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Lonely Lifelong

April 08, 2013 @ (canada)

This guy was with me for almost a year,but it doesn't matter to me how long or short,i loved him with all my heart and thats what matters,he was my first love and i cant express how much i loved him,what didnt i do for him....but i never asked for more then his love,all i needed was his love,but maybe he never did.

i begged him,pleaded him,but he never replied for anything,sometimes i think that the time we have been togather was a lie,we were never meant to be,i cant believe he did this to me,he has made me feel like the luckiest girl,and on the top of the universe,he made me believe he loved me like anything,but he never did,i wonder how could he do this to me?my only question is why?

Now i only have one of his most beautiful memories we shared,that reminds me of the times we had,our girl baby,she is the most beautiful thing i've seen,when we brokeup i didnt knw i was pregnant,after he left me i came to know and i was really happy,i tried to contect him,but he never listened,he doesn't even know that there is a baby,he even doesn't know where we are,i don't want him to know also,he betrayed me,cheated me.

The feeling of keeping the baby inside me was the most amazing,the way it grew,every second reminded me of him,i still do want him,really badly,lastweek my girly for the first time called dada,and tears filled my eyes,she is very alike to her father,those eyes,those soft lightbrown straight hair,she is only one and half,her small feets put little steps towards me,her every thing reminds me of him,and it makes me happy too.

i wish he would be happy,successfull,and he gets the love he wants,god bless him everyway,i loved him,love him,and will go on loving him forever,now my problem is my bestfriend wants me,but i never thought about loving anyone after him,its not that i didn't try,i did,but cant,i believe its better not to love than loving someone who'll never love you back,i feel as if you love soomeone you will pay for it your lifelong......

So though i am alone,its better to be alone,and live a lonelylife,the reason i am living only is for my babydaughter,she is my life,in my every breath she exists,nothing can harm her as long as i live,i have never let her even fall simply,i've kept her in my arms and looked after her,she is the reason i am,all i am is for her,and i will never let her go through what i went,i've promised this to my self since i knew she was within me.....

i love you my darling,my baby,my girl,my only princess...

Kali

March 24, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: not understanding, sadness.

I figure typing this out would probably do good for my heart, so I have decided to tell you all about my quite recent (only a few hours ago but still had enough time to linger in my head) breakup.

This boy was literally my childhood friend. Bad idea, I know, but I digress. He meant the world to me as a kid, and we just recently re-met each other after not speaking for years. The chemistry was sorta ... instant.

However, obviously, it didn't last.
We spent the few days we were together talking, and talking, and talking. I actually felt like he really cared about me. Just the mentioning of his name made me smile and blush.

He and I had so much in common, we still do. Our religious beliefs, music, art..
I thought I had really made it good, that for once, someone would stay with me.

Obviously that couldn't happen.
I get a text late into the night - and it said it was him, and that he wanted to end our relationship because he "wasn't ready for one." Me, usually reacting quite the opposite of how I normally would've, take the passive approach toward him, saying "I'm fine, I understand."

I later on then cried, and cried, and then something quite stupid. Cut myself. I couldn't sleep, due to the pain in my legs (one of the places I had decided to cut,) and my little depression I had going on.

So to any girl, or boy, or whomever is going through a breakup, don't get to down. We're just one step closer to finding our one ticket to happiness.
Regardless as to however they broke up with you, it happened for a reason. Heck, you never know, you could end up with them again in the future.
You just gotta wait it out and roll your dice.

~Kali

Nameomitted

March 19, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: break up, long distance

We were never really official but this feels like a break up to me. We met in November. He was a military guy, no car, was leaving in a couple months. So at first we kept it casual. When he left on holiday leave we were both expecting him to return--he never did. Even though it was just a fling, it felt so unfinished. We'd text almost every day. At one point he said he missed me, and so I brought up the possibility of an LDR. We talked about the cost and how often we'd get to see one another, but in the end he said he hated LDRs, which I interpreted as a no. Yet we kept in touch, and I wanted to see him so badly. I wanted it more than I have wanted anything, I was so sprung on this guy. So I flew out to visit him last week. But I felt like he kept holding back, which in turn made me nervous. I froze up, and the entire week was a mix of silence and awkwardness. There were moments where we'd liven up, and we were only able to soften up physically--not just sex, but touches, caresses, neck rubs. The physical connection wasn't as crazy raw as I remembered it being, but we were still good together. It was still hot. However, I think my quietness got to him, and by the end of the week we were both exhausted. I could tell that he had run out of patience, and I had tired myself out by silently worrying and wondering and panicking. By the time I left we just waved goodbye. No hug, no kiss, not even a handshake.

