Searching for "hurt"

281 Results For 'hurt'

Leesea W.

March 24, 2014 @ (Greensboro)

Tags: Tags: Sad break up, Miss him, Comment

I was with the guy of my dreams... So I thought. He was perfect in every way. Took me out on the best dates, and treated me well. I was planning to save myself, but I ended up giving everything up, gave the little innocence I had left to him. I thought since we connected right away that I would end up with him. I met him through the internet. The same day that we met online we met in person, I instantly felt a strong connection with him, he was charming had great eyes, smile, and laugh. He opened doors, just the perfect gentlemen. A week later, he then told me that he could not be with me, giving me a list of why not. I hated hearing it, he then dropped me off at home, when he dropped me off at home, all I could do was cry. Curious as to what had gone wrong. We ended up texting after he dropped me off, then ended up on a long phone call. The next day we hadn't texted all day. I then sent a message, opps wrong person, but it was to him, and I was meaning to send it to another person. We then ended up talking again, yes I was happy but again I felt so much anger towards him. I loved him, I fell in love with him. He had become my everything, and to this day still is. Anyways, we got back together, we talked it out, figured everything out, and I gave it to him. He almost even said that he loved me, while we were cuddled up, but he just stopped himself because he said if he said that I would hurt him, but why? I do not know. We were great, then classes started back up, and everything changed, we stopped seeing each other everyday, and the good turned into the bad again. I missed him, I wanted to see him after my late classes, but he had other plans, and wanted to do other things. I guess, he wanted his single life back, and the more he tried to cling on to what we had the further he was pushed off. I miss him, and I wish I could just get over him, and move on with my life.

A H

March 24, 2014 @ (Karachi, Pakistan)

Tags: Bad and unfortunate breakup

My girlfriend and I started going out three years ago and fell hard for each other. Even head over heels sound like an understatement. I am a 29 year old guy and I have always been a closed off person but when she and I started going out, she brought out the best in me. She made me feel like the king of the world and that I could achieve anything in this entire universe. Right around the time we started going out my father was diagnosed with throat cancer. It shook my entire existence. To find the guy you always looked up to and the authority figure in your life to be so timid and helpless. I was shaken up, then I lost my job, by profession I am a graphics designer and illustrator. We were extremely frustrated. And we decided to talk to our parents about us because we wanted to get married. A note here that she's from a well-to-do family and I am from a middle class family so the social status and lack of financial backing played a very important role when we tried talking to her parents. You need to understand another thing that in our culture we respect and listen to our parents' wishes because of how much they've done for us. and after talking to them they got furious. They took her cellphone, grounded her and we didn't talk for over a month. I know it sounds childish, but this is how our culture works. But she was resilient woman and she stood by me through all this and so did I. We spent two more years after that. My father passed away last May. And my financial situation kept getting worse and worse. Now I am at a stage where I am literally left with nothing in my account. Don't get me wrong she didn't drain me. But I was so distracted by my father's death and the trouble at her end that I couldn't pick myself up. So, a few months back she got a proposal and her father agreed to it and we discussed that since things are going in a certain way and we can't afford to hurt her parents, so we decided to break it off. I know that she loves me and she knows that I love her. I mean I have faced such problems in my life that it's beyond imagination. But this is worst feeling of all. Because I have never loved anyone or anything this much. But she's now talking to this guy her parents introduced to her and I know it's killing her but she's doing it. I want to salute this woman here and want to tell her that I love you and I will always love you. You were the best thing in my life. But I have these memories that I will take with them where ever I go.
It's funny that two people, who love each other dearly and wholly are pulled apart.

Henry

March 28, 2014 @ (Kerman, CA)

