You Broke Up How?

Heinz

June 21, 2017 @ (Germany)

Tags: Food Break up, Funny Break up

My girlfriend and i just broke up yesterday.
She screamed at me just because I ATE her donut. I gold to geht a New one, but she only wanted the one in my mouth. So i spit it out again. After that she totally lost controll and throw TH wjole table to the ground. She gold me that I am so supid and that I should leave and never come back. I ran out. And now I don't know what to do. I mean it was jusz a donut.
Let me tell you do nut let a donut Ruine your relationship.

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Alberico Chief

November 03, 2009 @ (Italy)

Tags: Alberico19

I went over to my gf's house cuz she said we needed to talk. I took the train cuz my car was broke. After we started talkin she admitted that she had been cheating on me over and over again with 2 different dudes. By the time we got done chattin the last train had left the station. I had no choice but to stay on her couch. Middle of the night I wake up and I'm all pissed off. I take my sock off (wore tube socks cuz it was cold), poop in it, and start hitting her with it (lightly...i'm no abuser) she gets pissed and throws me out, I run away giggling my little heart out.

damn skippy.

Manda

June 15, 2011 @ (Indiana)

Tags: crazy, psycho, too long

The weirdest thing about this story is that I never actually DATED N.B. but there was a clear break up!

NB was my best friend. I had gotten to know him though he was shy and withdrawn and he really got close to me. While I did like him it wasn't serious. So one day I pulled him aside and told him (in my memory) as best as I could that I didn't see him that way.

Then I met CL and we dated. It was an open and obvious relationship and we all spent time together at the same youth group, so I assumed NB knew like the rest of the world. Eventually, CL and I broke it off and I told NB that we had broken up. He acted as though he never knew we were dating and asked when he and I would start dating. This was a YEAR after the first conversation about all of this.
My response was pretty much "what? no."

Then the crazy set in. He bought a trenchcoat (like a friggin' high school shooter). He stopped bathing. He combed his hair down over his face. I got psycho emails and changed phones with my mom. My parents were looking into a restraining order.

So then I go to college. He keeps it up and finally says via email if I never respond to him he will leave me alone. If only! I don't respond and when I visit home he corners me. He says he just wants to be friends and I shout at him that I don't.

Sounds easy enough? Even during my 3 year engagement he would circle me at church, regardless of my fiance being there or not!

So a long and torturous break up with someone I never dated!

Alex

May 05, 2010 @ (Bucharest)

Tags: chase, funny

We had a two and a half year relationship..Lot of fighting going on...
A couple of days b4 Valentine's day he tells me he is going for a trip to another town in Romania, to some friend of his, but I shouldn't call him there, because he wants to give RESET to our relationship and we would start afresh when he is back.
The day before Valentine's he dumps me on messenger!
His reason, I am tragic, jealous and crazy..And, poor thing, he can't go on anymore.

Couple of weeks later, coincidence!, I see him on the streets with a new girl, holding hands, acting all in love, taking picture and stuff..
I was on the other part of a big boulevard.
Curiosity seizes me, i wanted to confront it, or, truth be told, to see what she was like. So I trY crossing that busy boulevard, cars honking, the whole gamut...
But surprise, surprise, they spot me!!
For a second they stop and laugh pointing a finger at me(well at least that's how I remember it) and THEN the coward starts running dragging the poor girl along.
I run too, they run faster, they hide beyond a barrack, i lose sight.

Lol, that was pretty traumatic at the moment, but at least i can laugh about it now..
whereas for my ex, he did me a world of good for leaving:P

MoChica

December 15, 2014 @ (LA)

Tags: the flowers he gave me wilted as fast as our relationship

We met at a meltdown in the desert, a camp where people just sit around and do drugs and get creative. One of the first things I noticed was that he was really easy to talk to.

After the trip, he asked me out on a date. Things progressed too quickly -- by the third date, he was saying he was in love with me. I didn't really mind, it was cool to meet someone who seemed really sure of what he wanted (that's what I told myself).

There were a lot of red flags, but I'm a procrastinator and I like to enjoy the ride until the car breaks down. Three months in, he wasn't as nice to talk to as I thought.

After I broke up with him, he left an apologetic voice mail. It made me have second thoughts and when I called him back to ask if he wanted a compromise-- he turned it around to make it seem like he didn't care, and that he was breaking up with me. That's fine-- he can have the upperhand, but I was just sad he would say something like that to hurt me. I'm glad I called back, it made it really clear I shouldn't have been with him.

Suddenly, all the dialogue in our past conversations became transparent-- his intentions with his words and actions were to always assert dominance.

Maybe it was because he was bullied so much when he was a kid. Maybe it was because he grew up really poor and now was trying to pass off as a sophisticated cosmopolitan. He would always brag about how he had the best taste in food, art and culture. It was cringeworthy at times-- a borderline charlatan.

