next day, I tried talking to him but he was distant like he really is. He's bestfriend approached me and told me he wanted to talk. I listened. He's bestfriend told me the truth. He met a girl back at christmas break. He went to the movies with her and ate in a restaurant. It killed me. I was paralyzed in my seat. My breathing hitched. My face paled. My mind went blank. I felt like crying but my tears wouldn't fall. My eyes feel numb. My skin is on fire. I feel like someone just throwed me a bucket of lava. Just like that. It crushed me. I've lost weight. Im not the happy girl like before. Every recess or lunch, I don't mingle with my friends anymore. I just stay in the classroom, facing the wall, got my phone out and stay there till' its over. It crushed me. I'm not the bubble person that I am before. But you know what hurt me the most? He acted as if I never exist. It was like I was invinsible. That he couldn't see me. Just like that. There are times that I break down in class. I just couldn't help it. He looks soo happy without me. Huge smile in his face. And well, I also think that he has a crush on this girl.. He craves for her attention. He sits with her all the time in class. He talk about her all the time. I don't know what to do. Its killing me since we are classmates. I could see him everyday. Its hard to ignore him. It really is. It broke my heart. he is the love of my life. He's my everything. He's the only reason why I smile. Its hard. I mean he is after all my first love. My first ever boyfriend. My first kiss. It hurt me to know that another that I love, would leave me again. Like my dad. He left me. I mean sure, I got to see him and everything but it isn't like before. My dad has another daugther who is my half sister. My dad loves her so much. He wouldn't even bother to talk to me anymore. He wouldn't crave for our communication. When me and my dad's girlfriend fight, he always take her side. It kills me. Another guy who I love would leave me again. Wow, What did I do to deserve this? It kills me. Its almost a month now but im still not over him. He's all I could ever think about. I don't know what to do. I want the real me to be back again, but it wouldn't. Its hard to smile. He looks soo soo happy without me. It break me into millions of pieces. It made me realize that love is shitload of bullshit. I honestly don't believe in love anymore. I mean why? No matter how loving or caring that person is to you, they will break you in the end. Those people out there that are experiencing heartbreak, don't worry. Your not the only one. Im trying my hardest to stay strong. Let's just believe in ourself, have faith in God. And never say never

The Truth

May 09, 2013 @ (Louisiana)

Tags: Thruth, online

For the past 2 years I've been in an online relationship. My ex would always make sure I would never dishonor her trust in any way or shape. So I I'd just that for these two years. This year was my hardest year yet. With personal issues, college, and general life matters knocking at my door, I have been through hell. Then I notice my ex starts acting funny. I ask her what is wrong and she refuses to tell me. I guess if she has feelings for someone else and she said yes. Then proceeded to put said person above me and even defend him when it hit the fan.

I can never claim to be perfect. And I never will claim to be perfect. However, to have that happen on top of what has occured for me this year has wounded me immensely. I tried to reconcile and stop the eventual break up though. By constantly apologizing if only to allow us to be together again. Yet she would just blame my faults on her extremely poor and hurtful choice, and never once apologized for it or asked to work through it. Eventually I realized how dead I was to her and broke it off. The truth is that my decision was necessary because what would stop her from doing it again? More over, what would it take to feel remorse? Should I have to deal with all that with everything I've dealt with this year? So I broke it off and look towards my future. A future with family, friends, and in time, a girl I can give my heart to that deserves it. Not someone who admits the truth then lies right there after to hide the shame brought upon it.

My ex was too immature to understand how much she hurt me. By blaming me for her mistakes instead of being a woman and owning up to them, she brought this on herself. Just because she does not value herself to admit the truth does not mean the truth does not exist. I plunged my hands into the filth, while she jumped into it and refused to leave it. I cannot be with someone like that. As much as it hurts to admit it I can't, because I would have never done that to her. No matter how bad I have felt. I would have never betrayed her.

