Trisha

February 29, 2012 @ (Cali)

Tags: Lesbian, blindside, experiment, straight


Background knowledge: I am a 24 year old lesbian, known my whole life and came out at 16. She is a almost 23 year old "free spirit" never had been with a girl before but always said she'd never closed it out of her options.

We first talked in May of 2011 and there was instantly a connection between us. She asked me to hang out in the beginning of June for the first time and we hit it off. We went out with a group of friends but me and her were inseperable. I knew she was "straight" so I didn't make any advances but she sure did!! She kept telling me how hot I was, she invited me to stay at her house that night(even made sure to mention I wouldn't be sleeping on the couch), and grabbed my hand to hold it to the next bar we walked to. As we sat there talking she grabbed my head and began making out with me. Wow! We walked back to her place and innocently kissed and fell asleep. She walked me to my final college class the next morning and we were glued to each other since that night. Our "relationship" grew over the next 9 months into something I saw as perfect, one of a kind, unique, and new. She told me she felt the same way. She had never felt so real before and that this was truly the relationship she always dreamed of and I was the person she always dreamed for. I was "the one". The sex was aweesome(in my opinion), and she would tell me how she couldn't wait to spend her life with me, have babies with me, and how truly amazing I treated her. So things are rolling just like they had been when suddenly she tells me, "I don't know about us anymore. I'm so confused and I'm just not sure what our future holds." I let her think for a week and hope she is just saying crazy things and we can make it better. We have a PHENOMENAL weekend but things seem distant still as the week comes. I ask if things have gone back to normal and if she still believes I'm the one and what we have is unique and one of a kind. She doesn't reply. I ask if she wants to break up. Her response, "No! I mean.....I don't know". That kind of said it all. So we hung up after that and she didn't contact me for an entire fucking week!! Blindsided by this breakup, everything seemed perfec for 9 months, then she gets confused and ends it. We finally talk after a week of not taking and she was supposidely so sad and miserable over the situation. After giving me BS reasons that we broke up for 30 minutes, she finally "got honest" with me and let me know that she loved me as a friend and as a person but got that confused with being in love and that she tried to convince herself that she was "in love" but that she doesn't think she is. She could never see a future with me she said. AKA she isn't gay/can't be with a girl! Talk about a fucking slap in the fucking face. It's the closure I needed but now I'm just pissed that I was apart of her experiment that she likely knew the results of early after we met but didn't let me know till now. Plus for her to pretend she was in love with me and wanted a future with me is BS. She isn't the first "straight" girl to do this to me but she is the first to let it last 9 months. She wants to be friends and will talk/text but I feel like it's not a good idea. I think any "pain" she felt is gone now and she is relieved and fine because she "cleared her conscious" and got honest. I don't think she has any pain over losing "us" or this "relationship" and that sucks because I thought it was something different for 9 months but I guess it was all a lie.


       


 

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