On one hand, while I was out there I was noticing things about him that I didn't see before, and I would think to myself, "Hmm... no, I don't think we'd work as a couple." I know that we wouldn't. We have the same interests, and we're physically compatible. We're both thoughtful and affectionate. But intellectually, we don't really connect. Maybe I'm a little too independent for him? I don't know. We have different values. I actually found him to be kind of boring most of the time. He probably thought the same of me. I don't think we're actually boring people, but we tend mute each other out for some reason. But even with all that, it was one of the hardest break-ups I've had. Maybe because I was so invested in the dream of him, in the possibility, in the romantic star-crossed-lovers feel of the whole situation. That and my ego is kind of bruised. I was in love with his body, that's for sure.

I wanted it to be him, you know? I wanted him to tell me he wanted to work something out. I wanted to move clear across the country for him. I loved it out there and would love the adventure of it all, but I'm not going to lie that having him out there with me was the top reason I wanted to move. I wouldn't be alone. I have family and friends out there, so it wouldn't have been JUST for him. I guess I could still move if I wanted to, even if we never spoke again...

I hate that I get moody and distant when emotion overwhelms me. I shut off, and in those times it's nearly impossible for me to communicate how I'm feeling. When I panicked, I would push him away. That's one of the things I regret the most. I wasn't at my best, as hard as I tried. I feel... not good enough. Disheartened. The day he dropped me at the airport I still had a 2 hour wait, on top of a 6 hour flight. And I was fighting back tears the whole time. And I still have my spells of utter sadness.

In my heart, I know it's for the best. I know that I'll get over it, like I always do. I know that in time I'll look back and be able to see that it was a fun experience, and I'll be able to see how much I learned from it all. But right now, in the thick of it, it's a struggle to get through the day. I just want to go home and curl up and cry. But I have to work, and go to class, and be mature. And I don't want to annoy my friends and family by ranting and venting all the time, so I came here... It kind of helps, sharing this with strangers. So thanks.

Breakfastclub

February 27, 2013 @ (Kansas)

Tags: exbf, manipulator, liar, selfish

My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 2 and a half years ago, but all this time we never stopped talking. We remained in a sexual relationship all this time. During this time he treated me poorly, then we would fight and then he would treat me better... until the next fight. He always knew what to say and how to act to calm me down and convince that he cared for me. During this time he talked to 3 other girls, and in all the occasions I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, but he would insist in staying in my life. We had a bad fight in all three occasions and then once things started not working out with the girl he would apologize saying he recognized he didn't treat me well. I have asked him several times to stay away, to let me go, and he would for a couple of weeks but then he would come back and I was enough of an idiot to let him back in. Well in December I told him we should stop seeing each other, then he said "ok" but soon started messaging me saying he wanted to see me once I got home from Christmas break. Then we hung out a couple of times in January, but then he started being really rude to me so I told him to not talk to me anymore. We hadn't talked to me in a while and then I (was being stupid again) texted him saying I was ok with us not talking but I wanted to understand why. Then he replied "get over me, i'm talking to a girl in high school" (detail: we are both 22 and college students). I laughed because that's just pathetic. Well the next week I saw him at a dance at our college, and I was a little tipsy and in a bad mood and angry at him so I walked by him and pumped into him. He texted me all angry, but then the next morning he was being all sweet saying I look beautiful at the dance and that he wanted to see me. So I said "what about your high schooler?" then he replied "Oh I lied, I just said that to piss you off". I knew he was lying about that, I know he actually talked to her and I knew she had probably dumped him already. Well,I didn't let him come over to my apartment. I didn't want to see him at all. Then I realized on his twitter that he was talking to her again so I asked him "why did you lie about not talking to her?" then he answered "i don't have to explain anything to you" (wow, dick). Well after that we talked a couple more times and then I noticed there was nothing wrong because of some things he posted on twitter. Then we were talking and he said someone screwed things up. Well it was obviously her. Then a few days later I drove by his house (which is right across from my apartment) and I saw a car there, so I asked if it was hers and he said yes. Well I got pissed out and said terrible things to him. We argued bad, I told him he was nothing to me, and I regretted having let him in back in my life so many times, he got really mad when I said that and then he told me he didn't want to talk to me anymore. Then the next day we argued again and this time he told me "shut up, don't talk to me, don't talk about me, and don't talk about her". I know I screwed up in a few aspects, but in no way I'm blaming myself for what did. He lied to me several times, and he manipulated me to get just what he wanted. He is the most selfish and egocentric person I have ever met. All he thinks is about himself. Now that he is happy with her there is no way in hell that he will apologize for the mean things he said to me. What I heard is that she is a little high school slut, so I guess she is a good fit for him. I know I deserved some of it, but he was never considering towards my feelings. We were still kinda up in the air, and he knew I had feelings for him, and he didn't understand when I tried to explain why I was mad/upset. He pretty much said "this is your problem, not mine, deal with it". This last couple of weeks have been tough, but I will not let him bring me down. I am starting to see that I didn't lose anything, I actually won, because I got rid of an abusive, manipulative boy and now I am free to find a man, who can care for me and be what my ex could never be.