Tags: Bad break up

So I'm a guy, and I was in a gay relationship for 1 year and 8 months. It was like the perfect relationship, and I was so in love. It was my first time in a relationship and it started May of 2012 up until now. There were never really any signs that their was something wrong with us. We were always happy and loving to each other. When he moved to another state communication was hard. It was Arkansas, and I was in California. He was planning on staying over there and not coming back, but he only stayed there for only about a month because he feel into a depression and came back to be with me. We were good up until there was problems with his family and him, this was in December 2013. One day he took me to the place where we first fell for each other and told me he's going to have to move back to Arkansas because he can't take the drama here. I was sad knowing he was going to leave back again. Then when the day came on January 3 2014, he was packing all his stuff and was getting ready to leave. I told him to be with me in his room alone, and surprised him with a new cell phone so we could contact each other. He cried a lot and said thank you so much, you know my family would've never done this for me. The he hugged me for a long time crying. When he left i felt depressed, knowing he might just stay over there this time. A month later he facetimed me for the first time and we where so happy to see each other, we would text each other through facebook daily and that kept my calm. A week before valentines day i sent him a card that I personally made with all are pictures on it... Then he called two days later like normally but I screwed up the conversation. I got awkward about a topic and I wasn't talking the whole time on the phone. Then he suddenly hung up. I called him back and told him, you hung up.. And he said, yeah I did.. I said, are you made at me.. He said well what do u think, you know I hate it when you don't say anything on the phone.. So I asked, do u still want to talk to me?.. He said, not really.. I said, ok I'm sorry i really am.. He said, it's ok I'm over it already.. I'll talk to you tomorrow. The next day I got a msg from him.. It hurt me. He said, ok, yesterday u left me thinking on how long Ive been without you and managed to be fine. So I'm sorry, I don't love you anymore and before you start with that no i can do better stuff just think and be an adult. Your a great guy with a lot of love and the person who loves u is lucky, but I don't love u. I have to put my own goals first. So yeah I guess this is goodbye. It's over. I was so sad and couldn't think right.. I was left with no talk from him in a few days, we talked but it was nothing like we would normally talk to each other.. Then a week passed with no talking, and then yesterday the 27 of February, his best friend from here came to my house to facetime him, I let them talk by themselves but I called his friend over to talk to me real quick. I told here to put the earphones on but don't plug them in.. He told her to put in earphones so nobody would hear what he was about to say. So she put them on but didn't plug them in and I was secretly on the side of her, but he didn't know. He said to her through facetime, ok, I don't have a lot of time but that guy me and josh we broke up. He was pulling that whole act that Henry did and i was like been there done that, I don't know what we are, I think we're just friends but now I'll stick to school I guess. But when I'm 18, I'll try a few dates every now and then....... After I heard that whole thing I was heart broken. To know that he dated someone 3 days after we broke up made me feel like shit, I felt like I didn't matter i felt like I was nothing. How can u go into a relationship real quick after breaking up a almost 2 year relationship.. I doesn't make sense, his friend told him a heard everything and he was like in shock because he didn't want me to know. I talked to him later that day just us two. I asked him if that whole time that we facetimed and before when he was crying and about to move.. If he still loved? me that whole time. He said no, he had no feelings for me and he was just being nice and didn't know how to break it to me. So we just ended it for good and that was that. I feel betrayed, lost, confused, depressed.. I don't know how I'll get over my first love, my everything. I built a foundation for us, only for me having to take it down... It's hard. We have had so many loving memories in my home town it's hard not to think about it.. I go to the place where we felt for each other, it hurts. But I feel close to him when I'm there. I still love him. I can't hate him because he showed me many things in life, basically helped me out A LOT. But i do hate his poor choices and the people that might of influenced him to go in a relationship after ours. I thank and love him for being there when I needed him there, he's my best friend and the only person that gets me like no one else. He told me we can't be friends because I still have feelings for him. He said once i loose those feelings and find someone else, we can be friends. I probably won't hear from him in a long time because he's deactivating everything he's on, like Facebook.etc. if i do find someone else, I'll probably have feelings for him still.. And would have to lie that I don't. I don't know how to manage now.. It's really hard to deal with and I find myself crying constantly. The term that I always used,(Always

Chris

March 20, 2014 @ (england)

