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Broken (part 4)

April 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Three weeks into my still ongoing vacation i get a call from a friend. Says he wasn't in paris with his friends for new years but with his so called ex-wife who is not an ex wife and never was. I feel a flutter of wrongs come back into my stomach. I feel a volcano of emotions. But most of all i feel like puking I puke out everything, the lies, the emotions, the hurt, the champagne, the empty promises, the real promises? I don't know at this point but i keep puking and then i cry. I cry for the lies he has told me and i cry for the two hearts i broke because of him. I cry for the man i let go and i cry for the mistake i have made. I cry for lying to myself and ignoring all the red signs, i cry for believing him, and mostly i cry because i can't and won't let him go. I call him i break up with him. He doesn't run after me and won't run after me. I block him and then unblock him i do this for the next 3 months. once i unblock him i hurl insults at him through Facebook, text messaging, voice messaging. I feel empty so i block him again. I do it again and this time we go back to saying i love yous but then the anger rises in me and i hurl my insult my pain at a screen. So i block him again. I unblock him and so it begins a cycle. I laugh sometimes. My friends stare at me. They used to call me the ice queen now i am the melting queen. I have break downs and melt downs. I can't hurl my anger at him so i hurl it at them whenever they'r ehappy i do it when they're down i do it when they're sad i do it. I don't know myself. The last time i blocked him was 7 days ago today i say its done its over. But deep down i don't know if it is. I love him as a child loves its favourite blanket or as mother loves her unborn child. I love him as if he were the beat of my heart and soul. I feel a physical pain when i see a flash of his smile in my head. I miss him so much that its physically painful to breath. I tell myself it is better to have loved and lost then to have felt no love at all. Then i google and try to find who said that quote and i then i want to find them and murder them. I want to see if they really have loved and lost because anyone who has truly loved. As in loved with their entire soul and finally understood what i would die for you would never ever ever say such a fucking stupid quote. So i go online and i try to find sad break up stories. I find this website but all the stories are about 18 year olds whom portably thing they have found true love. And i think to myself they are only 18 and they don't know what love means. But then i look at myself and i remember i was 18 and i knew love and look where that love has brought me. Which really is nowhere.

Broken

April 21, 2015 @ (toronto)

Tags: bad breakup

I met him at 18 while travelling abroad. He was a childhood friend that my mother insisted i visit even if its for a few days. Our fathers were best friends and as children they had always joked that we both would end up together. I was 18 he was 19. The day he came to pick up me up at the airport was a day i will never forget. Even though i had never met him i remember running into his arms as if i had known him my whole life. As if my soul knew him long before i had even known him. I ended up only spending two days in his home country as i was back packing through Europe and had not thought much of staying there for longer. Another reason was that i was travelling with my best friend and she wants interested in last minute change of plans. I never imagined i would feel this way about him. After spending two wonderful days with him i promised i would end my trip back in his country and fly back from there. However that never happened. I had a family emergency back home and had to fly back mid way through my trip. However once i got back i could not stop thinking about him. And let me tell you at that point i had a great boyfriend and once i came back from my trip i no longer felt anything for him. So i broke it off. What i didn't realize at that moment was that he never wanted what i wanted. I wanted him and he didn't think we would work because i was so different from him. Two years later he got married to a girl and he kept in touch through out the years. He would message me happy birthday or miss you come visit. I never replied. I blocked his memory out of my life because after all what do you know when you're 18? You think you're in love and you have met your soul mate but everyone tells you you're too young to know. So i blocked him and every single memory of him. Forward it to 8 years later. I am 26 living alone, have a great boyfriend whom i see a future with, a great job. I get a call early morning 3 am my time. Its him. He says he's going through a divorce and wonders if it would be okay for him to visit. I think nothing of it. I don't even remember that i once had feelings for him. I just think sure come why not i can show you around. I don't over think it, i tell my boyfriend and he's okay with it as he will be out of town anyways and thinks its a great idea for him to come. After all he says he's going through a divorce why not be there for him. I should have known i would regret this i should have known nothing ever good comes out of him but i didn't.

