John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream

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I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray

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So Sorry!

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Chris

December 12, 2011

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...dude stop acting like a pussy and just go bang another chick. no big deal. bitches be bitches. thats it. just don't ever talk to her ever again, fuck another chick, and then start over. you just have to step it up and have a dick.

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John L .

October 08, 2011

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I am always here for everyone who asks. : )

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roger

October 02, 2011

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Hey what's up man. I never thought I would believe someone out there who went through the same thing I went through but I believe you said and I'm not a Christian but I do pray as well but when ever you get a chance please write me back. So we can talk and I let you know my experience.

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Sarah

August 30, 2011

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You know I have waited all my lie to find someone like you. Most guys just want sex and no commitment. I have never heard of a guy going to such lengths just to have a girl see him for who he is. I wish my ex did a third of what you did. Dont listen to what anyone else here says, She loved you and that is why she ran away as fast as she could from you. I just cant believe the words I am hearing of wht you did. Its beyond what any guy I know would have done. She must have been a complete moron not to see how much you loved her. Even if she was talking to her ex or using you as a rebound she should have seen what you two had. Like others have said to share such a connection so that you even see every guy she is with. That just doesnt happen. Like ever. I am still just blown away at how dumb or selfish she was to not even give you a chance to really be with her when you bent over backwards just to have her believe in herself even giving her multiple chances to start over with someone who cared about her more than any other guy would have. So for all you guys out there, this guy is you're role model. This is what you should be like to us. This man loved this girl and gave all he had and then some. Even though he has been torn to shreds he still wants to be there for her and love her. I dont know of any guy or girl that would treat someone else this kindly. Truly you are one of a kind and if I was younger I wish I could meet you. I hope she comes back to you one day on her hands and knees and begs you to take her back. You deserve the best and while you may be behind on the dating thing, you know what it means to love someone. Something the world seems to have forgotten. Keep praying

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Kevin

August 05, 2011

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I can't really say much about the dreams. I have heard of people seeing who they are to marry before they do but not marrying them and then seeing who they cheat on you with ever time. It sounds like you had a lot in common and would have been a good couple. However from what I gather, she used you. She probably had real feelings for you but was unsure on how to share them with you. Or I could be completely wrong. I personally hate people that take a real genuine guy like yourself and hurt you so much so that you can't even put his trust in girls or people considering it was your first time letting someone in. Plus your virginity. I would like to tell you there is hope that she might wake up from the nightmare she created for you and that there is hope because I can see that you really love her. At the same time she made the choice to disrespect you several times and not even treat you like a friend. Even after you went to her parents and not her new boy toy when you could have easily destroyed that for her. Even if she changed now, it's no excuse for how she treated you when you were with her or how she is treating you now by not even saying hello when she sees you I bet. I would say for now find someone else. Believe in yourself because from what I gather you did nothing wrong. You may have seemed a bit desperate but as you said, you did it so she would see you for what you were and that was far more than a friend. Good luck.

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John L.

July 15, 2011

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First here is the link for the song below apparently the song was removed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSoAkJXjxiU I learned a great deal from this but mainly how cruel and selfish people can be even when given everything and many chances to redeem themselves. We are here only a short time and we have a choice to make people suffer or do something kind or great to help those around us. Could be a smile or buying a stranger lunch. People say focus on yourself but what I found helped me the most was helping other people. Also puts your life in perspective and how bad it could be. Also be careful what you say and do to yourself and others. Once it is done, you cant undo it nomatter how many times you say sorry. Also you never know what it could be doing to someone. What this girl did and said to me will hurt and scar me for the rest of my life and for what? Helping her lol. I will continue to pray for her every day and hope that she finds her way in life. I will always love her and I forgive her for what she has done and no it was not easy. This is my final posting on here. It has been one really bad thing after another for me this year. I wont give up though and for those of you who read this, dont give up, I thought about it trust me but yoiu have the ability to help others even if you suffer every day. Know that there is someone out there who is willing to listen and pray for you, who wants to be there for you and help you. I am not here to preach but if you find yourself lost, alone, and hurting, cry out to God and you never know what might happen. I thank you all for your insight and wisdom and I pray that if like me you have yet to find anyone that you soon will. God Bless and goodbye. : )

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John L.

May 29, 2011

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Here is a link for anyone hurting. It brought me to my knees. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmyd4EKDjp0&wl_token=bvk_Y7BSTPDDAh0kSkeCALLP6x18MTMwNDE2OTk5OUAxMzA0MDgzNTk5&wl_id=rmyd4EKDjp0

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John L.

May 25, 2011

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I will say this maye out there a rebound might work but IDK. Some people said to wait, dont pressure someone that just got out of a long term thing. I knew her for a year/ year and a half. I was her friend first then spent 2.5 months getting to know everything about her down to her fav breakfast. Even said I was willing to wait up to 5 yrs for her to decide what she wanted to do. I have come to realize it wouldn't have mattered what I had done for her. I had nothing left to give her literally. We can say the what if I did this or that. Just poisen that eats at your soul and consumes you if you let it. My question I gues is why at the end do most people on the rebound not try to make it work? She herself said I was her best friend, that I was like a brother to her bec. I always looked out for her and took care of her. She thre up 3 or 4 times over 8 months (hormones or something). I would always get up and wrap my arm around her and say it was ok. She would say "you know you don't have to do this", I looked her in the face and said "it's why i'm here". How could any girl after so much treat me so badly? How can a human being after beging given a life just throw it away?

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John L.

May 24, 2011

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10 months now and still suffering. Saw her at a gaming expo where I had to present my game for a class. I couldnt even be in the same room with her without feeling like breaking down. I was always emotionally stable before this which makes this even harder to understand. She wouldnt even look at me. Found out I was what most call a rebound relationship. Why she left saying she never loved me after 8 months. I have tried everything and while some things help hell IDK I just want to know why it had to be me? Why did this happen the first time I let someone into my heart? I have tried dating but am so afraid of letting someone in its pathetic. I have extreme trust issues all around now that I never had before. When I was with her she slept with Kevin the night after I gave my virginity, then came back to me, then her ex, then me, then her ex and then Chris. What did I see in her? I kept telling her you are better than this, you were raised better than this. I just want to know has anyone been the rebound and it actually worked? Or if you have any words of wisdom to help with the trust issues that plague me?

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John L.

March 22, 2011

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One song that I asked her was to listen to the song You Are More - Tenth Avenue North http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgi-G-dHYkY

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