Tags: bad breakup, sad, confusing, emotional,

My relationship lasted just shy of 3 years, what would have been our 3 year anniversary was feb 4th, when we first got together I told her I was joining the army, she knew this was coming we were together for 5 months before I left for basic training, but we called every night and everytime we got together was amazing, I then got posted to a working unit at around our 2 year point, she was happier because I was home near every weekend then she decided she wanted more out of life and wanted to go to uni, which I fully supported, she was there for her first term of 3 months, so for 3 months It was never a good time to see her, I was either duty on weekend or she had an assignment needed doing without distraction, so the time came, Christmas leave 2013 I was so excited, and there was no clues or indication the breakup was coming, we were both still messaging each other as much as usual, planning Christmas all of that, finally got off the bus and saw her, I was soo happy I couldn't stop kissing and hugging her, she was a little off with me all day, that night I said "we're ok aren't we?" Then it was silent and she sat up in the bed, my heart was pounding I was terrified that everything we had together was about to end, she said "I think we should break up" her reasoning was good enough, we both are going through different things in our lives and currently want different things, she's 20 and I'm 21 and we were planning our whole lives together, she said she can't be dealing with the stress of never knowing when the next time we'll see each other is going to beï»¿.
It's been 2 months and a bit since, Iv deleted her Facebook and all her friends and family, I've stopped talking to her and focused on my own life, but admittedly, it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, Iv contacted her every now and then a hurtled my feelings at her (but not recently), I'v had nightmares about her being happier with other men and Iv had suicidal thoughts, Iv wanted so desperately to find out every single thing I could about why we ended but it did me no favors, in the end everytime I talk to her I push her further away and for a while that was what made me want to end my life, I'm not having those thoughts anymore and I'm sticking to this no contact thing, but it is hard, I unblocked her just to see how she's doing and she seems really happy, she then quickly blocked me. She did say "maybe we'll pick it up again one day when our situations change, but right now I need time for my course and my life"
Im not over her but I'm not crying about her anymore at least, I'm defiantly progressing, although I'm worried because I don't want to be with any other girl and I'm craving that feeling againï»¿ but that comes and goes.
lately since cutting all contact ive been getting better, and now i see more clearly that this isnt the end of the world

Ellie

March 17, 2014 @ (Australia)

Tags: bad breakup turned inspirational story

In this story, the breakup lasted almost four months. Stupid, I know.
When I was 20 I completely fell for my housemate, we'd been living together for a few months and he was a wonderful friend, we ended up dating for ten months. The first six were amazing. We had compatible future plans and lived together like an old married couple, we knew each other better than ourselves, or so I thought.
Over the course of the last four months, things started changing. He still did all the physical things that you'd expect a loving boyfriend to do, lifts home from work, random gifts.. but he started making me feel like I was a screw up. I couldn't do anything right, he was mad all the time at the stupidest things. Sometimes I would cry in our shared bed and he would just roll over to sleep. (remember this, it's relevant.) When my anxiety peaked to a point where I couldn't handle it, I told him it was over. He basically told me that he'd been wanting to leave me for months but didn't want to deal with dumping me, four months of emotional turmoil because he couldn't be bothered just talking to me! He moved out the next day.

There's an inspirational message in here though. After him, I dated a few people who lied and manipulated and all but gave up, until I met someone who I immediately bonded with over our emotionally damaging exes. The first time we had a minor disagreement, we made up right away, and then he rolled over to sleep. Because I'd always known this to mean "I don't like you right now." even though I knew it was ridiculous, I started crying. I tried to hide it, but when he noticed he immediately cuddled me and apologised, turns out he rolled over because his shoulder was really hurting but he refused to get comfortable again until I was happy again and falling asleep. We're still together.

There's never a good reason for anyone to make you feel like you're not good enough, or that you're not loved. If this is happening to you, just know that the worst that can come out of leaving someone who does this to you, is that you'll be single for a while. The best thing that can happen is a major self confidence boost from standing up for yourself and a better man just around the corner.

I'm sorry for making this so deep, but whilst that four months was the worst, most damaging thing that's ever happened to me, I came out the other side better off.

Brandon

March 10, 2014 @ (Portland, OR)