John

April 21, 2015 @ (Ohio)

Tags: Rough

*Hi! So I'm labeling myself as John and the gf as Tonya (neither of these are the real names btw) and keep in mind it's not very interesting as we are only 13 year old adolescents but I digress.*
So, Tonya and I have been following each other on social media for a while only admitting to close friends our attraction for the other. We have never talked irl since we had no classes together. My school was holding a social eventXD on Oct. 31st and we both happened to go. We talked and had a great time and we didn't even know about the other liking the other yet. We started texting etc. and finally, on Nov. 8th, we started dating. The next few months of my life were the best even if there was a lot of arguing. It never was serious so we just didn't mind.(none of this happened irl, only whilst texting which is why I loved always being near her) Anyways, in March, we argued like Hell for a few days and here's how it went down. We just randomly started being awkward around each other then we started to fight, yatatatatata, and she was about to break up with me but I convinced her not to but the next day I asked her if she loved me then we started fighting again so I told her to not talk to me until tomorrow(Which is when I would be breaking up with her) but I only asked her that because we started fighting the day before because she said she didn't love me like she did a month ago. She treated it like it was a stupid question so yeah. That night, all I did was cry, I didn't sleep. I cried. The next day we broke up and i started crying while I broke up and we hugged then we stopped texting for a while. It still hits home every time I think about it cuz she went for at least a month just dating me because she felt like she had to.
Recently, I've been trying to get on her good side because in a week or so, we have a dance coming up and I want to try again.
My attempts at getting on her good side are horrible and keep getting worse so, wish me luck

Lisa

April 09, 2015 @ (east coast)

Tags: breakup, scared

I thought everything was going fine in our relationship. However, I knew deep down there was an uphill battle because of our circumstances. We were both working full time, going to school and have other activities. However, I had faith in love and our relationship. He did not- he had stopped communicating with me about where he was at. We were supposed to go to several activities on Saturday that he really wanted to do and I as well. I was making a conscious effort be more social with him. He showed up at my house and I immediately knew something was wrong. Even though the night before was fine and 2 nights before he had invited me to go with him to a family event. When he walked through my door he told me he couldn't do it any longer. That there was a block within him and he had been struggling with it for some time. Also, that he didn't want to do a long distance relationship and he would be moving in a few months across the country. I was pretty shocked and cold to him. I was able to kindly express my disbelief and disappointment, but I wished I could have been warmer. I asked him to take his things and to throw mine out. The next day I sent him an email letting him know I was going to give him money for part of the tv he had bought me and sent him a nice note saying goodbye. He had a pretty cold response- which shows really just where he's at. I'm 36 years old and scared of being alone the rest of my life. My faith in real love is wavering and I never thought that would happen to me. Thank you for everyone sharing their stories.

Jack

April 06, 2015 @ (Australia)

Tags: Bad Breakup, Cruel, Cheating

10 days from our 2 year anniversary and there she in another guys bed.

2 years ago we had met at a party things were great we connected really well after about 3 months into our friendship we decided to give it a go. She was my first love and i thought it would be my only love.
Everything was going so well except for the usual fights here and there which i always knew was normal until she got to college she wouldn't text me or call me as much anymore and she always cancelled the last minute for her friends at college. in the last weeks of our relationship I knew deep down she was different. Then one day she called me and said i think we should stop seeing each other i told her i would see her that afternoon. i thought about it all day what i would say to change her mind but i realized that i have to respect her decision as she must have a reason to it that afternoon is exactly what i did. NOT EVEN 24 hours later she text's me saying i've just made the worst decision of my life i had been crying non stop. she had no idea how hurt i was. I got back with her then realized i never really knew why she wanted to break up in the first place so me being me i went to her dorm unexpected at 6am to find her not there then go to this guys dorm bed i knew she was texting and find her in his bed.. Love is too cruel to me

Keijo

March 31, 2015 @ (Estonia)

