John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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So Sorry!

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JohnL.

June 19, 2012

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I understand completely what u are saying. I honestly hated acting like a parent. Telling her not to get drunk 2 or 3 times a week. It was never my place to have to do that. She knew better. In all honesty the truth is this. I simply asked to be given a real chance and i was never given that. Plus the way ,my mom raised me was to always help ppl. Also a girl wants a man who is honest,has integrity,will provide financially and spiritually,physically,mentally. If u have a chance tell her u love her and how beautiful she is bec u never know if that person could be gone tomorrow. Always respect a girl and put her needs before ur own, always be a gentlemam and never hurt her. I have been trying to unprogram myself of that way of thinking bec no girl wants that all the time. Also if i was somewhat dad like all she had to do was sit her butt down and talk. She needed to make the effort and clearly didnt. I dont carry hate, it was bitterness that kept me from moving forward. Just kept asking why she didnt just try. She never once said we were dating or even took a pic. Big red lights i thought with time would change green.

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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its not good to carry hate btw... and it even worse to spread it...

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jesse

June 19, 2012

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wow havnt been on this thing in a while...well john i get what ur saying and all but well u make it sound like its all her fault...which im sure in some casis it is but well i actually kinda get it when she says she didnt love you the way that you loved her. theres always gunna be that person that loves the other one more. its natural. i still think that the way you loved her wasnt all in the same "character group". meaning that you treated her more like both her dad and her boyfriend all at once. you see then i think a relationship doesnt work out.. because well yes shes a girl (happy, hyper, sexy, whatever you name it...in her own little way)and shes always going to want that parent figure in her life (someone who wants her to do the right things etc.) but well she also wants that reckless, smart, attractive, and daring boyfriend and hell shes not gunna want you to be the parent figure all the time! no, shes gunna flip u like a switch. but well not everyone likes that.. in ur case it sounds like u meant well in all means to secure her happiness but well maybe u gave a little too much of it. noboby wants to be safe all the time.so in all i think the relationship with you guys was well... i dont like to use the word "bound" cuz it goes against all my beliefs lol but well it was what it was.a relationship that outran its course. you get what im saying....?

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Jane

June 18, 2012

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You will make it. Focus on being who you once were and forget as best you can. I know its hard believe me but if it is meant to be then it will happen. Although to be honest she made your dram into a major nightmare. You want the girl who wants no one else and will give her life for you. Trust me they are out there just hard to find.

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Holly

June 10, 2012

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Oh, and no offense, but I agree with many other people, but I'm not going to be mean about it. You could have told him what was going on as you did it. Told him exams were coming up, and if you were arguing a lot, then it more than likely wouldn't of worked anyway.

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Bronwen

June 08, 2012

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Sorry to post this, but i was talking to you before and wanted to apologize for disconnecting, it was accidental. Good luck in your future, i enjoyed talking to you

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sarahj

June 03, 2012

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Wow that was a fairy tail. Every girl dreams of a guy like you well most...You are an amazing guy just so you know. She didn't deserve such a great man. Even when she beat you to hell you still forgave her. That shows that you are the bigger person and how much you loved her. Don't listen to what she told you because it isn't true. Wish I could meet you and hug you for being someone special because there arnt many people like you left in the world. I certainly havent met any and while it may be a lonely road you never know what the future may bring. Im sorry for what she did, she had no right to break and destroy you as a friend, man, and a Christian. God bless

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Kate

April 03, 2012

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Why do so many people hurt people who are as amazing as this young man. You need to hold your head up high. That girl mentally abused you and that's why you are still hurting. Hope this helps. You are an amazing young man and you need to believe that and get your confidence back. You deserve someone who will treat you right and honey that girl wasn't her. You will always love her because she was your first for everything but its time to say I'm not gonna let her and all the bad things she did to me pull me down. It wasn't your fault for what she did and you didn't fail her, she failed you. Now get your ass off the sofa and go find a girl who has been looking all her life for you. Wish I knew who you were my daughters are single. God bless

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John L.

March 12, 2012

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I am not perfect and while I would have changed a few things knowing what I do now. I still love her and that is something she can never corrupt or take away from me. It was the reason why I took so much abuse and still tried to help her. I am not a glutton for punishment I just wanted her to be happy and to always find something to smile about.

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John L.

March 12, 2012

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I am not perfect and while I would have changed a few things knowing what I do now. I still love her and that is something she can never corrupt or take away from me. It was the reason why I took so much abuse and still tried to help her. I am not a glutton for punishment I just wanted her to be happy and to always find something to smile about.

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