Tags: worst breakup, jerk, idiot, heart breaker, regretful

So, I had been dating this girl for about six months with a two month break in between, let's call her "Jackie". It was when we got back together I realized that things weren't going to work. She said that we just need to communicate more, but it never happened, we always just sat in awkward silence until one of us had to leave.
Before we get to the actual break-up, I want to do a little back-story. So a few years back my friends introduced me to this girl, not the one I broke up with, let's call her "Amanda." Amanda was a nice girl from the very start, She invited me to all her parties, and helped me out with my homework and essays. She was funny, she would often make fun of my now best friend, "Franklin," which I found hilarious. She was also super smart, she had one of the highest GPAs in the school, and passed even the most advanced classes. And I swear she is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and to this day I am deeply in love with her. Unfortunately, when I told her about my feelings, she dropped the F-Bomb on me. Yep, that was my first ever "friend-zone." I was crushed, I never felt so terrible in my life. But I stayed adamant, and year after year I would ask her, and year after year she denied me. I realize that she can make whatever choice she wants, but I couldn't help but to want to be with her. I guess she must have gotten tired of me asking, because after the fourth confession, she suggested I go out with Jackie, whom I had met a month earlier. I knew she had a thing for me, and Amanda said we would be cute together. I don't know why, but the words "cute together" hit me really hard. Just the thought of being with someone other than her felt wrong. Things did go wrong eventually, I guess that's what happens when you go out with someone because the love of your life asks you to. I probably should have seen that coming. After dancing with Jackie at one of the parties, I became infatuated with her. I asked her out on a date, and she of course said yes. Now I had never gone out on a date before so I didn't know exactly what to do. And no one told me that movie dates are the worst first date you could go on. We sat in the theater eating our popcorn, eyes glued to the screen, not even looking at each other; the first of many awkward experiences. The worst part was that Amanda offered to drive us around since neither I or Jackie bothered to learn how to. Amanda couldn't have been more happy to see me going out with another girl, which I understand is something friends do, but when that friend has recently broken your heart, it kinda stings a little.
Fast forward four months. Now at this point we've decided to break things off for a while. Jackie has started dating this guy, let's call him "Matt." I had no problem with Jackie dating Matt, in fact I was happy that she found someone she could actually talk to. Matt and I are also good friends so, I was happy for both of them. Now with no one to distract my feelings, I began to feel old emotions rising again, I would often hang out with Amanda like we used to, but not in a way that would give any hints, just talking, and study sessions. I should have realized then that this was what it was meant to be like. Being single wasn't a bad thing, in fact I love being single. It makes you appreciate all the free time you once had to hang out with friends and get work done. This didn't last very long, because Jackie and Matt eventually broke up. I never got the exact details of why or how, but I do know that Jackie broke up with Matt, because she realized that she still loved me even though she was the one who broke up with me for Matt in the first place. Matt explained to me that he cared for her, and he wanted to see her happy, and that I should take her back. And I, being the stupid confused kid at the time, said "of course." And so, we began dating each other once more. The rekindled infatuation didn't last long, and I realized about a month in that things weren't going to work. Now came the biggest problem, how to break it to her. Now, just because I wasn't in love with Jackie doesn't mean I didn't care about her. She was genuinely sweet and innocent, and I couldn't bare to see her sad or upset.
It was only a few weeks later that I built up the courage to tell her, mind you I gave no clue as to how I really felt, in fact I made it seem like everything was just dandy, which in hindsight wasn't the best idea. Of course, when I told her she was really confused. She asked me "Why? Why?" and I said "I'm sorry, I just don't think you're the one for me." At this point her sadness began to turn to anger. Something I had never seen in her before suddenly began to show. She said, "how dare you have the audacity to lead me on for so long. You know what? Fuck you." The words "fuck you" would have hurt less if she hadn't smiled and started walking away. But as I sat there, ashamed of what I had done, she did the worst thing she could have done to me. She turned back with tears running down her face and said, "I really did love you." And continued walking away. That must have been one of the worst days of my life. Eventually the sadness subsided, and she forgot all about me, which was probably for the best. Not once in our whole relationship did we ever say "I love you" to one another. But if I could go back and change what I did, I would have never gone out with her. I would have never gotten back together with her. I would have never led her on to believe that I loved her. And I would have never broken her heart.

Shabda

March 07, 2014 @ (India)

