John L.

July 20, 2010 @ (Orlando)

Tags: 8 year dream


I was with a girl for 7.5 months. When we first met she told me that she was going to try and get back together with her ex.8 years earlier I had begged God to show me the girl I was to marry. I had seen this girl and her dad for 8 years in my dreams and had been looking every day. 2 days before my 23 b-day,I took her out to dinner and it was my first date.We ended up hanging out more and more. FOund out later she was with a guy I knew and was having sex. I am a true Christian and wanted to show her that sex wasn't how you loved someone it was just being with the that mattered most. Her ex had messed up her head. I got drunk for the first time forher and apparently I woke up next morning with no clothes on. I lost my virginity.To me it was the most sacred thing I wanted to give my wife to say this is all that I am and I am giving it to you. We ended up doing it a lot and I thought she would stay with me. She was talking with her ex the whole time and I hated that but was trying to show I cared. He came back 4 two weeks and she had sex with him. I had just given her a 200 dollar pair of earrings saying the night before don't forget about me. She came back and we were together for a few months then she started working at a place full of guys then the there was no contact with her. I was like what the crap. She didnt tell me anything. I had nightmares of me being in the room while she was having sex with a guy I had never seen. Later found out she was seeing a guy from work. And that she had finally broken up with her ex.
I said is there any way that we could start over since she now had a clear head. No. She never once loved me or had feelings for me. They were all transferred from her ex to me. Sorry.
In the end I gave my virginity so she wouldn't go to another guy who would use her for sex,gave her my heart, mind, body and soul. I waited 8 years for this girl and she took everything and said it meant nothing. Now I am afraid to even ask a girl out because I believed in her. One time after sex she was like what is your favorite part. aka on her body. I pointed to her heart. I never wanted sex. I kept telling her it was just holding her hand, being in her arms, and looking into her eyes that made me forget everything. Now I fear she is destroying her future. All I can do is pray


       


 

Comment on this breakup






John L.

January 26, 2012


I could see that bec she even accused me of being her brother bec I looked out for her and took care of her. I was raised to do that. A friend told me this and its soo true. You have to let them fall on their faces first then pick them up whereas I was keeping her from falling on her face. Seems like so many people are children and nomatter what they have to experience life on their own in their own way. Even if you are trying to help them.


     


John L.

January 26, 2012


I could see that bec she even accused me of being her brother bec I looked out for her and took care of her. I was raised to do that. A friend told me this and its soo true. You have to let them fall on their faces first then pick them up whereas I was keeping her from falling on her face. Seems like so many people are children and nomatter what they have to experience life on their own in their own way. Even if you are trying to help them.


     


John L

January 26, 2012


Here's the thing. I took her to church. Or got her going again. She said she was a Christian. She grew up in a Christian home etc. I met her parents and they were stumped as to why she did this stuff. Her friends said before her so called Christian ex she was like me. Didn't do all the crap everyone else did and then fell off the band wagon as it were. The hardest thing for me to say to her and it her me to say it was " You are no Christian" at least not anymore. Granted from my understanding it's not something you lose. You can push God away but he is right there for you. The first time I was hurt so bad I didn't know what to do. I just wept. I couldn't understand it. There were signs that I wasn't really sure what was going on. My gut was saying there is something wrong but like I said first relationship so I just didn't know. She came back and held me in her arms, said she was sorry and so forth. I asked is there any hope and she said yes. So I said I forgive you but don't do that again and I thought she wouldn't. I was wrong. She said in the end she left because I reminded her too much of her ex. I apparently looked and acted like him even when I was giving her stuff. I have never met the guy. When she left me she also left her ex. She accused me of the things her ex had done to her. I say this bec she said it. In the end I just cant understand the one question why? Even if she didn't love me you never treat someone like this.


     


jesse

January 26, 2012


plus it sounds to me that well you sound more like her parents than you were her boyfriend...you were so caught up in the you can change that she didnt want to disappoint you..but then maybe you pushed too hard where she all together gave up on you. im just guessing here but is there any possibility that that could have happened?


