Searching for "hope"

135 Results For 'hope'

Annie

March 26, 2014 @ (Los Angeles)

As a seventeen year old girl I have been told that I am beginning to start out my life. But I can't seem to wrap my finger around it I don't know why but I truly hate being a teenager.. Well anyways I grew up in a very Christian family where as a small child I was not exposed to much of the outer world I was literally locked up at home with only gospel music and movies of Daniel in the lions den. I guess you can say I was an innocent child, when I started high school I had everything planned out I would go to school stay in my books and study hard to graduate with no drama . Life however decided to throw me the unexpected. At the age of fourteen I met a guy who was like no other or so I thought, he showed me everything that I didn't know existed for example music genres, because of him I found out that I love alternative rock, yea yea I didn't know what that was xp.. I really thought we would be together forever like he told me, we even ran away together. my parents did not like the fact that I started to date an "outsider" a guy who wasnt Christian so they did everything possible to break us up, I was sent to Texas for a couple of months but that didnt work. Nothing they did worked, my family would warn me about how guys only use you or that he will find someone else then leave you stranded I didn't believe them, I admit I am a stubborn person. I loved him with all my heart and but to this day I still do, I love him so much that it hurts v.v We had dated for three years, he then broke up with me right after our three year anniversary. I gave up everything to him, my innocence, my trust, my love everything even money. Everyday we would spend together and when he broke up with me I felt as if I was being hit by trucks. It has been 5 months since our break up and I still can't move on. I have tried just about everything there is to forget but it's hard, especially since my school is literally one hall way. I see him everyday and it hurts, just yesterday I saw him with another girl.. And it hurt since yesterday would have been 3 years and 5 months. To make matters worse i recently found out that he had cheated on more than once throughout our relationship, and honestly that just made my depression worse..He was my first boyfriend ever and probably my last, guys are too complicating and I'm not good with relationship. I was told to never run away from my problems but there are times where you have to get away to continue with your life. I'm a senior with only two months until graduation, but because I decided to take the teenage love life experience I am forced to transfer schools. Life as a teenage girl.. .-.

Brooke

January 30, 2014 @ (Carlsbad, CA)

Tags: Bet, In Love, Young, Naive, High School, Virginity, Fake Friends, Bad People

So, I'm eighteen now but I'm going to rewind a year to my sophomore year..

