CDJ

June 02, 2016 @ (England)

Tags: #badbreakup #lessonslearned

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We were together 18 months. In the final months she said she worried I wasn’t earning enough and doubted our ‘compatibility’ with contradictory reasons, yet would reject my suggestions to break-up (I always had to be the one to bring it up). When we eventually did it was hard, but I couldn’t take the uncertainty.

Afterwards it felt like we hadn’t broken up, talking as normal. She told me she still loved me and was upset. Her birthday was coming up and she was working nights that weekend, so I thought I would deliver her presents/belongings on one of the nights. But she wanted to see me, and said she’d been struggling after the break-up, so I agreed to come after Monday lunchtime following her final night shift.

When I arrived she came out her bedroom naked, claiming we hadn’t confirmed I was coming round (she sent an odd text that morning asking what I was up to that day, to which I replied to confirm/remind, and tried to ring four times). She grabbed a dressing gown and opened her presents. I sensed awkwardness and then it clicked; there was a guy in her bed.

I felt sick and humiliated. She said he was a locum she’d met at work over the weekend, it hadn’t meant anything, etc. I said I wanted answers/closure to move on (this upset her, yet I’d found her moving on!). She even blamed me for turning up. The next day she became remorseful and wanted to talk in person, but I wanted immediate answers – it had been an unnecessary and horrible thing to do.

A week later she called me and I apologised for how I’d reacted, even though I’d suffered a trauma! She wouldn’t discuss what happened, distressed at the slightest mention. She’d flipped the situation and gone back to claiming I was in the wrong. At the end we agreed we would meet to exchange stuff. That was the last time we spoke; 8 weeks later she just ignored me and mailed my stuff without any words.

The lesson here is that there is no such thing as a good break-up. I thought I was having one, and then she had other ideas. So, when you break-up with someone, do just that – cut contact and stay away. And speak to people (friends, parents, counsellor, etc.) – they will stop you from making things worse.

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So Sorry!

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