For Mike And Tiffany

December 30, 2010 @ (Arizona)

Tags: suicide, secretary


Dear Mike, Since you refuse to take my calls and you have blocked my email, I am left with no options but this. I know you will read this, because you chose to end our relationship on this site and I know you enjoy reading these things. First, I was devastated when you disappeared on Christmas Eve, so much so I had a spontaneous miscarriage. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I was going to tell you everything on Christmas morning, sort of your present from me. Mike, my dearest love, the reason I had been eating so much, and gaining weight was because I was pregnant with our child. When we were in Milan, I hadn't taken my birth control for a while. That was on purpose. After out fight in August about having kids, I really thought about it, and I decided to make some changes in my life. I wanted to show you I was committed to you, so I made the decision to get pregnant. (That is why those sheets were special to me. Our baby was conceived on them.) I'm so sorry that I just didn't tell you sooner, but I wanted to be sure I could carry it to term. Mike, I was so scared about bringing a child into this messed up world. When I lost my parents at 6 years old, I promised I would never make my children grow up the way I did. That is why I told you I never wanted to have a child. Mike, I'm sorry, I was afraid I would fail as a parent. And now, I'm sorry, I have done exactly that. Mike, they did all they could, but she was just too early. She lived for a few minutes, just long enough for me to hold her. Mike, she was so beautiful. She had your nose. I could see both of us in her tiny face. I named her Sarah Rose, after your G-Mom.
Mike, please forgive me for not telling you everything sooner. I did so want to make this Christmas a new beginning for us. I had already told Max, I was quitting after the new year. That is why I was pushing Tiffany so hard; she was to take my place when I left the company. Please tell her to call Max, the job is still hers.
Mike, I just wanted you to know, you are and will always be my forever love. I never wanted anything in this world but to make you happy. I realize now I have failed at that too.
You asked for a present for Tiff's and your child. So here it is. I've left everything to you, the house in Tahoe will be paid off, and everything else is here in Scottsdale. I've signed everything into your name. I've always known I never "fit" in this world, and now that you are gone, I see no reason to continue this charade. I wish all three of you all the happiness possible.
Please go to the bird lady's house and get Pete and Polly. I told her they now belong to you. I am going now to be with our little girl. Maybe, if there really is a heaven, we will all be together some day. Until then, I will always be loving you and looking over you. My dearest love, farewell.


       


 

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