~2 YEARS AGO~

When I was 16 I moved to California from Atlanta.. When I got here I was well known because of my skin color and my suprising hair length.. I got some secret admirers during the first few months and some not so secret admirers.. For the most part I had a very small group of girl friends but a large group of acquaintances.. Everyone I knew I was introduced to by one of my friends.. I was invited to a party about a month after I arrived by one of my friends (let's call her Becca). So Becca introduced me to three guys at the party (Let's call them Luke, Nate, and Daniel). So Luke and I really hit it off and we started to hang out.. Everywhere Becca took me Luke was there.. After another month of us hanging out we officially started dating.. He was so sweet to me and I remember always thinking.. 'I'm so in love with this guy'.. We spent every moment together and he treated me so well.. When I got a job at this tanning spa he would always bring me food and gifts.. After another month of this he started to disappear.. I wasn't really worried about it at the time because I was a dumb love-struck child.. After a few weeks of absence with only phone calls he reappeared and his charm was in over-drive.. Around this time rumors started floating around school that I was a slut and all that shit and that Luke got me pregnant.. I asked him about it and he just insisted that they were jealous and told me he loved me.. He told me this every day five times a day almost for the next three weeks.. And then he proposed... (Yes, he proposed to me at 16.. And my dumb ass said 'yes') Welp.. I lost my virginity that night.. (Don't judge me.. He's a con-artist) And the gifts, the visits, the 'I love you's, the calls, everything.. Stopped. I was still infatuated with him and I refused to believe he used me.. He never proposed with a ring which should've told me that he wasn't serious but I thought him saying 'I love you' was good enough.. The rumors at school got worse in his absence and I heard an interesting theory swirling around.. It was a bet. I refused to believe it at first until I decided to ask Becca about it.. She just cried and cried and cried.. She kept telling me she was sorry and she didn't know he would actually do it.. Turns out my 'friends' Nate and Daniel bet Luke $200 dollars that he couldn't take my virginity before the year was up.. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS IS WHAT MY VIRTUE MEANT TO THEM!! Luke came back to school a month later and acted as if I was invisible.. I stopped talking to all my friends and found a new group.. I confronted Luke a week later and he said he just fell out of love and the bet never existed which I know is bullshit because he somehow got a new paintjob for his car.. I didn't cry.. I wasn't sad.. I was pissed beyond words.. He dismissed me so easily after he took something that was meant for my husband.. I could've hurt him as easily.. I thought about slashing his tires or something like that but in the long run I didn't do anything that could get me in trouble.. I let it go. It's been two years since then and I have a new boyfriend.. His name is Chris! I love him sooo much and unlike Luke we're taking it slow because we both know what it's like to get hurt.. I've spoken to Luke once since the confrontation and that was to curse him out and vent a little bit.. Which ultimately ended in him walking away and me slapping him.. I hope Luke finds someone good so that when he does some shit like that to her and she leaves he'll know how other people feel when he mistreats them.. Chris and I are in love.. And I'm sure this time because it feels different than the love I had for Luke.. It feels natural.. I guess I felt strained in my relationship with Luke without realizing it because I had nothing to compare it to.. Just in case you were wondering.. Yes. My parents know what Luke did to me and his parents know too.. I'm not going to share what happened because that's between our families but I'll tell you Luke owes my family a lot of money.. This experience has made me stronger in more ways than one and more alert.. Before you judge me you have to remember I was naive and sixteen.. With college time nearing and my upcoming move to L.A. with Chris I can let go of all the scars that my move to California gave me because I got lots of opportunities too! If anything like this happens to you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.. I found my light! This is for the girls.. Save your V-Card.. You only have one and make sure it counts and he really deserves it.. I made the fatal mistake to give it to someone who saw it is nothing more than a bet and hasn't even apologized.. I hope you learned something from my mistake.. Byeeee!

Lyn

January 23, 2014 @ (New york)

Tags: Bad break up, I still love him, First love

Our relationship was totally unexpected. Last september 2013, a guy that I had a teeny tiny bit of a crush asked me out unexpectedly. No clues, No everything. Out of shock, I started freaking out. I don't know what to do. My mind screamed no, but heart says yes! The reson why i don't want to go on is because im scared of my mom. Like really. She's the definition of a really strict mom. i was scared but then a thought crossed my mind.

Why not accept this? Everything happens for a reason right?

That's when I said Yes. For the first 2 weeks it was amazing. The sparks, the giddy butterflies in my tummy were there until my mom found out about him. It was horrifying. My mom was in range. My mom threatened me to talk to him in school. I was scared. I told her that I promise to break up witj. So I did. I explained to him everything. After a day, things were back together. We decided to mend things back together. I mean we aren't officially dating but you know what I mean? You can sense that something's still going on? Yup, that's it. October came, he stole my first kiss. It was magical. All I could ever think about is that I love him. That everything revolves around him. Its like he's my world. He's my strength yet he is also my weakness. Everything in him is just perfect. The way he surprises me with kisses.. The way he brought Gatorade just for me (Gatorade is my favorite drink, i just love that shit lol)
It was perfect. Everything was perfect. There are even times when he makes silly jokes or I took glances at him in class and im like 'shit, I love this guy' I was soo inlove. It was just.. Perfect. I never been so happy in my life. Everytime I woke up he's all I ever think about. He's cute 'Good Morning's'.. It made me cry, thinking about all those happy memories.
When christmas break came, he told me that his wifi router got broken.. Me, being the understanding girl that I am, understands him. I told him it was okay that he shouldn't worry about me.

