Tags: indecisive, indecision, flip flop, back and forth
It is apparently over. It feels that way. I have not been able to say the words to her though I think my heart feels it is.
It isn't that I don't love her, its that I am so unsure of what I want for my life that my instincts (or my goddamn brain) won't let me find clarity. Maybe that means I don't love her...I dunno. Or maybe I don't need clarity and I'm just ignoring my instincts which say that this relationship can not work considering the re-evaluation I am undertaking.
I haven't been able to wholeheartedly agree on the direction she would like life to go in...it mostly the children issue. But its not because I'm so against it or worried she isn't good enough to build a life with. I just haven't found a way to say yes or no, to reconcile what I want with what she does so maybe the indecisiveness is my answer.
Even if it means that I change my mind a year from now, I think the answer is "no I can't be what you need and deserve right now." If that's the case and she has a clearer plan for her life, I should let her go so she can find it with someone else. It may be the worst decision of my life and I may regret it but I just can't see a way to put love, attention and energy into this relationship AND try to figure my own shit out.
Part of me feels plain dumb for not having figured myself out at 33, but part of me also doubts that every married with kids person really gave it all as much thought and followed their instincts either. It feels so odd to not inherently agree with the way society goes about relationships, marriage, kids and just maturing in general. Everyone feels like they are on auto-pilot with their life choices. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about my indecision.
I think in many ways my spirit is flawed, broken...but not irreparable. I will take the time to ask my heart what it really wants and I will keep asking until it responds....because it will. It wants me to be happy and maybe it doesn't even yet know what it wants but when it does, I will fight for it with all I can. I only have one known chance at living. I've got to try and live as best I can. I hate that I don't know that she could represent living life the best way I can, but if we are done and it was a mistake, it just feels like a mistake I have to make, otherwise I am doomed to create the same indecision and same mistakes time and time again.
Tags: Pain, Drifting apart
I met him just over 2 years ago, on my first day at a new high school. I was 15, and he was 16. He was amazing. He was literally my everything. I started failing all my classes, because I was so preoccupied with him. I was so insanely in love with him. Everything was perfect. We were perfect. For a year we were together. He was my best friend. We were so happy together, all the time. Everybody told us how perfect we were for each other. I gave him my virginity, and him me. He was the only person I'd ever loved. And then.. all the sudden things changed. Right around the one year mark, things started crashing down. We realized that soon, high school would be over for him, and he would be leaving. We talked about moving out together when I turned of age, but that brought up the issue of marriage. He didn't want to be married so soon, and he didn't want children. I didn't want to be married then either, but in the future, I did. I also wanted children.. After that, things stopped being amazing. We stopped talking to each other. I mean, we still talked daily, but we never said what needed to be said. After a month of being together simply because it was the easiest option, I ended it. Today, actually. I still love him, with all my heart, but things changed, we both became two completely different people along the way.. Somewhere in the mess off it all I realized that maybe the point in me loving him wasn't for us to be together forever.. Maybe it was to teach me that somethings just aren't meant to be, no matter how much you try and force it.
Tags: 1
I met the love of my life 6 years ago, the most perfect guy. We both had gone through a break up so we used to talk everyday, eventually we started dating. We had 6 years of the most perfect relationship, never fought only grew into mature people together. We were always there for each other, even spent a majority of our relationship on two different continents. We come from two different cultures and I guess that was a difference which was minor to us because a big issue for his family. His parents esp his mom wanted me to change in many ways I couldn't and so she pretty much emotionally blackmailed him into marrying a very traditional girl. I'm so heart broken i'm not mad at him because I know first hand how controlling and abusive his mother is. I feel sad for him and I feel sad that two people who are so perfect for each other who brought out the best in each other can't be togeher. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but all i want is just to see him again to be in his arms. I miss the comfort of being in a relationship. I miss my best friend. May he be happy always.