Tags: Horrible break-up, devastated

I met my love of my life about 5-6 years ago but didn't know that back then. We used to chat a lot but somehow this chatting faded. About a year ago we started talking to each other again. For a while it was a normal, everyday friends talk but at one moment I felt that she was the one who was meant for me and I said I had feelings for her. She was kind of shocked but I believe in a good way. This truly was the best feeling in my 19 years. So, eventually we were together and everyday I fell deeper in love. This feeling was undescribable. I genuinely was the happiest man on earth. Everything was great and we were happy. But since we were living quite far from each other things started going not so well. We argued about pointless things, both being extremely stubborn. About 6 months our relationship had ups and downs but it really didn't matter because she was still my little princess and i loved her even more. About 3 weeks ago, we had a horrific quarrel which ended with me saying that she was disgusting. It was said because of the emotion that i had at that time. I had never felt so bad in my life. Honestly, i wanted to kill myself because of that saying. After that she obviously was angry and disappointed in me and she had all the reasons in the world to be mad at me because, after all i was a complete jerk. So i apologized about 100 times. A bit later i thought everything was okay until today. She had been aloof, she didn't talk to me as often as she used to. I thought it was about me... And then the painful reality struck. I asked why is she behaving like that and she told that... When I said that bad thing to her, she was so shooked up, she went to a nightclub, had drinks and one thing led to another.. she kissed another man. And she had held that in her all that time. I was devastated, i didn't know what to do. She was so embarrassed about what she did and didn't want to be with me anymore because of that one mistake. She isn't that type of girl who kisses random guys. She knows it and I know it. I said that i forgive her but it wasn't enough. My heart is broken, shattered to pieces. Since she was my everything, I really don't know how am I gonna live on. I truly hope that she changes her mind and that love against me is stronger than feeling guilty about what was done.
I really love her. I don't know what to do...

Marilu

March 28, 2015 @ (Brazil)

Tags: bad breakup, first love

Started dating this guy in December 2013, and he was the best person I've ever met. I've never felt the things I did when I was around him. He shared his deepest secrets and so did I. I didn't use to believe in love before him, but he managed to make me do it. He said he would never abandon me and I believed it after half a year. He never betrayed me, he never lied to me. The only time he did was when he said he wouldn't give up on me.
I thought things were going great. He even said he loved me that morning, like he always did. But at night he texted and said he needed a time to think. He wanted a break. I asked why and he said it was because of school and as we only saw each other on weekends, he couldn't take it anymore. I cried my eyes out.
Two days after he said we were done, he just didn't want to be with me anymore, but I'm a great person and he still wanted to be friends.
We continued talking like we always did, but now there was pain. I still don't get the point. One day he said he still loved me, the next day he said he didn't know anymore.
Yesterday he asked me out again, and I said yes because I'm desperate to see him again. Today in the morning he cancelled it because he didn't want to.
I can't stop crying. I want him to stop throwing me around like I'm his toy. I want him back so bad. I don't understand.

Arielle

March 16, 2015 @ (canada)

Tags: breakup

First week of second year university I met the guy of my dreams. 6'5, athletic, smart, funny, romantic and outgoing. We fell in love with one another and I can remember him shaking as he told me he loved me for the first time. He was so excited for me to meet his family and friends from back home and they all loved me. It felt so good to have such a strong, committed relationship. We thought we would get married to one another and he told me he would never break my heart. I was so in love with him that i lost my virginity to him, somehting that meant the world to me. In February things started to change really fast; he no longer had time to see me as much and his friends werent as inclusive as before. I brought up these problems we were having with him and he agreed that he was being a terrible boyfreind but that there was nothing he could do because he wasnt interested in commitment anymore and realized he couldnt see himself growing old with me. He broke my heart and I collapsed on the spot. My world was ending and there was nothing I could do to stop it. He stayed the night with me and held me while I cried. It has been 3 weeks since the breakup. Weve been seing each other occasionally but he made it very clear that it was over. I am so lost wihtout him, I feel like theres noone in this world as good for me as him.

Jay

March 14, 2015 @ (Florida)

Tags: bad breakup

We started dating when I was twelve. March 8, 2013. He was by far the love of my life. In February of 2014, he started cheating and going the wrong ways, but I stayed with him because I loved him. In April, he ended things. His ex girlfriend(they dated during a break) attempted suicide and he got scared, so he decided to start a relationship with her. He was my everything, the love of my life, perhaps my soulmate, my first kiss, my first love, my first everything. I have been depressed ever since he started cheating, it's currently March, 2015, and I still am so depressed. It's been 328 days since we ended things and I can't stop loving him. I have no idea how a fourteen year old girl is so capable of these feelings. We were best friends. If I don't keep myself occupied I start thinking about him and I eventually get anxious. I've had about four rebounds, one lasted a week, two last three weeks, and one lasted four and a half months..

Sanu S

February 07, 2015 @ (New Delhi)

Tags: breakup pains

November 2, the messy day of my life.
after 3 days fights, since my condition became
worset without her.....i was suffering my pain all the moments.
suddenly got a call from her no. n i felt alive......again.