(We talk and chat in Kik. We can't text since my mom checks my phone all the time)

One time, back at christmas break.. I was looking at my chat box in facebook but Something totally made me stop in my tracks. He was online. And he was usinh he's phone. I messaged him, i did everything but noo, he wouldn't reply anymore.. I don't know why. Christmas eve came, I kept on looking at my phone hoping that maybe he'd greet me a merry christmas but no, nothing came. It broke my heart. But one thing crossed my mind. I was like 'oh maybe he's wifi router is still destroyed'

New year came, I was waiting. Waiting for him to atleast greet me but no, nothing still came. It hurt me. It Crushed me .. to millions of pieces. But there's one thing that made me ball my eyes out.. He's close friend messaged me in facebook. He's like;

Happy new year __ ! How are you and him? I hope that this year is going to be a big blast for both of you. Best wishes. Haha don't forget im one of your #1 Fans of LYN! hahaha cx

That totally made me cry. I mean out of everything why that? Why his friend.? Its really heartbreaking to know that he's friend greeted me, while him? No. There was no effort. It crushed me. The way his friend says he want us to be good this year. It break me.

School came along, i tried not to approch him. Waiting for him to atleast apologize or say Hi, or ask me how my christmas break went but nothing. He never did. It crushed me. The next day, I tried talking to him but he was distant like he really is. He's bestfriend approached me and told me he wanted to talk. I listened. He's bestfriend told me the truth. He met a girl back at christmas break. He went to the movies with her and ate in a restaurant. It killed me. I was paralyzed in my seat. My breathing hitched. My face paled. My mind went blank. I felt like crying but my tears wouldn't fall. My eyes feel numb. My skin is on fire. I feel like someone just throwed me a bucket of lava. Just like that. It crushed me. I've lost weight. Im not the happy girl like before. Every recess or lunch, I don't mingle with my friends anymore. I just stay in the classroom, facing the wall, got my phone out and stay there till' its over. It crushed me. I'm not the bubble person that I am before. But you know what hurt me the most? He acted as if I never exist. It was like I was invinsible. That he couldn't see me. Just like that. There are times that I break down in class. I just couldn't help it. He looks soo happy without me. Huge smile in his face. And well, I also think that he has a crush on this girl.. He craves for her attention. He sits with her all the time in class. He talk about her all the time. I don't know what to do. Its killing me since we are classmates. I could see him everyday. Its hard to ignore him. It really is. It broke my heart. he is the love of my life. He's my everything. He's the only reason why I smile. Its hard. I mean he is after all my first love. My first ever boyfriend. My first kiss. It hurt me to know that another that I love, would leave me again. Like my dad. He left me. I mean sure, I got to see him and everything but it isn't like before. My dad has another daugther who is my half sister. My dad loves her so much. He wouldn't even bother to talk to me anymore. He wouldn't crave for our communication. When me and my dad's girlfriend fight, he always take her side. It kills me. Another guy who I love would leave me again. Wow, What did I do to deserve this? It kills me. Its almost a month now but im still not over him. He's all I could ever think about. I don't know what to do. I want the real me to be back again, but it wouldn't. Its hard to smile. He looks soo soo happy without me. It break me into millions of pieces. It made me realize that love is shitload of bullshit. I honestly don't believe in love anymore. I mean why? No matter how loving or caring that person is to you, they will break you in the end. Those people out there that are experiencing heartbreak, don't worry. Your not the only one. Im trying my hardest to stay strong. Let's just believe in ourself, have faith in God. And never say never

Brian E

January 11, 2014 @ (ND)

Tags: bad breakup, crazy woman, fake pregnancy

Well about 20 months ago I began dating a girl with whom I had a great relationship and love affair, for about a year. She was awesome, terrific to laze around and watch a movie with, terrific with my son (id say they were even good friends, I sometimes wonder if he misses her, he doesn't mention it).

About 8 months ago she got pregnant. She wound up miscarrying. After that she had some struggles and the relationship got to be not as good, she kept trying to change herself to look better. I kept telling her I always liked the way she looked. Finally she wound up in the hospital after going drinking with her friends to a bachelorette party and I had to split up with her. I just said "I'm sorry but I can't talk to you, I can't reason with you, I just left my son at his moms for 5 days sitting ina hospital to make sure you're alive and well, I can't handle it anymore" and we split.

