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Sarah

July 05, 2012 @ (united states)

I really dont know what to do.
My boyfriend and I were together for almost 4 years.. we started dating right before junior year in high school. i went away to college and we still made the relationship work. During high school we had alot of problems with him and other girls but we always worked thru it as hard as it was on me. and once college began he definatley grew up and stopped playing those stupid games. whenever i came home to visit from college it always seemed like he didnt have time for me, and would fall asleep on me when we would hang out. a little over a month ago i came home and we were arguing alot, so out of the blue i broke up with him, hoping that it would just be a break to just recollect and realize we need eachother in eachother's lives. i still saw him in my future. after the break up he kept texting me nonstop saying he missed me and wanted me back, but i stood my ground especially cause finals were coming up and i wanted to focus on that at the time. in the meantime, there was a man at my college who was interested in me and we went on a couple dates and he kissed me but right away i knew it wouldnt work out and still thought of my ex so i let him know right away i didnt want to keep dating. my ex found out we kissed and right away and it made him want me even more, but i told him i wanted to start over with him (my ex) and not jump back into the relationship asap. now, for the last two weeks, he stopped talking to me, and i realized i was ready to be with him again. i kept texting him, but he stopped responding. two nights ago i wrote him a long letter explaining why i did everythign that i did, and that i saw a future with him and just wanted to work everything out now that it is summer and were back in the same city. he finally texted me when he got my letter, pretty much saying to leave him alone, hes moving on, and doesnt see me in the future (even though two weeks prior he said he would marry me if he could). i am SO hurt. i begged for one more chance and he said no. i feel like i pushed him away and now its to late, and i am never going to forgive myself for it. it just doesnt make sense how after two weeks he went from seeing me in the future to not. and i saw on facebook this morning hes taking some new girl to a concert and spedning alot of time with her. honestly, what do i do. im so heartbroken...