We were together 18 months. In the final months she said she worried I wasn’t earning enough and doubted our ‘compatibility’ with contradictory reasons, yet would reject my suggestions to break-up (I always had to be the one to bring it up). When we eventually did it was hard, but I couldn’t take the uncertainty.
Afterwards it felt like we hadn’t broken up, talking as normal. She told me she still loved me and was upset. Her birthday was coming up and she was working nights that weekend, so I thought I would deliver her presents/belongings on one of the nights. But she wanted to see me, and said she’d been struggling after the break-up, so I agreed to come after Monday lunchtime following her final night shift.
When I arrived she came out her bedroom naked, claiming we hadn’t confirmed I was coming round (she sent an odd text that morning asking what I was up to that day, to which I replied to confirm/remind, and tried to ring four times). She grabbed a dressing gown and opened her presents. I sensed awkwardness and then it clicked; there was a guy in her bed.
I felt sick and humiliated. She said he was a locum she’d met at work over the weekend, it hadn’t meant anything, etc. I said I wanted answers/closure to move on (this upset her, yet I’d found her moving on!). She even blamed me for turning up. The next day she became remorseful and wanted to talk in person, but I wanted immediate answers – it had been an unnecessary and horrible thing to do.
A week later she called me and I apologised for how I’d reacted, even though I’d suffered a trauma! She wouldn’t discuss what happened, distressed at the slightest mention. She’d flipped the situation and gone back to claiming I was in the wrong. At the end we agreed we would meet to exchange stuff. That was the last time we spoke; 8 weeks later she just ignored me and mailed my stuff without any words.
The lesson here is that there is no such thing as a good break-up. I thought I was having one, and then she had other ideas. So, when you break-up with someone, do just that – cut contact and stay away. And speak to people (friends, parents, counsellor, etc.) – they will stop you from making things worse.
Tags: bad break-up
I was in love with my best friend since 6th grade. I was so excited to hear that he like me back. One day he broke up with me in a note not even to my face. We had been dating for 4 months. I completly went into depression after that. I started to cry and cry for hours on end. I told myself no one would ever love me like he loved me. I knew i'd never be the same without him. I can barely look at him without tears coming to my eyes. It doesn't matter if we are in middle school. I loved him and still do. I go to bed hoping someday he'll love me back. Maybe someday.
This goes out to all the people grieving over their break-up,
I wrote on here about a month ago, swearing that my relationship with my boyfriend was finally over. Crying over the fact that i was ready to get married to him, have his child and start a future. Swearing that no one could ever make the feel the way he had.
Well, long story short, i moved into his house, i had a beautiful daughter and am currently fighting for custody in order to return home. Suddenly the person I loved had become someone i dont know at all. This house has become a prison cell. And i live in constant fear that he is going to take away my most precious gift of all, my daughter. But time will pass, happiness nor sorrow lasts forever. I will win both legal and physical custody of my daughter and will finally live an independent life.
Take my story to reflect carefully on your own. Be careful what you wish for because one mans sorrow is another persons salvation.
Most people who have broken up with their partners, have tried to get back together. Whether from fear, whether from frustration of meeting someone new, I cannot say.
I have broken up with women and after some time - a week, a month - we have tried again. It’s funny how we always tell ourselves: "I will not do it again." We promise a lot of things, but there always comes a time that the old problems, in most cases unresolved or misunderstood, emerge again.
A person comes in the life of another in order to learn from one another. The breakups happen in order to teach the partners something. If "the beloved ones" do not pay attention to this life lesson, they will surely make exactly the same mistakes in the next relationships. The most common problem, I think, is that people wear a mask. You liked the external first and then looked inside the shell. Fallen in love. But to keep the attention of your loved one you’ve been doing things that in some cases, they did not like. You wear a mask, just to prove yourself you are good enough for them.
So the two lovers begin to live life together in a lie.
From my experience I would say that in a relationship, including my own, one of the partners loves the other one more. One always feels ignored by the other. You are going restaurants, theaters, film screenings, etc.., which you do not want to, but you do just to please your partner. It happens so that there comes a point where you forget who you are. You no longer go out with your friends, stay away from things that you’ve previously enjoyed and activities which made you say things like: "No one can make me stop playing on Saturdays..!"
But why does it happen so? Most likely you've been so in love with the person next to you that you were ready to do everything for him.
So you’ve got that person in your life. You’ve achieved your target by wearing the fake mask. Now what? Time passes and you start to thing you’ve made some wrong decisions. Now your friends do not call. You are deadlock. And you wonder how it came to here.
Even your mates can feel that things are wrong. You argue and quarrel very often but both don’t have the courage to admit what the real problem is. Namely, both have forgotten who you are. In order not to quarrel for "trifles", you put aside your interests to try make your relationship better. Now, you both stay at home, doing some nasty things, monotonous, you do not feel but only satisfy your needs.
