Tags: Lonely lifelong
This guy was with me for almost a year,but it doesn't matter to me how long or short,i loved him with all my heart and thats what matters,he was my first love and i cant express how much i loved him,what didnt i do for him....but i never asked for more then his love,all i needed was his love,but maybe he never did.
i begged him,pleaded him,but he never replied for anything,sometimes i think that the time we have been togather was a lie,we were never meant to be,i cant believe he did this to me,he has made me feel like the luckiest girl,and on the top of the universe,he made me believe he loved me like anything,but he never did,i wonder how could he do this to me?my only question is why?
Now i only have one of his most beautiful memories we shared,that reminds me of the times we had,our girl baby,she is the most beautiful thing i've seen,when we brokeup i didnt knw i was pregnant,after he left me i came to know and i was really happy,i tried to contect him,but he never listened,he doesn't even know that there is a baby,he even doesn't know where we are,i don't want him to know also,he betrayed me,cheated me.
The feeling of keeping the baby inside me was the most amazing,the way it grew,every second reminded me of him,i still do want him,really badly,lastweek my girly for the first time called dada,and tears filled my eyes,she is very alike to her father,those eyes,those soft lightbrown straight hair,she is only one and half,her small feets put little steps towards me,her every thing reminds me of him,and it makes me happy too.
i wish he would be happy,successfull,and he gets the love he wants,god bless him everyway,i loved him,love him,and will go on loving him forever,now my problem is my bestfriend wants me,but i never thought about loving anyone after him,its not that i didn't try,i did,but cant,i believe its better not to love than loving someone who'll never love you back,i feel as if you love soomeone you will pay for it your lifelong......
So though i am alone,its better to be alone,and live a lonelylife,the reason i am living only is for my babydaughter,she is my life,in my every breath she exists,nothing can harm her as long as i live,i have never let her even fall simply,i've kept her in my arms and looked after her,she is the reason i am,all i am is for her,and i will never let her go through what i went,i've promised this to my self since i knew she was within me.....
i love you my darling,my baby,my girl,my only princess...
I have found that the hardest part of breaking up with someone you love is that it forces a person to get to know themselves much better. I have found that my most intense relationships were with people I thought I could admire enough to escape me, which I was sure once I got to really know myself I would be disappointed. Are you escaping the harsh reality of the fear of finding your weaknesses and acknowledging where and who you are? Could it be that is why you are so intent on living only for your daughter? Self exploration is the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done, and I would still probably be the same self unaware girl looking for someone to affirm me if I hadn't broke up with the love of my life. Now I'm married, strong, capable, and I bring a strong life force into my marriage just for being me with no apologies. I love my life now and my husband is the greatest man! I just love him to pieces! it will get better.
You sound a lot like me in many ways. You must be careful not to smother your daughter. I thought the same thing if I ever have a family. Hope so. I will say a prayer for you and your little girl. Based on what you wrote you will be a great mom. Also try to find someone.Girls need a dad later I life. Especially for that past dance and you deserve to be held and loved for who you are.
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