Searching for "heart"

316 Results For 'heart'

Gaia

May 02, 2013 @ (Berkeley Ca)

I met him in college. We had been through a lot with our exes but found someway to be there for each other. Our friendship started off innocent, we had no intention of being together, although i suspected we were both attracted to one another. But we were the best of friends, we spent every day together, talking, exploring, studying, struggling to eat on a broke college student's budget. He was my best friend and I could tell him any and everything. However things changed, one day when I was getting ready to head home for my sister's graduation he and I went to hang out and unexpectedly admitted our feelings for each other. I was so happy that day, i felt like flying. He told me he could imagine us being together in the future. So I went back to my hometown that night not knowing what was to happen between us but I was pleased and he was too. We gave each other butterflies and everything felt so new and fresh between us. I was in love with my best friend.
We never decided to be together, it would be too complicated for us to place a title on our feelings, he and I had just gotten out of our own relationships and thought it would be easier to hold off being together "officially" and just enjoy one another.
We experimented sexually and had a spiritual connection like no other. We had each other's back and spent every day together
But as time progressed, it became difficult for me to be stuck in uncertainty about where our relationship was headed. I began to feel insecure and jealous sometimes, in which I acknowledged and tried to solve by seeing the love in everything and everyone around us. I did not tell him about my jealousies and insecurities, because I knew those feelings were reflection of myself and my fears. However, he began to change... began pushing me away and becoming insensitive to how some of the things he did and said made me feel uncomfortable. I became sad all of the time and would cry and feel hurt.
Then one day we had a talk, I told him how I was feeling and he told me he had feelings for someone else. He was being 100% honest with me (which is a habit of ours) and also said that he did not want to go farther than just having a crush on another girl because he loved me.
Nevertheless, as the semester began to sweep me away to travelling around for work and school and family, he began to hang around the other girl more frequently in my absence. Then he told me that he told her about his feelings for him and she returned those feelings.
So I had enough. I broke things off with him, i told him that we should just be friends... I cant take feeling like this anymore. Regardless of how much we love each other. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I can't deal with it. I wish him joy and happiness and love and I hope he can figure out what he wants. Although thinking about this still makes my heart constrict and tears flood my eyes, i am moving forward. <3

Lonely Lifelong

April 08, 2013 @ (canada)

Tags: Lonely lifelong

This guy was with me for almost a year,but it doesn't matter to me how long or short,i loved him with all my heart and thats what matters,he was my first love and i cant express how much i loved him,what didnt i do for him....but i never asked for more then his love,all i needed was his love,but maybe he never did.

i begged him,pleaded him,but he never replied for anything,sometimes i think that the time we have been togather was a lie,we were never meant to be,i cant believe he did this to me,he has made me feel like the luckiest girl,and on the top of the universe,he made me believe he loved me like anything,but he never did,i wonder how could he do this to me?my only question is why?

Now i only have one of his most beautiful memories we shared,that reminds me of the times we had,our girl baby,she is the most beautiful thing i've seen,when we brokeup i didnt knw i was pregnant,after he left me i came to know and i was really happy,i tried to contect him,but he never listened,he doesn't even know that there is a baby,he even doesn't know where we are,i don't want him to know also,he betrayed me,cheated me.

The feeling of keeping the baby inside me was the most amazing,the way it grew,every second reminded me of him,i still do want him,really badly,lastweek my girly for the first time called dada,and tears filled my eyes,she is very alike to her father,those eyes,those soft lightbrown straight hair,she is only one and half,her small feets put little steps towards me,her every thing reminds me of him,and it makes me happy too.

i wish he would be happy,successfull,and he gets the love he wants,god bless him everyway,i loved him,love him,and will go on loving him forever,now my problem is my bestfriend wants me,but i never thought about loving anyone after him,its not that i didn't try,i did,but cant,i believe its better not to love than loving someone who'll never love you back,i feel as if you love soomeone you will pay for it your lifelong......

So though i am alone,its better to be alone,and live a lonelylife,the reason i am living only is for my babydaughter,she is my life,in my every breath she exists,nothing can harm her as long as i live,i have never let her even fall simply,i've kept her in my arms and looked after her,she is the reason i am,all i am is for her,and i will never let her go through what i went,i've promised this to my self since i knew she was within me.....

i love you my darling,my baby,my girl,my only princess...

Edan

March 29, 2013 @ (san diego)

Tags: ?