Good bye dudie, I hardly knew ye.

Shayla2

October 13, 2015 @ (Somewhereintheus)

Tags: breakup

I met him online. He was different than my abusive ex-husband or any of the other pigs I had "dated" after ending it with my ex-husband. He seemed stable and career driven. We were inseparable yet we made a long distance relationship work for 3 yrs. He would come and see me every weekend. It felt normal. No arguing, no stress.I thought it was how a relationship was supposed to be. He got out of the military and moved in with me. We talked about a future but not in this way, not this soon. He had a hard time finding work and I found myself taking care of him financially and emotionally. He became like a 4th child. Things changed between us but not in a drastic way. He was married when I met him. He was going through a divorce but not on his own accord. Deep down inside, he did not want the divorce from his wife even though she did. He secretly took care of her even though he had no money to take care of himself. He continued to lie to me for years about his intentions with getting a divorce and every lie seemed believable. I held on because he was living with me and giving me more than he gave her. After 4 yrs of no divorce and no real commitment (Ring), I started to raise questions. He became nervous and fearful of losing what we had. He did the stupidest thing that sent our relationship spiraling. He proposed to me with a fake ring and lied to me about the value of the ring. His intentions may have been pure but his motives were not. He was fearful that I would ask him to move out and he had to do something to secure his spot in my home. It was only a matter of time (1 day) that I realized the ring was fake. He still lied about it. The lies continued for months about anything and everything to include the divorce that he "supposedly filed" but never did. Each lie drove me further away from him until it came to the point that I asked him to move out. It was a hard step for me because although I did not enjoy the lies, I enjoyed the companionship when I wanted/needed it and I enjoyed the security that he offered. He moved out with hopes that we would be back together. After he moved out, I realized how much I did not miss the lies and the stupidity he brought into my life. I realized we were not the perfect match that I thought we were. We still keep in touch but he thinks there is hope for us and there isn't. I have closed that chapter in my life ( I think anyways).

Theo

June 01, 2015 @ (Atlanta)

Tags: Awesome

Wasn't really my breakup but I was involved in it. Go back 14 years, my best friend and I were both 16 years of age. He had a girlfriend who was unworldly beautiful, like a model, and let's face it - who wouldn't be attracted to a young Jessica Alba?

One night, we were to a club and we all got a bit tipsy, I ended up slamming my mate more and more drinks and then ended up having sex with his hot girlfriend. He didn't find out at the time, but we kept going at it behind his back - probably about 6 times a week for the rest of the time they were together? They were together about 3 years lol. They broke up because I came clean to my mate and he respected me for that so we remained best friends. I told myself that I wouldn't touch his girl the next time he gets one.

Fast forward back to current time. My best friend recently just got married six months ago and again... his, now, wife looks like Natalie Portman. I mean... who wouldn't want to tap that ass? Anyway, after they returned from their honeymoon, he told me that he hasn't had sex with his wife since the wedding and that they were a little 'dry' (whatever that meant). So I decided to go to talk to her about what was going on, when my mate went to work the next day. BAM! Ended up shagging her on the kitchen table. We would go at it for hours when my mate was at work and we'd do this like three-four times a week.

A couple of weeks later, my mate tells me that they still aren't having sex. So I go back to her and tell her that she has to have sex with him at least once... Next day, my mate comes to me and asks me "How did you do it?! We finally had sex!" So I congratulate him. Then, he complains to me that he had to do it in a rubber and that he shouldn't have to now that he's married.

Last week we were at it again, this time on their couch and after I came in her, she tells me that she's pregnant with my kid. I tell her that she's crazy and it's probably her husbands (I pretty much knew it wasn't his - I probably had more sex with her in a week than he had with her in his entire life...)

Next day, my mate comes to me really happy and says that he's going to be a pappy and not sure how it happened as he's only had sex with her once after the wedding and it was using a rubber. I quickly ensure him that the rubber must have broken and that the kids is his to which he believes LOL!

I'm still banging his wife when he's at work several days a week and she's about to have my kid in three months! I haven't had a relationship with no strings attached as much as this ever! And I just wanted to tell you guys out there how good this is. I'm still best mates with him, I'm having a blast banging his hot wife and she's about to have my kid which my best mate will bring up free of charge!