And there comes a point where you say: "I cannot go on like this!”. You split with mixed feelings, without even thinking. No longer want to see the other person and you say that true love is there only in the movies. You close yourself to others.
But a month passes and you begin to feel the need to satisfy "needs." You start meeting with different people. You say to yourself, "Life is life!" Clubs, bars, restaurants, cool promiscuity. You feel the euphoria and cannot stop. The effect wears off quickly...
You meet new girl in the college or in the streets. She is the personification of everything you dreamed of. And fall in love… And history repeats itself...!
Stop thinking so much! Be yourself! As much as you like a person, above all love yourself! No, do not be selfish, but do not forget yourself. If a person does not feel happy inside, he cannot be really happy. If people could be paused in their hectic life for a moment and asked what they really love to do, to follow and achieve their childhood dreams, the world would be a wonderful place. Be the Change...!!!
I met my love of my life about 5-6 years ago but didn't know that back then. We used to chat a lot but somehow this chatting faded. About a year ago we started talking to each other again. For a while it was a normal, everyday friends talk but at one moment I felt that she was the one who was meant for me and I said I had feelings for her. She was kind of shocked but I believe in a good way. This truly was the best feeling in my 19 years. So, eventually we were together and everyday I fell deeper in love. This feeling was undescribable. I genuinely was the happiest man on earth. Everything was great and we were happy. But since we were living quite far from each other things started going not so well. We argued about pointless things, both being extremely stubborn. About 6 months our relationship had ups and downs but it really didn't matter because she was still my little princess and i loved her even more. About 3 weeks ago, we had a horrific quarrel which ended with me saying that she was disgusting. It was said because of the emotion that i had at that time. I had never felt so bad in my life. Honestly, i wanted to kill myself because of that saying. After that she obviously was angry and disappointed in me and she had all the reasons in the world to be mad at me because, after all i was a complete jerk. So i apologized about 100 times. A bit later i thought everything was okay until today. She had been aloof, she didn't talk to me as often as she used to. I thought it was about me... And then the painful reality struck. I asked why is she behaving like that and she told that... When I said that bad thing to her, she was so shooked up, she went to a nightclub, had drinks and one thing led to another.. she kissed another man. And she had held that in her all that time. I was devastated, i didn't know what to do. She was so embarrassed about what she did and didn't want to be with me anymore because of that one mistake. She isn't that type of girl who kisses random guys. She knows it and I know it. I said that i forgive her but it wasn't enough. My heart is broken, shattered to pieces. Since she was my everything, I really don't know how am I gonna live on. I truly hope that she changes her mind and that love against me is stronger than feeling guilty about what was done.
I really love her. I don't know what to do...
A few weeks ago I experienced a break-up. Except it wasn't really a break-up. The man with whom I felt I was falling in love with and whom I sincerely felt was in love with me....disappeared. I reached out to him twice within a week after his whoodini act, and have not received a response. Its as if he just evaporated. I feel like I've been imagining all the time that we spent together, all the mornings we woke up cuddling and all the amazingly passionate nights that we shared.
Where is my boyfriend????
I'm writing because I am confused and would like to share a bit of my story. I was aggressively pursued by a sensitive, attractive, fun and interesting guy. I didn't do any of the pursuing, it was all on his end. After 5 months of dating him and him telling me he wanted to spend his life with me and loved me, and took me out, and dinners, and drinks, and fun and blah blah blah....we spent New Years together and the next week he prepared this amazing "honeymoon night" in his apartment with candle and tea and incense, and everything perfect. He gave my a gift after we had sex and we cuddled and had a fun night...
We kissed in the morning and said goodbye.
I haven't heard from him since. This was a month ago. I'm totally confused and angry that I was sold on this bologna. After 5 months of dating. I don't understand. I now want to send him a message and tell him off and call him out on his lunacy, but I am stopping myself. I have so many questions. So much to say, but I don't want to give him the satisfaction of even knowing that I'm giving him one more second of my thoughts.
I seriously feel like I hate him right now. I hope he is miserable and I hope that he has the worst Valentine's Day ever. I hope he realizes what a coward he is for not breaking things off more respectfully. I feel hurt, confused, and disrespected.
I want to move on, but its hard when you don't have a real ending, and so many questions. I know I deserve more, but I was just blindsided!! I didn't even really like him that much until recently.
Moreover, I hope this experience makes me more aware in the future, and I hope I am able to grow from this. I'm happy to share my story and know that I am not alone. None of us are. There is someone better out there, but in the mean time, it is not easy.