Tags: bad break ups

Hey!!!
I want to share my story just to ease some pain...You know the worst part is when you have no one around you to share your feelings.....
I am from a typical Indian family.A girl who has always loved her parents more than anything in her life. Wanted to be with them always, take care of them. Infact I had decided that I'm never going to marry anyone ever.So, I never allowed myself to have any soft corner for anyone. I was happy but then someday I got a message from some old batchmate of mine on Facebook. Gradually we started chatting, sharing thoughts, jokes, started talking on phone and literally got addicted to each other. I started considering him as my best friend. He has always been real nice to me, always convinced me that one day I will find someone who will accept myself with all my responsibilities and will respect and love my parents like his own. And then after 6 months the day came when he proposed me. I was already having a hint of this from the past couple of days. I really liked him but had never thought about him like that because we had same gotra (we Indians are prohibited to marry someone with same gotra) . I never wanted to disclose my feelings to him but also didn't want to hurt him with a 'NO', So I told him this all gotra thing and convinced him to just be friends. But with time we just got drifted away and started living in an illusion that something will happen and we will be together in future...Decided that we will convince our parents and will marry with their permission....Started planning our lives together, fully committed, making all the promises to be together till the end, never realizing that they were all just dreams...We were madly, deeply in love. We completely accepted eachother as husband and wife...I was sure of one thing that it was not physical attraction though he was no less than Prince charming...I mean how could it be ...We haven't met each other for the last 7 years...
Time passed....We were so in love... I had never realized that this much love existed on earth. Even the feeling of having him with me made me so comfortable, cozy, relaxed...I felt so complete with him.....I never even required to say what I was feeling,,,we just not needed any words to express each other...
Then one day somehow my parents found out about us....I told them how much I love him and also assured them that I will never do anything without their permission....They were so mad at me...They said straight forward NO just because I being a female was having higher education that him...There was a big emotional drama......I tried my best to convince them but all in vain......And finally asked me to choose between them and him...This was even before I could tell them about gotra thing.....After all this I realized one thing that they are never going to accept us and if I somehow force them to or do something on my own, he will never get the respect he deserves....I love him but I respect him more.....I just can't bear this fact that my family don't respect my husband.....So, I broke up with him...Told him that they think that we will have ego clashes in future....He hates me for this...I know...Infact I hate myself too for this.....I feel so sorry that I couldn'd keep all the promises we made.....Everytime I think about this it feels like something cuts me from inside.....I know in this relationship it was me who was unfair.....It's been long time since we broke up but still every night I silently weep thinking about him...I still love him and miss him so much.....He was my first and last love......I know I will never be able to feel the same way again.....I am all broken.....People says that time heals all the wounds but in my case I feel like this pain is increasing day by day....This regret, this pain is my punishment.....And now I myself don't want to let it go...At least in this way he is with me....I know that I can never have him back but still wait for him forever.....And if some day I got to know about his marriage I will be the first person to be happy for him,,,at least he has moved on....

Natalie

March 05, 2014 @ (Honolulu, HI)

Tags: bad break ups

So I was friends with this boy for about a year and a half before we started dating. He was in the Marine Core. I actually met him when he was going through a divorce with his high school sweet heart who cheated on him with 20 different guys that he worked with. He went on deployment and we become Facebook friends and started talking all the time and skyping everyday. We talked about absolutely everything for hours. He came back and and we then went out a few times with his friends to the bars and had fun. This one weekend all his friends rented a hotel room and in the same weekend my roommate was being a bitch and locked me out, so i ended up sleeping in there hotel room. He was always such a gentlemen and walked me to my car and helped me move it before we went back to the room. We decided just to hang out with each other. We went back to the room, and laid on the bed and just stared at each other. nothing happened and we cuddle. After that we started having movie nights together and he would beg his friends to bring him to my house because he didn't have a car. well, about a month after that, we decided to drink. and then one thing led to another and he kissed me. and then the weekend after we ended up sleeping with each other. and he just started coming over a lot and we were best friends. always with each other. about 2 months after that, we went on a booze cruise and he proclaimed his love to me. I told him to call me in the morning and that i didn't believe him because he was drinking. He called me in the morning sober and said it. (FIRST TIME IN LOVE) i liked him so much, his girly side, his stupidity, the fact that we would always get ready together and take showers with each other. about a month after that he just stopped texting me as much , and he was getting out of the military. the day he left, he told me how much he loved me but that we were not going to do distance.. well he didn't talk to me for four months. Just left and nothing. I googled his name and saw he had a dating website and he had been talking to girls the whole time in our relationship. I flipped shit and sent him nasty texts. four months later he tried talking to me and told me still that he loves me and that he would be 100 percent with me if we were in the same town. He also said how much he has liked this one girl in high school his whole life and going for her. I thought everything was so twisted. It hurts so much to this day. i want it to be a struggle to remember his name

Brooke

January 30, 2014 @ (Carlsbad, CA)

Tags: Bet, In Love, Young, Naive, High School, Virginity, Fake Friends, Bad People

So, I'm eighteen now but I'm going to rewind a year to my sophomore year..