Tags: Cheating, Heartbroken
I have been with her for 3 years, last year and a half has been rocky, shes lied more than once and kept thigns from me, even asked my bestf friends gf to lie to me, but all in all she was mine, and a near perfect girl. One night after my best friend told me shes been lying to me and smoking weed then telling friends to not tell me. I realized the girl i had trusted with everything lies to me, and we had a fight that night, I ended up cheating on her that night at a part... a month later we r together and after awhile she says she doesnt want this anymore, what i did hurts her to much and she wants to live a single life. I was completely heartbroken. The next morning she sends a txt saying im sorry I made a mistake I listen to my friends to much plz take me back. So i do only to be broken up with the neixt day. She comes to me and says we had a great day but Im not in love with you anymore. My world is upside down guys... Shes playing with my heart at same time i deserve it.. This girl is my best friend and i was trying to give her the world. I would do anything to take that night back... anything, I must be putting her through so much, im an asshole a scumbag, that night i was.. w/e.....I lost her, My reality is that shes mine, when I look at her i cant c that she isnt... and yet she is not mine to hold, =(
Tags: Example 1
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. There is a fair age difference between us. His 26 and I'm 14 I've known him since I was about 8. I love him more then anything. And he loves me the exact same way. The age difference has always worried us. Everything was going perfectly. But then we had an argument over a phone bill, which he had made after calling my mobile off his parents house phone. I hated it when he spent money on me. Even the slightest bit. He continued to tell me how he was going to pay for it himself. Our relationship was something that no one knew about. And we planned on keeping it that way. It was long distance, but it was a sacrifice we both made. During the argument about the phone bill, he tells me how his mother found out exactly how old I am,after talking to a friend of hers from my home town. He tells me how she refuses to have him live under her roof. at this point I start to cry. Because I knew the outcome. He texted me saying how bad he felt about it, and how he felt like he had broken my heart ( that he did) but he wad going to have to think the situation through, and put our relationship on hold.I didn't reply to that message. And writing this two hours later, I don't plan to. It scares me, because his suffered depression and Suicide has been an outstanding option for him, his always told me that if he ever had to live without me he would kill himself. Lying in bed, I've deleted all his messages, and his number. The only thing stopping us is other people's opinions. I'm worried, and I miss him. I live in a small town, so it wil probably make it's way around anyways.. I really don't know what to do. His so protective, and he hates it when I talk to other boys. Even if it is just a polite conversation. The fact that my bestfriend was a boy means that I've lost him too. At the moment my phones turned off. And I'm just going to stay in bed. Just pray that he makes the right decision.
Tags: Sorry, that sucks, That's hilarious
I was dating this girl for almost 5 years. We were high school sweethearts and that continued into college. I get home from work one night and I think it's just a normal night. We are laying in bed watching whatever and she turns to me and says "(Name redacted) we need to talk." My first thought was "Fuck...what did I do now?"
So I ask her "What's up?"
Her response: "I...I found somebody else." I was floored. This was from out of nowhere. Now, as I'm sitting there, I start to think "Where did she find somebody else?" She didn't go to college. She didn't work at the time. She didn't venture out of the house unless she went somewhere with her family. Basically, I was dating a loser. So I asked "Where did you meet this guy?"
She replied, "Online." Ah, that made a lot of damn sense now. So, I ask her "Which site?" I'm thinking like eHarmony or match.com. Her response "I met him in a Harry Potter chat room." My only reaction was to laugh at her. "Are you kidding me?" I asked incredulously. She definitely was not. "What do you talk about on a Harry Potter chatroom? Did he ask you if you wanted to see his wand?" I got no response. Was I said and upset? Yes, but remember, laughter helps out when getting over such things.
Tags: Heartache
I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We had been dating for about 11 months. On our first date she told me she had slept with 25 ment which didnt bother me at first but started to bother me when we kept running into them all the time when we went out (prob 12 differnet guys) The reason i initiated the break up was because she goes out drinking once or twice a week (i used to go with her) and come back at 3 unable to talk or walk she is so drunk. she is permanently on anti depressants, her grandmother is a ragins alcholic, as is her aunt and her dad is a recovering alcohilic. i tried to tell her she had issues with alcohol but she wouldnt accept it. she cut back for a while but started up again. She blacks out almost every time she drinks. I emailed her parents with her consent telling them thaat she needed help and she has just started seeing a counsillor eery two weeks. AFter we broke up we were still texting all the time so I imposed a one week communicaiton ban to see how we both felt. Once the ban was finished we ran into each other in a bar and she said that she still really loved me and that she didnt want to be with anyone else but she just couldnt be with anyone and is convinced she is going to spend her life alone just like her aunt. I told her I loved her but she just kept saying she couldnt be with anyone. She says I deserve so musch better than her. I go home and she stays out to party. The next day I go round to hers to tell her i still love her and will never give up on her. I look through the bedroom window as she wont answer the phone and she is in bed with another guy! i am devastated. She comes out and says they didnt sleep together, just kissed at the bar and then she came home by herself and then he called her after as there was a party in her building and then he had a beer on the couch while she went to bed and then he came and slept in the bed after. Says she kept her nightie on with her underwear. I asked her to swear on my life that nothing sexual happened and she did. She crys for 4 hours the next day and says she so sorry she hurt me and she still loves me. I tell her to neer contact me again. A few days later she sends me a text saying "i just want you to know, i hope your doing ok" I didnt reply No contact since then, that was a few days ago.