I have yet to go wrong on a “gut feeling” when it comes to a disaster with a significant other. I somehow can sense the bomb going off but never in time to defuse it. The most recent example was by a lovely lady I was seeing for several months. She and I did not land on solid ground due to the conditions of our start. We shared many laughs, cries, and plenty about each other during that time. I was hesitant at first about her feelings at first, not knowing if they were true or just brought up by the circumstances of her previous relationship. We shared a wild, strong sexual appetite during the first half of our relationship. Facing personal dilemmas and financial difficulties; she pursued a second job in which she could balance herself with. She quickly got an offer to work a gentlemen’s club as a coat checker. I saw the potential for disaster, keeping in mind her personality, state of mind, and lack of experience with the world. I feared that I might lose her in the process to some money throwing pig. Yet I needed to keep my personal fears in check and support who I regarded as my babe with anything she set her mind to. If this one thing could break us, than all my suspicions would be true; if they don’t than we could move forward, take the leap into going public with our relationship.
Several weeks later we began to drift apart, we would ignore mutual calls and text. We did not see each other for days at a time. I began to worry about us, and so I began to call her more often, asking how she was and brought up ideas on trips we could take. It had little to no affect, as her eyes and perhaps even her heart were set on someone else whom she met at the gentlemen’s club. One evening we got into an argument; and just like that, she asked me never to speak to her again; without any hesitation on my part, I hung up. The next day I told her we needed to talk; it was important that we clear the air. No response ever came that day, or the next day, or the day after. I tried once more and she quickly delivers the blow “I need time” which we all know to be “break-up mode”. I tried and tried again to see her so we could talk, all while sensing the inevitable blow that was soon to come. I would go to her apartment late at night, and she and her truck wouldn’t be there. I knew that I had lost her at this point; or maybe just 99%. I took a chance and went to her one last time; even after she told me not to. I gave her everything that she ever wanted, with a promise to be there always. She wasn’t giving in, she could not see being with me being better than the guy that she met recently. I knew that my words were barely chipping away at her wall. She was cold all throughout this and yet at the end she hugged me and showed me signs of remorse or sympathy. Before she walked back in I asked her, if in this last moment, we could turn things around and try to work this out with a clean slate. Her lips said no, but in her eyes, I saw a glimmer of yes. Despite what I felt, she gave me the closure I had asked her for. I wished her the best, and reminded her that I would always have her in my heart. Got in my car, and I had the most difficult drive of my life.
We were juniors in college when we finally started dating. We'd been friends for a few months and had attended some social functions on campus together. Unfortunately for him, Tom had a terrible reputation on campus, not for being a player or anything, but for being a terrible person in general. My friends constantly reinforced this information before I agreed to date him exclusively. I questioned him about the various rumors regarding him and his only answers involved: "I don't remember," or "That's all in the past." I was extremely skeptical that anyone could change that fast (we'd only been in school for a couple of years!) but I wanted to see who he was for myself so I agreed to go out with him. The next six months were filled with depression and anger for me for a lot for a lot of reasons. For one thing, he would talk about problems we were having with a mutual female friend rather than talking to me about them. I didn't know I was in a threesome! He was a terrible communicator in general. When talking to his friends or an audience, he would be charming, but when talking to my friends or meeting my family, he was incredibly awkward. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if he were shy, but he was able to hold perfect conversations with complete strangers. On top of all this, I witnessed him lying to other people's faces, including his friends and family. Because of this, I knew for sure that he could not be trusted. Around the three-month mark, we exchanged "I love you's" and around that time, the little affection he was showing me was slowly wearing down. He never complimented me much anyway (except when we were making out), but those just stopped. Our time together was mainly spent making out once a week in his dorm even though I insisted that we should spend time talking and bonding in other ways. I guess he thought that because I was in love with him I was going to tolerate that. And I did for another two months before telling him that I'd been feeling neglected and that he wasn't keeping up his end of the compromise (He told me he'd be more open emotionally if I agreed to make out with him more). He told me it was hard and that that was the way he'd always been. No effort. No anything. He was the first person I'd done ANYTHING physical with and that was hard for me, but I was willing to try and compromise. He didn't try at all. During month six, I dumped him while we were on a walk. He was shocked. I did cry the weekend afterward, but I quickly realized how much happier I was without him in my life. I couldn't believe how being involved with him could make me feel so lonely and depressed. I've been single for a month now and while it sucks sometimes, I know I'm mentally in a better place now. I learned that it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.