She came over and hung out a few times, we stayed friends, she'd play words with friends with both of us everyday, all that. Then family circumstance changed a nd my son and I had to move away from the town we were in.

And thats when things went nuts. She told me she'd missed her period, I said ok. She'd gotten pregnant before, but miscarried, she sent a photo of some positive tests, so I didn't disbelieve her. I said we'll deal with this as it happens, but I'm already committed to moving 2 hours away, so for the time being thats it. While later she sent me a picture of an ultrasound with a caption like "take a look at our kids", we talked about it. A while later she sent another, a doctors report. Then she invited me to some ultrasounds, once in the middle of the week when she knew i couldn't make it as there was nobody to pick up my son, once 1 day after she knew my son and I were scheduled to fly to Cali to visit family for the holidays.

Then she started texting me stories about her amazing love life. How she was dating 2 dudes, how one was "rocking her world" so I got suspicious and just googled ultrasound pictures. I eventually found BOTH THE PIC OF THE POSITIVE TESTS AND THE ULTRASOUND PICS ON GOOGLE IMAGES.

I called her on it, she maintained she was pregnant, with twins no less. Eventually I had to call her sister, her sister said no she's not, she goes to the bar, she lives with our mom, she's just messing with you. So I talked to her about it and she responded with a pic of 4 ultrasound pics next to her ID. Except they were printed and cut with a scissors and ALSO found on the internet.

So I told her to stop it, I knew she was lieing. Then I started getting prank phone calls in the middle of the night, people with blocked numbers threatening to beat me up or "kick my @#%#", strange texts from out of state numbers. Finally someone showed up at my hotel room when I was visiting the old town, at about 9-10 am beating on the door and yelling my name. I figured it was related as I'd gotten numerous late night / early hour pranks the night before.

I wound up having to change my phone number, my email address, and get a restraining order. And she STILL, even though she has admitted to her mom and sister that she is not pregnant, and I've spoken to them about it, finds ways, through mutual friends, to get texts and emails to me about how pregnant she is.

I just hope it eventually ends. And let there be no doubt that truly "he!! hath no fury like a woman scorned" or, as it seems, no crazy like one either.

It has been the worst 4 months of my entire life, truly traumatic.

Morgan

November 04, 2013 @ (United States)

Tags: The worst feeling in the world is being replaced

We were together for four years. I loved him with every ounce of me. I gave him my all. He was my everything. His parents were a big issue, they never allowed us to go out on dates and we constantly had to hangout with his family. He never asked me on dates, and never really wanted to spend time with me. I loved him more than he loved me I guess. My graduation party came and went and he never showed. His father would not allow him to come to it. It hurt very bad but I wanted to stay with him through it all. A few days went by and he said we needed to talk. He came over and broke up with me that night, he said he needed to focus on himself and I was not outgoing enough for him. It hurt days passed by and I found out he cheated on me with a girl four years younger than he is. Shortly after I went onto facebook and had to see pictures of them begin to appear, comments and love statuses going up about each other. His parents are constantly talking about how much they love her and how she is perfect for him. I thought he was the one, and he told me we were going to get married that i was the one for him. Four years, we were together four years and he moved on. He moved on and I cannot get him out of my head. I hope everyday he will come back to me and it tears me up inside what he is doing. He can take her out on dates, hangout with her all the time, and do everything for her. What does she have that I don't? I thought he loved me...

Jess

October 24, 2013 @ (Florida)