Farrah

September 23, 2012 @ (CA)

Tags: breakup

FROM MY DIARY: MY BOYFRIEND, THE ADDICT

I need to laugh right now, even though I feel like crying. You see, the man I love is an addict. Piece by piece, he’s breaking my heart. I think this might be over.

For the time being, though, I figure laughter is the best medicine. So I’m trying to focus on the crazy man outside with the abrasive voice, yelling on the phone in a language I can’t understand. At the same time, I’m reading these break-up stories on an online support group for damaged relationships, wondering how on earth I got here.

I’m trying to remember the things I'm grateful for, which is hard to do in a time like this. My therapist tells me to do this when I feel down. It helps me shift into a more positive mindset. I need to look at the things I DO have in my life and stop focusing on what I've lost - because I can’t stop thinking about Ryan* and about how much I miss the person he used to be.

I feel like I lost him even before the new girl "friend" came along. However, I know she’s only a piece of this crazy puzzle. The old Ryan would never have hurt me that way. He never would’ve lied to me about seeing her. He never would’ve blamed me for his own mistakes.

For the past couple months, I’ve had that gut instinct, telling me something wasn’t right. I could already feel him starting to slip away, and I keep remembering the person who once loved and adored me, and who thought I was beautiful and amazing. I miss the way he used to hold me, kiss me, talk to me for hours. He said he wanted to be with me forever, and I wanted his face to be the first thing I saw each morning, every day for the rest of my life. I never told him that – but I felt it in my heart. He inspired me to be a better person. I miss that man.

When I met him over a year ago, he’d first gotten sober. Gradually, he changed into a brand new person. A light appeared in his eyes; he was truly happy. He went to AA, got a sponsor, and was taking steps toward a brighter future. What went wrong?

It hurts so badly to watch him change. I watch as he stumbles through the darkness of his addiction, sloppy step-by-step, and I can’t do a thing. The pain cuts like a knife, but I’m trying not to feel it. I’m trying to be strong. I don't even know him anymore. He can't see the way he hurts me. While he's this way, he can't see anything else. He’s locked in the grip of denial – in a world that is cold and black. Until he wants help, he won’t get better, and right now he doesn’t believe anything is wrong.

I can't go on this way with him. I love him more than words can say, but I have to love myself enough as well.

I have to realize that the person I'm leaving behind isn’t the man I fell in love with. Instead, he’s a stranger, and all I have are memories of someone I once loved with all my heart.

I watch him wrestle within his own skin, and wallowing in the pits of self-imposed misery. He can't even see what this does to me. He'll only get better when the pain of staying the same outweighs his fear of change.

Unless he’s willing to be honest with himself, he’ll never change, and things between us will continue to deteriorate.

As long as he’s in this mode, he’s capable of anything. He expects my trust without being trustworthy. He expects results and rewards without doing anything to earn them. It isn’t realistic, but he can’t see that now – not the way the old Ryan would. I guess it’s impossible to see the entire picture while you’re standing in it.

A part of me still believes in him. He pushed through this before, and he became an amazing person because of it. It's hard to watch something so beautiful waste away before your eyes. It’s even harder to walk away.

Whatever happens, I do believe that everything happens for a reason - even if I can't see what that is right now. One day, maybe I'll understand. And one day - just maybe - the man I love will come back to me.

Sara

August 15, 2012 @ (Slovenia)

Tags: Sara

Our story is now almost 7 years long. With zillion of breakups, cries, backtogethers, now I can finally say it's over. When I look back now, there's been more bad than nice times, I often felt rejected, humiliated and not loved.. What took me so long? Low self esteem, not a drop of self love and addiciton. The last drop over the top was last month of our "relationship". In May I got pregnant.. Then he fell in love with someone new - so he said. We talked on the phone about the situation we had to solve somehow. I've decided that the abortion is the best solutin for me.. The day I went to the hospital, he wasn't there for me. Yet the "good" thing came out of all, I didn't have the abortion since I misscarried the child. It was probably somekind of a sign, that that person is really the best to stay away from. But the pain of his actions was and still is sometimes unbearable. I am moving on now, day by day, hour by hour with thoughts of lonliness mostly in my head. But my goal is now to get over him and find love in myself, the long missing self esteem and the partner I deserve. I know I will be ok! :)