~2 YEARS AGO~

When I was 16 I moved to California from Atlanta.. When I got here I was well known because of my skin color and my suprising hair length.. I got some secret admirers during the first few months and some not so secret admirers.. For the most part I had a very small group of girl friends but a large group of acquaintances.. Everyone I knew I was introduced to by one of my friends.. I was invited to a party about a month after I arrived by one of my friends (let's call her Becca). So Becca introduced me to three guys at the party (Let's call them Luke, Nate, and Daniel). So Luke and I really hit it off and we started to hang out.. Everywhere Becca took me Luke was there.. After another month of us hanging out we officially started dating.. He was so sweet to me and I remember always thinking.. 'I'm so in love with this guy'.. We spent every moment together and he treated me so well.. When I got a job at this tanning spa he would always bring me food and gifts.. After another month of this he started to disappear.. I wasn't really worried about it at the time because I was a dumb love-struck child.. After a few weeks of absence with only phone calls he reappeared and his charm was in over-drive.. Around this time rumors started floating around school that I was a slut and all that shit and that Luke got me pregnant.. I asked him about it and he just insisted that they were jealous and told me he loved me.. He told me this every day five times a day almost for the next three weeks.. And then he proposed... (Yes, he proposed to me at 16.. And my dumb ass said 'yes') Welp.. I lost my virginity that night.. (Don't judge me.. He's a con-artist) And the gifts, the visits, the 'I love you's, the calls, everything.. Stopped. I was still infatuated with him and I refused to believe he used me.. He never proposed with a ring which should've told me that he wasn't serious but I thought him saying 'I love you' was good enough.. The rumors at school got worse in his absence and I heard an interesting theory swirling around.. It was a bet. I refused to believe it at first until I decided to ask Becca about it.. She just cried and cried and cried.. She kept telling me she was sorry and she didn't know he would actually do it.. Turns out my 'friends' Nate and Daniel bet Luke $200 dollars that he couldn't take my virginity before the year was up.. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS IS WHAT MY VIRTUE MEANT TO THEM!! Luke came back to school a month later and acted as if I was invisible.. I stopped talking to all my friends and found a new group.. I confronted Luke a week later and he said he just fell out of love and the bet never existed which I know is bullshit because he somehow got a new paintjob for his car.. I didn't cry.. I wasn't sad.. I was pissed beyond words.. He dismissed me so easily after he took something that was meant for my husband.. I could've hurt him as easily.. I thought about slashing his tires or something like that but in the long run I didn't do anything that could get me in trouble.. I let it go. It's been two years since then and I have a new boyfriend.. His name is Chris! I love him sooo much and unlike Luke we're taking it slow because we both know what it's like to get hurt.. I've spoken to Luke once since the confrontation and that was to curse him out and vent a little bit.. Which ultimately ended in him walking away and me slapping him.. I hope Luke finds someone good so that when he does some shit like that to her and she leaves he'll know how other people feel when he mistreats them.. Chris and I are in love.. And I'm sure this time because it feels different than the love I had for Luke.. It feels natural.. I guess I felt strained in my relationship with Luke without realizing it because I had nothing to compare it to.. Just in case you were wondering.. Yes. My parents know what Luke did to me and his parents know too.. I'm not going to share what happened because that's between our families but I'll tell you Luke owes my family a lot of money.. This experience has made me stronger in more ways than one and more alert.. Before you judge me you have to remember I was naive and sixteen.. With college time nearing and my upcoming move to L.A. with Chris I can let go of all the scars that my move to California gave me because I got lots of opportunities too! If anything like this happens to you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.. I found my light! This is for the girls.. Save your V-Card.. You only have one and make sure it counts and he really deserves it.. I made the fatal mistake to give it to someone who saw it is nothing more than a bet and hasn't even apologized.. I hope you learned something from my mistake.. Byeeee!

Lyn

January 23, 2014 @ (New york)

Tags: Bad break up, I still love him, First love

Our relationship was totally unexpected. Last september 2013, a guy that I had a teeny tiny bit of a crush asked me out unexpectedly. No clues, No everything. Out of shock, I started freaking out. I don't know what to do. My mind screamed no, but heart says yes! The reson why i don't want to go on is because im scared of my mom. Like really. She's the definition of a really strict mom. i was scared but then a thought crossed my mind.

Why not accept this? Everything happens for a reason right?