Tags: Bad break up

At the beginning, I knew better. I knew better than to date someone who I hadn't been friends with for a while.
I knew better.
Yet still I was determined that this guy I was seeing, was worth it all and that everything would work out. He promised me. Doesn't he know how to keep promises?
His parents got in the way. Always. I learned to accept that, and even though they would insult me to the point of tears, I never gave up on this guy. I never lied, cheated, or never kept my promises.
I let him in, and we enjoyed eachothers company. Just two lovers, happy with no interruptions.
I learned his likes: Baseball, Christ, Spicy Food, Powerade Zero Orange, Orange anything, Food always, and much more.
I learned his goals: Finish college, own his own Chick-Fil-A or sports bar.
All of my friends loved this guy, because I was happy.
I really was happy.
He never really went out of his way unless I begged though. I wasn't sure how to take it, but I never got really upset. I just asked him to please do something to make me feel special.
He ALWAYS promised.
Lies?
I mean he always said he had a surprise for me, and the times he actually gave me a note, it would be two sentences.
Still, I was happy.
Suddenly I became less important.
Morning texts consisted of "Good morning, love you." You're telling me you had 30 minutes ride to college and all I got was that?
It used to be "Pick me up at 10:30AM, let me ditch school to be with you."
Suddenly, I didn't feel like enough, and even though he reassured me that I was, he never showed it anymore.
My birthday weekend was terrible. Last minute he decided what was more important, It wasn't me. Not even on my birthday weekend.
I was upset. I forgave him.
We moved on, but he no longer kept his word that he had surprises.
Why lie?
I became a part of his life and suddenly he could lie to me.
I loved him anyways.
I don't know if I expected too much, but I didn't ask for a lot.
I gave him so much.
I always supported him with any decision he ever made.
I tried to make him happy still.
I recieved broken promises.
My sister died. It hit me so hard, but I never showed it.
I didn't want to bring him down.
He never asked if I was okay. Not once.
I wasn't okay. I'm STILL not.
I loved him anyways.
He lied to me and said he would go to the funeral with me.
I felt special.
Then he said no... I felt worthless.
He could see how much pain I was in, he still said no.
I forgave him. That is unforgivable. I needed him and he walked away, work was more important.
I still went to his work, I hugged him and cried. He made everything okay suddenly.
Suddenly, I didn't feel worthless.
Then came Sunday.
I was broken. My mom was in the hospital, my sister died.
Broken.
He broke me MORE.
He walked away from me at the worst time.
I let him go, he didn't fight to stay.
Suddenly, those endless nights talking, random walks, the aquarium, my birthday, the baseball games and laughing in bed... were to be broken memories.
We talked that night. He lied. He gave me false hope.
We got back together and suddenly it was okay. We could fix this. Love could fix anything.
I forgave him.
He broke me even more.
Suddenly he ignored me all day. We spoke only late at night.
His parents got in the way. I could see how much he let them control him and his happiness.
He hid me from them, like I was the dirt beneath them.
He toyed with my emotions. We were together, he just wouldn't tell anyone.
Worthless.
I broke even more.
I tried to forgive him.
It was my turn to stand up and walk away.
I did.
---

And now it's been a week and I found out I'm pregnant. He knows this, and I'm pretty sure he wants to get back together because of it, and because he says he wants to be with me because it was a mistake to break it off.

A couple days later, I figured out he deleted every picture of me and us off of his facebook (he says he didn't do it), like the 11 months we were together didn't exist, I didn't exist and I could be erased that easily.

So I took him out, between college classes, and we fell back into the routine. He made me laugh, smile, even looked me dead in the eyes and said he wanted me back. Well it's a little embarrassing seeing as his mother is his friend on facebook and probably saw everything erased of us. Still, I was considering it.

I went to drop him back off at College, and I sat there in my car asking him if he had flirted with any girls. He said no. So I said, alright... Well let me see your phone (I honestly wasn't snooping, I just wondered if he still had pictures of us in his photo album. He did.)

Right then a girl messaged him and it opened up, and I know I shouldn't of read any of it, but I did. Shame on me. IT WAS ON FACEBOOK CHAT. It went like this:

Him: Hey
Her: Hey
Him: How are you?
Her: Didn't you just break up with your girlfriend?
Him: How do you know I had a girl?
Her: Look I don't have time for this nonsense.
Him: Do you want to get to know me?
Her: Go sit in front of a TV with a tub of icecream.

And that was it. I told him to get his shit and get out of my car. Generally, if you want someone back, you don't go around flirting?

He texted me saying he was sorry, that it was just a question. I was pissed, he sat there and acted like I didn't even exist, talking to other girls. How serious was he about getting back together, because HE was the one who suggested it. Turns out that wasn't the only girl he had been talking to.

He then turned it on me saying, "I thought we were done and you were talking to other guys, that's why I did it."