CC

July 11, 2012 @ (HK)

Tags: breakup, ow

I'm 15 years old, he's 16. Let's call him by his initial, D. We started as good friends, and it slowly morphed into something more, like he would say 'I miss you', when I went out with friends and stuff. We had a common friend, my best friend, and he told me that he liked me, I was relieved because I thought he liked my friend. So we were together for 3 months, we rarely argued and it was all good :) But during the winter holidays, we barely talked, and he left for Japan with just a quick 'oh btw im going to japan'. So when he returned, we talked again over Skype, but I realized something was wrong. He wasn't the same. So I asked him if he liked me, and he said he didn't know, so when I tried to talk it through, he just said brb, cos his friend was calling him. Then when I asked whether we could talk in person, and he said he was busy tomorrow. So he promised to talk the day after. When the day after finally came, he said he was 'too tired in the mornings' and didn't even bother. So we decided on 'a break'. Meanwhile, he went to my best friend for support, though he didn't need it. I, in turn, somehow became close with the friend he had ditched me for, on the day that we broke up. During Easter, we got close again. He started making sexual comments, and touching me..but he never once said he liked me. It was all over by the time Easter ended. I had gotten into a fight with my best friend over my actions in the past year, for she didn't like how I had changed with sadness. It hurt me to see my ex making statuses for her like 'cheer up' or 'go online', But what hurt most was, on his steam profile, he said he loved a special person with a description so fitting her and the things they talk about. I don't know what to do, we still talk but it's awkss. I just need some advice.

Emaa

June 23, 2012 @ (middle of nowhere)

Tags: lifedestroyer, breakup, ruined

ok well heres how it is. im 15, and will be 16 next month. i dated a guy called jerry for about idk 3 weeks i wasnt like madly in love or any of that, but he was keeping my mind off other guys. so yeah he was 19, good looking and really popular too. of course he was one of those tough 'i dont give a shit' guys with no feelings but he was funny enough. anyway, i caught him fucking one of his pretty 6th year classmates. guess where? on the way to school. i obvioisly dumped him in a heartbeat, skipped school for the day to eat my triple chocolate m&s cereal thing and watch maury. ok after a day of that, and texts of 'jerry is a dickhead he didnt deserve you', i got one saying exactly this "You must be so angry at Jerry, for posting that video online. Whatta dick!". hold the phone, what video? then i got a link from fran (my friend). holy fuck. it was a video of me and jerry 'you know what-ing'. AKA FUCKING and i felt like dying right then and there. he'd taken a video of us in secret, not only that it was online, not only that everyone i know saw it. i was about to run away but my step mum came home. she saw it too, god knows how. she got really mad and told me everyone she knew saw it too, even my granny. and of course the texts flew in about what a dirty whore i was, even my friends in singapore watched the video. ive kinda cut everyone off except from my really good friends. i left and am now staying in my house in the country alone (my dad died and i got the huge awesome house) and am lonely as fuck. my bet friend callum told me i should take him to court and sen him away for 20+ years on counts of child pornography, statutory rape and uploading a video without consent. this is without a doubt the worst break up of my entire life ands its destroyed me. hope you feel better thst your break up wasnt half as bad. but i could be wrong if they broke your heart, because thats really sad and hurts A LOT especially when you really really loved them x have fun reading more like i do x

Bob David

May 03, 2012 @ (san diego)