My story is fairly simple. I have been seeing a man since New Year's. It got serious quickly, we were spending every night together at his house or my house., and I was enjoying the ride. At the time we started going out, I had just lost my job, and was in the middle of an incredibly stressful time. He was a nice distraction, and I admired his ability to overlook my declining finances and my uncertain professional future. Then, I go an interview for my dream job. When I told him how excited I was, he responded, "Honey, you've said that already." The day of the interview, he didn't even call or text to see how it went. When I took temp jobs to pay my bills, he got annoyed that my schedule was so unpredictable. When my car needed a repair, he offered me the money, implying that it was gift, just because cared about me. Two weeks later, during an argument, he demanded to know when he would "see that money again". Recently, he texted me that he would prefer it if I stopped calling or messaging him, leaving all communication strictly at his discretion. Then I received the following text, "I miss you too, but I feel trapped. You are incredibly intense." I blocked his calls and texts, deleted his contact information from my phone, blocked his e-mail address, and dumped our entire text thread from my memory card. I am packing his belongings and shipping them back. Frankly, I don't care what he does with the clothes and personal belongings that are at his place. The only item I truly care about is my glasses. And maybe my dog's bowls. Frankly, I have reached the point of apathy. I have just decided to vanish.
So, I had been dating this girl for about six months with a two month break in between, let's call her "Jackie". It was when we got back together I realized that things weren't going to work. She said that we just need to communicate more, but it never happened, we always just sat in awkward silence until one of us had to leave.
Before we get to the actual break-up, I want to do a little back-story. So a few years back my friends introduced me to this girl, not the one I broke up with, let's call her "Amanda." Amanda was a nice girl from the very start, She invited me to all her parties, and helped me out with my homework and essays. She was funny, she would often make fun of my now best friend, "Franklin," which I found hilarious. She was also super smart, she had one of the highest GPAs in the school, and passed even the most advanced classes. And I swear she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and to this day I am deeply in love with her. Unfortunately, when I told her about my feelings, she dropped the F-Bomb on me. Yep, that was my first ever "friend-zone." I was crushed, I never felt so terrible in my life. But I stayed adamant, and year after year I would ask her, and year after year she denied me. I realize that she can make whatever choice she wants, but I couldn't help but to want to be with her. I guess she must have gotten tired of me asking, because after the fourth confession, she suggested I go out with Jackie, whom I had met a month earlier. I knew she had a thing for me, and Amanda said we would be cute together. I don't know why, but the words "cute together" hit me really hard. Just the thought of being with someone other than her felt wrong. Things did go wrong eventually, I guess that's what happens when you go out with someone because the love of your life asks you to. I probably should have seen that coming. After dancing with Jackie at one of the parties, I became infatuated with her. I asked her out on a date, and she of course said yes. Now I had never gone out on a date before so I didn't know exactly what to do. And no one told me that movie dates are the worst first date you could go on. We sat in the theater eating our popcorn, eyes glued to the screen, not even looking at each other; the first of many awkward experiences. The worst part was that Amanda offered to drive us around since neither I or Jackie bothered to learn how to. Amanda couldn't have been more happy to see me going out with another girl, which I understand is something friends do, but when that friend has recently broken your heart, it kinda stings a little.
Fast forward four months. Now at this point we've decided to break things off for a while. Jackie has started dating this guy, let's call him "Matt." I had no problem with Jackie dating Matt, in fact I was happy that she found someone she could actually talk to. Matt and I are also good friends so, I was happy for both of them. Now with no one to distract my feelings, I began to feel old emotions rising again, I would often hang out with Amanda like we used to, but not in a way that would give any hints, just talking, and study sessions. I should have realized then that this was what it was meant to be like. Being single wasn't a bad thing, in fact I love being single. It makes you appreciate all the free time you once had to hang out with friends and get work done. This didn't last very long, because Jackie and Matt eventually broke up. I never got the exact details of why or how, but I do know that Jackie broke up with Matt, because she realized that she still loved me even though she was the one who broke up with me for Matt in the first place. Matt explained to me that he cared for her, and he wanted to see her happy, and that I should take her back. And I, being the stupid confused kid at the time, said "of course." And so, we began dating each other once more. The rekindled infatuation didn't last long, and I realized about a month in that things weren't going to work. Now came the biggest problem, how to break it to her. Now, just because I wasn't in love with Jackie doesn't mean I didn't care about her. She was genuinely sweet and innocent, and I couldn't bare to see her sad or upset.
It was only a few weeks later that I built up the courage to tell her, mind you I gave no clue as to how I really felt, in fact I made it seem like everything was just dandy, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. Of course, when I told her she was really confused. She asked me "Why? Why?" and I said "I'm sorry, I just don't think you're the one for me." At this point her sadness began to turn to anger. Something I had never seen in her before suddenly began to show. She said, "how dare you have the audacity to lead me on for so long. You know what? Fuck you." The words "fuck you" would have hurt less if she hadn't smiled and started walking away. But as I sat there, ashamed of what I had done, she did the worst thing she could have done to me. She turned back with tears running down her face and said, "I really did love you." And continued walking away. That must have been one of the worst days of my life. Eventually the sadness subsided, and she forgot all about me, which was probably for the best. Not once in our whole relationship did we ever say "I love you" to one another. But if I could go back and change what I did, I would have never gone out with her. I would have never gotten back together with her. I would have never led her on to believe that I loved her. And I would have never broken her heart.
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