     


jesse

January 26, 2012


eh a little graphic there but um so you see my point that you cant change people..i mean just looking at your last sentences in both posts id say you get it now but just to be sure did you? and i get that you wouldnt use her or others to getr back at people but what im not understanding is if she was such a slut-no offense.. and you were such a dedicated christian ..didn't any arguments come up between you two about you know beliefs and such...my point is if she did bring up some heavy arguments about your beliefs than she was considering your relationship but if not than she obviously didnt care about this relationship..im just trying to figure out how you didnt know that she was going to drop the bomb on you up untill that pointt..didnt she at least give off some hints that things were kinda off bet. you two? you just sound like the type of guy who is too good to be true that doesnt drink,smoke,curse, drugs..etc and believe me thats what all girls want in the end-but than if your actions didnt bother her than what did so much that she knew that she didnt want you anymore? you sound like a big believer could that have jeopardize your relationship? maybe she did lead you on but only when it came to your beliefs..do you see wher im going with this?


     


John L

January 26, 2012


To address the using thing. Its not that I cant use people its simply that I choose not to. I won't let myself. You get nowhere in life by stepping on people to get what you want. Almost every time you usually hurt people. I have never to this day used someone. Just so you know with it not being a mistake again... When I was with her, holding her in my arms, waking up every morning and kissing her on the cheek saying I love you, it was the first time in my life that I felt extreme joy. Nothing could get me down because hey it was like waking up to my dream every day. For the first time in my life I didn't feel so alone in this world. A view many Christian have because you can't be of both the world and of God. Therefore its hard to fit in. Ex. I am a college student. I don't drink, smoke,curse, do drugs, and before and after this girl never did sex. Waiting till I get married again. Guess how many friends I have? 2. And they are my roommates. So being with her meant far more to me than anything and yes I was willing to put up with a lot because I truly believed she wanted to change. I just never would have imagined it would have ended with me becoming her ex.


     


John L

January 26, 2012


The earrings were meant for her so even if things didn't work out that she would always have something to remember me by. Granted I didnt know it would be literally the next night that she was going to go back to her ex. I say it was not a mistake and believe me I have been through the logic a hundred times. They say love is blind. I knew what she was doing and it was wrong. My belief all my life was that if someone is given an environment to change, someone close to them who believes and gives their trust to them, prays with them, etc. Then that person will change. Guess what she did after she busted the heck out of me....Figures. I tried my hardest to always make every day special for her in the hopes that she would feel better about herself. Maybe even stay with me. I tried so hard because she cried in my arms saying she was a slut and a whore. She said "I want to change". I said I would help her with everything that I could. She also said 5 diff times there was always hope that I would be with her. So yes she led me on.


     


jesse

January 25, 2012


i forgot to ask what do u mean by using people? in addition to the last post- start thinking about yourself more than her.


     


jesse

January 25, 2012


oh..wait so you wouldnt call this a mistake because you were trying to help her? what do you mean trying to help her? dude #1 she doesnt need your help#2 you cant help her#3 no offense but thats the dumbest reason ever in the history of dumbest reasons-sorry i got a bit cheesy there lol.ok so let me explain..nobody needs help by going to the bathroom right?..i mean its just one of those things she will figure out on her own and this also works with the: you cant help her part. when someone is trying to figure out who she really wants to be and what she really wants in life your not going to be the first thought she gets when she makes her decision... yes your her boyfriend and all but no matter what you say and what you do-like buying her $200 earings-eh sorry.. its not going to affect her decision..i mean that it wont make her chose you... and its not going to make it any easier on her...it just makes it harder and more confusing for her to figure out what she really wants.and by this point she has been taking advantage of you while trying to make that decision and the mistake that you made was waiting for her in hope that she will chose you. you were her little puppet-in other words she toyed with you. i just hope that you can see that your reasons as to why this wasnt a mistake are flawed cuz in the end im not asking about her.. im asking about you what makes this not a mistake to YOU-on your part..i know your primary reason here is all cuz of her but if you dig deep im sure you will find out what really makes thhis whole wacky experience not a mistake... oh and im actually kind of thinking that your reason wasnt so dumb..but just a little off...i dont like to judge and im not. i hope you can see this as um..advise from one hurt person to another.


     


John L.

January 20, 2012


Ok need to clarify a little. I gave her the earrings the night before. Had a nightmare the next night and asked her and she said she did. So I didnt know beforehand. I only had the nightmares when she was doing it.I had the dreams of her, her dad, and my pastor who wasnt at my church before I ever knew any of them. You are right I am working through this very freaking slowly.I need to move out of the area bec I dont want to see her. Chris and you are both right bec at the end of the day all I can do is move on. Its killed me long enough and made my friends hate me for being negative and depressed. The problem is that I have never been like this to anyone I just cant use people.Why would I? Yes I am well aware that I have some issues to work out in my head and slowly but surely I am. I still would never say this was a mistake because I was trying to help her.


     










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