Will

October 13, 2009 @ (Boston)

Tags: Online whale

I started an online relationship with this women from Canada. After several months of talking online and on the phone she suggested we meet and arranged for me to come visit her. She paid my whole way there. When I finally got there I discovered she had greatly exaggerated her appearance(by a good 100lbs) and that she lived with her family in a small apartment. After suffering threw sex with the whale for a week(with her creepy brother listening in) I finally got out of there and home trying to figure out how to break this off. 1 week later she gave me the perfect out, a ridiculous ultimatum. There is this game I like to play that she doesn't, she thought I was addicted and told me "It's me or the game" I happily said the game and cut off all ties with her

Carmen

May 29, 2014 @ (United States)

Tags: break-up, annoying, bad person

We were juniors in college when we finally started dating. We'd been friends for a few months and had attended some social functions on campus together. Unfortunately for him, Tom had a terrible reputation on campus, not for being a player or anything, but for being a terrible person in general. My friends constantly reinforced this information before I agreed to date him exclusively. I questioned him about the various rumors regarding him and his only answers involved: "I don't remember," or "That's all in the past." I was extremely skeptical that anyone could change that fast (we'd only been in school for a couple of years!) but I wanted to see who he was for myself so I agreed to go out with him. The next six months were filled with depression and anger for me for a lot for a lot of reasons. For one thing, he would talk about problems we were having with a mutual female friend rather than talking to me about them. I didn't know I was in a threesome! He was a terrible communicator in general. When talking to his friends or an audience, he would be charming, but when talking to my friends or meeting my family, he was incredibly awkward. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if he were shy, but he was able to hold perfect conversations with complete strangers. On top of all this, I witnessed him lying to other people's faces, including his friends and family. Because of this, I knew for sure that he could not be trusted. Around the three-month mark, we exchanged "I love you's" and around that time, the little affection he was showing me was slowly wearing down. He never complimented me much anyway (except when we were making out), but those just stopped. Our time together was mainly spent making out once a week in his dorm even though I insisted that we should spend time talking and bonding in other ways. I guess he thought that because I was in love with him I was going to tolerate that. And I did for another two months before telling him that I'd been feeling neglected and that he wasn't keeping up his end of the compromise (He told me he'd be more open emotionally if I agreed to make out with him more). He told me it was hard and that that was the way he'd always been. No effort. No anything. He was the first person I'd done ANYTHING physical with and that was hard for me, but I was willing to try and compromise. He didn't try at all. During month six, I dumped him while we were on a walk. He was shocked. I did cry the weekend afterward, but I quickly realized how much happier I was without him in my life. I couldn't believe how being involved with him could make me feel so lonely and depressed. I've been single for a month now and while it sucks sometimes, I know I'm mentally in a better place now. I learned that it's better to be alone than with the wrong person.

James

January 17, 2014 @ (Australia)

Tags: Bad breakup, Sad, feeling lost and confused

We actually met when I was with my ex at the time a gf of almost 3 years and we were not happy at all and I was going to break up with ex. While out walking my dog I met a really cool chick in whom I had a connection with and shared alot of interests. Anyway over bumping into her on walks over a series of months some things happened and took place that seemed like fate and like were mean't to be together so I took a chance and ended it with my ex for another chance to be happy with a girl that appeared to be my "most ideal". We hung out and had an instant connection, strongest intital connection I've ever had with a girl ever ! Although when were hanging out (not dating yet) she told me a story how she has problems hugging her own parents and with displaying public affection, which waved a red flag in my head but I ignored it. We started dating but we rushed things along way too fast which was bad. We spend a whole week together never happier by the two week mark she had moved in with me and "we" and our dogs were all getting along and it was the best times ever we had plans for the future because everything felt right and mean't to be. In the 2 months I was dating her we were so happy and she was affectionate then 6 days days ago she was so distant no kissing no cuddling no touching, sex virtually no talking at all, almost nothing at all, this went on for about 7 days I couldn't understand it ? I am missing a point here she had troubles with affection in general as I found out. She never displayed affection in public except a few hand holdings under sufference though she was really affectionate behind closed doors. She kept telling me I am not a normal girl and I don't like affection and had excuses for no longer wanting to kiss and cuddle or even spend any time at all together really. Prior to this she was very affectionate for almost the 2months even though she said she has problems with affection. So I ended up making the decision to break up with her yesterday, I still don't understand what happened she was with me almost all the time and had no car so she never cheated also appeared very genuine and sweet, I don't know why she completely shut off and all affection and caring and everything was just suddenly gone. Our breakup was messy she was really cold and sarcastic and I said you owe me an explanation..what happened why were you happy and affectionate for 2 months and now nothing, just shut off and distant ? she said "I dont owe you s@#t ! " and eventually "I just don't have one an explanation an answer I wish I did" just before I broke up with her she posted on facebook I don't know if I'll ever be affectionate like everyone else is.....I should of seen all this coming from spotting the first red flag indicating the sign that she has problems with affection. Right now I kind of feel lost and confused and I will never have the satisfaction of knowing what happened, what changed, I'll never understand it !