My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me and I am devastated . This was my first relationship and I feel an immense heartache. I feel I'm to blame because of my anger and distrust when he didn't give me a reason to. People say he'll come back but I highly doubt it. It hurts everyday and its barely been a week. I know he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like this feeling will never go away. Everything reminds me of him. I still love him. If he loved me, where did that love go? Or was it never love. If I could turn back time I would because I'm filled with regret, sadness and regret. What hurts more is he's already moving on. Love sucks.

Kali

March 24, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: not understanding, sadness.

I figure typing this out would probably do good for my heart, so I have decided to tell you all about my quite recent (only a few hours ago but still had enough time to linger in my head) breakup.

This boy was literally my childhood friend. Bad idea, I know, but I digress. He meant the world to me as a kid, and we just recently re-met each other after not speaking for years. The chemistry was sorta ... instant.

However, obviously, it didn't last.
We spent the few days we were together talking, and talking, and talking. I actually felt like he really cared about me. Just the mentioning of his name made me smile and blush.

He and I had so much in common, we still do. Our religious beliefs, music, art..
I thought I had really made it good, that for once, someone would stay with me.

Obviously that couldn't happen.
I get a text late into the night - and it said it was him, and that he wanted to end our relationship because he "wasn't ready for one." Me, usually reacting quite the opposite of how I normally would've, take the passive approach toward him, saying "I'm fine, I understand."

I later on then cried, and cried, and then something quite stupid. Cut myself. I couldn't sleep, due to the pain in my legs (one of the places I had decided to cut,) and my little depression I had going on.

So to any girl, or boy, or whomever is going through a breakup, don't get to down. We're just one step closer to finding our one ticket to happiness.
Regardless as to however they broke up with you, it happened for a reason. Heck, you never know, you could end up with them again in the future.
You just gotta wait it out and roll your dice.

~Kali

Nameomitted

March 19, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: break up, long distance

We were never really official but this feels like a break up to me. We met in November. He was a military guy, no car, was leaving in a couple months. So at first we kept it casual. When he left on holiday leave we were both expecting him to return--he never did. Even though it was just a fling, it felt so unfinished. We'd text almost every day. At one point he said he missed me, and so I brought up the possibility of an LDR. We talked about the cost and how often we'd get to see one another, but in the end he said he hated LDRs, which I interpreted as a no. Yet we kept in touch, and I wanted to see him so badly. I wanted it more than I have wanted anything, I was so sprung on this guy. So I flew out to visit him last week. But I felt like he kept holding back, which in turn made me nervous. I froze up, and the entire week was a mix of silence and awkwardness. There were moments where we'd liven up, and we were only able to soften up physically--not just sex, but touches, caresses, neck rubs. The physical connection wasn't as crazy raw as I remembered it being, but we were still good together. It was still hot. However, I think my quietness got to him, and by the end of the week we were both exhausted. I could tell that he had run out of patience, and I had tired myself out by silently worrying and wondering and panicking. By the time I left we just waved goodbye. No hug, no kiss, not even a handshake.

On one hand, while I was out there I was noticing things about him that I didn't see before, and I would think to myself, "Hmm... no, I don't think we'd work as a couple." I know that we wouldn't. We have the same interests, and we're physically compatible. We're both thoughtful and affectionate. But intellectually, we don't really connect. Maybe I'm a little too independent for him? I don't know. We have different values. I actually found him to be kind of boring most of the time. He probably thought the same of me. I don't think we're actually boring people, but we tend mute each other out for some reason. But even with all that, it was one of the hardest break-ups I've had. Maybe because I was so invested in the dream of him, in the possibility, in the romantic star-crossed-lovers feel of the whole situation. That and my ego is kind of bruised. I was in love with his body, that's for sure.

I wanted it to be him, you know? I wanted him to tell me he wanted to work something out. I wanted to move clear across the country for him. I loved it out there and would love the adventure of it all, but I'm not going to lie that having him out there with me was the top reason I wanted to move. I wouldn't be alone. I have family and friends out there, so it wouldn't have been JUST for him. I guess I could still move if I wanted to, even if we never spoke again...

I hate that I get moody and distant when emotion overwhelms me. I shut off, and in those times it's nearly impossible for me to communicate how I'm feeling. When I panicked, I would push him away. That's one of the things I regret the most. I wasn't at my best, as hard as I tried. I feel... not good enough. Disheartened. The day he dropped me at the airport I still had a 2 hour wait, on top of a 6 hour flight. And I was fighting back tears the whole time. And I still have my spells of utter sadness.