Tags: Acceptance

We met when I was 21 and she was just turning 18, a little over 5 years ago. There was instant attraction and our relationship advanced quickly. I knew deep down that neither of us were mature enough to be in a long term committed relationship, but we stuck together anyways. There were a lot of good times, fun memories, amazing sex and we were always there for eachother through the ups and downs. About two years into the relationship there were multiple infadelities-- she started sleeping with one of my good friends behind my back and I had slept around with more than 1 girl. Despite this huge blow to our trust and relationship, we stuck together after we came clean with each other on what we had done. In hindsight I know that we stuck together because we were attached and had some form of needyness with each other. I feel weak to admit that, but I honestly just felt attached and couldn't let her go despite the fact that we had both hurt each other severely and that we deserved better. I knew in my heart at the time that I should have let her go, but my impulsive needyness forced me to hold on to a relationship that had become toxic. Since then we tried to rebuild the foundation of trust in our relationship, but we were fighting an uphill battle and there was just too much insecurity and distrust towards eachother. A year and a half ago we moved in together, which was a big mistake. Things were ok on the surface, but deep down we both felt disconnected and unhappy with the relationship. Along the way we became very short tempered and irritated with eachother. She would yell and call me names, I would yell back and say hurtful things-- stuff you just don't do when you say that you love someone. I knew in my heart for a long time it was not right and that I needed to let go, but I just didn't have the courage to part company with her. I feel ashamed for having held on to something that I knew was not right for me. We broke up about 5 weeks ago after she did not come home one night. She told me she went out to party with her friends and stayed with a female co-worker, but my intuition told me otherwise. We both agreed that we were not right together and both needed to stand on our own two feet. We were together for 5 and a half years and although I know that it was not the right relationship for me I still feel a deep sense of loss an emotional pain. Despite having hurt eachother I had considered her my best friend-- we did everything together and wanted desperately to make things work. I have been trying so hard for the last 5 weeks to look at the reality of the relationship, but my mind keeps wanting to tell me that we could have made it work or that I should have been a better man. The fact is I was immature and acted with the level of maturity and awareness that I had at the time-- I think it's fair to say that she did too. I keep beating myself up over what I could have done differently and all the what if's, but it has only held me back from letting go and moving on. I am trying so hard to accept that it's over, but still find myself hoping for reconciliation in the future-- hope that is eating me up inside. I know that we both deserve better and that it cannot work. I am not one to share my personal story on an online forum such as this, but I started reading a book the other day that suggested I post about the breakup on this website. It has been helpful typing this story up and putting things into perspective. I think it's important that I look at my past relationship logically rather than feed off of my emotions. Anyways, I know my story probably sounds crazy or like I am a bad guy for having cheated, but I would appreciate any feedback. I am now 26 and have come to so many realizations in reflecting on the relationship. I really want to better myself and become the best man that I can be not only for myself, but so that I can have a healthy, loving relationship in the future. Most importantly I want to love myself so I never put myself in a toxic relationship again where I think that I don't deserve better. Anyways, stay strong to everyone that is going through similar heart break or emotional pain. Everyone keeps telling me it will pass-- I just hope that it does sooner than later!

DEMI

March 23, 2012 @ (missouri)