N\a

February 20, 2013 @ (narnia )

Tags: can't even

I don't really know why I felt compelled to do this, but i mean why not. basically, me and this guy were together for about 10 months and i've never been more comfortable around a person ever. stupidly, i thought we were "perfect" for each other if there is such a thing but i was happy and i had let my guard down... which was also stupid because i know that only leads to being even more hurt at the end. anyways, everything was great and i'll always appreciate everything he's done for me but he's now lost every single ounce of my respect. I realized he began to change over the summer and there were several red flags that the relationship was going downhill. but of course, i didn't want it to end so i dealt with more bullshit than i ever should have put up with and i realize that now. but oh well, can't change that. come september (i think..) we had both changed. for me, it was due to an excessive amount of stress. school had just started again and my family problems had begun to escalate once again so obviously i wasn't myself but i thought i had him there to fall back on considering that's what i was led to believe. we started getting into arguments more often, sometimes my fault, sometimes his; we were both at fault. but when we spent time together on the weekends, which he always kept pushing for, everything was fine and arguments were almost non existent. so of course, i wasn't thinking about how badly i was about to get dumped. not even a week before he broke up with me, he had asked me to our school dance a month away on a night we had spent outside with a fire and smores, and laughing blablabla. a day or two after that he had asked me to his cousin's birthday party, even further than a month away and i had gladly accepted both offers. this gave me reason to believe that everything was gonna settle out again, i mean who wouldn't think that right? A couple days later, he dumped me & the night before that he told me that he still "loved" me (quotes because i hate that word). As he was breaking up with me, he was crying and gave me three excuses as to why he was doing it including stress sports and family pressure and he couldn't balance me in the equation. he also dropped the "but we're best friends. we can still be best friends" bomb on me at the same time and demanded hugs from me and also said that the past two weeks didn't feel the same to him. sometime during that two week period he had snuck over from about 1 in the morning till 6. honestly, i'm still confused about everything. & it gets worse. he texted me THREE times that night asking how i was and telling me about his family arguments and whatever and i was just like um what.

DT

February 19, 2013 @ (Bulgaria)

Tags: break up

Hey guys :) i've read some of your stories and i guess mine isn't as tragic but it still hurts... It all started the day after a friend's party me and 3 guys were kicked out of the house at about 8 in the morning and we decided we were hungry. So we went to Dunkin'Donuts. There we started talking and i realized how much in common we had with K[my ex]. After that we hadn't paid much attention to eachother but we started chatting on facebook. We got closser and closser with every single day we always chatted and when we weren't near a computer we texted. So on march 28th 2012 we started dating ^^ Everything was perfect we were always together we had mutual friends and everything was perfect... i was so HAPPY :)... i even gave my virginity to him ... But then things got bad... we started seeing eachother less and less... he stopped calling me or whatever... if i didn't write to him or call him he never would... he prefered to go to his pottheaded friends then be with me :). So the first time i hadn't heard from him for a week i told him that i want attention i know he's been on the computer i've seen his facebook posts FOR GODS SAKE! And he just looked with those puppy eyes said he was sorry and everything was right again :)... but no.. it happened again... and again... On the third time i asked him how would he feel in my place? What would he do? Did he know that i felt like i was there just so if someone asked him if he had a girlfriend he'd say yes? He just stayed silent... After that day ended i went home and i was expecting atleast a phonecall from him to bring me back.... Nope! Not even a message... So i wrote: after everything we've been trough i didn't even get one message... he called me. The same thing happened i talked he stayed silent... we said we'd meet... We did the samme thing and after the hundret time of me asking him what should i do and how does he think i feel he said i hope we stay friends.... The sad thing is 4 months after the break up i already have a new boyfriend that does EVERYTHING for me and treats me like a princess and i still can't get HIM out of my mind... and what hurts even more is that he doesn't give crap about me :) So i'm forced to see him everyday at school and act happy and fake...

Zaria

February 01, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: aunt's, July

Okay soooo......it was like July, last summer and i went to my aunt's for two weeks. When i was there i met this good looking guy and we started talking after i saw him at a bball game. He asked for my number and you already know i wasn't missing that opportunity!After i left we started talkin ALOT(from 9 in the morning till like maybe 2 or 3 a.m. the next day). Well in the beginning of September (on my bday) he FINALLY asked me out.
To me, he was the sweetest kid ever with smarts and a bball career on his hands (he was invited to a NIKE camp only for the top..100 players in the state i think?)Then school started up again and he was tellin me how all these different girls were tryin to flirt with him (remember this was a long distance relationship) and stuff. And my dumb self believein him smh.
Well a few months down the road that fool starts talkin about this friend of his, whos a girl, of course i think nothin of it. Then he broke up with me the weekend after Thanksgiving, for her..and im like WOW! did i really not see these signs that were RIGHT under my nose.
He'd talk about that girl all the time..but thats not the worst part. HE EXPECTED US TO STILL BE FRIENDS....come on now you've gotta be kidding! Plus the whole time i was with him he was lyin. He told me he was in honor classes..his report card said ffffff so obviously not! And he also was talkin about how he was 'sooo kool' and crap...doubt it considering he had like 50 followers on twitter...I just think u shouldnt have to lie about yourself to boost your ego...u definitely turn out looking even more stupid wen everyone finds out the truth.