That's when I said Yes. For the first 2 weeks it was amazing. The sparks, the giddy butterflies in my tummy were there until my mom found out about him. It was horrifying. My mom was in range. My mom threatened me to talk to him in school. I was scared. I told her that I promise to break up witj. So I did. I explained to him everything. After a day, things were back together. We decided to mend things back together. I mean we aren't officially dating but you know what I mean? You can sense that something's still going on? Yup, that's it. October came, he stole my first kiss. It was magical. All I could ever think about is that I love him. That everything revolves around him. Its like he's my world. He's my strength yet he is also my weakness. Everything in him is just perfect. The way he surprises me with kisses.. The way he brought Gatorade just for me (Gatorade is my favorite drink, i just love that shit lol)
It was perfect. Everything was perfect. There are even times when he makes silly jokes or I took glances at him in class and im like 'shit, I love this guy' I was soo inlove. It was just.. Perfect. I never been so happy in my life. Everytime I woke up he's all I ever think about. He's cute 'Good Morning's'.. It made me cry, thinking about all those happy memories.
When christmas break came, he told me that his wifi router got broken.. Me, being the understanding girl that I am, understands him. I told him it was okay that he shouldn't worry about me.

(We talk and chat in Kik. We can't text since my mom checks my phone all the time)

One time, back at christmas break.. I was looking at my chat box in facebook but Something totally made me stop in my tracks. He was online. And he was usinh he's phone. I messaged him, i did everything but noo, he wouldn't reply anymore.. I don't know why. Christmas eve came, I kept on looking at my phone hoping that maybe he'd greet me a merry christmas but no, nothing came. It broke my heart. But one thing crossed my mind. I was like 'oh maybe he's wifi router is still destroyed'

New year came, I was waiting. Waiting for him to atleast greet me but no, nothing still came. It hurt me. It Crushed me .. to millions of pieces. But there's one thing that made me ball my eyes out.. He's close friend messaged me in facebook. He's like;

Happy new year __ ! How are you and him? I hope that this year is going to be a big blast for both of you. Best wishes. Haha don't forget im one of your #1 Fans of LYN! hahaha cx

That totally made me cry. I mean out of everything why that? Why his friend.? Its really heartbreaking to know that he's friend greeted me, while him? No. There was no effort. It crushed me. The way his friend says he want us to be good this year. It break me.

School came along, i tried not to approch him. Waiting for him to atleast apologize or say Hi, or ask me how my christmas break went but nothing. He never did. It crushed me. The next day, I tried talking to him but he was distant like he really is. He's bestfriend approached me and told me he wanted to talk. I listened. He's bestfriend told me the truth. He met a girl back at christmas break. He went to the movies with her and ate in a restaurant. It killed me. I was paralyzed in my seat. My breathing hitched. My face paled. My mind went blank. I felt like crying but my tears wouldn't fall. My eyes feel numb. My skin is on fire. I feel like someone just throwed me a bucket of lava. Just like that. It crushed me. I've lost weight. Im not the happy girl like before. Every recess or lunch, I don't mingle with my friends anymore. I just stay in the classroom, facing the wall, got my phone out and stay there till' its over. It crushed me. I'm not the bubble person that I am before. But you know what hurt me the most? He acted as if I never exist. It was like I was invinsible. That he couldn't see me. Just like that. There are times that I break down in class. I just couldn't help it. He looks soo happy without me. Huge smile in his face. And well, I also think that he has a crush on this girl.. He craves for her attention. He sits with her all the time in class. He talk about her all the time. I don't know what to do. Its killing me since we are classmates. I could see him everyday. Its hard to ignore him. It really is. It broke my heart. he is the love of my life. He's my everything. He's the only reason why I smile. Its hard. I mean he is after all my first love. My first ever boyfriend. My first kiss. It hurt me to know that another that I love, would leave me again. Like my dad. He left me. I mean sure, I got to see him and everything but it isn't like before. My dad has another daugther who is my half sister. My dad loves her so much. He wouldn't even bother to talk to me anymore. He wouldn't crave for our communication. When me and my dad's girlfriend fight, he always take her side. It kills me. Another guy who I love would leave me again. Wow, What did I do to deserve this? It kills me. Its almost a month now but im still not over him. He's all I could ever think about. I don't know what to do. I want the real me to be back again, but it wouldn't. Its hard to smile. He looks soo soo happy without me. It break me into millions of pieces. It made me realize that love is shitload of bullshit. I honestly don't believe in love anymore. I mean why? No matter how loving or caring that person is to you, they will break you in the end. Those people out there that are experiencing heartbreak, don't worry. Your not the only one. Im trying my hardest to stay strong. Let's just believe in ourself, have faith in God. And never say never