Tags: betrayal..sex..other man

hi im new to this website...an i jus needed a place to tell my story...imma start off by saying...i jus turned 25 an i was in a 4 year relationship wit a man named jamall...the first 2 years with him was great .he proposed an life was cool until 2 months later after the engagement i caught him in a online affair wit a girl a state away ..so i broke offf the engagment ...so the next 2 years i had caught him up in many lies...until 2010 he started dj at a local club...i felt like i had to live up to his image..he was getting noticable an hott...so i felt as a dj girlfriend i should look da part an i did i bought fake ass pads...an the nicest clothes to meet his standards..well after a year doin that i became someone else i lost my idenity an started becoming someone i didnt recongize...an his actions were getting worst ..until on day in may of 2011 changed my life forever..i meet a guy who was in da army ...he was everything my boyfriend wasnt ...so by that point my boyfriend was doin his thing an he stopped showing me love an care..an attention ..so when this new guy came in my life to provide me all that i loved it...so on our first date we had sex...it was the best sex i ever had...an it jus happened ..we enjoyed it an the feeling we were feeling so we decided to see each other again an again sex sex an more sex...feelings were getting involved an we didnt care he was single i wasnt but it felt soo right ...so he had to leave for germany 3 weeks into me cheating i had fell inlove with him ..an had a man at hme..but i didnt care i was happy an myself with the army guy...so he left an i was faced with my bf back hme..it was the most miserable time ever...i continued to talk to the army guy for 6 months until he came hme again on leave in december 2011 ..we were inlove at that point an i was ready to leave my bf..an all i wanted was the army guy well...i had came across my bf had been sleeping wit a 19 yer old since november 2011 an i found out all this in february on my bday..i was floored ...he say he still loves me but he cant treat me right ...his actions are wht ran me off in the first place ...i really love the army guy an he loves me 2 we r sooo happy together ...i dnt kno if i should leave my 4 year relationship or leve my 10 month affair...please u guys help me but i love the army guy he is da one but my bf we only have time no kids no future plans no promises so ill take all the advice u can give

CaptainMac316

October 01, 2011 @ (USA)

Tags: Sorry, that sucks, That's hilarious

I was dating this girl for almost 5 years. We were high school sweethearts and that continued into college. I get home from work one night and I think it's just a normal night. We are laying in bed watching whatever and she turns to me and says "(Name redacted) we need to talk." My first thought was "Fuck...what did I do now?"
So I ask her "What's up?"
Her response: "I...I found somebody else." I was floored. This was from out of nowhere. Now, as I'm sitting there, I start to think "Where did she find somebody else?" She didn't go to college. She didn't work at the time. She didn't venture out of the house unless she went somewhere with her family. Basically, I was dating a loser. So I asked "Where did you meet this guy?"
She replied, "Online." Ah, that made a lot of damn sense now. So, I ask her "Which site?" I'm thinking like eHarmony or match.com. Her response "I met him in a Harry Potter chat room." My only reaction was to laugh at her. "Are you kidding me?" I asked incredulously. She definitely was not. "What do you talk about on a Harry Potter chatroom? Did he ask you if you wanted to see his wand?" I got no response. Was I said and upset? Yes, but remember, laughter helps out when getting over such things.

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater

July 06, 2011 @ (florissant, mo)

Tags: (cheater!!, heart breaker)

i dated my boyfriend for 1 year he was my first love and our relationship was amazing! he always spoiled me whenever he could he was so nice and he always told me he loved me. we always knew since i was only 15 and him 17 that we wouldnt last 4ever. but we did promise each other a few things 1. no dating or hooking up with anyone for a couple months after breaking up. 2.if u cheat on me tell me! 3. we will still be friends after we break up. so as time went on he constantly said i had an attitude about everything he did and we were always getting annoyed with each other we promised we would both work on our flaws but the last month i felt like he didnt care anymore and that he was cheating on me.In that month i always cried at night because i thought he was gonna break up and was cheating on me. He kept picking up more hours at work which kept making me so upset because i missed seeing him and i would get annoyed when he promised 2 hang out with me but worked last min. he never wanted 2 stay the night anymore, he stopped calling, after work he always went to parties he never asked me to go anymore and kept saying he wanted 2 go home 4 alone time but would go out and hangout with his friends. a week after our 1 year anniversary he came over and i was so excited 2 hangout with him but he told me he had 2 work... i was really upset so he left. i got online and his facebook status said about done i asked him if it was about me and then he broke up with me over a facebook message according to him it was because of my attitude and i begged him to give me another chance until a couple days later i found out he was cheating on me when we were dating and as soon as we broke up had sex with a couple girls... all the promises he made me were a lie and he never kept any of them i recently found out he is now talking to another girl that i hate and he always called a whore when we were dating and i am still not over him its only been a week!