No, actually I don't play with peoples emotions. I hadn't talked to any guys. I wouldn't of anyways, but the fact that I'm pregnant and knew he needed to be there in this childs life, pushed me even further to try and make it work out.

I'm so confused!

Jay

September 24, 2013 @ (Germany)

Tags: Bad breakup

Her and I were together for 5 months. It was great and all but eventually she became bossy and a snotty bitch. She would always point out y flaws, never let me have a say in anything, and she would yell at me... A lot!!! Honestly it turned to a point where I was losing it. It felt like we no longer had the same sense of humor, we would fight over the smallest things, and she was changing me to something I'm not. This girl got me into a lot of shit, she also got me in huge trouble at school (but that's another story). I did a lot for her and trust me when I say a lot.

On our last date she was being rude to me, through out the entire date she kept upsetting me. The fact that my feelings for her were deep I took every thing she said seriously. But towards the end everything bottled up and I exploded on her just dumped right there and then.

It hurt me to dump her and I never knew I had it in me to do it. Although there was bad times in our relationship there were also good. And knowing I wasn't going to be with her this summer it really sucked. That doesn't matter anymore. I must admit I miss her and I do think about her time to time. But I believe everything happens for a reason. That reason was for me to find someone better, and I did. This new relationship is so far better. It really is and throughout this new relationship we experienced more than what I experienced with my ex. I hope this new relationship will be longer than my previous ones. And to all you people in this site: please believe there will be someone for you. I promise it took me a while to realize that!!

Gaia

May 02, 2013 @ (Berkeley Ca)

Tags: friendship

I met him in college. We had been through a lot with our exes but found someway to be there for each other. Our friendship started off innocent, we had no intention of being together, although i suspected we were both attracted to one another. But we were the best of friends, we spent every day together, talking, exploring, studying, struggling to eat on a broke college student's budget. He was my best friend and I could tell him any and everything. However things changed, one day when I was getting ready to head home for my sister's graduation he and I went to hang out and unexpectedly admitted our feelings for each other. I was so happy that day, i felt like flying. He told me he could imagine us being together in the future. So I went back to my hometown that night not knowing what was to happen between us but I was pleased and he was too. We gave each other butterflies and everything felt so new and fresh between us. I was in love with my best friend.
We never decided to be together, it would be too complicated for us to place a title on our feelings, he and I had just gotten out of our own relationships and thought it would be easier to hold off being together "officially" and just enjoy one another.
We experimented sexually and had a spiritual connection like no other. We had each other's back and spent every day together
But as time progressed, it became difficult for me to be stuck in uncertainty about where our relationship was headed. I began to feel insecure and jealous sometimes, in which I acknowledged and tried to solve by seeing the love in everything and everyone around us. I did not tell him about my jealousies and insecurities, because I knew those feelings were reflection of myself and my fears. However, he began to change... began pushing me away and becoming insensitive to how some of the things he did and said made me feel uncomfortable. I became sad all of the time and would cry and feel hurt.
Then one day we had a talk, I told him how I was feeling and he told me he had feelings for someone else. He was being 100% honest with me (which is a habit of ours) and also said that he did not want to go farther than just having a crush on another girl because he loved me.
Nevertheless, as the semester began to sweep me away to travelling around for work and school and family, he began to hang around the other girl more frequently in my absence. Then he told me that he told her about his feelings for him and she returned those feelings.
So I had enough. I broke things off with him, i told him that we should just be friends... I cant take feeling like this anymore. Regardless of how much we love each other. Its been an emotional roller coaster and I can't deal with it. I wish him joy and happiness and love and I hope he can figure out what he wants. Although thinking about this still makes my heart constrict and tears flood my eyes, i am moving forward. <3

Lovehurts

April 04, 2013 @ (SC)