Tags: heartbreak
My bf Adam and I have were together for bout a year. Just under a year. Adam was an amazing basketball player and loved the game. Around February of our senior yr he found out he got into Duke university. Since I've known him all he would talk about was how he wanted to go explore and experience new things. But somehow his mind had changed since he had been with me and said he wasn't gonna go there. He said he was gonna go to school in CA so he could be close to me. And it wasn't like he was go to a UC or CalState he was gonna go to community college like me. And this caused so much tension with us cuz I wasn't going to let him ruin his life over me an I told him I was transferring to Tennessee state soon so we would be driving distance away but he didn't believe me.
I didn't know what to do. His dad who I have only met maybe twice cuz they don't get along calls me and tells me to break up with him cuz its the only way he would leave And he was being a jerk bout it. I Don't wantbto do hthat but I loved Adam so much I was willing to let him go if it meant he would have a better future. I broke up with Adam couple weeks before our anniversary and I tried explaining why but he wouldn't hear me out. He has never said anything hurtful or malicious to me but after I broken up with him he told me to never talk to him again. I called every day yo tell him how sorry I was and I love him. H never responded.
That happened in 2010. To this day he hasn't talked to me since I broke up with him. And it breaks my heart. Last I heard he didn't go to Duke. Hes going to calstate long beach. 15 mins away from me. His dad isbto blame for this and I resent him getting involved. I was willing to make a long distance relationship work And now I lost Adam. I pray everyday That's he'll give me another chance. That's why he's in CA isbso he could he close to me and I believe we have a chance.
Ok so my ex and i had been together for 11 months everything was great at first then i left to a summer camp for a week. When i got back i could tell something was wrong.. but he just wouln't tell me wht it was. So then here we are talking on the PHONE not even in person.. nd he tells me " im tierd of you always arguing about everything i just want to not fight anymore.." nd some more BS .. he dumps me that night .. here i am crying like a dummie. BUT, wait here i am i love this kid with all my heart soo im willing to go all the way were he lives nd try to work things out. To my surprise i get their and he's getting high so i try to seduce him lol nd he gave in .. for like a million times but then after said ... " no im not a cheater i dont cheat" i was like WTF do you have a new GF? and it turns out that while i was sitting their crying my eyes out nd all those restless nights he got with this girl eathier the day he dumped me or the day after.. this happened yesterday .. i am sooo hurt and idk what to do i feel like im never going to get over him .. I HONESTLY HOPE HE GETS HIS ASS KICKED SOOOOON!!!
I'd never know that my ex was still in a relationship when he tried to date me. I wasnt interested at first but seeing his effort made my heart melted. So I accepted him in my life. Everything, of course was great at first until one night when he confessed that he was still in another relationship when we started dating.
I was so mad at first but when he explained that his ex is the one who cheated on him first and he also showed some evidence of it (text from that girl), I decided to forget about it and continued with our relationship since I already fell for him (my first love)
Few months later, I further my study in college which is about 400km from my hometown and thats mean I was away from him and could only met him once a month. While I was away, his ex kept trying to win him back and it really annoyed me to death. He said he got no feeling anymore with this girl.
So I just let it slip through my mind. However, one day, he wrongly sent a message to me which the intended user is his ex. In that msg he showed clearly how he still in love with his ex. Our relationship was on the rock. He accused me to be pushy when in fact I was not. I just demanded to know his whereabouts when he didnt call me for few days.
Next thing I know, he married the girl. and I spent 2 years and a half crying about it, when I finally moved on and didnt think about it anymore, his wife sent me a msg through fb and made me reminisce about the bad old things and made my life miserable again. I just wish that both of them will burn in hell.
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