Jennifer

January 31, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: (gay, boyfriend, bestfriend, mutual)

My name is Jennifer and I am 18 years old. About a year a go, my best friend of 2 years finally asked me out and I couldn't have been happier. We spend an amazing 9 months together until something happened in November. We were having a bit of a hiccup in our relationship. Just a little lack of communication but nothing big. I told him we needed to talk things out, so we went out for coffee the morning of the 27th.
That's when he dumped me hard, saying that he just didn't like me anymore, and had no feelings for me. It was completely out of the blue. I was distraught for about 2 weeks until he finally told me he was gay. I felt horrible, that I might have done something to cause it, or I made him turn gay. But he assured me that it was always a thought in his head but never wanted to tell me to spare my feelings.
I'll admit- things were awkward for a week or two but then we immediately returned to being best friends, and we were inseparable again. I also started hanging out with our other mutual friend, he was funny and smart and we really got along well.
Well about 2 weeks ago our mutual friend decided to tell me he was gay. I began to panic, thinking that something was up, but my ex was very consoling to say that everything was fine and there was nothing between the two of them- they were just friends and got along well because they had enough in common.
Easy enough right? Well wrong. The mutual friend let the cat out of the bag that he and my ex-boyfriend started dating a month after he dumped me.
So I was not only dumped for someone else, it was for our mutual best friend... who was a guy.
And now I'm not speaking to either of them because I feel betrayed that they would go behind my back like that. I told them everything and they kept that huge secret from me for about 3 months.
Anyone know what to do?
-Jennifer

Molly

January 25, 2013 @ (New Jersey)

Tags: Mat

I always knew my relationship with my jackass ex boyfriend Matthew would not work out... He was always an asshole yet I stupidly fell for him anyway.

So we went out one day and he told me that he wanted to break up with me because 'he couldn't love me as much as I loved him'. Fair enough I said ok and we parted ways.

Next day I meet up with my male best friend and tell him what happened and things got a bit intimate (always had a soft spot for him). One week later I'm out with my best friend and we're holding hands when I see the ex! And guess what, he had a new girlfriend! So he was cheating on me throughout the 1 year relationship.

I grabbed my best friend and made out with him in front of Matthew. It was so worth it. When I went home Matt deleted me off facebook and I couldn't give a flying fuck about him. Matthew walks past me at Uni and acts as if I don't exist. Last week I was on the bus and Mat's girlfriend was sitting in front of me. I made it a point that she knows who I am and wished her the best of luck with her boyfriend.

Its not her fault she's with a jackass. I wish I could warn her what sort of a person he is. Once a cheater always a cheater.

I'm not in a relationship with my best friend, but I still make out with him when I see Mat :)

Stephanie

January 24, 2013 @ (los angeles)

Tags: #worththeread #breakup

2010 I graduated high school and got a job at a hardware store. At the time I was a ridiculously friendly and outgoing (innocent) eighteen year old girl. So it being a hardware store there's a lot of men. One which I fell for without him saying a word to me. An fellow employee at that. I'm a petite girl he was this adorable petite 25 year old guy with sexy tattoos. So I tell my other coworker/nfriend I have the hots for him. And this girl goes above and beyong to get us talking. So a few months later we start talking. He had an age issue with me, but we had a long talk one day and he got over it. He told me he really like me. On our first official date I lost my vcard to him..I gave him the goods. (Which at the time he didn't know) I told him I had done it before. Whatever I thought that was going to be it. He got what he wanted...but no. He asked me to be "his girl". I was the happiest girl in the world. This was october 29th, 2010. So a month passes everything is fine. Then christmas time came along. I was really excited because I got him the coolest gift. So that year xmas eve was on a Friday. He was off fridays. coincedentaly he worked. As I walked in the girl who hooked us up hands me a bouquet of roses and a gifst and says "here from miguel" I'm like "WTF!I don't know a miguel" I take the flowers and gift to the break room and he's there. My everything. He looks at the roses looks at me tthen ignores me for five torturous weeks. I run into him at work one day still hurt. He says "hey Delete my number and pretend I don't exist. You'll learn its not good to be as friendly as you are"