In my heart, I know it's for the best. I know that I'll get over it, like I always do. I know that in time I'll look back and be able to see that it was a fun experience, and I'll be able to see how much I learned from it all. But right now, in the thick of it, it's a struggle to get through the day. I just want to go home and curl up and cry. But I have to work, and go to class, and be mature. And I don't want to annoy my friends and family by ranting and venting all the time, so I came here... It kind of helps, sharing this with strangers. So thanks.

Ii_Duu

March 13, 2013 @ (HeartBreakHotel)

Tags: break up avenue

We dated for a little over a year. He was literally my everything. I didn't have any friends due t0 terrible experiences in the past s0 my only sociable activity was hanging with him and, on occassion, his friends. I don't even know what to tell you bout the break up. We'd have a fight over something stupid and, as usual, he lost his temper and walked away. This was something I had begged him n0t to do because it really hurt and humiliated me having to run after him even though he rejected me all the time. I made every effort to keep the relationship working. Even when he walked away, I had t0 drive after him c0s I was worried (he lives 26kms away fr0m me and wanted t0 walk home at night). While I was chasing him, he told me to leave him alone, and that he doesn't know me. I was crushed. But I couldn't keep chasing him. I had a class I was already late for (because him) and I had t0 leave. S0 I left him. Then he messaged me the next day saying I d0nt care about him and I'm proving to him how I don't love him. Then he deleted me. I called him and tried to explain but he hung up on me after saying that he doesn't care; I must do whatever I want. That hurt. I always asked him to make an effort to fix things even though he's mad but he didn't. He let his pride be more important than me. Its been difficult to let g0 but I'm doing it. I asked all my relatives to delete him and I blocked all his profiles and deleted all his numbers. He's taken me for granted for too long. And even though sometimes I just break down c0s I can't help it, I know that as long as I'm breathing, I will be okay. And he will soon realise that he lost the person who would've sold her heart for him.

Keller Connley

February 17, 2013 @ (Milford, Ohio)

Tags: First Girlfriend, Betrayel

Hello everyone. My name is Keller Connley, and this is the story of how my first girlfriend broke my heart. It was freshman year, and the homecoming was coming up. I was very desperate and asked a lot of girls to come with me, but they all said no. Finally, I asked this girl who I had only seen a few times during school, and she was in my math class. So, a week before homecoming, I asked her, and she said, "I'll, think about it." The next day, she told me yes I will go with you and gave me her number. Later that night, when we were texting, she told me that she had a boyfriend. I was shocked, since I would have never asked her if I had known. She said to not worry, because she wanted to break up with her anyway. So she did that, and a few days later we were going out. Homecoming was extremely fun and I had a great time with her.

So, during our time together, we did things, like go to the movies and hung out at my dads place. We didn't go all the way, since we were in ninth grade and both Christians. The furthest I went was halfway between 2nd and 3rd base.

We did this for eight months, but I started to realize that there were cracks in the relationship. We stopped spending every second of school outside of class together, and we also didn't text as much as before, since I had broken my phone.

The straw that broke the camels back, however, was in fact my best friend for 3 years. He got jealous, and somehow convinced me she was cheating on me, and convinced me to give him her number. That was on Sunday May 6th 2012. She confronted me the next day, and started asking me weird questions. Apparantly, my friend had told her lies, such as that I watched gay porn, and that I had my eyes on this black girl in school. I dismissed these lies, and life was normal again. However, on May 12th and 13th, when we talked over the phone, she told me that she had feelings for my friend. On May 14th, when school started, she broke up with me, and shattered my heart. I later found out that she had asked out my friend no more than 19 minutes later. My birthday was that Saturday.

For the following 2 weeks, I broke down in tears many times, both in and out of class. She in my opinion is being controlled by him because he has threatened me with violence, and the few times I have been able to speak to my ex, she tells me, " I shouldn't be talking to you. Randy is very jealous, and I don't want him to hurt you."

Now, since it's been almost a year, I am going to try and talk to her again. What do you guys and gals think I should do?