Tags: firstlove

My ex and I met in the beginning of my freshmen year. We hated each other at first, but eventually became friends and got very close. One day, she texted me telling me that she loved me a little "too much", so I took that as her saying she liked me. Long story short, we ended up dating. We were so connected it's ridiculous. We spent almost every single minute of every week and weekend together. Of course we had to hide our relationship, but we loved each other more than words can describe. I know we did. The pressure of hiding our relationship really got to me, so we eventually ended up telling our closest friends (we shared all of the same friends). They accepted us, and basically already knew because of the love that they saw radiating from us. We had a lot of problems, though. I was a jealous beyond belief person. I had trouble allowing her to go to any friends houses for fear that she would fall for one of them and leave me. I wanted her to be with me 24/7. I know realize that I needed to lighten up and trust her a little bit more. That was my big mistake. She, on the other hand, did not get jealous enough. She would never show me any kind of affection at school unless I begged for a kiss or hug. I know she might have been scared, but god. It was a year of being together. Get over the fear of PDA. Things clashed, and we just had many problems. This past week, I guess it all just blew up and she was not taking it anymore. We broke up, and she is now gagaing over someone else. She rebounded very VERY quickly. That stings like hell, but there is no talking her into getting back together. She won't budge on this. My only hope is that she dates this new person and sees how much I loved her and that nobody else will love her that way. For right now, I'm just trying to get over it all. Fml.

Alanna

March 22, 2013 @ (ukraine)

Tags: break up, cheating

We started our relationship in October, 2010. From the beginning we were extremely comfortable with each other. Needless to say, we shared a level of intimacy that seemed unreal for two human beings to share. For a little over two years, everything was perfect, a strong word to use, I realize, but there seems as though there can be no other way to describe it, all I needed was him and all he needed was me, we’d spent most days together, and the time we were apart we spent communicating through one or the other form of technology, and it was never one sided. I would contact him as much as he would contact me. We became so codependent, irrational as it seems, it was hard to even ever imagine a life without him. I changed the way he thought, when I had had met him he was impulsive, to say the least. His character comprised of instinct and upbringing. He grew up in a large family, and now would be the right time to point out his islamic roots, his father has never had a ‘father to son’ talk and, initially, he too, was introverted. His thoughts, suppressed. I changed that, he no longer believes in following anyone without question, I eradicated his naivety. Before making a decision, he now rationalizes the consequences, or so I thought.
Although originally from pakistan, He lives in a first world country, two years, four months down our relationship, he was invited to pakistan, to attend the wedding of his cousin brother with his cousin sister, yes, cousins getting married is a perfectly normal thing to do in pakistan, never mind the incest or medical issues raised by it. Anyway, he was to be gone for two weeks.
Upon his return, I learnt, through no help of his, that while his stay in pakistan, he had cheated on me, with one of his cousins. Although, I know it is a possibility for any person to cheat, I would never think of him cheating on me. I still have trouble convincing myself some days.
But all that is done now, we broke up in February, 2013. Its been over a month now.
I have forgiven him for what he did. I am not sure if I would ever get back with him for the only reason of the risk of him repeating his impulsive action. It is futile to talk about this as it is under no intention of his to be with me.
We see each other everyday and on most weekends too. And I see him, looking at me, telling me how beautiful i look, noticing the slightest change of my appearance, our legs touching under the table even though there is clearly plenty of room to sit separate. All this is just so natural for me, it appears to almost be innate.
Well, I suppose it doesn’t help that even though we have broken up, we keep an active sexual relationship. We agreed that it was simply too good to let go and neither of us have had sex with another person after the break up, also, we currently live in a country where the chances of either of us having another relationship are slim. So for me, this set up is actually pretty good, but I suppose he wants more.

A common friend of ours is in a long distance relationship, and he currently has a girl visiting him who happens to like him, and to avoid any trouble, he asked my ex to ‘seduce’ her. I presume, it should not have surprised me, but when he jumped at the opportunity, I was left speechless. I was moving on, happy even, but this little event left me hanging dry, and feelings I was too scared to confront before have managed to finally push their way through. As I type this, he is meeting her, today, for the first time, in hopes to sleep with her. And I am left, feeling alone, unwanted, insecure. I feel as though he moved on too quickly, with so much desperation, it disgusts me, makes me feel disrespected. I worry that even the times in our relationship when we were happy was also a lie. I can not live with that truth.