Lilly

January 23, 2013 @ (Kansas city mo)

Tags: heartbroken

In may I broke up with my boyfriend and I finally got over it and in October I notice a Guy in my English class and he was really nice and cute. So we started talking more and then we starting huggin everyday like a ritual. But recently I found out that he said I wasn't thick enough and that I was too pushy and I feel like crap again and I just want to be over it but now he has a GF and it hurts so much. :'(

Drew H

January 18, 2013 @ (Indiana)

Tags: unreal, how could she

Man where to begin. I'm now 23. Dated my ex (EK) for a little over 2 years. We went to college together and spent 95% of nights together. She graduates and gets a job 2.5 hours away, but we were solid. We told each other we loved the other and consistently talked about living together after I graduated.

We see each other about 2/3 of weekends and still go strong. Then one day when I go to visit here, out of nowhere, she sits me down and tells me she doesn't think it is going to work out. I'm heartbroken, but am able to calm down and talk it through. she admits to not seeing the whole story and changes her mind relatively quickly and we have a good weekend together.

A few days later, she messages me and expresses how depressed she is. I try to calm her down, but she loses it and says she isn't going to talk to me until after thanksgiving (1 week). When we do talk, she says she wants to discuss all our issues. I agree to meet on my way back to school.

We talk. It wasn't the most pleasant, but we salvage the weekend and have a good 1.5 days together. Then on Wednesday, after a bad day of work, she says she can't do it and says she gonna breakup with me in person at my apartment. I dont wait around. I buy flowers and chocolate and surprise her at her apartment. We talk that night and have a plan to spend a weekend at my school together. I spend the night.

We wake up at 6:30 am (she has to work) and she breaks up with me. I am forced to drive 2.5 hours and go straight class after losing the girl I was in love with.

I do the right thing and leave her alone for a month. No birthday text or any contact from her in December. I call in Jan to initiate a conversation. No response. I try again a few days later. No response. She sends me a FB message saying to stop contacting her. Before I read this, I am meeting with a different ex (KD) for advice. I go to the bathroom during lunch with KD and she takes my phone and grabs EKs phone number and starts texting her. It is not until later that I find out about this after EK accusses KD of actually being me (aka me having 2 phone numbers) and threatens to call the police if i show up at her door.

I send her a FB explaining the deal and telling her how inappropriate she is behaving. She doesn't respond. I randomly run into her the next weekend on campus and she is a wreck and acts incredibly miserable, even though she is dating a guy she became "friends" with right before we broke up.

I will likely never know the truth because she has not answered anything I have texted her. All I have been told is that she was unhappy for a long time and led me on for about 6 months. I have taken the higher road, but it's tough not knowing what went wrong with the girl I loved.

Ariana

November 05, 2012 @ (Brooklyn)

Tags: @neveragain

I couldn’t possibly say all the things I wanted to say off the top of my head to you in person so I wrote them down. There are no words to describe how incredibly disappointed and betrayed I feel by you. For once in my life I am able to say that this situation deems me being entirely selfish and not think about anyone else for a chance. Meaning that I really do not care about your feelings or whatever friendship you think you can offer me after this.
You said you were my friend, you said that I was a special person and that you would never want to lose me as a friend. Where was that feeling when you decided to start dating a mutual friend? Someone I considered living with? Someone I would have to constantly see you with in our when our friends hang out? In the library? Where were those morals you held me so high to? You flipped out enough to make me feel like shit when I started dating someone new when we broke up and he wasn't even your friend! The amount of shit that I have put up with because of you is enough to leave me scarred for life. You have hurt me so many times that I’ve stopped counting. There were nights when I lived with my mom that my grandmother heard me crying after an argument with you. I lost all shame when I was with you. But that was not the only thing I lost. I lost trust in other men, I lost self-value, I lost my morale as a woman. Slowly but surely you killed so much in me. But that is not why I am upset or angry with you because I had let that all go. I am mad at you because you tricked me into believing you cared about me and that we were real friends. You lied to me and completely disrespected me and insulted me as a woman. You even threw a jealous temper tantrum after my birthday! You had already started dating her! how dare you?? I thought that if there was anything that we got out of our disfunctional f*cked up relationship was your evolution from a dirtbag who hates women to an actual caring human being. It killed me to see you so hurt and angry at women. Because I thought that in using them like you did, you were just hurting yourself. But I was wrong. You will not change and you live your life to hurt the women around you, to walk around thinking first of your dick rather than your heart. Or even less, hers. I am not your friend, because you do not consider me your friend. I am just former property that you want to keep tabs on. It is sad that I lost who I thought was a friend, but it is even sadder because you lost a genuine friend due to selfishness, arrogance and stupidity. I want to forgive you but I am so hurt and angry right now that I can’t, you don’t deserve it.